judge me - short novel

[TerryH]

Sold my 911 many moons ago and haven't been here in quite a while. I've always felt this forum had some really bright folks and I need your opinions in a family matter. Right now my wife and inlaws are mad at me and they are leaving early tomorrow for home, Vegas. We live in LA.

In 1998 I purchased an '86 Buick GN from my brother in law for $5K. It was rough, from the rust belt, he got in a trade for a boat, but it was worth the money. I found a website dedicated to those cars and followed the documented recipe and suddenly I had a high 11 second drag car with just bolt-ons that still had A/C and power windows. I had invested quite a bit, about another $5K, into the car for performance as well as appearance. Figuring I have at least $10K into car not counting my labor of course.

Fast forward a dozen or more years and I don't drive it much any more. I mention to the wife I'm going to sell it, but she has some kind of weird attachment and wants to keep it in the family. It's a large car and I would rather have the garage space and the money. She talks to her sister and my brother in law will buy the car back for the same $5K he sold it to me way back when.

I take him aside and say look, we both know this car is now worth twice what I paid for it with all the new parts and added HP. You can take it home with the signed pink slip for $5K and enjoy it forever, but if you ever sell it, we split what you get over $5K. He understands and agrees. This was 2012.

Fast forward to yesterday, they drive in from Vegas. The wives are out doing what they do best... shopping, while us guys are having a few beers on the patio. He mentions they recently sold the Buick. I said, oh, how much? He says $8K. Okay, I pause, hoping the next thing I see is a $1500 check, but alas, no. I wait and wait and wait and there is no mention of our agreement. I shrug it off and try to wipe it off my memory, but it starts to dig at me a little. They are family, after all, not my side, my side wouldn't do this. ha!

The subject of buying cars came up today and I mentioned directly to my brother-in-law if he remember our agreement on the Buick resale. He said he remembered. I said I just wanted to put it out there. I made no demand for payment or anything. I wanted him to know that I knew he wasn't following up the agreement. He left the room. I couldn't tell if he embarrassed or mad, but it didn't take long for all 3 of them to despise me. That's my wife and the inlaws. Dinner was skipped tonight and they avoided me completely. I'm an ogre.

I likely would not have accepted the payment, but because it was not offered, I felt slighted and taken advantage of. My calculator says I lost $5K and they gained $3K.

They can afford it. We can afford it. No one is starving. Should I have said anything or just bit my tongue completely..... off.

Oh, and thanks for reading this far! Please chime in.

[porsche4life]

I would have never given him the car back for the original 5k to begin with...

[on2wheels52]

Could you write a bit using the point of view of the other members of the story?
Jim

[wdfifteen]

No good deed goes unpunished. I think you did the right thing. You were more than generous to him.

[rwest]

What happened to keeping it in the family? Seems the other side has more flexibility in how they get to do things.

Of course you do know that you are right, but you also know you're not going to win this one. Let it go, otherwise you'll just suffer more.

[javadog]

Brother in Law is an *******.
Wife is an idiot for siding with him.

JR

[Seahawk]

The Institute for Family Happiness released a report showing that 88.45% of all family interactions involving the lending of money, shared assets or investments go south faster than a snow bird on I-95.

My interactive version of Oxfords Dictionary includes a Venn Diagram for the definition of lose-lose. At the center of the intersecting circles we find "doing business with extended family, especially brothers-in-law".

Ok, the IFH doesn't exist, nor does my IVOD, but you get the point: the ink hasn't dried on this little passion play, btw, figure out your next move not based on the $1500, but the long term with the wife unit.

Best.

[DanielDudley]

Once you sold the car, it was his to do with as he felt fit. You have nothing on paper. The reason they are all banding against you is because they are in the wrong, and obviously have to make you the bad guy or honor the agreement.

You should let it go, but keep in mind who you are dealing with in the future. Do NOT in any way shape or form act like you have done anything wrong. I'd personally let my wife stew as long as she wanted, and go on with having a great life. If it is any consolation, they are just typical Americans. Welcome home.

[Chocaholic]

Originally Posted by on2wheels52

Could you write a bit using the point of view of the other members of the story?
Jim

As above. Can only assume we're hearing one side of the story. You know your wife better than we do...would she really side against her husband over something like this if it really went down as described above?

[recycled sixtie]

You can't win with family. Several good points here in this thread. Although technically you are right and you never got your share of the $3k, I would just let it go. Now you have to appease the wife because you are the supposed 'bad guy'.

My wife is the black sheep in her family. We exercise, are thin, have money and are totally different from the rest of her family who struggle. They resent us, backstab us but this is not unusual. Siblings, bil's, sil's can end up in the 4 corners of the ring.

