How would you proceed?

[Head416]

Originally Posted by trekkor

Parked side by side.

Friend wasn't paying attention and opened his truck door into my fender.
Scratched paint and dent. Very small. Expensive fix.


He went with option #3.
20 year friendship ended...KT

Was it worth it?

He should fix it. On the other hand, is a little dent worth throwing away a 20-year friendship? I'm not saying he's blameless, but I'd like to think if one of my friends did this to me I would be able to get over it and keep the friendship intact.

Of course, I can count my decade+ good friends on my fingers, so each one is really important to me.

If I did it, I would offer to fix it. But if one of my friends put a small dent in my car I would never ask him to spend $1,000 getting it fixed. Hell, I can show you chips in my P-car from my brother (are you reading this Bro? ). And my MIL backed into my wife's car a couple months ago and crunched the the corner of the bumper. #$% happens. Relationships are valued beyond measure.

[onewhippedpuppy]

Originally Posted by Head416

Was it worth it?

He should fix it. On the other hand, is a little dent worth throwing away a 20-year friendship? I'm not saying he's blameless, but I'd like to think if one of my friends did this to me I would be able to get over it and keep the friendship intact.

Of course, I can count my decade+ good friends on my fingers, so each one is really important to me.

If I did it, I would offer to fix it. But if one of my friends put a small dent in my car I would never ask him to spend $1,000 getting it fixed. Hell, I can show you chips in my P-car from my brother (are you reading this Bro? ). And my MIL backed into my wife's car a couple months ago and crunched the the corner of the bumper. #$% happens. Relationships are valued beyond measure.

It's a nice thought, and I agree that friends are far more important than money. But I've been in this situation a few times, and in retrospect now realize that they were not true friends.

[syncroid]

Sounds like your so called friend is a tool. Move on. BTW, I voted number one.

[Jnikic]

My friend and I were at a party where the host had a Ferrari Scuderia parked. Naturally, lots of people gravitated around the car. My friend, jokingly, pretends to polish the door handle of the car. And by jokingly, I mean he used the buttons on his jackets.

It left a very light scratch in the clearcoat. His face immediately turned ghost white - he was terrified. I couldn't believe he just scratched the car, but no one else saw it. And no one else heard him call the host first thing in the morning to apologize and promise to pay for the repair. He, of course, refused - "its just a car, they get scratched sometimes!"

[trekkor]

The funny thing is, it's not about the money.

If he broke my windshield, it would be a $200-300 replacement right.
Seems way more serious and there would be no dispute. ( I would hope ).

The dent, which is very small will take three days in the body shop to repair.
That's just the way it is.

I was very disappointed and hurt by the way he treated me.
Really caught me off guard.
I wasn't mad at him or trying to make him feel bad for not being more careful or what not.
I calmly stated, "that's why we have insurance".

Honestly, I was surprised the quote was less than $1000.


Some of the posts here are very thought provoking and I appreciate them very much.


KT

[Seahawk]

I am no saint, but this is an area of absolutes, routine but also the talisman of dudes and dudettes.

I posted here before on the door of my truck getting caught in heavy winds at the Pentagon and slamming into the side on a minivan parked next to me. The damage was noteworthy.

Note on the car, my number, my apologies, I'll take care of everything.

The woman called me that afternoon. The sound of her voice, the relief, the surprise that someone would step up is all that matters.

I am not friends with anyone who would not do the same. It is just the way it is.

[trekkor]

The conversation was very one sided.

Just my noticing the damage and asking for it to be repaired was the tipping point.
He looked at me like I was taking food out of his children's mouths.

No apology or offer to do anything.
Just anger.

He wasn't willing to listen.
"We're done!", he says.

Followed by accusations of my trying to turn the incident into some sort of opportunity for personal gain.

I just sat off to the side and waited. His response was to try and stir me up further by "suggesting we get the police involved".

I calmly stated, "don't want to speak to you about this anymore".
Then he left.


KT

[onewhippedpuppy]

Originally Posted by Seahawk

I am no saint, but this is an area of absolutes, routine but also the talisman of dudes and dudettes.

I posted here before on the door of my truck getting caught in heavy winds at the Pentagon and slamming into the side on a minivan parked next to me. The damage was noteworthy.

Note on the car, my number, my apologies, I'll take of everything.

The woman called me that afternoon. The sound of her voice, the relief, the surprise that someone would step up is all that matters.

I am not friends with anyone who would not do the same. It is just the way it is.

