Can you compartmentalize? How?

[VaSteve]

I'm not sure it's entirely possible to compartmentalize.

My current job allows me to shut down more on the weekends than my last one (consulting), but I still find myself thinking of things at work when I'm doing other things. I have many a time thought of work at the track....on the track! (Much like your music story). I sometimes take that to mean that whatever I'm worrying about is the most pressing issue and/or whatever I'm doing is not taking my full mental capacity. I'd find that in music as well once I felt I had "mastered" the piece. I could do the motions and fill my mind with other things.

RL, you moved to AZ to concentrate on your "off time". Shooting guns off the back porch, riding motorcycles and such. I think you know you took a risk to move out there for this job. You mention this upheaval all the time. Since nothing (yet) is forcing the issue, you get to select your next play (and what is important versus not important) versus it being selected for you.

[scottmandue]

Originally Posted by Rick Lee

{que blues brothers voice}

The band... the band man... WE'RE PUTTING TOGETHER THE BAND!

I kid.... or am I?

[Cloggie]

Coming in late to this thread, but I definitely feel for you, been in similar situations and not found any totally satisfying solution after being an executive for 20+ years of my 35 year working life.

I have come to peace with the idea that the price tag for being an achiever is that your mind doesn't stop wrestling with problems that make it into the foreground of thinking, even when the problem has no solution or it just needs the passage of time to be resolved. Both for myself and for others I know who I consider to be "high potential, high acheivement/motivation" - without exception - the reason they are high achievers is that they have this character flaw of obsession to resolve.

Even individuals on the high end of the food chain who you swear are totally relaxed, have their life together, don't worry about a thing turn out to have an inner dialogue which is of the type that is giving you fits.

As I grew older I was able to mitigate the worst of my inability to compartmentalize by at least being able to postpone thinking about it or do some level of distraction when it was necessary to focus on other things (e.g. family matters), but I have spent an unfortunate amount of my time - usually in the middle of the night or similar - cycling over and over on problems.

The interesting thing is that while the cycling felt unproductive, there were a number of times where I was able to reorient my thinking and come to solutions which were positive and non-obvious and ended up working well. But the emotional price tag was very high....which is why I am leaning towards retirement in my mid-50's - just don't want to suffer the burn rate that the jobs I am qualified for require.

The other thing that helped me immensely is that I reached the point where I had enough retirement funds to say F*ck You to anyone. Rarely used that option, but considered it heavily over the last 5 years and it just made it easier to know that literally I didn't need the job, didn't need the money and - most importantly - didn't need a reference.

I guess overall my view is that the problem cycling is normal albeit emotionally costly for people with a brain, as my mom said when I was a kid and I swallowed a marble - this too shall pass.

D.

[Rick Lee]

I had a good chat with the boss today and he gave me a list of things I need to do every day (and will be tracked on) to right the ship. I still don't think it's going to fix the inherent problem with our new business structure in general and my territory in particular. But that decision is above his pay grade. And even if/when it starts getting discussed at higher levels, it will be 2014 before the direction changes. I did get the green light to seriously go after new business. But again, it's too little, too late. New business pays off many months or years after getting them in the door, which can be a lot of work in itself.

Anyway, he said one of my problems is that I'm too customer service-focused and need to be more proactive and strategic, rather than reactive to customer issues. I agree. He said to turn the damn BB off for the few hours I plan to knock out my to-do list each day and not to get sidetracked. He said to make his own emails to me the last priority of the day. I think he senses I'm mixing too much work and personal life because he sees me entering stuff at odd hours and on weekends. Not that I'm a workaholic, but I do blur the boundaries.

Bottom line is still that I need to learn to compartmentalize, at least on the days and nights before I know work is going to be very rough the next day. I definitely don't have FU money, so I will hang onto this job for as long as I still can, while keeping my ear to the ground.

[VaSteve]

I telework one day a week (Tuesday). I use the office in my house to conduct this day's work. I treat it like any other day, get up work out dress and go work. Despite it being 80 degrees and 90% humidity, I am wearing a polo and jeans (home business casual) to remind me I'm working. I "leave for lunch" and go to the kitchen. At 5 or so, I will shut down and take the dogs for a walk.

As tempting as it is to screw around during the day, I try to minimize it and this is how I focus.

