How to wrap presents with a cat

[Por_sha911]

Disclaimer: There is not political or religious agenda here and I may have posted this in years gone by but it is still funny -Joe

Wrapping Presents With A Cat
1. Clear large space on table for wrapping present.

2. Go to wardrobe and collect bag in which present is contained, and close door.

3. Open door and remove cat from wardrobe.

4. Go to cupboard and retrieve rolls of wrapping paper.

5. Go back and remove cat from cupboard.

6. Go to drawer and collect transparent sticky tape, ribbons, scissors, labels, etc.

7. Lay out present and wrapping materials on table, to enable wrapping strategy to be formed.

8. Go back to drawer to get string, remove cat that has been in the drawer since last visit, and collect string.

9. Remove present from bag.

10. Remove cat from bag.

11. Open box to check present, remove cat from box, replace present.

12. Lay out paper to enable cutting to size.

13. Cut the paper to size, trying to keep the cutting line straight.

14. Throw away first sheet because cat tried to chase the scissors and tore paper.

15. Cut second sheet of paper to size by putting cat in the bag the present came out of.

16. Place present on cut-to-size paper.

17. Lift up edges of paper to seal in present, wonder why edges now don't reach, and find cat between present and paper. Remove cat and retry.

18. Place object on paper, to hold in place, while cutting transparent sticky tape.

19. Spend next 20 minutes carefully trying to remove transparent sticky tape from cat with pair of nail scissors.

20. Seal paper down with transparent sticky tape, making corners as neat as possible.

21. Look for roll of ribbon; chase cat down hall and retrieve ribbon.

22. Try to wrap present with ribbon in a two-directional turn.

23. Re-roll up ribbon and remove paper that is now torn, due to cat's enthusiasm in chasing ribbon end.

24. Repeat steps 12-22 until down to last sheet of paper.

25. Decide to skip steps 12-16 in order to save time and reduce risk of losing last sheet of paper. Retrieve old cardboard box that you know is right size for sheet of paper.

26. Put present in box, and tie down with string.

27. Remove string, open box and remove cat.

28. Put all packing materials in bag with present and head for lockable room.

29. Once inside room, lock door and start to re-lay out packing materials.

30. Remove cat from box, unlock door, put cat outside door, close door and re-lock.

31. Lay out last sheet of paper. (Admittedly this is difficult in the small area of the toilet, but try your best!)

32. Seal box, wrap with paper and start repairs by very carefully sealing down tears with transparent sticky tape. Now tie up with ribbon and decorate with bows to hide worst affected areas.

33. Label, then sit back and admire your handiwork, congratulating yourself on making good of a bad job.

34. Unlock door, and go to kitchen to make cup of coffee and feed cat.

35. Spend next 15 minutes looking for cat, before coming to obvious conclusion.

36. Unwrap present, untie box and remove cat.

37. Retrieve all discarded sheets of wrapping paper, feed cat and retire to lockable room for last attempt, making certain you are alone and the door is locked.

38. At time of handing over present, smile sweetly at receiver's face, as they try and hide their contempt at being handed such a badly wrapped present.

39. Vow to yourself that next year, you will get the store to wrap the thing for you.

[Bobbi66]

So true! I always try to give ours her own piece of paper and ribbon before I start

[BReif61]

My method?

1.) Tear off piece of wrapping paper
2.) Wad into ball
3.) Throw ball onto floor near cat
4.) Wrap in peace.

[M.D. Holloway]

Wrap the cat

[onewhippedpuppy]

Did I miss the step involving a burlap sack and a river?

[BReif61]

Originally Posted by onewhippedpuppy

Did I miss the step involving a burlap sack and a river?

You forgot the rock. You know, for ballast. Cat's float.

[Hawkeye's-911T]

Here we go with the 'cat bashing' again. You never see those remarks on a dog thread - but then this topic has been worked over at length on previous threads.

[scottmandue]

Doode, I am a cat (and dog) lover... have a little sense of humor...

[BReif61]

Originally Posted by Hawkeye's-911T

Here we go with the 'cat bashing' again. You never see those remarks on a dog thread - but then this topic has been worked over at length on previous threads.

It's called (dark) humor. I have a cat, and I love it, and I would never toss it in a lake in a bag.

However, there are places where stray cats are an issue, and sometimes they need to be, uh, removed. I think we can all agree there is a difference between a pet and a stray.

[Hawkeye's-911T]

Ah what-the-hell ..Merry Christmas everyone

[daepp]

My cat last Christmas - he basically slept through this

[scottmandue]

Originally Posted by BReif61

However, there are places where stray cats are an issue, and sometimes they need to be, uh, removed. I think we can all agree there is a difference between a pet and a stray.

Stray cats... and dogs and a huge problem on this planet... and yes many of them are put down every day because they are unwanted...

Getting off soapbox...

Now on to happier holiday thoughts please:

[Christien]

I used to be a cat person. Until one, then the other, started pissing all over our kids things. We got rid of them. Not in a burlap sac with a rock (though I would've been happy to) - once was adopted, the other went to the spca. I'm officially a cat-hater. I'll never have one again.

[scottmandue]

I Imagine most people who have been bitten and/or attacked by a dog are not fond of those four legged friends either.

Can we move on?

[vash]

someone witty needs to write the steps for putting clean sheets on a bed with a cat.

my cat fits the above mold to a TEE!!

[PorscheGAL]

You forgot the steps of replacing the bow everyday. My cat takes the bows off every gift and carries it around like prey.

[red-beard]

[vash]

Originally Posted by PorscheGAL

You forgot the steps of replacing the bow everyday. My cat takes the bows off every gift and carries it around like prey.

true. we cant have a Tree. my cats remove the ornaments, and one likes to chew the electrical cords. good times!!!

[red-beard]

Wait, here is the one!!!!!

[iplagolf]

Antlers...We don't need no stink'n antlers...