Time will heal this and after a while it will be a bump in the road. Take the wife out for a nice meal. I understand where you are coming from. I vote with my feet and hang out with people that make me happy. My wife makes me happiest. But she still gives me supreme heck coz of the way I handle some of her family. Just don't expect
people to behave the way you would.

Cheers, Guy

[LakeCleElum]

Originally Posted by TerryH

. Right now my wife and inlaws are mad at me and they are leaving early tomorrow for home, Vegas. We live in LA.
I

At first, I read this to think your wife was leaving you and heading to Vegas with the In-laws? If this is not the case and wife not leaving you, let it go and move on. It will blow over. Lesson learned.

[M.D. Holloway]

Your offer to sell it to him for 5K was very nice, but you loose points for having that caveat for 50% of the difference if sold above the 5K. While its is logical and sound it complicates the situation and frankly sets up for problems down the line.

And yes, to echo everyone else, never do business with family.

[Bugsinrugs]

My opinion that your BIL is not an honorable guy. The fact that he is taking offense at being called out for going back on his word is shallow. The money is beside the point.

[TerryH]

Originally Posted by porsche4life

I would have never given him the car back for the original 5k to begin with...

Yeah, if my wife would have simply let me sell it locally, this thread wouldn't exist. I blame her. thanks.

[TerryH]

Originally Posted by on2wheels52

Could you write a bit using the point of view of the other members of the story?
Jim

I would love to read my brother in laws POV, but I don't see how it could differ. Just the facts, Ma'am.

[masraum]

He was embarrassed because he was hoping to get away with something and didn't. Now he's mad because he was dishonest and embarrassed and didn't get away with it. He ran to the family and spun things so that you looked like the ass so they would be on his side and bolster his feelings and it worked.

Technically, you didn't do anything wrong, he did. I wouldn't back down.

[TerryH]

Originally Posted by LakeCleElum

At first, I read this to think your wife was leaving you and heading to Vegas with the In-laws? If this is not the case and wife not leaving you, let it go and move on. It will blow over. Lesson learned.

lol.. I can see that now that I reread it. My wife of 34 years isn't going anywhere yet. I really simply mentioned the agreement and expected nothing, but to see his reaction. Somehow I insulted him evidently.

Family harmony is more important than a small wad of bills. It may take a while to blow over as the sisters are very close and the in laws stay here a dozen times a year.

No legal binding contract, not even a handshake.

For perspective, he's 70, but still very sharp. I'm 58 and pretty dull.


Thanks guys! Appreciate all the advice and comments.

Enjoy Memorial Day and take a moment to remember our fallen heros between the beer and the burgers!

[porsche4life]

Quote de porsche4life

I would have never given him the car back for the original 5k to begin with...

Yeah, if my wife would have simply let me sell it locally, this thread wouldn't exist. I blame her. thanks.

You could have sold it to him for market value then without the contingency and then there wouldn't be a worry over the profit...

[TerryH]

Originally Posted by porsche4life

You could have sold it to him for market value then without the contingency and then there wouldn't be a worry over the profit...

Yes, in hindsight that would have the better/smarter move. I thought I was doing him a favor(cheap fast ride) and me a favor(empty garage-no insurance-no smogging). They offered the $5K, already had a trailer here, and I accepted with the aforementioned contingency. My crystal ball was out of batteries again!

[Heel n Toe]

Originally Posted by TerryH

I take him aside and say look, we both know this car is now worth twice what I paid for it with all the new parts and added HP. You can take it home with the signed pink slip for $5K and enjoy it forever, but if you ever sell it, we split what you get over $5K. He understands and agrees.

Was this agreement completely private between (only) the two of you, or do you believe that, at the time, he probably told his wife about it? Also, did you tell your wife about it at the time?

If he thinks you and he were the only ones who knew, he may have been thinking it was safe to mention he sold the car and the amount, figuring you wouldn't bring up the agreement if he didn't. Very skeevy on his part.

Originally Posted by TerryH

The subject of buying cars came up today and I mentioned directly to my brother-in-law if he remember our agreement on the Buick resale. He said he remembered. I said I just wanted to put it out there. I made no demand for payment or anything. I wanted him to know that I knew he wasn't following up the agreement. He left the room. I couldn't tell if he embarrassed or mad, but it didn't take long for all 3 of them to despise me.

When you asked him if he remembered the agreement, was he alone with you?

If he was, and then he went and whined to the others, he's even more of an azz.

You did nothing wrong or stupid... and you shouldn't need a signed document on something like this with family. Good grief, this whole thing is clear as day; he should pay you the $1500 and you should accept it.

Graciously.

With a handshake and a smile like nothing ever happened.

And then there won't be any tension in the air during those once a month sleepover visits.

Until then, feel free to give the cold shoulder to this jerk... you are totally within bounds. Totally.