How Do You Deal With Negativity?

[sammyg2]

Originally Posted by Avolyn Ave.

I'm on board with all of your posts but...

I'm a high school teacher in a struggling school. Being a special ed teacher I have to answer to my boss(es) as to why so-and-so failed, despite the kid's lack of interest in passing and overwhelming disrespect shown towards the people who are trying to help him. Multiply that scinerio by 100 students and you have my daily battle. Needless to say, it's taxing. I've gotten to the point that I have to take myself out of situations so that I don't get chest pains...literally.

It would be an interesting study if we traded places for a week.

[tabs]

Thinking in negative or positive terms is to place a value judgment upon events, places, people and things. In reality things are neither negative nor positive they just are what they are.

[scottmandue]

Stay away from threads like this,

Phrases, saying and words that you hate.

[wdfifteen]

Originally Posted by tabs

Thinking in negative or positive terms is to place a value judgment upon events, places, people and things. In reality things are neither negative nor positive they just are what they are.

That's actually quite brilliant. It's a point of view I try to maintain, but I do let emotions get in the way sometimes.

[tabs]

Originally Posted by john70t

I've worked hard in my life, tried to do the right things in situations, even when it wasn't the easiest path, and often been screwed-over every which way till saturday. Getting older, physical pain, and especially being hurt by those whom I shared my heart with has left me jaded to a degree. Those feeling are not always easy to compartmentalize. As a result I've spoken to others here on the board in extremely crass ways for which I've no excuse. In my family if you didn't shout you were ignored and could simply simply wither by the wayside, and that's what I carried forward in adult life. But in hindsight, I'm also recognizing the mistakes I made. Sure dad wasn't there growing up and busy but did I make that extra effort to ask him? When being a jerk to that jerk person, once upon a time, could there have been a better way of handling it without creating permanent animosity? I suspected some situations were wrong to begin with so why did I continue investing in them? Nobody's fault but my own.
The world is a big place and there is a seat for every butt on this planet.

There was once an old Buddhist monk traveling with his young companion.
They arrived at a deep stream with a woman wanting to cross over.
The old monk carried her across.
Later down the road the young monk said "You are not supposed to touch a woman! Why did did you carry her?"
The old monk replied "I left her at the riverbank. You still carry her."

I battled Mother in a running fight down the straightaway for years neck and neck until one day I took her in the corner and got ahead of her, from which she finally believed me and not her own lying eyes.

[Baz]

[campbellcj]

I've had several negative whiner "everybody's out to get me" types in my business over the years. They are all gone now. That stuff is toxic and contagious.

Lately whenever I get peeved and negative about what is often pretty trivial stuff, I have been making a concerted effort to remind myself how well-off I am compared to the vast majority of folks around the world. I mean seriously -- how many of us have ever experienced true hardship like homelessness or starvation or mortal illness/injury, especially for any sustained length of time? Those sort of thankful thoughts tend to wipe-out negative ones pretty darn quickly.

Beyond that, with people other than employees or family or close friends, I follow the Sammy model. I simply try to avoid dealing with (delusional) people too far to one extreme or the other. Super assertively cheerful people are almost as annoying as the "Debbie Downers"!

[rusnak]

There are little things that get you annoyed. Those are not even worth mentioning. I say grow up and put on your big kid pants.

But then there are real setbacks, betrayals, people who have affairs, child abuse, etc etc.

When real-deal bad things happen, you have a choice. You can either hurt back, or you can act like a victim and say you need special treatment. I put those two in the same category, which is to wallow in negativity. The second choice is to simply persevere. Stick to your guns, and your values. Don't sell out. Say to yourself "I'd rather be me than them", and just soldier on in anonymity.

These times teach you about who you are. How you see yourself. What you value, and what is not for sale. You find out what makes the better parts of yourself. These times are important.

Why? Because after going through negativity, and emerging still positive, and still able to say that you are glad to be you, someday you will have a friend or loved one who you find echoes back those things that are good about you. That is what is best about having dealt with difficulty. You'll appreciate good people much more than you would otherwise.

[LEAKYSEALS951]

Originally Posted by rusnak

There are little things that get you annoyed. Those are not even worth mentioning. I say grow up and put on your big kid pants.

But then there are real setbacks, betrayals, people who have affairs, child abuse, etc etc.

When real-deal bad things happen, you have a choice. You can either hurt back, or you can act like a victim and say you need special treatment. I put those two in the same category, which is to wallow in negativity. The second choice is to simply persevere. Stick to your guns, and your values. Don't sell out. Say to yourself "I'd rather be me than them", and just soldier on in anonymity.

