The Dreaded Friend Zone

[Zeke]

Tweezers, aren't you on your way to CO for some snowsports? Leave this all behind. Sit by the apres-ski fire and you'll have all kinds of fun.

[Rick V]

Late to the advice party but I think he may just be scared. If nothing ever goes beyond the friend zone, is it really so bad to have a close friend?

[azasadny]

Originally Posted by Zeke

It is tough for a normal male to spend much time around a particular female without the "thoughts" of what it would be like. So, I'm gonna go with widebody on this.

Agree!

[tweezers74]

Originally Posted by Dueller

What was the "thoughtful" gift...that'll speak volumes....

Don't read into it, using guy words. More thoughtful of a gift than a coworker but not "girlfriend" gift. A book.

Originally Posted by fritzgator

For your own piece of mind, you should really talk to the guy about it. Get his side of it all. The variables are many, noted are age diff(how big?), and possible relation-phobia.

We are the same age.

Originally Posted by wreckersteve

52 posts and no one asked for the basic info. We need to see a picture of you to be of any help.

Since you guys seem to prove the theory that men are visual... see below. Geez!

Originally Posted by cashflyer

I can't believe you even had to ask us.
I bet you knew the answer and just wanted reassurance.

BINGO! When it comes down to it, I am a girl and I think that in some magical way, I can "change" him but in reality, I need some men to talk some sense into me and realize that if he was THAT into me, something would have happened already. Like I said, I have never been put in the friend zone when I didn't want to be there so this is new to me and I don't like it so I am fighting it the whole way!

Originally Posted by Zeke

Tweezers, aren't you on your way to CO for some snowsports? Leave this all behind. Sit by the apres-ski fire and you'll have all kinds of fun.

YES! I need to get myself on Armando (my snowboard) and work on my toe edge and forget this silly boy!!!

[sammyg2]

Life is waaaay too complicated when people play head games and I don't put up with that.
I say what's on my mind, I ask direct questions when I want to know something, and I tell others around me to do the same or take a hike.

And you know what?
it works better that way.

[RWebb]

write him a letter from your snowboarding spot (Colo.?) - tell him how you feel; add "no pressure" and that you are also fine with:

[1] just friends
[2] friends with benefits
any other things that you are fine with

[1990C4S]

If that's you he's gay.

[pwd72s]

Maybe this is also a bit of "I want what I can't have?" Meaning, if he was hot to trot, you might not be as interested?

Probably not many sexual rejections in your life, right?

[ShakinJoe]

Originally Posted by JeremyD

Get drunk together - Seriously. tends to impair your judgement and lower some of those self imposed fences... when I went through an ugly divorce, I was on a "hate all women" time in my life. The misses was a "friend" (and an employee at one point in her life - which made me keep her in that category) she invited me to Aruba with two of her female friends for Thanksgiving.

I figured what the heck - out of the country - with three women - We all had a blast and her and I ended up together - been together ever since.

You are a whore Jeremy.....which might be your best attribute!

[fritzgator]

My apologies. In post #33 you stated "He is older so he says he is looking for a relationship." i read that as older than you.
His loss I say.

[Rufblackbird]

so the next time you guys plan a "play date", why not try saying something like "nope, can't do that night, going on a blind date" or something like that, and see what he says?

[Rick V]

I just hope you let Sid down easy. (Sorry I just had to)

[ShakinJoe]

Tweezers,

Just freakin talk to the guy! Get hurt!?!? Are you kidding me? He will be flattered even if he does not dig your lady goods.

You can also say to him "I washed my pants today in lemon fresh Joy"

When he gives you the puzzled look, just ask him "Can you see yourself in them?

I hope you are old enough to get that joke!

[porsche4life]

Can't be me Rick....

I was too cheap to buy her anything...

Oh, and I'd never turn someone down that looks as good as her, you know that...

[Rick V]

Originally Posted by porsche4life

I was too cheap to buy her anything...

I thought we brought you up better then that.

[porsche4life]

I tried to buy breakfast, but she gave me a look that said the next thing to happen would surely hurt....

[1979 930]

Sorry, but he may just be a big tity man!!

[9dreizig]

Originally Posted by 1979 930

Sorry, but he may just be a big tity man!!

THAT was rude!!

[Superman]

Many good comments here, possible causes. My suggestion is a bit outlandish, unprecedented and ill-advised: Why don't you talk to him. Sure, I know the subject has been raised but if I were you, I'd want to understand the details, the sources, the causes. Talking is one of the two most intimate things two people can do. Talking about the 'stuff' that bothers us or embarrasses us or reveals us, and then finding a sympathetic ear and forgiveness, takes intimacy to a whole new level. Many guys do not know this, and have trouble with soul-searching and discussing intimate stuff. It'll work if he will come out of whatever shell he might be in. I mean.....it'll work in the sense of finding your answers.

[nostatic]

Tweez, if it were 5 years ago we'd go out and likely both have our hands full. From pics and your posts my take is you're a hottie with a strong personality, brains, and you're a bit of a tomboy. Some guys like that but other guys just can't handle it. As they say in the car industry, "a butt for every seat." Some guys like to play games and beat around the bush - as do some women. And some people don't really even know their own feelings, let alone articulate them. You seem pretty direct, and he gave you a pretty direct answer. Honor it and move on. My armchair psych take is that his rejection is eating at you. Nobody likes the "let's be friends" answer. Even if *you* wanted to just be friends, you don't want to hear him say it.

No matter how hot you are, or how confident you are, the ego rears its head from time to time. After having done plenty of "work" on myself (no, not the surgical kind), I still find my ego pushing its way forward plenty of times. The trick is to notice when it happens, say to yourself, "hmm, that's interesting," and then move past it.