The Dreaded Friend Zone

[KFC911]

To be fair to the guy, Tweezers laid out the groundrules (not interested in a relationship), and now she's changed her mind. Even if he was interested in the beginning, he's playing by the rules imo. Get nekkid and go for it, but the friendship will likely end...I'm just sayin'.

[Dottore]

Originally Posted by speeder

Elle was beautiful but boring, he said.

Yup. That's exactly the way I felt about Claudia Schiffer.

[tweezers74]

Wow, guys! Thanks for all the advice. I appreciate the other point of view.

Originally Posted by 1979 930

Sorry, but he may just be a big tity man!!

Thanks for staring hard enough to point this out. Hmmm... never thought of this but yes, might be a possibility. But wouldn't matter anyway, if that was the case then game over. I like my small "tity" and wouldn't change that for a man. But he needs to tell me that.

Originally Posted by Superman

Many good comments here, possible causes. My suggestion is a bit outlandish, unprecedented and ill-advised: Why don't you talk to him. Sure, I know the subject has been raised but if I were you, I'd want to understand the details, the sources, the causes. Talking is one of the two most intimate things two people can do. Talking about the 'stuff' that bothers us or embarrasses us or reveals us, and then finding a sympathetic ear and forgiveness, takes intimacy to a whole new level. Many guys do not know this, and have trouble with soul-searching and discussing intimate stuff. It'll work if he will come out of whatever shell he might be in. I mean.....it'll work in the sense of finding your answers.

I love this answer, Superman. Very insightful. I have talked to him. Sometimes he plays and sometimes he doesn't. When he does, he sometimes stops and says he feels uncomfortable and I respect that. He tells me he doesn't talk to other people about this stuff. I told him he has his guy friends and other girl friends but he says I am the only one he can talk to about this stuff which I guess should be a compliment.

Originally Posted by turn9

Can't believe that after 80some posts the light hasn't shined through!!!

The guy doesn't want to be used AGAIN!!!

Do you want him for ever ( not according to your posts) or just as a bedpost notch??

He's been there, done that!! Search your heart and if you don't love him, accept his frienship and don't hurt him again.

OK, first of all, I get this. And my inital statements probably didn't help the situation and he probably wanted to turn the other direction and run. But to be fair, I didn't know what happened in his past at that time so I couldn't be sensitive to it. And initially, I wasn't even looking for anyone. One of his good friends told me to keep in touch with him because "he just moved here blah blah blah". So my intentions were just to be friends anyway. But this dude blew me away. Yeah yeah, all the small talk is fine and dandy but when we would get into heavier things like our past life, our mistakes, our fears, whoa! I can't say I want him forever... I don't know him well enough to say that. He won't let me in to figure that out! But as you can see, I want to fight for that chance tooth and nail. And look, in the end, I might figure out he is a major weirdo but right now, I feel like this is dumb not to at least take the chance to figure that out because so far what I've seen, I think is pretty amazing. And it will be worth it in the end.

Originally Posted by speeder

What I get from your posts, Tweezers, is that you have a good head on your shoulders and that is so much more valuable than physical gifts alone. If you don't mind my asking, what sort of work do you do? How did you find this place? Car enthusiast? Enquiring minds and all that...

I totally agree with you. In fact, I think that is why I am so interested in this guy. Yeah, he has told me a couple times he finds me attractive but it isn't like that is his major pull to me... and THAT intrigues me. He tells me way more often that he likes the way I think. And THAT turns me on. I have to admit, I am pretty smitten with this guy because he isn't like any other guy I have met. He has told me the same. Tells me often that I am "one of a kind".

I am a nurse by trade but also have business experience so I am clinical specialist for a medical device company. Was saving up for a Harley but because of health issues, can't ride anymore... turned to cars. Found this place because I was interested in restoring a Porsche but plans fell through. Still on my list of "to do's". Love looking at vintage cars. Learning slowly the ins and outs of engines and all that good stuff. Came here because a guy friend recommended joining and learning on a car forum. Now you guys have sucked me in to the PPOT!

Originally Posted by KC911

To be fair to the guy, Tweezers laid out the groundrules (not interested in a relationship), and now she's changed her mind. Even if he was interested in the beginning, he's playing by the rules imo. Get nekkid and go for it, but the friendship will likely end...I'm just sayin'.

Uggggg!!!! I think my initial stand when I met him set up the way the relationship was going to be. When he asked me straight out if I was looking for a relationship and I said no, it did change. Slightly. Less flirting. He told me he was looking for a relationship.

Enough chit chat about this. I hate when girls sit around and super analyze relationships and go around in circles and this is what I am doing. Blech! I need to heed the advice of so many of you and just chill. Stop thinking so hard. Just let it be. Keep him as a friend and let him direct the friendship... the ball is in his court. In the meantime, keep practicing my game with other players who are willing to play. Or heck, who needs a man? I have a pretty awesome time chillin' with my gals! Or internet guy pals...

[M.D. Holloway]

Teezer, while you may think you 'think' like a guy sometimes - you really don't. But that's OK! What you do think like is a women who knows what she wants and has some confidence. That is atypical. The problem is men don't know how to relate to typical women very well in person let alone one that has life chops like you.

