Thoughts about divorce - Page 2

on2wheels52 · on2wheels52's Garage

"My advice to my kids is, figure yourself out first, explore life, find your passion, then worry about sharing that life with someone. I was a much different person at 30 than 20 in terms of my priorities and interests."
That was sort of my thinking when I got married the first time at 30. It still ended up being a practice marriage. An easy 23 years the second time.
Jim

Crowbob · 08-24-2009, 04:20 PM

Why are divorces so expensive?

Because they're worth it.

Danimal16 · 08-24-2009, 06:02 PM

I think the biggest thing for me was the lies. So that is all about trust.

Pardon me but the communications thing is a female thing. Another is the crap about women wanting security. They will use that crap to rake you over the coals. I have very little trust for anyone, UNTIL I VERIFY what and who they are. The second one taught me that. The second one also taught me that I made a BIG mistake with the first. I never cheated or did anything to be cause for either of our losing trust for one another (the first one). I was just to stupid to know that trust is paramount and worth working through all of the other guy/gal differences.

But Trust, Trust, Trust. If that is gone or worse, betrayed, to heck with her.

The only blond I trust now is a Golden Retriever.

elwood-914 · 08-24-2009, 08:02 PM

In my case, I worked away from home a lot. The only times I could get involved was when she let the kids get out of hand and then she would call me to fix it. She treated me like crap but I stayed, she left eventually. I am mentally better off but after a divorce and a battle with cancer I am broker than broke and see no end in sight. I have dated but you know when it isn't right, it isn't worth it( Just waiting for miss right.

Danimal16 · 08-24-2009, 08:10 PM

Hang in there brother. It will get better. Talk about a painful experience, nothing comes close. Time heals and you will see the light of day again. Wish you the best. Like the country song says, "Girls Lie too".

Quote:

Originally Posted by elwood-914

In my case, I worked away from home a lot. The only times I could get involved was when she let the kids get out of hand and then she would call me to fix it. She treated me like crap but I stayed, she left eventually. I am mentally better off but after a divorce and a battle with cancer I am broker than broke and see no end in sight. I have dated but you know when it isn't right, it isn't worth it( Just waiting for miss right.

Moses · 08-24-2009, 08:10 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by RPKESQ

In France there are no religious weddings that are recognized, unless performed outside of France. Within France all marriages are a civil service as they all a form of financial contract. If you want to go to your religious institution of choice afterward to do whatever, fine. But it is meaningless as far as any legality.

Exactly as it should be.

72doug2,2S · 72doug2,2S's Garage

I wonder how many marriages Wayne is responsible for breaking up with all the hours logged on this site. Hey, I gotta go.

see ya!

Moses · 08-24-2009, 08:14 PM

The scary thing about marriage is that 50% of them last forever.

Hebrewhomeboy · 08-24-2009, 08:15 PM

I was married for 2.5 years. I divorced her because I was absolutely miserable, and she wasn't willing to work with me to fix the problems in our marriage. I don't agree with the 'till death do us part' and staying in a marriage, no matter what. I think the husband and wife should definitely try all options to fix problems, but sometimes things just don't work out, and aren't meant to be. And personally, as an Atheist, I would prefer my next marriage, whenever that may be, to not be in a church, but instead somewhere nice and memorable, like a beach in Maui or something.

7T7911s · 10:13 PM

Guys;
Look back to the beginning of the original post. Where did marriage begin. 1st record is Eve being given to Adam. I made a half hearted attempt at humor on another post asking about length of marriages.
My wife and I have been married 24 years and dated 2 before that. I have friends who will walk away from "a stressfull situation" but continue to drive a 40 year old car that a current rice burner can beat off the line, up and over the hill. My old cars take way less work than my marraige does. We have been through almost anything you can imagine. We have not lost a child. We did go through three miscarraiges. Our oldest is 19 (and knows everything, just like I did) our youngest 15. God I am so glad that I am not a kid today. For the couples that we counsel, I would not suggest divorce unless that there is abuse or adultery. Marriage today seems like the way most people treat their cell phone plans, upgrade every other year.
Kenny

HardDrive · 08-24-2009, 10:47 PM

We are past 12 years. We have had our highs and lows. Life is long, you are organic creatures in a world with endless directions for growth. It is no wonder people grow apart.

I guess at a certain point, one gets past the cartoonish image of marriage, and really looks at the person you are with, and what keeps you together. Neither my wife nor I were virgins when we married, but we were very new to each other. We married 4 months after we met. We had barely kissed. We didn't get married to get laid. We got married because we made each other laugh. We got married because we felt like a team. The sex came along just fine. But it was never why we got married. And here we are. It ain't always smooth, or lord no, but we find a way to break the ice and talk it out when things are not going well. Then shag like bunnies.

FLYGEEZER · 08-25-2009, 06:41 AM

Divorce cost lotsa money because it's worth it.

jeffgrant · 08-25-2009, 09:45 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Danimal16

Pardon me but the communications thing is a female thing.

I strongly disagree with this.

Effective communication between 2 people in any relationship is key, whether it's a business relationship or personal.

Things just won't work themselves out, you have to be able to recognize the issues, and properly convey the problems/issues to the other person.

Women generally tend to want to have more verbal interaction than men, but good communication skills are still key.

In most cases, "good communication" is simply the balls to tell the other person what you really feel/want/etc., which a surprising number of people seem incapable of doing.

Totally agree on the "trust" thing as well.

Moses · 08-25-2009, 09:52 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jeffgrant

In most cases, "good communication" is simply the balls to tell the other person what you really feel/want/etc.,

Spectacularly bad advice. Never, EVER tell a woman what you really want. If you tell a woman what you REALLY want and feel, she's gonna feel like she can do the same. Do you REALLY want to go there?

flatbutt · 08-25-2009, 10:15 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Moses

Spectacularly bad advice. Never, EVER tell a woman what you really want. If you tell a woman what you REALLY want and feel, she's gonna feel like she can do the same. Do you REALLY want to go there?

Now that is good advice.

Me? I'd marry again if she is independently wealthy, has no family at all and is in the late stage of a terminal disease. I know. I'm going to burn forever.

Burnin' oil · 08-25-2009, 10:27 AM

I recommend interrupting every sixth word or so with "cut to the chase, please," or "can you please get to the point?" Note the use of the word "please."

onewhippedpuppy · 08-25-2009, 12:38 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Moses

Spectacularly bad advice. Never, EVER tell a woman what you really want.

"Sex" and "be quiet" don't make for good conversation, do they?

Oh Haha · 08-25-2009, 12:46 PM

What about random grunts?

That's communicating, isn't it?

livi · 08-25-2009, 12:46 PM

In the future, I would very much prefer a woman that does NOT regard my person, my time, my property and my money as her possessions to dispose of at will.

Or is that just too much to ask?

Oh Haha · 08-25-2009, 12:52 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by livi

In the future, I would very much prefer a woman that does NOT regard my person, my time, my property and my money as her possessions to dispose of at will.

Or is that just too much to ask?

Not at all.

When you are in a good marriage, mutual respect is part of the game and I think it comes easily when you are with the "right" one. Am I ALWAYS respectful of my wife's feelings? Uh, no.

I'm a guy so I tend to get myself into trouble but I would give my life for her........if it was convenient for me.

j/k-she's reading this right now Gotta go