admit to your stupidity

[smcdermaid]

Bought a "sweet" '76 914 2.0 that turned out to be a not so sweet 1.8. Only determined this after buying tons of 2.0 parts for rebuild.

Same 914, (now with a lifes savings invested and still only worth about $1,500), rolls out of buddys driveway, across busy street and into neighbors front yard, narrowly missing all-brick mailbox. Neighbor calls, interupting some serious beer drinking, "don't you have a freind with a white Porsche?" yup, "well, could you come take it out of my flower bed?"

Pulling steering wheel collar off of Karmen Ghia, really, really pulling...
6 stitches later in upper lip, decided wheel was just fine where it was.

[911nut]

Originally posted by Bill Douglas
I once did an oil change and forgot to put the drain plug back in. I thought "My God, this car takes a lot of oil".

I had a friend do that once but he was under the influence of cannibas at the time.

[BennyBroadcast]

I owned a fairly rough SAAB 900 Turbo. When I bougt it, I had no idea that it was front wheel drive! I took a friend out for a blast in it and he told me, I thought it was RWD up until then, DUH. The car really went nicely however and I had a lot of fun with it. One day I go to pick up my new GF and on the way to the resteraunt she says "Whats that bumping noise?" I shrug. Next day it got really bad on the way to work. Only ONE nut left on the front right hand wheel AAAK!

Some months later I decide to back the car up the steep driveway at my house so that i can do an oil change. With the steering on full lock to swing the tail up the driveway,BANG! and the car no longer has drive. A quick check around the front shows the drivers side lower wishbone snapped at the root. CV joint is parted and so myself and two others put a trolley jack under it and push it into the garage.

Back on the road some time later and I notice that the wastegate seems to have stopped working. I know this by the fact that the boost gauge is going much higher than ever. I pick up my friend and give him a demo. I really let it wind out. The car accelerates like an ICBM as the needle on the boost gauge whips around the face and pins on the stop. WOW! but I ease off as the gearbox makes a complaining moan.

As I do this demo, the car is in the classifieds and as with all the other times I had tried to sell it, the response is weak. However I get one guy on the hook nad he comes over to take it for a drive. Car behaves, I explain wastegate issue. Guy comes back after leaving deposit to get a PPI. When he returns the car he informs me that it is not engaging second or third gears. "Maybe it's just an adjustment" he says. Hmmmm maybe not. I visit my wrench. "The gearbox bearings have collapsed" he says "a grand for labour, extra for parts" I call buyer "Listen you can have a the car for a grand less than we agreed if you still take it" "OK" he replies. I can't believe my luck. By the time I get it home it has lost all forward gears, only reverse still works. I call buyer "Mate, you'll have to get a car trailer and back the thing on when you come to get it" "OK" he says. He duly arrives a day later and we load up the SAAB. He pays me. The rig eases off down the street and when it was out of sight.............I did a little dance in the middle of the road.

[Bo]

I also did what some of you guys have done - forgot to tighten the lug nuts... on all four wheels.
Fortunately I noticed this before any of the wheels separated from the car, but I had no tools in the car to tighten them, so I had to limp home block by block, tightening the nuts by hand every other block...
Yeah, I made it home safely and have become real paranoid about lug nuts ever since

[stomachmonkey]

I've done so many stupid things I've lost count.

Bought a litle JEEP CJ 4 banger for the winter because my rear wheel drive daily driver was terrible in the snow.

Tranny goes on the JEEP. Find a 304 Quadratrac being parted and buy the motor and tranny. Guy drops the roller at my house and says he will come pick up the chassis when I'm done.

Realize that my chassis is rotted out and the 304/Quadratrac won't fit anyway so I buy the chassis from the guy as well.

Pull the bodies of both, his is rusted and falls apart as we lift it off.

Spend a few weeks running new brake lines, fuel lines, electrical and a top end rebuild on the motor complete with a hot cam, headers and cherry bombs hanging under the doors.

