Told the GF I loved her, she didn't say it back - Page 4

Superman · 02-11-2011, 07:34 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Moses

Love is not rational. She's not going to "decide" to love you after the divorce is final.

I don't know much, but I know women. They are inexplicably attracted to indifference and they can smell desperation like a shark smells blood in the water.

You love her? Don't mention it again. Don't even hint at it. And make yourself a little less available. Take a little longer to answer her texts. Plan a night out with your man friends. But when you're together. be sweet and attentive. Catnip. It's almost not fair.

Precisely!

Seahawk · 02-11-2011, 07:41 AM

Never, ever lose sight of the import of Moses' post.

Managing the turning point, from indifference to mutual love, is fodder for another thread.

Then there is steady state, love over gold.

DanielDudley · 02-11-2011, 07:46 AM

Her needs are not about your security. Men fall in love based on attraction. Women largely because her needs are fulfilled.

Beauty and the beast. But he wasn't beastly or needy, was he ? He gave.

I can't say this is heading in a great direction, based on my experience. Women get interim men, and then walk away from anything that reminds them of the old days. Don't get embroiled in the problem, or try to save her.

Personally, I would move on, BTDT, but everybody has to go through it themselves. You can tell the ones who are ready by the shine in their eyes. You will pass up one or two on the way to the end of this relationship. YOU are the one who is free and eligible. Find someone who doesn't need saving, so that you know you aren't just a useful tool, or a grudge screw.

KTL · 02-11-2011, 01:44 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Porsche-O-Phile

*slap* *slap* *slap*

Like that.

Oh hey now......... do NOT bring swang into this. That will not do anyone any good.

red-beard · red-beard's Garage

Quote:

Originally Posted by KTL

Oh hey now......... do NOT bring swang into this. That will not do anyone any good.

He's trying to un-Darwin himself...

tabs · 02-11-2011, 01:57 PM

When U said she was in the middle of a divorce i need not have read further...until that is resolved and some time is given for the dust to settle..she won't know her own mind on the matter. That is just the way it works...

rnln · 02-11-2011, 02:10 PM

Best advise.
Another word, be normal. The thing is that if you can do it. At this point, I guess you want to see her, and... do her all the time

Quote:

Originally Posted by Moses

Love is not rational. She's not going to "decide" to love you after the divorce is final.

I don't know much, but I know women. They are inexplicably attracted to indifference and they can smell desperation like a shark smells blood in the water.

You love her? Don't mention it again. Don't even hint at it. And make yourself a little less available. Take a little longer to answer her texts. Plan a night out with your man friends. But when you're together. be sweet and attentive. Catnip. It's almost not fair.

teenerted1 · 02-11-2011, 02:56 PM

dude she han solo'd you

RWebb · RWebb's Garage

what would sniper do????

lisa_spyder · 02-11-2011, 03:31 PM

Well...that was only a matter of time...I'm amazed that didn't come earlier

...honestly Randy...

scottmandue · 02-11-2011, 03:39 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DanielDudley

Her needs are not about your security. Men fall in love based on attraction. Women largely because her needs are fulfilled.

Beauty and the beast. But he wasn't beastly or needy, was he ? He gave.

I can't say this is heading in a great direction, based on my experience. Women get interim men, and then walk away from anything that reminds them of the old days. Don't get embroiled in the problem, or try to save her.

Personally, I would move on, BTDT, but everybody has to go through it themselves. You can tell the ones who are ready by the shine in their eyes. You will pass up one or two on the way to the end of this relationship. YOU are the one who is free and eligible. Find someone who doesn't need saving, so that you know you aren't just a useful tool, or a grudge screw.

Wise words... BTDT... I don't want to be cruel but IMHO you are on thin ice, you might want to consider your options.

"I'm not the first guy she slept with"

I don't want to sound prudish but she isn't even divorced and she is already out boinking... to me that smells like she feels used by her ex and now she is out to use men.

I may be wrong, I hope I am, I hope you can make it work... stranger things have happened.

Best of luck,

nostatic · nostatic's Garage

Quote:

Originally Posted by TechnoViking

I'm 40, she's 33. I'm divorced for 2 years, she's in the middle of a messy divorce (so yes, technically, she's married but she is separated with her own place, etc.). She left her husband of 10 years. He's a bipolar, steroid-using psycho, and she got sick of the ups and downs. He cheated on her a number of times.
----
Should I cut bait?

Yes. She isn't ready, and you might want to do some further internal exploration on why you went too fast. You've already doomed this one.

craigster59 · craigster59's Garage

Quote:

Originally Posted by RWebb

what would sniper do????

Dress up like the President of the East Coast Chapter of the Marilyn Manson Fan Club, take pictures of yourself with some scantily clad girls with "Daddy issues", post them on PPOT and send her the link. That'll show her your "coolness factor" and she'll be eating out of your hand.

vmisquez · 02-11-2011, 03:50 PM

+1^^^ Plus it's much easier to rent than own so why would you want to get married.... again

imcarthur · imcarthur's Garage

Quote:

Originally Posted by craigster59

Dress up like the President of the East Coast Chapter of the Marilyn Manson Fan Club, take pictures of yourself with some scantily clad girls with "Daddy issues", post them on PPOT and send her the link. That'll show her your "coolness factor" and she'll be eating out of your hand.

Ian

Danimal16 · 02-11-2011, 04:07 PM

Sorry you are in this situation.

But to be brutally honest your timing, like the both of you, is not lined up. The odds are against you that it will. NOW if you are ok with that and still want to see her, you are going to have less risk of pain.

If it were me, I'd get a golden retriever. (Is she blond?)

EdT82SC · 02-11-2011, 07:50 PM

The last time that happened to me I married her a couple years later. Our nine year anniversary is in two months.

So I think no big deal. If you enjoy dating her, then keep seeing her.

RWebb · RWebb's Garage

Lisa - I did wait for 3.5 pages before that post...

lisa_spyder · 02-12-2011, 01:16 PM

Good restraint there Randy...

See some 'stuff' has disappeared from this thread - wasn't really in the context of the thread anyway...belongs in the tits and bums threads...

Laneco · 02-12-2011, 10:16 PM

Between Lisa and Moses (and a few others) there is some really thoughtful advice here, Technoviking. Life gives us many chances to make mistakes, and hopefully the wisdom to learn from them. When someone is in the middle of ending a relationship (her), then it's definately not the best time for you to push your relationship up a notch. Can't help what the heart says though, can we?

It's funny, isn't it, the range that women have. Some women push constantly for the "I love you" stage and others, well, let's just say they try to find the door in a big hurry. That was always me. As soon as a guy got to that point while we were dating, I exited the stage within a week. Bolted like a spooked horse.

Except when Steve told me that. I wasn't really ready for him to say that. I felt it was way to early in the relationship, but he was not one to dash away from. It's been twenty years now. Turns out, he was right about us. So stay chill, give her time. I hope that you are as right about her as Steve was about me 20 years ago.

angela