Great article!

[azasadny]

I never thought I'd agree with ANYTHING on HuffingtonPost, but I agree with this article 100%. I will no longer attend any weddings, and I'll save my congratulations and gift for the 5 year anniversary because hardly any marriages last that long. It's ridiculous and makes a mockery of marriage.... The last few weddings we attended were ridiculous and the couples kept their cars longer than they kept their marriage vows...

Let's Ban Weddings and, While We're at It, Baby Showers Too | Valerie Alexander

[notmytarga]

Very insightful - especially regarding celebrating graduations with more gusto and not encouraging single parent baby making. I sent a link to my daughters.

[flipper35]

I have two friends that spent tons of money on the wedding only to have it last 7 months and 14 months. I think a lot of the issue is the "lets try it" mentality and the want for instant gratification. I also think a lot of kids don't realize it takes some work to keep a happy marriage. But what do I know, we only celebrated 13 years of honeymoon in December.

[onewhippedpuppy]

Very nice article. I was in a super fancy wedding (at least by my standards) a few years ago. The rehearsal dinner for probably 60 people at easily $40/plate and a full open bar, limos for the bridal party, fancy outdoor garden/fountain setting, wedding dinner at the Kansas City Convention Center with hundreds of people, open bar, and meals at another $40/plate. Everything professionally managed and catered. The marriage lasted three years, and I really wasn't surprised.

We were married in a church, rented a hall that we had to decorate ourselves, bought Mr Goodcents sub sandwiches and big side dish tubs from Sam's Club for the meal, bought some kegs and liquor and had a friend bar tend, and hired a DJ. Except for the DJ we/family did everything ourselves. Going on 12 years later I still have friends tell me that our wedding was the funnest one that they have ever been to. Oh yeah, the marriage is going pretty good too.

I have seen so many people get together and thought, "that's not gonna last". Sadly I'm usually right. We had to take marriage prep courses as part of being married in the Catholic Church, they covered simple stuff like managing finances, kids (yes/no/how many), dealing with your new in-laws, etc. We once talked with our priest about why such simplistic things need to be discussed prior to marriage. His reply was that many couples get engaged without even discussing the practical side of marriage, and that course helped root out potential conflicts prior to the wedding. Scary stuff.......

[GH85Carrera]

We got married at the non denominational chapel on the campus at the university where my wife works. We rented it for a few hours for $25. Only family was invited and I hired a friend of mine that is a professional photographer to shoot the wedding and he handed me the film. We had a reception at the local community center that we rented for $40. We took the money we saved and went to the Bahamas for a honeymoon.

We found a preacher to marry us and he insisted on counseling as if we were 18 years old. We were both late 30s at the time. He got into to the routine of asking about the divorces in our family. I told him we just named all the divorce with silence. My parents made it over 50 years before my mom died. My in-laws made it to over 50 years before my FIL died. My brother was married over 15 years at that time and the same for my wife's brother. All my grandparents made it to over 50 years and all of my wifes grandparents did as well.

My great uncle lost his wife after 45 years.

We have been married over 21 years and still happy.

My wife's two nephews were kids when we got married. They since have grown up, got married had kids, got divorced, got married again and had more kids.

[daepp]

I think the author makes some great points.

I will try not to PARF this, but mynfaith tradition emphasizes the vow part (i.e. life long promise) in front of witnesses (family and friends) and God.

A wise old Jew ased me what was my role at my friend's wedding. I gave some poor answer about the job of best man. He informed me that it was your duty as a friend to help your buddy stay married. If you are truly a friend and believe marriage is a good thing, that sounded right to me. I don't know about you but I know there have been plenty of times in my life that I could have encouraged a friend to do something that would have been bad for his marriage. And vice versa.

And further, I always go all out when friends celebrate a milestone wedding anniversary. Marriage is hard, but it's good for kids and it's Good for society.

My $.02 anyways.

[daepp]

Regarding photographers, with the prevalence of DSLR's and the like, if you're on a budget you could have several people just give u their shots.

[Baz]

I feel sorry for those who get married to someone who is very self-centered and has the attitude that the world revolves around them.