This is one bad ass JEEP.

One day a friend stops by and looks under the hood and sasys, "hey Scott, where is the collar that holds the sterring column together?", well Tim it's in my toolbox right there, he says don't forget to put it on, I say "do I look that stupid?"

So after an entire summer of working on it I get it running but the tranny won't shift out of 1st gear. Now I'm pissed.
My friend Tim, who is a wrench and owned a shop picks it up with his flatbed and drops it at a tranny shop that he farms work out to.

Shop owner calls and says, easy fix, it's a dirty governer, since your a buddy of Tims' it'll cost you $25 for the part.
COOL, call me when it's done.

Get a call later that day from an obviously distraught/shaken shop owner, "Scott, I just took this thing out for a test drive and nearly died, are you aware that the steering column collar is missing?, I was turning around to head back to the shop and ended up driving across someones' lawn, through their bushes and missed driving through their living room by inches".

Oh crap, really? I better stop by the parts store and get one.

So I went to my garage and pulled it out of my toolbox.

Then there is the one about the HEMI Coronet that Tim and I built for my brother that had a sticking throttle problem that I was reminded of one day as I was returning home with a 5 gallon jug of gas for the lawnmower between my legs.

I'll save it for another day.

Scott

[gerry100]

1972 - fresh out of school , Mechanical Engineer, new job for the princely sum of $11,300 per year , need a cool car. ( should mention that I knew everything about everything).

Test drove a mint, slightly used BMW 2002 Tii , real nice drive but $4k for a used car, No way- not for this guy.

Impressed with the razor sharp steering of the 40k miles '66 911 coupe, dark green with a wooden steering wheel. Gave up after I couldn't swing the $ 3200 loan on the first try.

Not to overpay for German cars, I got a brand new Fiat 124 Coupe for only $3150.

Those of you of my vintage will understand.

[wrx paul]

had an 80 jeep cj7. Went 4 wheeling a few times and sank it in a sandy mud hole. It's up over the fenders but its still running. I guess the carb was still above water. So I pull it out and drive home. Next time I go to start it it wont fire. So I start pulling the air filter off and notice sand is everywhere. Now I figure I killed it so I call a jeep junkyard and ask if they have another 304. They say yeah we got one. So I get a buddy and we drive his jeep up to get it. When I get there they say they can't find it but they would give me a 360 for the same price. I wasn't sure since I didn't want to buy more parts but they say my intake, tranny, and headers will fit. So I take my time installing it and can't get it running. I had used the dizzy from the 304 and found that the wire from the points had an intermittent short. I almost drove it off a cliff after I realized I didn't need the engine swap.
a few years earlier on with the same jeep I smelled burning as I was driving it. I pull over and both front rotors are as red as molten metal. I wait till they cool and get home asap. When I try to take the front wheels off the lugs are spinning on the hub. I had to cut them off and replace all 5. When I get to the brakes it turns out the pads were so worn and the rotors were so thin the calipers were overextended and wouldn't retract and I needed the whole setup replacing. Damn thing had so much torque and low gears it would drive with the brakes on and you couldn't tell.
Still miss it but they day I sold it was a good one.

[91C2wrencher]

"Not to overpay for German cars, I got a brand new Fiat 124 Coupe for only $3150."
Gerry, you over paid! I had bought a Fiat 124 for $850,(the check I wrote bounced!) this was my first "real" sports car. Later found out the shock towers were rusted striaght through so had'em welded up. Later somehow I managed to mess up the cam timing, strip one of T-stat bolts out, found the clutch pedal had been welded up in the past and kept cutting the numerous cables I was putting in, the points wouldn't last a month, Finally parked it for about a year until some guy looking at another 124 for sale near by saw mine and called. Amazingly it still started but then this brown foam starts spewing out of the breather, didn't seem to bother him so, along with the pot plants growing in the back seat, he bought it for $500 and I even threw in the Chiltons book(lord knows he was gonna need it). after he drove off I was doing the happy dance!

