Just when I thought I was having a good day.

[stomachmonkey]

My daughter tells us over dinner a guy asked her out and she said yes.

And so it begins.

The shopping for larger more intimidating spoons that is.

[calimedeiros]

lol good luck

[HHI944]

You need a 240

[red-beard]

I know a lot of people say shotgun. But I prefer an AR with a laser-beam on it's Freak'n Head!

[LakeCleElum]

Tell her the date will be in your "Parlour".....He leaves B4 dark.

[GH85Carrera]

Just tell him "you do know I am not afraid to go back to prison." Use a slow steady deep voice to say it.

[HardDrive]

A kid asked my daughter out. She's 11! He's 12.

I'm with ya buddy.

[fanaudical]

Invite him over to help sharpen knives and clean rifles. Maybe he's an OK kid.

[stomachmonkey]

I know the kid. He's OK. Was just a bit surprised. We've asked her about any interest in guys and she would respond "can't be bothered, boys my age are annoying"

[WPOZZZ]

What if he pulls up for the date driving a 69 911s?

[stomachmonkey]

What if he pulls up for the date driving a 69 911s?

He's 14. I'd high 5 him before I buried him.

[HardDrive]

Originally Posted by stomachmonkey

He's 14. I'd high 5 him before I buried him.

Just about shot Merlot through my nose on to the keyboard.

[livi]

Best of luck to your daughter.

[Cajundaddy]

It's not so bad, I raised 3 daughters and managed to keep from going crazy. It sounds like you have already laid some excellent groundwork and kids are pretty easy if you get them under control while you are still bigger than they are.

Protips:

Give your kids choices but you always control the choices.

Keep them busy as teens so they are too tired to get in trouble.

Teach your kids to stand up for themselves so they never become a victim.

Dating prior to 16 in carefully controlled group dates only. No one on one stuff.

If your daughters think you are a rabid dad, they will warn boys to be uber respectful at all times.

Absolute united front by both parents. If kids sniff a division they will work every angle.

Good luck!

[john70t]

"I thought we might watch a movie together" Teeth (2007) - IMDb

[rattlsnak]

I got this @ 10 years ago.. Still applies!

Daddy's Rules of Dating

Rule One:
If you pull into my driveway and honk you'd better be delivering a package, because you're sure not picking anything up.

Rule Two:
You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter's body, I will remove them.

Rule Three:
I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose this compromise:

You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object. However, in order to ensure that your clothes do not in fact come off during the course of your date with my daughter, I will take my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist.

Rule Four:
I'm sure you've been told that in today's world, sex without utilizing a "Barrier method" of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate, when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you.

Rule Five:
It is usually understood that in order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. Please do not do this. The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you on this subject is:
"early"

Rule Six:
I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry.

Rule Seven:
As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process than can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge. Instead of just standing there, why don't you do something useful, like changing the oil in my car?

Rule Eight:
The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter:
Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool. Places where there is darkness. Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness. Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to introduce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka- zipped up to her throat. Movies with a strong romantic or sexual theme are to be avoided; movies, which features chain saws, are okay. Hockey games are okay. Old folks homes are better.

Rule Nine:
Do not lie to me. I may appear to be a potbellied, balding, middle-aged, dimwitted has-been. But on issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing, merciless god of your universe. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I have a shotgun, a shovel, and five acres behind theme.

Rule Ten:
Be afraid. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming in over a rice paddy near Hanoi. When my Agent Orange starts acting up, the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my daughter home. As soon as you pull into the driveways you should exit the car with both hands in plain sight. Speak the perimeter password, announce in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and early, then return to your car - there is no need for you to come inside. The camouflaged face at the window is mine.

[Holger]

:d

[DanielDudley]

My wife picked up a girl on the side of the road Sunday, and she was 16, pregnant, and running away from home. She didn't have proper clothes for the cold, and her dear beat boyfriend was hours away with no job and no car.

Teach your daughter what gets girls pregnant, and encourage her not to do that thing. Ignorance won't keep you out of trouble.

Generally speaking, more knowledge is better, but there is a fundamental. Getting pregnant will change life as you know it.

[on2wheels52]

Only two sons were produced from my loins; you with daughters have my sympathy.
Jim

[ckelly78z]

I may print out rattlsnak's "rules of dating" and post it on the fridge.

Invite the boy in to veiw the card table set up in front of your easy chair, where every gun you own and the cleaning supplies are spread out......don't forget the eye twitch when speaking to him.