These times teach you about who you are. How you see yourself. What you value, and what is not for sale. You find out what makes the better parts of yourself. These times are important.

Why? Because after going through negativity, and emerging still positive, and still able to say that you are glad to be you, someday you will have a friend or loved one who you find echoes back those things that are good about you. That is what is best about having dealt with difficulty. You'll appreciate good people much more than you would otherwise.

I am always impressed by how this forum has something to contribute on every single subject imaginable, and then occasionally, there are post that shine above the rest. There are a lot of good posts in this thread. This one (for me) hits a home run!

[fred cook]

Negativity should be met with negativity to get a positive result. Remember in math?
(-) x (-) = + or (negative) x (negative) = positive.

[masraum]

Originally Posted by Christien

Being a musician, I'm of course biased, but music is the best anti-depressant I can think of. No medication side-effects, inexpensive or free, immediate results, can be private or shared.

Curated streaming services like Songza have really opened my up to new genres. This has become my go-to playlist when I'm making dinner: Afro-Cuban - Songza It's almost impossible to not be happy listening to music like that!

Music is or can be of huge therapeutic value if you feel it like that. I really wish I could make music, whether it be just playing an instrument or writing my own, but for now I'll just immerse myself in something someone else has made.

Some folks just don't feel music like others do. For them, I suspect there's little to no therapeutic value.

BBC - Future - The strange phenomenon of musical 'skin orgasms'

If not a musician, I would love to be a successful comedian. The ability to touch people through music or humor would be very fulfilling, I think.

[mistertate]

Cool link masraum, thanks for that

[Arizona 911]

I have struggled with depression since I was a teenager. I'm 51 now and even though I still get in sad moods, they don't happen as often and I am able to manage them much better. The biggest change I made was to get away from negative people. I don't hide the fact and will just turn around and walk away from someone that is complaining and whining. I avoid people that are negative and I noticed a big difference in my state of mind. i avoid things that trigger my depression. Unfortunately I have lost a few friends but to me it's worth it for my own well being.

[Don Ro]

Dealing with Negativity?
.
Being in the world but not of it...as some of you know. A simple statement but time consuming to accomplish.
Learning to cultivate our "Witness", our "Observer", our "Noticer" via meditation is the only direct way to evolve out of the struggle.
Because who we really are is not what takes place in our mind, but rather we are that entity that notices what takes place in our mind.
As the Sacred Psychologies teach us, "...the mind is a drunken monkey."...our mind is ego defense states that are not who we are but that which causes us struggle.
We can have immediate, real, and actual contact with our Soul by cultivating our "Witness", our "Observer", our "Noticer".
And when we do that we are Being...the True Self.
.
From one of my journals back in the '90s:
.
TRUE MATURATION: The Undefended Self
.
The assumption found in most of the literature of Western Psychology that I have read is that the human being always needs defensive structures. I ask, why does an adult human being need to defend against his own inner experience? It is understandable for an immature and dependent child. For an adult without gross structural distortions of the psyche, defense merely implies the unwillingness to confront childhood-induced inner anxieties that have already lost any realistic grounds in adulthood. Confronting these anxieties will bring an understanding of their groundlessness and make it possible to abandon the defensive posture.
Since this would mean abandoning defensive ego identifications, the conclusion must be that true maturity is not possible within the realm of ego states, but requires a movement into the realm of Being.
...
Movement into the realm of Being:
When it is said that suffering (inner anxieties and our defending against confronting them) ceases when one is realized, or enlightened, what is meant is that the struggle against suffering ceases. Struggling against suffering creates suffering. Struggling happens when the psyche resists what is.
The movement into the realm of Being is not a matter of no longer struggling, no longer feeling discomfort and pain, but of not defending against that struggle, that discomfort, that pain. Who we truly are is on the other side of that struggle, that discomfort, that pain.
Simply put, we are not that which we are defending against.
When we are identified with our defendedness, we are under the influence of mistaken identity. We are identified with a false self. A false self because we have become identified with our defense against who we are, in actuality, our True Self.
Our defense against our True Self is merely mental content, a psychological construct, a defensive survival strategy originating in our very early life.
It is not real, it is not actual, it is not Being.
What keeps us stuck in our undeveloped state, our obscuration, our false self, is our habitual defendedness against our most hidden anxieties. Ultimately, we are defending against an inquiry into our disowned parts of Self, into our primal defensive survival strategy.
Individuation on the level of Being is different and more profound than individuation on the level of ego; the former is the natural development of the latter.
The life of ego defense is the childhood of humanity and the life of Being is its maturity.
.
~~~~
.
Wow! ...one too many Vodka Tonics.
Anyway...tons of info out there. When the student is ready the teacher appears...blah, blah, blah.
I don't know who this guy is...I just Googled YouTube and he came up...but he's onto the idea.
~~~~~~~

.
~~~~~~~
.

[Don Ro]

Here's another one...I like this guy...whoever he is.
.
~~~~~~~
.