[stomachmonkey]

I had one of those 124 Coupes as my 1st car, actually 2nd, the real 1st never ran and I let the town tow it.

The Fiat always ran but never ran right.

Had a party at the house and a neighbor backed into it breaking a tail light. Could not find a replacement and was due to take my roadtest within a few days and could not use it with a broken lens.

Mom was going upstate w/dad, her brother was in town and had her car in VA, so mom rents me a 4 door Crown Vic.

My brother picks up the rental and we pull over around the corner from the rental place so I can get used to driving it.

So I'm 16 w/a learners permit driving a rental car I'm not supposed to be driving doing 85 on the way to my roadtest because I'm late.

Try explaining that to the cop that pulls you over for speeding.

Scott

[arcsine]

back in the college days a couple of buddies of mine decided to imbibe in some of nostatics herbal remedies and go do some doughnuts in buddy #1's Audi Fox. So they go find a gravel parking lot and set to it. After spinning more than a few times, the car goes bang and stops dead. They try and start it but it ain't going to happen.

So I get the call to try and figure out what happend. I am a little bummed as I did not get to share in the doughnuts or herbal remedies but I get to go fix it. Oh well.

So we I get to where the car is, pop the hood and notice there is gravel absolutley everywhere in the engine compartment. I poke and prod a little and notice a frayed end of the cam belt poking out of the housing, toast.

Well, in a front wheel drive car, you have to be going backwards if you want to pull doughnuts. Our heros in doing so send a spray of rocks everywhere including between the cam belt and the pully, snapping it.

I still get mileage by sticking that one to my buddy.

[johnjr]

Okay. Here's mine: When I was in law school many moons ago, I was on a very tight budget. I bought a $600 beater of a VW Beetle and decided I would do all the mechanical work. Doh! I had completely overlooked the fact that I am, ah, mechanically challenged.

Believing all the stories about how easy Bugs are to work on, I decided to tune it up myself. I pulled the plug wires and the plugs, adjusted the valves, changed the oil and filter. I was really proud of myself. Until I fired it up. BANG, BANG, BANG! What the f***?? I wound up having the thing towed to a mechanic, who diagnosed the problem right off. It seems you aren't supposed to take all the plugs and plug wires out/off at the same time unless you keep track of which wires go to which plugs. Oops. I had just reattached plug wires where I thought they went instead of where they really went.

So, instead of saving the cost of a tune-up, my excursion into the land of mechanical mayhem wound up costing me more than if I had just taken the thing to the mechanic from the beginning. Oh well. I learned my lesson and have accepted my complete ineptitude for all things mechanical. That's why I don't do any work at all on my SC. I'm positive I would destroy something.

Those of you who think nothing of dropping the engine and tearing into it have my utmost admiration. But for me, I'd rather just pay the mechanic at the outset rather than after I've mucked things up.

johnjr
78 SC Targa

[TerryBPP]

I helped my buddies uncle build a Chevy Nova with a 500hp 396. We did everything right accept put a oil pressure gauge in it. After we got it running he took it for a test run. He was hauling a$$ for about 10 sec then BOOM! The motor seized up oil was everywhere. We got it back to the garage and come to find out the oil filter had somehow blown off and the motor ran dry!

Luckly I was only 17 so I was aloud to be that stupid but he was 45 and thats just unforgiveable.

[BradH]

A couple of months ago I rebuilt the distributor on the SC. As I have the assembly in my bench vice trying to pry the drive gear off the shaft, I realize that I'm putting alot of muscle into removing the gear. I'm thinking to myself, "Self, when this thing comes loose, the distributor body is going to rocket up and possibly hit you." It was at about that time I got the bright idea to stand back a little bit from my work. It was also at about that time the gear came loose with enough force to propel the distributor body up, bending my now outstreched arms, and driving the top of the shaft into my face.