[VaSteve]

I telework one day a week (Tuesday). I use the office in my house to conduct this day's work. I treat it like any other day, get up work out dress and go work. Despite it being 80 degrees and 90% humidity, I am wearing a polo and jeans (home business casual) to remind me I'm working. I "leave for lunch" and go to the kitchen. At 5 or so, I will shut down and take the dogs for a walk.

As tempting as it is to screw around during the day, I try to minimize it and this is how I focus.

[Rick Lee]

I don't get dressed up to work at home, but I never start a minute after 8am and am very disciplined about it. It's not even so much that actual work duties interfere with my personal time; it's that I worry about work issues when I shouldn't be thinking about work at all.

[JavaBrewer]

Thought I had it all figured out until early 2013 when the sequestration hit. Sure we had rumblings of bad times but we were a favorite of the customer and were assured things would work out. Despite putting it all on the line for 15+ years things didn't really work out.

I have 2 kids, a wife, and lots of obligations. The drawback to being a Federal contractor is there is no such thing as a severance package other than your own savings. Having the connections and good standing of my peers I landed a rather safe job but had to absorb a 35% pay cut. I am 50 and my kids are in High School...frankly not the most opportune time to face this sort of thing.

Nothing is for certain and if you live your life thinking that you are setting yourself up for a big disappointment. Life is not about money, travel, success, or standing. Sure they do contribute when the measure is correct, but ultimately our loved ones are what matter. I would sacrifice all my worldly possessions to protect my loved ones and I'm sure most here would do the same.

Rick, you need to move on professionally. You have admitted to some mistakes so use them to further yourself down the line.

[Rick Lee]

Update

I don't know how it happened, but somehow, I have come to terms with the fact that I will be fired and, honestly, I'm in a better mood now than I ever have been at this job. It's sort of liberating. I don't think about it outside of work hours anymore (other than typing this post). I have no idea why, but it totally leaves my mind after about 5pm and I don't think about it again until 8am.

Last week I had a chat with my boss and he gave me a list of things I need to do every day that he will monitor. Yesterday, I was sitting in the barber shop (getting a haircut for interviews today) and I got an email from him with an attachment titled "notice of written counseling." This is pretty much the final warning document. Crazy thing is that everything my boss said last week that I have to do is now doubled in that document. It's unrealistic and undoable, and he totally blindsided me, which he never does. So I'm pretty sure his boss made him do it. We have a call scheduled tomorrow about it, but I'm not worried in the least. He has to know I'm expecting to be fired and looking elsewhere. And I already have my flight to DC booked for Monday and am having dinner with my boss and his boss Tues. night. Gonna be awkward, but somehow, I'm not worried at all.

Had a killer interview today for a near dream job for a German company. HR rep. was from my part of NJ and we had a ton in common. More to come.

[tweezers74]

It was time, Rick. Out with the old and in with the new! Kick butt and get that dream job!

[jyl]

Well, change is a-coming, ready or not, and it is highly likely that it will turn out well. Ideally you do want to have a job when you're looking for one, but I think you'll do fine either way.

[fintstone]

I can't compartmentalize and do my job. If work is good, life in general is good. When work (and finances) go bad, everything is bad, Work is my life and everything else is fit in around it...because when it goes bad, it ruins all the other things. Without it, I cannot provide for my family or future. I am either working, commuting or thinking about work for 20 hrs a day (sleep 4) and have to do the same work when on vacation as when I am at work...just from a different location. I guess it is the price one pays for job security. When I retire, I will get a job where I can compartmentalize...maybe mow grass or WalMart greeter. Until then...I will just suck it up. I envy your job situation, but cannot imagine eing able to do it long term. Just too sweet a deal to last...although I am a pessimist. If you can pull it off, sounds great.

[Rick Lee]

Fint, if you value job security and income predictability, then obviously sales is not for you. Actually, sales can be a pretty safe job, if you perform, since salespeople are usually the last to be laid off. But you never know what next month's commission check is going to be. If you can arrange your life to live on just your base salary in the lean months and then treat commissions responsibly, it can be a good gig. I refuse to live to work unless it's a serious hobby job.

[VincentVega]

Good luck RL.

I can relate to your comment about knowing it's coming. It also made me thing of this

Ronald Spiers: The only hope you have is to accept the fact that you're already dead. The sooner you accept that, the sooner you'll be able to function as a soldier is supposed to function: without mercy, without compassion, without remorse. All war depends upon it.

