Family Member RANT - Please

asphaltgambler · 04-26-2011, 07:02 AM

Begining of last year I lost my Dad. He almost made it to 89. The only pain I've experienced that was greater was losing my Mom 5 years earlier. He was a true man's man, hard working and honest to a fault. He was his own man, a Cattlemen.
He brokered cattle for living, a commodities trader if you will. Except his commodities had hoofs and tails. His word, his action was everything. He would say "All it takes is one bad deal where someone thinks I've been dishonest and all my credibility is gone - a man's word and handshake is a binding contract"

I am the youngest of 4. One older sister and then two older brothers. We were raised in a somewhat rural area in northern Va and was very much like a 1950's-60's TV family. Much love and guidance.

Fast forward to this past weekend with family. I found out that my oldest brother forged my Dad's name to co-sign on some loan about 10 yrs ago, then defaulted. The only reason that Dad found out is obvious. The loan co kept calling him about this loan, that it was late. He kept saying that they must have him confused with his son (they have very similar first names), finally they sent him a copy of the paperwork for proof.

I also found out that same brother "considered" court action against my sister over the winter because the sale the real esate property was not happening fast enough (We had to make some repairs since summer and will list it end of this month.)

Then found out said "brother" also has had numerous affairs over the years and grown kids don't respect him. On the outside he and wife are two professionals, seemed to be conservative with money, are close to retirement, etc, etc.

I cannot think of anything that would/could have hurt my dad /mom more, the ultimate insult and betrayal.

I do not think I will ever again be able to look him in the eye or have a pleasant conversation as long as I breathe air on this planet

masraum · 04-26-2011, 07:08 AM

That really sucks. No matter what is done while someone is growing up, there is no guaranty how they will turn out. At least you've got your other siblings.

Rikao4 · 04-26-2011, 07:14 AM

greed and family..
what a combo..
watch your back & wife..
he will steal from you as well...

Rika

stomachmonkey · 04-26-2011, 07:21 AM

That's a shame.

What happened to the loan? Was it charged off? Did Dad have to pay it? If so then your brother cheated you and your other siblings out of some of estate.

I'd be tempted to withhold it from the property sale but it sounds like your brother is a douche so depending on the amount it may be worth it just to let it go.

Regardless, I'd make sure I had a credit lock in place. If he did it to your dad he'll do it to you.

My dad and stepdad sound like your father. My father used to tell me "I gave you the one thing in this life that can provide for you forever, a good name, don't f it up" I take that very seriously, for nearly 50 years he has been right.

Zeke · 04-26-2011, 07:22 AM

Brothers or any other member of immediate family don't get a free pass. Let him go.

asphaltgambler · 04-26-2011, 07:25 AM

H3ll - I thought I was the black sheep of the family when I was younger!!

I always considered my oldest brother to be a good example. He served (drafted) in Vietnam, married young, put himself through college, raised two boys and they both went to college and seem ok, Owned his own house for a long time. sold it a few years back and is living near the beach in SC.

I mean what the eff?? I am scratching my head to think of what reason he would have to do that to my Dad? If he was a crack head or something; at least you could point to something. Worst part is I do not know if that was the only time he did that. Maybe the only time he was caught?

asphaltgambler · 04-26-2011, 07:28 AM

My brother did "take care" of it. Do not know to that end tho. Dad was released from the obligation later then

Rikao4 · 04-26-2011, 07:42 AM

he stole, he forged,
he made good because he got caught..
bound to be more..
you just haven't gotten the call or bill..

Rika

BlueSkyJaunte · 04-26-2011, 07:47 AM

+1 to what Rika said: keep checking your six. Go over your credit reports annually (which you should do anyway).

Sounds like maybe you and your sister and other brother are OK--be thankful and cherish the relationships you have with them. There's always one bad apple in the barrel, don't let it rot the whole bushel.

Evans, Marv · 04-26-2011, 07:58 AM

In my book, disrespect doesn't get any respect in return. Treat him & his transgressions like you would any Joe Blow on the street.

gtc · gtc's Garage

I have an aunt that sounds similar. She has been a pest to my mother and her siblings ever since my grandmother passed a few years ago. The fight over the estate was horrendous, and it basically ruined two years of my mom's life.

I would just try to ignore him and move on with your life. At that age these people don't change, and if you confront him about what he has done, you will be his new "bad guy."

My aunt blamed my grandparents for not loving her enough and for not sending her to a better college.

Rick Lee · Rick Lee's Garage

Quote:

Originally Posted by gtc

and if you confront him about what he has done, you will be his new "bad guy."

This is a case where I wouldn't mind at all being the bad guy.

Both my folks' siblings took out loans from parents or grandparents and did not pay/are not paying them back. My great grandmother, on her death bed, told my dad about a loan she gave his brother and told him he'd never made payments and to be sure to take it out of his share of her inheritance. Of course, the estate lawyer said to compute the interest over the 30 or years. But my folks figured it wasn't worth wrecking the relationship and they didn't need the money anyway. They let it slide. My mom's sister took a huge loan from her mom, which she had always just planned to be part of her inheritance. Now my grandmother is in her last days and it could get expensive enough that there's nothing left, meaning my aunt got the free loan and my mom gets nothing but the mess of cleaning up the estate. So glad I have no plans to have kids and that my sister and I see eye to eye on all this stuff with my folks.

Hugh R · 04-26-2011, 08:31 AM

That does suck. I have a SIL who bleed her mom dry over 20 years to support her lifestyle. When mom was broke she forgot about her completely. My wife's other siblings don't seem to really care about their mom at all.

Gogar · 04-26-2011, 08:44 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by asphaltgambler

My brother did "take care" of it. Do not know to that end tho. Dad was released from the obligation later then

When you say "he took care of it",

All that really means is

He learned how to hide it better.

tcar · 01:15 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by stomachmonkey

My father used to tell me...

"a good name, don't f it up".

So... "stomachmonkey"?

M.D. Holloway · 04-26-2011, 10:58 AM

Only a few things will ever break up a family - money seems to be all of them...

stomachmonkey · 04-26-2011, 11:22 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by tcar

"stomachmonkey"?

LOL. Got that one from Letterman.

Mr.Puff · 04-26-2011, 12:49 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by stomachmonkey

LOL. Got that one from Letterman.

Your father is Letterman

?

on2wheels52 · on2wheels52's Garage

I guess I've been fortunate in reguard to my siblings. While I'm not especially close to all of them I've not gone through anything remotely close to what ag has. The settling of our parent's estate was civil to the extreme. My sympathy to anyone with family problems.
Jim

onewhippedpuppy · 04-26-2011, 04:43 PM

That sucks. It's always intrigued me how siblings can grow up so different. My uncle is a worthless money grubbing SOB who is eagerly awaiting his inheritance. My brother is a decent guy but lazy and unmotivated. My wife is the oldest of 10, the contrast throughout the family is striking. Just ignore him, family can't transcend everything.