We can give great pointers over the airwaves but each and everyone of us has screwed up with women and frankly shouldn't be giving any real advice that should be taking too seriously.

Change to some Webers, install a sway bar, diagnose an electrical issue, heck this sight is prime. Ask a bunch of us monkeys about how to deal in a relationship and you will get a cornucopia of answers ranging from 'he's gay' to, 'get naked on him' to 'your titys are to small'. (For the record, I don't think he is gay and your titys look very nice.)

And as far as your idea about spending more time with your gal pals - great idea! If you ever have a sleep over and get into a tickle fight, please take pics. And don't worry, just cuz you may kiss another girl and experiment doesn't make you a lesbian - just adventurous!

[speeder]

Well God Bless you, tweezers. Nursing is such an honorable profession, you just went up a notch in my book. And the medical device business can be very lucrative. Good for you.

PPOT can actually be a great place to discuss cars because of the wide variety of different machinery that some of us like and are interested in. Porsches are but one disease in the catalogue of auto OCD disorders; a very serious one, albeit, but still just one.

Good luck and have a fun and safe vacation. You've passed every test WRT letting our juvenile nature roll-off like water on a duck's back. Your prospects are good for quality companionship if you want it in the new year.

[speeder]

Lube just made me horse laugh in my apartment. Neighbors must think I'm crazy, but what's new...

[speeder]

Quote de speeder

Elle was beautiful but boring, he said.

Yup. That's exactly the way I felt about Claudia Schiffer.

If you're not kidding, that's what I always heard about her. Doesn't matter how pretty a woman is if she's boring. The male nature is conquest. Once that's accomplished, there needs to be something to keep your interest. IME, at least.

The thing about beautiful models is, somebody has to do it. I had the least boring one of all but of course she was crazier than a schit house rat. It was like The Exorcist some days. It got old and I bounced, but not before having some great *escaped mental patient* sex of course.

GD she was beautiful, though...

[WolfeMacleod]

Originally Posted by DanielDudley

You have a biological clock that is ticking. He doesn't. If he figures it out too late, Oh Well...

Don't be so certain of that. I'm 40 and feeling the heat. I've not got too long now before my chances of finding a woman young enough to still have kids will still be possible (or easy) and it's pretty important to me to raise a family.

[Flieger]

Originally Posted by Schumi

All of a sudden my relationship threads are no longer nearly as interesting.

Hehehe. You've got competition for the most dramatic threads in OT.

[KFC911]

Originally Posted by tweezers74

...Uggggg!!!! I think my initial stand when I met him set up the way the relationship was going to be. When he asked me straight out if I was looking for a relationship and I said no, it did change. Slightly. Less flirting. He told me he was looking for a relationship.

Enough chit chat about this....

So quit chit chatting about this and go "rock his world" . What the hell do you have to lose...life is too short! Good luck Tweezers...

[Flieger]

Don't know if this was posted here yet but if so, then you are going to see it again.

[Dueller]

The book indicaates you are somewheRE between a Face Book friend and an SO candidate.

[porsche4life]

Quote de Schumi

All of a sudden my relationship threads are no longer nearly as interesting.

Hehehe. You've got competition for the most dramatic threads in OT.

I think mike wins the drama prize, however, having met them both, tweeze is better looking, making her thread more interesting.

[boba]

Originally Posted by tweezers74

Uggggg!!!! I think my initial stand when I met him set up the way the relationship was going to be. When he asked me straight out if I was looking for a relationship and I said no, it did change. Slightly. Less flirting. He told me he was looking for a relationship.

Enough chit chat about this. I hate when girls sit around and super analyze relationships and go around in circles and this is what I am doing. Blech! I need to heed the advice of so many of you and just chill. Stop thinking so hard. Just let it be. Keep him as a friend and let him direct the friendship... the ball is in his court.

Well, so many times we are not looking, we still find. Despite the fact that you said that you were not looking, you are now in a relationship, it is as friends. It can evolve and if it does for both of you, great.

It is OK to at some point to remind him of your prior conversation and to say that time has changed that answer, and that that is based on your getting to know him.

... and you are correct to not over-think it, but also incorrect you both will direct the friendship.

[WolfeMacleod]

Originally Posted by porsche4life

I think mike wins the drama prize, however, having met them both, tweeze is better looking, making her thread more interesting.

You'd shudder if I ever spilt the entire can of beans about 2008/'09

[nostatic]

Most of you guys are too noob to have been around for my drama

[KFC911]

Originally Posted by nostatic

Most of you guys are too noob to have been around for my drama

Nope...remember it all too well .

ps: These youngin's don't know what drama is...

[nostatic]

well, as my dad always used to tell me: "son, you're not useless...you can always serve as a bad example."

[KFC911]

Originally Posted by nostatic

well, as my dad always used to tell me: "son, you're not useless...you can always serve as a bad example."

And if they think you "catch hell" as a moderator, then they have no clue what you caught back then . I'm not sure I was a registered member, but I lurked for a while before I joined the circus...

[RANDY P]

Originally Posted by nostatic

Most of you guys are too noob to have been around for my drama

I remember it quite well, it was my first Pelican experience. We were both looking for SC's back then.

You have evolved, for sure.

rjp