[Jandrews]

Originally Posted by Cloggie

Coming in late to this thread, but I definitely feel for you, been in similar situations and not found any totally satisfying solution after being an executive for 20+ years of my 35 year working life.

I have come to peace with the idea that the price tag for being an achiever is that your mind doesn't stop wrestling with problems that make it into the foreground of thinking, even when the problem has no solution or it just needs the passage of time to be resolved. Both for myself and for others I know who I consider to be "high potential, high acheivement/motivation" - without exception - the reason they are high achievers is that they have this character flaw of obsession to resolve.

Even individuals on the high end of the food chain who you swear are totally relaxed, have their life together, don't worry about a thing turn out to have an inner dialogue which is of the type that is giving you fits.

As I grew older I was able to mitigate the worst of my inability to compartmentalize by at least being able to postpone thinking about it or do some level of distraction when it was necessary to focus on other things (e.g. family matters), but I have spent an unfortunate amount of my time - usually in the middle of the night or similar - cycling over and over on problems.

The interesting thing is that while the cycling felt unproductive, there were a number of times where I was able to reorient my thinking and come to solutions which were positive and non-obvious and ended up working well. But the emotional price tag was very high....which is why I am leaning towards retirement in my mid-50's - just don't want to suffer the burn rate that the jobs I am qualified for require.

The other thing that helped me immensely is that I reached the point where I had enough retirement funds to say F*ck You to anyone. Rarely used that option, but considered it heavily over the last 5 years and it just made it easier to know that literally I didn't need the job, didn't need the money and - most importantly - didn't need a reference.

I guess overall my view is that the problem cycling is normal albeit emotionally costly for people with a brain, as my mom said when I was a kid and I swallowed a marble - this too shall pass.

D.

This inspired me. Thanks Cloggie. Very much captured what I have been experiencing for the past 15 years or so. I appreciate you sharing this perspective.

JA

[SeanPizzle]

I watched both my father and stepfather tossed from 25+ year tenures in middle management when they were in their early 50's. They both struggled to re-invent themselves and it crushed them. I am now 45 and successful in my career in IT sales. However, when I look around, I don't see very much grey hair in my peers. Because of this, I force myself to live on about 25% of my take home and I invest the rest for my retirement. Maybe I am overly paranoid, but I want to have the F.U. money in my early 50s so I don't wind up stressed out about how I am going to make that monthly debt payment.

Good luck to you, Rick, in your next endeavor. Don't let the company force you into quitting in case you need the UI benefits.

[Rick Lee]

I definitely would never quit before having another job lined up. Talk with boss today sounded pretty serious, but then I think I have a little bit longer than July to find another job. I still do not believe I can reverse this situation, but I may have bought some more time today.

[McLovin]

Good luck!

It sounds like you're handling it well. I know you'll come out ok.

[72doug2,2S]

Originally Posted by Rick Lee

I definitely would never quit before having another job lined up. Talk with boss today sounded pretty serious, but then I think I have a little bit longer than July to find another job. I still do not believe I can reverse this situation, but I may have bought some more time today.

Buy yourself a little time.

Boss third quarter isn't going to be any better, but fourth quarter is really looking up and may actually turn this thing around. Bogus cause 1, bogus cause 2, bogus cause 3. November hits, well boss it didn't happen this year, but we can't focus on '13 anymore, that's over already gone, we need to nail down this start plan for '14. We are really going to kick it in '14.

I'll pray for some inner peace for you.

I hope you drink a little more scotch.

Good luck on the job search. I've been looking since February, every week is interesting.

[Rick Lee]

I don't think I can or really need to buy more time than I already have.

I'm really not stressed out anymore. I can't explain why, but I try to take Notfarnow's approach when he was laid off with a pregant wife - make it into a positive life/career change. I hope to minimize the pain during the transition, especially since I also stress a lot of over money, even when I have some of it. But a big life/career change is pretty much imminent and I have to make the best of it.

Of the three times I was laid off or about to be fired:

1st) I was rehired within a month, but at the hourly rate of my previous salary and then put back on salary within three mos.

2nd) Found a better job in less than a week once I received written warning totally unrelated to original issue, which I had disproved.

3rd) Was going to give my two weeks notice for a better job and was laid off before I could open my mouth. So I got a two week paid vacation before next job started.

Otherwise, I have never been unemployed for more than a day.

So I've always landed on my feet.