[rayng]

acknowledge the pain; then let it go.
give up your "self."
forgive everyone.
honor everything.

seek the "flow" through artistic pursuits that move you physically and emotionally. play the guitar. sculpt. build a sailboat.

if all else fails, there's always hookers and blow.

[ForBell]

Originally Posted by Don Ro

Dealing with Negativity?
.
Being in the world but not of it...as some of you know. A simple statement but time consuming to accomplish.
Learning to cultivate our "Witness", our "Observer", our "Noticer" via meditation is the only direct way to evolve out of the struggle.
Because who we really are is not what takes place in our mind, but rather we are that entity that notices what takes place in our mind.
As the Sacred Psychologies teach us, "...the mind is a drunken monkey."...our mind is ego defense states that are not who we are but that which causes us struggle.
We can have immediate, real, and actual contact with our Soul by cultivating our "Witness", our "Observer", our "Noticer".
And when we do that we are Being...the True Self.
.
From one of my journals back in the '90s:
.
TRUE MATURATION: The Undefended Self
.
The assumption found in most of the literature of Western Psychology that I have read is that the human being always needs defensive structures. I ask, why does an adult human being need to defend against his own inner experience? It is understandable for an immature and dependent child. For an adult without gross structural distortions of the psyche, defense merely implies the unwillingness to confront childhood-induced inner anxieties that have already lost any realistic grounds in adulthood. Confronting these anxieties will bring an understanding of their groundlessness and make it possible to abandon the defensive posture.
Since this would mean abandoning defensive ego identifications, the conclusion must be that true maturity is not possible within the realm of ego states, but requires a movement into the realm of Being.
...
Movement into the realm of Being:
When it is said that suffering (inner anxieties and our defending against confronting them) ceases when one is realized, or enlightened, what is meant is that the struggle against suffering ceases. Struggling against suffering creates suffering. Struggling happens when the psyche resists what is.
The movement into the realm of Being is not a matter of no longer struggling, no longer feeling discomfort and pain, but of not defending against that struggle, that discomfort, that pain. Who we truly are is on the other side of that struggle, that discomfort, that pain.
Simply put, we are not that which we are defending against.
When we are identified with our defendedness, we are under the influence of mistaken identity. We are identified with a false self. A false self because we have become identified with our defense against who we are, in actuality, our True Self.
Our defense against our True Self is merely mental content, a psychological construct, a defensive survival strategy originating in our very early life.
It is not real, it is not actual, it is not Being.
What keeps us stuck in our undeveloped state, our obscuration, our false self, is our habitual defendedness against our most hidden anxieties. Ultimately, we are defending against an inquiry into our disowned parts of Self, into our primal defensive survival strategy.
Individuation on the level of Being is different and more profound than individuation on the level of ego; the former is the natural development of the latter.
The life of ego defense is the childhood of humanity and the life of Being is its maturity.
.
~~~~
.
Wow! ...one too many Vodka Tonics.
Anyway...tons of info out there. When the student is ready the teacher appears...blah, blah, blah.
I don't know who this guy is...I just Googled YouTube and he came up...but he's onto the idea.
~~~~~~~

too many vodkas or not, Don - a mini seminar on personal development. the road less traveled. excellent!

[creaturecat]

Insightful stuff, Don Ro.

collective defensive egos. in(most)positions of power.
i find that worrisome.

[wdfifteen]

nozzle

No! Wait! That's a favorite word.
Wrong thread. Damn.
Sorry...

[HiBeam]

Don Ro: "Individuation on the level of Being is different and more profound than individuation on the level of ego; the former is the natural development of the latter.
The life of ego defense is the childhood of humanity and the life of Being is its maturity."

Beautiful, Don. Thank you for this most profound and inspirational post. The entirety of your writing speaks to me. Once again the PPOT comes through. I love this forum! I keep coming back here and I'm rarely disappointed.