being thick skinned.

[juanbenae]

Originally Posted by Steve Carlton

That’s a painful story and I don’t blame you for being hurt. Do you think she was sincere when she said you were like a son to her? Do you think she meant or understood the epithet to be unkind? Who knows what she learned or thinks at 97. Perhaps you’re writing her off when she meant no harm. Perhaps her friends made her realize what she was doing was wrong.

You’ve been extraordinarily kind. I commend you. She needs it. I would suggest being a bigger person on this. What feels better- being a good human or being a bitter one. I can’t say I would do the right thing.

This was well said.

[masraum]

Originally Posted by vash

thanks everyone. It helped simply typing that out. We have officially talked about my feelings. I'm over it. :d

besides her real sin is refusing to use clumping cat litter. I have been cleaning up after her cat this entire time. The pee doesnt clump and drains thru the sieve.

So gross. I'll buy some fresh litter today.

(still laughing about this)

LOL!

It's great to hear that you're feeling better about it.

[juanbenae]

It's about time I watch GT again.

[Dixie]

Sometimes Wyatt will say something, usually misogynistic,, sometimes low level racist, that makes me want to go off on him. Like in your experience, there's typically no malice involved, just antiquated thinking. I never do raise hell with him. That's because my goal isn't to win the argument. It's to win him over.

[GH85Carrera]

Cliff, for many years the term Chinaman was used just like Jap. Most Americans had no idea it was racial insult. Like calling an Native American an Indian.

We learned to adjust our language, and never dreamed it was an insult, and never intended it as an insult. Your neighbor may well suffer from some cognitive decline. It was a term she learned at an early age, and she likely does not mean it in a derogatory way.

It is great you continue to help her out. You are a hero in our minds for putting up with her, and ignoring her insults. Good on you!.

[masraum]

Originally Posted by GH85Carrera

Most Americans had no idea it was racial insult. Like calling a Native American an Indian.

“Indian” is an insult?

I had no idea. I’ve never heard that before.

[Evans, Marv]

I'd completely forgotten about the Brazil nuts thing. I can now hear my mother say it clearly in my mind.

[juanbenae]

Originally Posted by masraum

“Indian” is an insult?

I had no idea. I’ve never heard that before.

There's a Seinfeld episode on that very topic that was titled "The Cigar Store Indian". If you google it there are a number of short clips where ol Jerry gets in quite the pickle with Indian references in front of a native american woman he's keen on....

[onewhippedpuppy]

Originally Posted by berettafan

Right, what matters is what the term meant to her. It's not painful, unacceptable or derogatory. Those are terms for people looking to be offended and you, Vash, are better than that.

For further learning on the subject check out Bill Burr's routine on how the placement of 'mf'r' in relation to race when relating a story makes all the difference.

Bingo. You are applying 2026 overly PC standards to someone who is likely still mentally stuck several decades behind. Judge people by what’s in their heart, not their use of meaningless words.

My grandfather grew up during WW2 and referred to Japanese as “Japs” for his entire life. Which he btw dedicated to providing cheap housing to mostly minority tenants, and considered his calling. Look beyond the superficial, a woman who hates you doesn’t say you’re like a son. You not visiting her in the hospital has obviously hurt her, and she probably has no idea why.

[Steve Carlton]

Well, her friends asked Vash and he told them why.

[gregpark]

Originally Posted by masraum

“Indian” is an insult?

I had no idea. I’ve never heard that before.

The woke white folks here thought the Napa high Indians was a racially slurring name for the school sports teams. The local real Indians said they were not offended but proud of the moniker. The school authorities changed the name to the Grizzlies. Idiots

[pavulon]

There's nothing that can be said to change the mind of the willfully ignorant. Only a sufficient experience might open their eyes.

[speeder]

If she only calls you that behind your back, (and never to your face), she knows damn well it's offensive. I've been on earth for 67 years and experienced my grandmother and then my dad refer to people in terms they know are derogatory, they just didn't give a crap.

I've also lived through an evolution of how people talk since the '60s and '70s until now, norms have changed and I'm fully aware and adjusted. I don't go around calling women "chicks" or grown women, "girls," just because that's the way it was when I was young 50 years ago. White people used to use the "N-word" when they were in safe company all the time, thank god that's changed.

I have a general rule where I refer to people as they would like to be called, it works out great and as a bonus, you don't have to look over your shoulder before you open your mouth. Give everyone just basic human respect and the world is a better place.

So I say, fk that old broad. She knew what she was doing.

[speeder]

Originally Posted by gregpark

The woke white folks here thought the Napa high Indians was a racially slurring name for the school sports teams. The local real Indians said they were not offended but proud of the moniker. The school authorities changed the name to the Grizzlies. Idiots

Yeah, that's part of my rule...if most Native Americans don't find "Indian" offensive, I say go ahead and use it. As long as you'd use it to their face, you're good.

[Brian 162]

Originally Posted by vash

thanks everyone. it helped simply typing that out. we have officially talked about my feelings. I'm over it.

besides her real sin is REFUSING to use clumping cat litter. I have been cleaning up after her cat this entire time. the pee doesnt clump and drains thru the sieve.

so gross. I'll buy some fresh litter today.

(still laughing about this)

With your luck you may be willed the cat

[speeder]

My acquaintance wrote that script...that's St. Paul, MN. all the way. My cousin worked at the Twin Cities Ford plant.

[look 171]

DOn't let that bother you, Vash. I know sometimes its easier said then done. People will be who they are, can't change them as long as they don't harm you physically let em shoot their mouth off.

I had this couple old Italian neighbor next to the house my parents moved into in my last year of high school. They grew up on the 20s, built that house in 1929. Joe was a SOB when young according to the neighbor on the other side, Joaquin. They use to give him siht for marrying a white women. Johquin and his wife are like my second set of parents,great people. Not long after Joe's death, Rena, pretty nice lady IMO, said to me as I was walking across the lawn to my parents with my workman, David who happens to be Mexican American. Rena comes to me and said, " Jeff, I have a new gardener, a Mexican fallow. He's a good Mexican and wouldn't steal from me." I almost burst out laughing as I lean over to ask David if he was a good Mexican like her gardener. I often wonder what they would say about us after my family moved in behind our backs.

I grew up in a predominantly Mexican-American neighborhood. Talk about getting a dose of racist name calling. Thety still do that siht today.

[Steve Carlton]

Originally Posted by vash

thanks everyone. it helped simply typing that out. we have officially talked about my feelings. I'm over it.

besides her real sin is REFUSING to use clumping cat litter. I have been cleaning up after her cat this entire time. the pee doesnt clump and drains thru the sieve.

so gross. I'll buy some fresh litter today.

(still laughing about this)

So, did she realize her word was a pejorative? Did she apologize?

[Rot 911]

Vash, Don’t think that she is too old to learn. Next time you see her just explain to her that Chinaman is a bit insulting. She won’t learn if you don’t teach.

Then look her in the eye, and say “you number one with me round eye.”

[Baz]

Classic!