What's it really like to be single?

[Chocaholic]

Going on 21 years here (2nd marriage after 7 years with the wrong woman). If you've never been married to the right woman, you'd certainly be happier single. Lucky here I guess. Fantastic wife that I love more every day, three great kids. I couldn't imagine being single without those things that make life worth living.

Being married to the right woman, there is simply no compromise. Unfortunately, many never find her. I may never win the lottery, but I won what's important and am thankful every day.

[jcunning]

Like some others have posted. After 10 years of marriage, I am now single again.
It's still too new of a situation to say I won't get married again or not. I'm not ruling against or for it. I will just see where life takes me.

I do enjoy the freedom I have now, however I don't enjoy some of the boring nature of being single. I find the weekends a bit lacking in fun compared to having a known partner to plan fun things out over weekends.

[jhynesrockmtn]

I've been single now for 7 years or so with 3 1 to 2 year relationships in the mix. I would love to find someone I'm compatible with but the more time goes by the more I enjoy the independence I have. I don't plan on getting married again. I don't see the upside to the piece of paper and don't want my assets going to anyone but my kids. I miss the intimacy and lately the women I've dated and had great chemistry with I have no interest in living with or seeing for more than sex. They unfortunately had other, more significant plans and I understand that so we parted ways. The few I've met who I have more in common with have remained friends but there was no spark. If I found both, I'd be all in with a committed relationship but I'm quite content to take it slowly.

[rcooled]

Originally Posted by mikesride

Hmmmm....Is there a way to get the best of both worlds? I sure like the companionship but sometimes I long to be alone and somewhat less tied down feeling.

Yes, it is. My wife completely understands the need for alone time. As a matter of fact, she's even traveled to Europe several times without me, and I can go off and do things on my own, or with friends, pretty much anytime I like. We certainly enjoy doing many things as a couple, but we are both respectful of each other's need for private time too.

As far as living the single life for the long term is concerned, I think it very much depends on your age, and whether or not you like having some female 'companionship' from time to time. Up thru your 40s, there's a nearly inexhaustible supply of single women to choose from for an evening out, or for something a bit more regular. When you get a little older, the picture changes. Many single women in their 40s & 50s really aren't that interested in just dinner, a movie & a roll in the hay. They don't want to be alone in their old age, and they're on the hunt for someone who'll be willing to partner up and stick with them for the long term. Dating around just doesn't have the same appeal any more, and they're not willing to waste their charms on a 'one & done' kind of guy. As one recently told me, "I've gotta make something happen while my bait's still fresh". Remember...women need a reason to have sex...men just need a place.

Bottom line is, if you can get along without intimacy & sex in your later years, living on your own for the long term can certainly have some advantages.

[yel911]

This year makes it 20 years married. Twin 11year old girls and a good life. My family has a strong cancer record and I'm the youngest. If something was to change in my relationship, I'm going solo till the end. Being the best husband and dad is what I strive for. I strongly believe Rogers Waters said it best, "You only fall in love when your seventeen!!!" What's it when you're older??? How's your 401K??? Insurance/career????

[vash]

Originally Posted by rattlsnak

Filed for divorce today actually, after 15 years. I do envy all of you who have been happily married for so many years. I do like being married, just not to her anymore. Too many fights, etc.. Hope I'm not going to be single for too long but definitely not jumping into anything again!

sorry friend..best wishes to both of you.

[aschen]

A good friend of mine says: "men are only faithful up to their opportunities" or something like that.

I would like to say that when I was single I routinely had orgies with victorias secret models. However, that was not the case. It was relatively easy for me to give up my relatively celibate lifestyle.

I think that is why celbs cant stay married. Too many opportunities to cheat.

[Evans, Marv]

^^^ Yeah, best wishes to you. People who break up a long term relationship go through a pretty long period of readjustment. Those in that situation should remember they go through a period of slight confusion (it's called being on the rebound), and are vulnerable to making poor decisions regarding relationships. Anyone in this time of uncertainty really has to make his/her mind up to give themselves a break from developing relationships until they have had time to sort out their thoughts and feelings and become comfortable enough with themselves to make a more accurate judgment about jumping into something new.

[cockerpunk]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S90LjqT_00U

bwahaha

[targa911S]

Originally Posted by vash

If anything happens to my marriage , I'll finish my journey solo.




Sent via Jedi mind trick.

This. Been married twice. Been with MJ 33 years. At this stage of my life I would choose to just have friends.

[june82000]

I think it depends on who you are married TO! Although I was happily married, my then-wife of 17 years and 3 children told me she no longer 'loved me' while I was on a deployment to the Middle East in 2009. She said she had felt that way for a while but instead of telling me to my face she chicken$hit told me when I was deployed.