The ideal partnership is when your partner puts you first.

That has to work both ways.

When sacrifice is one-sided only.......that ship will never sail on an even keel. And when storms approach......it's going to sink!

I see this all the time.....not a pretty sight.

[onewhippedpuppy]

Originally Posted by GH85Carrera

We got married at the non denominational chapel on the campus at the university where my wife works. We rented it for a few hours for $25. Only family was invited and I hired a friend of mine that is a professional photographer to shoot the wedding and he handed me the film. We had a reception at the local community center that we rented for $40. We took the money we saved and went to the Bahamas for a honeymoon.

I forgot that part, my aunt did the pictures and we took a cruise with money we had saved over our 1.5 year engagement. No way we were starting our married lives with debt.

[livi]

Its all very Darwinist traditions. Although I really agree with the author, I am sure even she is fully aware its futile to put a realistic and objective approach on those female milestones.

[azasadny]

Yep! Beth and I had a very simple wedding and reception, nothing fancy at all... We'll celebrate our 27th anniversary on Friday. I'm not saying big, fancy expensive wedding = divorce, I just think it's the "instant and continual gratification" mode our society operates under. The big, fancy expensive wedding is a symptom of the underlying issue...

[GH85Carrera]

Originally Posted by daepp

Regarding photographers, with the prevalence of DSLR's and the like, if you're on a budget you could have several people just give u their shots.

Unless you hire an idiot photographer you will have orders of magnitude better pictures with a pro taking the photos.

I shot weddings for a living for many years. A professional with professional gear will take much better pictures than all the family and friends combined. I shot weddings that must have cost mega thousands to wedding that were cheaper than my own wedding. Every customer received quality photos. I have looked at more than a few wedding albums. Most have the pros pictures up from and the family photos in the back. There is a CLEAR difference.

I will admit to some prejudice since I did it for so long, but don't have uncle Harry shot your wedding pictures. A reasonable photographer should not cost a fortune. Have the family and friends shoot the candid pics and such.

[azasadny]

We paid $500 (1987 dollars) for a professional photographer and it was the single most expensive thing we paid for and it was well worth it! Drunk relatives videotaped it and that didn't turn out so good....

[VaSteve]

Originally Posted by GH85Carrera

Unless you hire an idiot photographer you will have orders of magnitude better pictures with a pro taking the photos.

I shot weddings for a living for many years. A professional with professional gear will take much better pictures than all the family and friends combined.

This.

Skimp on food or buy your own liquor. A hired photog's JOB is to take photos. They won't get distracted by enjoying themselves.

[daepp]

I completely agree about hiring a photographer.

That said, if you are on a budget, compared to the 80's when I got married, a friend with a good DSLR and a bit of an eye for photography would save you a lot of money and can now do a decent job. Of recording the moment - not producing art.

And FWIW, I love the tradition of leaving disposable cameras on all the tables. You get a great slice of the party you would not otherwise get.

[hardflex]

"Good points here. Think we can get the female folk to buy it? "

"Good Talk Son"


I agree completely with the article, and I would add HS proms as another idiotic practice that's grown completely out of hand.

[VaSteve]

Originally Posted by daepp

I.

And FWIW, I love the tradition of leaving disposable cameras on all the tables. You get a great slice of the party you would not otherwise get.

Or you spend a bunch of money developing a bunch of totally craptastic photos. It'd be better these days to have everyone immediately share their photos from their phone on a cloud/site before they leave the reception.

I'm glad to not have these problems.

[Flieger]

College costs enough as it is, I don't think adding more cost for a wedding-like party will be universally adopted. I didn't even spend the $100 bucks or whatever to get the gown and go to the ceremony. I think I drove the 911 instead.

[flatbutt]

Ha! My daughter asked if I could front her some travel miles for a little vaca for her and her beau. Of course I said yes. They came back from Vegas married!! Love my kids' style.

[legion]

I must be in the minority. All of my college friends were getting married 10 years ago. Of the 15 or so weddings we attended, only one has ended in divorce, and that one lasted 7 years and only broke up after two years of counseling and the wife's relapse into alcoholism.

None of my friends got married "to try it out".