Told the GF I loved her, she didn't say it back

[TechnoViking]

Crap. I need the PPOT wisdom. I'll try to keep this concise:

I'm 40, she's 33. I'm divorced for 2 years, she's in the middle of a messy divorce (so yes, technically, she's married but she is separated with her own place, etc.). She left her husband of 10 years. He's a bipolar, steroid-using psycho, and she got sick of the ups and downs. He cheated on her a number of times.

We met on line, I'm not the first guy she's dated or slept with since leaving her husband in about October of last year. She and I started dating in November, and we agreed to not see other people about 6 weeks ago. We have kids the same age, we have a ton in common and have had a blast hanging out, etc.

So anyway, I tell her a few nights ago that "I've fallen for her". The next morning she reads me a thing she got emailed about love. All about how you know you're in love, "in love" vs. loving someone, etc. So I figure the door is wide open...

I say it and then she says she has to emotionally move on the from the marriage, finish the divorce before she'll be ready to fall in love.

So I'm trying to get me head around this. She clearly does not want to lose me from he life given her actions and words over the last couple days. But...I can't help but think this isn't going to end well for me.

Anyone been in this situation?

Is is possible for a woman to prevent herself from falling in love, or is it just an excuse?
Should I cut bait?
If not, how long should I give her to come around?

I know I'm an idiot, and I went too fast so feel free to pile on as far as my stupidity here. Sorry, no pics.

[cairns]

give it time. how much you'll know- but don't give her- or yourself- any deadlines. if you really love her and she loves you it will come out and you'll help her get through whatever it is. love don't come easy.

[Crowbob]

No pics so yes you are an idiot. The answers to your questions are debatable. You have a ton in common and have a blast hanging out. Why mess that up? As the song goes: "...And then you go and spoil it all by saying something stupid like I love you." She's not ready and she's teling you the truth. Her being in the middle of a messy divorce-with kids-is playing with fire. Back off, enjoy the ride(s) if you must but be careful, son. Very careful.

[red-beard]

I'd give it a bit more time. But don't say it again...for now...

[sailchef]

It doesn't matter what you think or what you want. If she said she needs time, then I would give her all the time she needs. You say you have decided to be exclusive with each other. Leave it at that for a year or so, and then take it from there. Don't push and you'll do just fine. Don't act like its all about you. Listen to what she is saying.

Dude, 3 months? Slow the fuchs down, it'll go easier for both of you.

[juanbenae]

hopefully she does not hear well on the side you spoke from.... if you two are exclusive let that be good for now. i am seeing a woman near the same situation divorce stage wise. she knows i like and care for her, we leave it at that. we've discussed that word agreeing only to say it in the throws of passion and that it's mulligan there. it dont stick

you need to get the "hand" back in this thing.

[Joeaksa]

Agree. Give it time and until she is away from the mess she is in, I would not expect too much. Just be there for her and hope it changes into what both of you are looking for.

[Arizona_928]

You wait for your girlfriend to tell you first.
Buy more flowers in the mean time.

[Evans, Marv]

She's wise to make the decision to get out of and over with her present marriage. So you are pushing it. She probably isn't too enamored with the idea of getting out of a poor married situation and jumping back into a serious relationship right away. But think of it, you met online and have only known each other for a few months and you're already in love. I would imagine that presents a slightly desperate impression to her, even though you both agreed "not to see other people" six weeks ago. So how much time does that make it after you met and the poromise about not seeing other people? I'm sure she doesn't want to lose somebody she has a good time with at this point. I'd say it's time to give yourselves both a break from the "hotness & heavyness" and give it some space. And yes, This might not end well for you.

[widebody911]

BTDT; it didn't turn out well.

The only thing a girl hates more than a guy who won't commit is a guy who wants to commit too soon.

[MBAtarga]

We need the female point of view.

Angela.... oh Angela - are you listening?

[Rick Lee]

What are you doing for Valentine's Day?

[TechnoViking]

Thanks, everyone. Please keep it coming. This is helpful.

[TechnoViking]

Oh, I was going to have a big to-do on V-day. Now I'm backing off. I got a cute freaking Snoopy card. That's all she gets

[red-beard]

I suggest drinking, preferrably in the company of men...

[Racerbvd]

Well, she could have said "Cake"...

[azasadny]

Slow way, way down..... She needs time to heal after the divorce is final. Do not rush things!

[sailchef]

Women. It would help if they came with an instruction manual, but I have yet to find one.

[Hugh R]

As long as you know where she stands. She's apparently being honest too, which means a lot. Let it chill, stay friends, enjoy each others company and keep it casual for now.

[sammyg2]

Bad move, now she has all the power.
I remember when George Costanza did that.
Are you sure she heard you? Maybe she's deaf in one ear ...........................