To make a long story short, I met a wonderful woman later who treats me like a king and I'm not exaggerating. I can't imagine single life being any better!

So, in my opinion, it really depends on what your vision of marriage is. If you are with the right person, then you will likely be much happier married - or the opposite if you are with the wrong person.

[Rinty]

Good thread. Here's some light reading on the topic:

Marriage and Happiness: 18 Long-Term Studies | Psychology Today

[MBAtarga]

Originally Posted by Porsche-O-Phile

Single again after 15+ years of marriage. At first I pined for the security and normalcy I'd come to know. Now I realize it might've been the best thing that ever happened to me and I'd never go back. My S.O. wants me back in a big way (which I'm fine with) but I'll never be married again - not to her and not to anyone else. I'll gladly spend my life with her though. Largely this is due to my belief that the institution of marriage is a failure. It has been corrupted and ruined by two things: our legal system and our culture of instant gratification / hedonism (i.e. "do whatever you feel like doing today and don't worry about the consequences or implications for others").

Do I believe in committed relationships? Absolutely. Being in love with someone? Sure. But "married"? No effing way. There's just no upside to it in our system. There's way too much liability (especially if you have testes and are a wage-earner). Consider the potential loss of income, property, freedom, happiness and even the ability to ever retire if you get hit with an onerous alimony payment (which I was able to avoid, but learning what could potentially happen scared the hell out of me). When one realizes that at any time, anyone can - for any reason (or no reason) utterly destroy you and stick you in that situation even though you may have done absolutely nothing wrong, it should make one question why they'd ever expose themselves to that.

Also, marriage has become so "throwaway" now that it really doesn't matter anyway. It's just a label that's supposed to mean "committed to another person for life", but it no longer does. "Till death do us part" now means "till boredom or inconvenience do us part". When we're encouraged to toss away marriages like old pairs of shoes ("divorce today - only $199!!!"), why bother? What matters isn't the label, but the level of commitment between two people, and one doesn't need a label or a bunch of pointless ceremony or ritual for that. Based on these simple realities, I'd never, ever advise marriage to anyone. There's simply no upside and lots of potential downside. There's no real point to it. When 2/3 of them fail anyway, why do we continue to prop up this institution and equate it with lifetime commitment? In reality and in practice, it means absolutely nothing (other than providing a mechanism to move money to caterers, bad DJs, floral arrangers, foofoo dressmakers and ultimately lawyers).

One doesn't need a label and the potential losses to have a happy and fulfilling relationship. It just doesn't matter anymore. I just thank god every day that I didn't get in a situation that cost me as much as it well could have and that we were both reasonably civil and amicable (we chose to not fight each other or get petty - rare).

There are WAY too many horror stories out there and remember, in our system men ALWAYS lose, it's just a question of how much. If the woman "goes b****" on you one morning and decides to ruin your life and make your it hell, you're dead - she can and the system will reward her for it. You will unquestionably lose your kids, your house, a good portion of your money, at least half of your property and quite possibly the ability to ever retire due to a court order to write her checks for the rest of your life that will likely exceed your SS / pension payouts during your so-called "golden years". This is exactly how my lawyer explained it and told me what to expect unless I was very lucky (thank god I was). Some might say "just get a prenup". Well if you need a pre-nup, I'd ask why you need a "nup" at all.

Had I known a lot of these things when I first got married, I never would have. Better late than never in terms of getting the knowledge to make an informed decision I suppose. At least it'll empower me to avoid making the same mistake twice.

My opinion - not that it matters - is you seriously don't understand what marriage really means.

[Chocaholic]

^^^This. Agree.

[aschen]

marriage is more of a legal contract than anything else.

My wife gave up her chances to build a career to the point where she could become self sufficient financially, by getting married and being a stay at home mom.

I gave up (er delegated) my responsibilities to take care of my son and household in this arrangement.

[Porsche-O-Phile]

Curious to know what you think it means then... I have my perspective and opinions as we all do but I find others' interesting - particularly when they differ.

I just see no value in exposing onesself to the potential (and statistically likely) losses. If someone else does fine - to each their own, but I'd be curious to know why.

[billybek]

One of the guys I play hockey with lost his wife in a highway accident last fall.
Tonight he said "I miss her everyday and I can hardly stand to be in the house without her".
I wonder how he would answer this question?
He mentioned that the house is almost exactly as she left it the morning of the accident.
I can't imagine what he has gone through.

[Crowbob]

Why is prostitution illegal?

Because it undercuts the price of marriage.

[Joe Bob]

Since getting divorced...I get laid a LOT. I like being alone and not hearing someone constantly wank.

Variety is fun.....but I have a special one I would like to spend the rest of my life with. She seems to be receptive but there are complications. Doubt I would tie the knot.