I love not having children as much as you love having yours.

[Schumi]

A coworker of mine, named Stephen, arrives at work a few weeks ago, a half hour later than I, as has been typical since his kid arrived. Immediately he pulls out a phone picture of his kid, who is now a bit over 1 year old I believe.

Stephen says, very gleefully, "Jacob did XXXX for the first time this morning!" (you can replace XXXX with any number of things; walking, talking throwing a ball, etc).

I said, "Oh nice. I rode my Italian superbike to work for the first time this morning."

Stephen was confused. "What?"

"Oh, I'm sorry," I responded, "I thought we were sharing recent, important moments in our lives with each other. Say Hi to the kid for me."

Stephen went back to his computer with the typical look people give me in these situations.


I have many, many friends and acquaintances with children. Many of you on this board. Everyone loves their children. And I get that. I really do.. I mean... you made people. That's big, that is a noteworthy thing.

But for me, it's absolutely ridiculous and not in line at all with what I want to do with my life, and I'd really love it for someone with a kid to actually realize my point of view and not keep scrutinizing me for 'not understanding' kids. I understand, I understand just fine.

I am fortunate to have a wonderful companion at the moment, who I have spent the last two years with. Sometimes, the want/unwant of children divides young couples. We do not have this issue. She feels exactly the way I do. Every time she sees one of her friend's newborns... she pictures $200,000 in crisp C-notes swaddled up in a blanket. Needless to say our relationship is blossoming. She's into her 30's and so far that biological clock is still saying "F-in NO." and from her character I think it is staying that way.

My parents had a child. Their lives didn't do S*%# after I came along. I really think that they got to a point together in their early lives where they didn't have a lot of money and no major career aspirations, and that is when they decided to have me. I gave them something to do for 17 years. It worked. I'm grateful for their time. But that situation is the last place I want to be going into my 30's. I'm doing a fair bit better. Together as a couple, my S/O and I have a net worth roughly 5x that of my parent's peak while they were both still working in their early 50's. My mother providing entertainment to her only, lonely child by way of yard-sale high school science and mathematics books paid off several thousand fold when my brain paid itself through college. They still supported my ass for it's first 17 years and that is some major selflessness that, given a choice, I won't have to have.

We're evermore pounded by the surrounding couples we know with talk of their children and how we are missing out. I really think there is some psychological reversal happening there. I'm almost thinking people who talk about how awesome their 3 year olds are day in and day out are really just trying to convince themselves they made the right choice in having their kid. It costs a load of dough to raise a kid in this country, and my parents had to live in a relatively lower-class situation due to me versus maybe going out and owning that boat, that new car, that house, that rental property, that new business, etc.

I'm not missing anything. I can love my life without needing to pollute the planet with more of it, so where is my prize? Where is my card in the mail saying "Congratulations on your not having a kid this year!".

Where is the backyard BBQ / shower for my new MV Agusta?




Prose submitted just as a little late reading for you all.

Addendum: For those who will ultimately respond "oh, you'll come around and eventually have a kid or two or three, you wait!" - I reply, I've been on the board for nearly 10 years now. Put some bets on it and check back with me in 10 more years so I can take your money.

-M

[scottbombedout]

All I can say is I would rather have any kid than $200,000 in crisp c-notes.

Your loss.

[Heel n Toe]

Mike, I hear you and understand your feelings about those gentle prods that people sometimes give you in their clumsy way of trying to tell you that you should have a kid, too.

I really wish people wouldn't do that 1) to people like you who have stated they don't plan to have children... as well as 2) to couples who haven't had children yet. Some parents start prodding a year or two after their child marries. Dumb; they need to honor the newlyweds and let them decide.

But try not to feel 1) anything close to sorry for your parents for their "sacrifice" or 2) resentment towards others who prod you in any way.

Try to think of it as people who have experienced something that they genuinely love and enjoy and they don't want others to miss it.

Try to think of it as they've ridden the fun rollercoaster and they're just telling you about it.

Having and raising children is the most fun (hilarious things happen quite frequently), challenging, and rewarding thing I have ever done. It is, quite simply... an amazing life experience. It trumps everything else. The only way I could have enjoyed it more was if my wife and I had been independently wealthy and didn't have to work.

I respect your decision and would never try to twist your arm or even hint at it. It is your life and I wouldn't dream of trying to change your mind about such a fundamental aspect of it.

Let those proud parents brag and give them a smile and a compliment and don't let it bother you that they are beaming about their kid.

BTW, that guy should be getting to work on time and not be using his kid as an excuse. You are absolutely right to resent that kind of BS.

[WolfeMacleod]

Originally Posted by scottbombedout

All I can say is I would rather have any kid than $200,000 in crisp c-notes.

Your loss.

Sentiments shared by me, as well. Although I won't go so far as to say "Any kid" but if I get them from start to finish, I'm good. Let me eff 'em up!
Nothing in the universe I would not do or part with for the opportunity

[look 171]

Originally Posted by Schumi

We're evermore pounded by the surrounding couples we know with talk of their children and how we are missing out. I really think there is some psychological reversal happening there. I'm almost thinking people who talk about how awesome their 3 year olds are day in and day out are really just trying to convince themselves they made the right choice in having their kid.






-M

I am glad that only your opinion.

Some people are just overcome with joy and can't control themselves then out comes the pictures or the phone with videos. THankfully my wife and I do not do that and we don't talk about ours kids in front of other people. Never. People ask me all the time, don't you have a picture of your kids? I say nope. I see them enough during the day. People are just excited to share their happiest with you so play along. if he showed you a picture of his new Ferrari, I bet you will sing a different tune?