I ended up with fourteen stitches in my face and upper lip and quite a bruised ego. I'm really lucky it wasn't an inch higher, or my right eye would be gone.

Lesson learned--if it doesn't come off with that much force, take it to someone with a press.

15+ years of working on old cars, and this was my first emergency room trip. I guess it was my turn!

Cheers,

Brad
'83 SC Coupe

[john_colasante]

Here are a few I posted before:

In my pre-Porsche days I was practicing on VW Beetles. My friend and I had just bolted in the new hotrod 1835 cc motor in and we were making some final adjustments. When I got into test drive both rear wheels came off after about 10 feet because we forgot all of the lugnuts. Not alot of damage if I recall and when we stopped laughing we were off drag racing. Those were the days.

Oh one more. I was helping a friend fix his Ford Fiesta. I tried to make an adjustment to the carb and I took it out for a test run. A few blocks away I notice serious smoke billowing, so I stop and open the hood. I see a little carb fire brewing up. I think holy crap I've got NO extinguisher with me but I know I have one in the garage so I slam the hood and speed home with the fire in the engine and when I get to the driveway my friend is watching as I dart into the garage and run back out and open the hood to a much larger fire and put it out. The look on his face was priceless. We laughed about that one for a long time.

[Wrecked944]

When rebuilding the tranny in my SC last summer, I decided to swap out the ring and pinion for an earlier 7:31 model. No problem, right? You just remove the differential, pop off the speedo disc and unbolt the old ring gear. Unfortunately, I didn't have the proper Special Porsche tool for removing speedo discs from differentials. But I *did* have a new DIY hydraulic shop press that I had just designed, constructed, and was a bit too proud off. And so like a man who has only a hammer in his toolbox, suddenly everything in my life became a nail that needed to be hydraulically pressed. Needless to say, when the sliver-thin speedo disc shattered into a zillion pieces under the weight of 2 1/2 tons of force, I realized that the cost of a new speedo disc more than offset the money I'd saved from building my own shop press.

And for a more exhaustive compilation of the boners committed during the tranny rebuild debacle, click on the links under my signature. It might give ya a chuckle at my expense.

[adomakin]

rebuilt my 75 2.7 and only did the one bad thread in the block.
within a week of it being back on the road a stud pulled on the other bank. F**K.

[sweater914]

rebuilt the webers on my 914, thought i'd be slick an make some gaskets for the carb linkage plates which go over the carbs, after about 3 weeks of trying to reason why my eyebrows were getting burnt and the car not idling, i realized i had covered up the main jets with the gasket, some pretty cool backfires

also on the same carbs, the fuel filter on the carb itself had come loose, this is after i drove home with fuel spilling onto the hot engine, luckily no fire

and this one time at band camp.....

[jbryant]

Warning...this is bad.

When I was in my early 20's, I bought a 83 911 cab (used). I knew nothing about cars, except what I thought looked good etc. I procceded to drive the car for the next 55K miles. I never had a problem with the car. It had 80K miles on it when i sold it (for same price I paid).
The problem is I never changed the oil...

[joehahn]

changed the oil on my wife's mercedes ml 320. interesting part was that i actually drained the gear oil out of the front diff. never did quite complete that oil change.

joe 68 L

[mtburman]

Got married, no money for 2 car payments so traded truck for VW bus, rusted floorboards and all, engine dies, complete top end, no problem, 2 miles down the road, connecting rod through the case, new engine, should have traded in the FIAT spyder instead, only needed new tranny on that.
Still married, (wife has a great sense of humor) son and I buy our first Mustang classic, 67 convertible, 1st mistake, no inspection, 2nd mistake, didn't realize 302 didn't come in mustang until 68, but the killer was, PO's last name on the title: RUST, which was everywhere, (I almost bought roller next day to transfer parts) that one only cost me $10K after parting it out and buying my son 70 convertible.
Still married, (wife really has sense of humor, son still talks to me)