Leaving my house one morning at 4:30 AM, exhausted because I was in the middle of a string of 70+ hour workweeks, I backed into a car belonging to one of my teenage neighbor's friends. Nevermind that the little SOB was parked across the street illegally overlapping two driveways, I left him a note and went to work. The father called later that day and I passed along my insurance info, insurance called later that day and I explained that I was at fault. The father called me a few weeks later after the damage had been fixed and thanked me for being honest and helping to make it as painless as possible for them. It struck me as sad that my actions were in any way noteworthy......

[trekkor]

Originally Posted by onewhippedpuppy

It struck me as sad that my actions were in any way noteworthy......

This.


KT

[KFC911]

I voted 1 also, but must say than among my long-time good "friends", no money would likely change hands (going either way). Stuff happens over the years..."toys" get dinged when they are used. To a stranger, $ will change hands...to a "friend'..."don't worry about it". BUT one MUST offer...to do otherwise in unthinkable in my world.

ps: I can think of several times over the years when boats were damaged, yet an offer to "cover it" was rejected. Life's short...move on...

[Zeke]

You were lucky you got 20 years out of this guy before he f***** you. The potential was there all along.

[Tobra]

What Zeke said.

I have been surprised at the actions of those I thought were friends before too. Makes me feel like I did something wrong for misjudging them so profoundly.

[Z-man]

Sounds to me like someone is holding a grudge...

It shouldn't take something this insignificant to end a friendship - KT: it was your choice to end the friendship, not his.

-Z

[Dantilla]

The ONLY time money was no object for a car repair was after I slid my friend's 944 Turbo off the track and kinked a fender against the tire wall.

Took it to a good body guy I know, and told him to make it perfect, do it quickly, and give me the bill.

We're still good friends who drive each other's cars now and then.

[trekkor]

Originally Posted by Z-man

Sounds to me like someone is holding a grudge...

It shouldn't take something this insignificant to end a friendship - KT: it was your choice to end the friendship, not his.

-Z

I'm not sure I understand your reply.

He told me off and shut down further conversation.

I was just along for the ride at that point.


KT

[Head416]

I wasn't there, so maybe you were the nicest guy in the world and your friend is just a tool, as suggested.

But something to consider...

Any chance that leading with this:

Originally Posted by trekkor

Just my noticing the damage and asking for it to be repaired was the tipping point.

Instead of:

Originally Posted by Jnikic

"its just a car, they get scratched sometimes!"

Left him feeling like this:

Originally Posted by trekkor

I was very disappointed and hurt by the way he treated me.
Really caught me off guard.

?

He might be telling somebody right now "I don't get it, I dinged his car with my door and he jumped all over me, started demanding all sorts of money, you should have seen the tiny ding! I thought we were friends, but I guess you never really know somebody." I know that's not the way you saw it, but I'm talking about different people's perceptions here.

Who knows, maybe he would have offered if you had said don't worry about it, but instead went on the defensive. No, that doesn't change that he should have sucked it up and offered.

Like I said, I wasn't there. Just something to consider, because:

Originally Posted by Z-man

It shouldn't take something this insignificant to end a friendship

Or maybe he's just a tool and you're better off. But I would want to make damn sure of that assessment before walking away from a 20 year friendship.

[Z-man]

Originally Posted by trekkor

I'm not sure I understand your reply.

He told me off and shut down further conversation.

I was just along for the ride at that point.


KT

Sorry - didn't read your posts all the way through.

But you do have a choice - either call it a day with your friend, or actively seek to reconcile with him. Concept of reconciliation involves the person who was wronged taking the first steps and forgiving the person who wronged them. Hard to do, but I suspect your friend may have some other reasons for his actions...
-Z

[flatbutt]

He's a douche.

[trekkor]

Originally Posted by Head416

you should have seen the tiny ding!

How large does the damage need to be before it deserves a repair?

1 inch, 2, 3? Entire fender hanging off the truck?

Or does any damage done by a friend get a pass? ( I should cover the cost of repairs )


Why do we even carry car insurance?


KT

[speeder]

If he put a door ding in your 15 year old work truck and you want him to pay $1k to fix it, I don't know...

On the other hand, one of my cars got backed into by an airport shuttle van on the street last week and the guy ran. My neighbor luckily saw the whole thing and told me. He broke a tail light lense, that's it. I tracked him down and he's supposed to pay me for it tomorrow. He claims that he was in a big hurry and came back later to leave a note, all lies. I've told him that he's a fking liar.

Leaving a note when you damage someone's property is unquestionably the honorable thing to do. People should pay for their mistakes. I also try to be fair and honest in all my affairs. That said, there is no way in hell that I would make a friend pay for a door ding in some older vehicle of mine. And $700-$1k is outrageous, unless it's a 2012 Ferrari. You're talking about your old diesel truck, right? The salvage one that was smashed to schit and repaired? You want to do a major restoration on a door ding??