[jyl]

People with kids shouldn't push them on people without.

That said, they really are as great as parents say. Especially when they are young. As teenagers, YMMV.

[livi]

Mike, you have my complete sympathy and understanding. I never understood why people with children seem to feel an unavoidable need to pity individuals that make a choice to not have kids. Its arrogant and the whole "we know better" attitude make me want to puke. Not least when it comes from parents that arguably should have limit their "parenthood" to the cat.

That said, I have kids up to my neck both at work and at home and I mostly enjoy it. Yes, I said mostly..

[Rick V]

Mike, I am totally in support of your position, but being a parent I can only say one thing. I do know what it is like to not have kids around, being married then having them, and now since they have moved out.
I know both sides of the coin and I am glad, for me, it happened the way it did.
It's not your thing, and that is great, like I said I support your decision, I just hope you don't look in the mirror one morning and wish you had gone down a different path.
Now where is that pic of the bike?
For the record I really detest the parents that have to throw pictures of their kids at me. yeah yeah yeah you have a kid, I had a couple myself, get over it.

[onewhippedpuppy]

Sounds like you are trying to justify being a dick to your coworker, in addition to your outwardly smug attitude in regards to not having kids.

I have friends with kids, and friends without kids. I have friends with kids that really should be without kids. I respect the introspection of someone that realizes that they aren't parent material. But you do realize that you are projecting an equally bad attitude regarding your choice to NOT have kids, right? Two wrongs don't make a right.

[Chocaholic]

As a parent and avid motorcyclist, I can certainly see and respect your perspective. I love my kids and my bikes and wouldn't change a thing.

Honestly, if you and your companion (not married presumably) look at a newborn child and immediately see swaddled cash, you're making the right decision. Have fun, enjoy life and take the comments in stride. Raising a family is the "norm" so you shouldn't be put off by some that don't understand.

Lastly, your lengthy post impacted me as being overly defensive. Comparing a young parent's enthusiasm to your bike is really very childish. If i were him, I'd have probably reacted the same. If so, perhaps there's some underlying guilt? Perhaps thoughts of loneliness in old age? No need to answer. Life is a journey...and a great one mostly, regardless of the path chosen.

[Baz]

Kids are the best......but make mine furry......and with four legs, please!

[Rot 911]

I understand where you are coming from. Some parents' world revolves around their kids. To the point where they have nothing else going on in their lives. Others, like I would like to think me, can have a daughter and a life outside of just being a parent.

As for not having kids, you are not alone. Last weeks Time magazine:

[GH85Carrera]

Hey Mike, I agree with you 100%. Well said.

The worst is going to someones house and having a parent shove a baby at me and ask if I want to hold it. No I don't care to hold it!

I don't have a problem with any breeder reproducing as long as they can afford to take care of their spawn. Don't expect me to help you pay for your kids.

Aww isn't he cute.

I just wish restaurants had a kid free area. I hate going to a nice restaurant and being seated at a table next to some screaming kid.

[VINMAN]

Originally Posted by Baz

Kids are the best......but make mine furry......and with four legs, please!

Baz, that is an awesome picture!

[tweezers74]

Yes, after reading your post, I totally agree. There are definitely people who don't want and shouldn't have children. I feel the same way about marriage. When I tell people I don't want to get married again, they seemed surprised and say,"you don't mean that". Yes, I do, otherwise I wouldn't have said it. Although I acknowledge the fact I might change my mind tomorrow. I take what people say at face value. You say you are happy? Fine, you are happy. You say you aren't happy? Fine, you aren't happy.

But, at the same time, I do not want someone psychoanalyzing me on why I do not want to have children or why I don't want to get married. I don't make up reasons why people are married just because I don't want to be. Don't make up reasons why people have children. I don't think you would particularly like it if someone sat there and told you all their theories of why you don't want to have children. It's called mutual respect of another persons decision. I have no problem with your decision and how you live your life. But just as you do not like people assuming your viewpoint, don't judge and assume for other people either.

[89911]

Those that don't have children can't relate to those that do. It's like comparing what its like to walk on the moon to someone that hasn't. It's life changing and will make you do totally thoughtless actions like showing a picture of your kid to someone or perhaps talking about them. It changes EVERYTHING. For what ever reasons, many aren't cut out for it. Just don't pigeonhole every parent as someone that does nothing but obsess over their toddler. There is nothing that even comes close to the bonds you have as a human being to your children and the payback for what ever amount of ludicrous "investment" someone comes up with. Growing older with adults that share your ideas and thoughts is immeasurable. A gift I can have until I punch out. Try doing that with your Italian super bike.

[livi]

Excellent picture, Glen! Very graphic and to the point.

[Bugsinrugs]

I wouldn't trade my kids for all the money in the world. That being said I give you kudos to your decision. There is nothing worse than children born to a couple that are not 100% committed to raising them.

[wdfifteen]

Originally Posted by Schumi

I'm almost thinking people who talk about how awesome their 3 year olds are day in and day out are really just trying to convince themselves they made the right choice in having their kid.

You need to get over that misperception. Believe it or not, most parents actually like children and are happy to have them.

[widebody911]

Originally Posted by scottbombedout

All I can say is I would rather have any kid than $200,000 in crisp c-notes.

I don't have 5 kids; I'll take my $1,000,000 in crisp c-notes now, please