The Dreaded Friend Zone

[M.D. Holloway]

Best to tell him how you feel - be up front. Guys (typically) like it simple and honest. If you tell him that your interested in him as more than a buddy and that you have certain 'desires' that can only be met through an interlocking of body parts and a free exchange of fluids (better not put it like that per se) then the balls are in his court.

Guys (typically) don't like to talk about this stuff as much as women and the last thing a guy (typically) wants to do is give a potential lover the wrong signals of advancement for fear of pushing her away. If he is told striaght up that he is desired as more than a friend, you have done all you can do. Right?

[porsche4life]

I can't really give you any help other than to say I've ended up there all to often, and I screw it up every time....

I'm really good at crashing and burning....


But like the others have said, if you've made advances and he's backed off, for whatever reason hes not interested, or can't for some reason at the moment....

Either keep the friend around and hope at some point things change, or don't and go out and find another. Its really a personal choice for you, is this one worth sitting around waiting for?

[M.D. Holloway]

He told me he wanted to be friends when I called him out. And when I told him that I don't know if I want to continue to be just friends with him, he kind of got mad. Said he couldn't believe that I really couldn't be just friends with him.

Sorry, I didn;t see that - move on, this joker doesn't know a fine women if it bite him in the nose!

Now, one thing that does strike me is that you stated you don't know if you could be 'just friends' with him. Hmmm....is the desire to jump his bones that strong? Would seeing him with another women or talk about one hurt that much?

Seems like the shoe is on the other foot now doesn't it?!? How many guys do you think there are that would love to love you that you think are nice and all that but have no feelings for them in that way? Plenty.

Da Boyz haf ta play by da rulez so wise not da sista?

[gprsh924]

Are you interested in this guy from a potential relationship standpoint, or merely a from a physical aspect?

If he knows you are into him, it's possible that even if he's attracted to you, he won't act on it because he doesn't have the same feelings and doesn't want to screw up a friendship.

Just another possibility.

[M.D. Holloway]

Teezer - sounds to me like your being a bit...well...I won;t ever use a certain few words in the company of a women but the fact that you gave him the ol "if we can't be more than friends we can't be anything" is harsh. Guys have been living this scenario for ever.

[Racerbvd]

I'm with the other guys on this, he is "Gay"

" Not that there is anything wrong with that"

Seinfeld - Elaine turns a gay man straight - YouTube


You are a Smoking Hot Lady, you are Smart, Confident and seems like you would be a blast to hang out with..
If he's intimidated by you, he isn't much of a Man anyway. Leave it as friends & find a Real Man..

[tweezers74]

Originally Posted by porsche4life

Either keep the friend around and hope at some point things change, or don't and go out and find another. Its really a personal choice for you, is this one worth sitting around waiting for?

Originally Posted by LubeMaster77

[I]
Sorry, I didn;t see that - move on, this joker doesn't know a fine women if it bite him in the nose!

Now, one thing that does strike me is that you stated you don't know if you could be 'just friends' with him. Hmmm....is the desire to jump his bones that strong? Would seeing him with another women or talk about one hurt that much?

Seems like the shoe is on the other foot now doesn't it?!? How many guys do you think there are that would love to love you that you think are nice and all that but have no feelings for them in that way? Plenty.

Da Boyz haf ta play by da rulez so wise not da sista?

Sid, I am not "waiting", I have gone out with other guys. And Lube, yes, there are plenty of guys out there asking me out. Problem is, yes, the desire for this one particular guy is that strong. The other guys, nothing, zilch.

But it sounds like the resounding answer is to move on which is basically the conclusion I have come up with. I have tried to not talk to him but he texts me or calls. So should I just tell him straight out to leave me alone? Seems harsh. Well, I gotta do what I gotta do I guess.

Thanks for the advice, guys!

[KFC911]

My longest relationship was almost 9 years that ended just a few years ago. We were "friends" for a couple of years before we hooked up, but she changed (as is not unusual from my perspective) and I was basically the same person I've always been. She wondered (at the time) why we couldn't go back to "just being friends", but no-way, no how...that's just the way it is in my world. No anomosity whatsover from my perspective but you just can't "unring a bell". Maybe he simply values your friendship???

[vash]

Originally Posted by tweezers74

........ The other guys, nothing, zilch.

!

see? this is how he feels about you.

i would stay friends with him. if he is a great guy..he probably has great guy friends. the "high road" is rocky and steep..but usually has the best views.

[speeder]

For all of the guys advocating some kind of "come to Jesus" talk with the guy, or worse yet, getting drunk/naked with him, write that all off as bad advice.

When two people feel the same way about each other, no "special talk" is required. They come together like two inexorable forces of nature, which they are. You cannot alter someone's sexual attraction, (or lack of it), any more than you can alter the laws of physics. Move on and don't degrade yourself further by forcing the guy to reject you. That would piss me off if I was in his shoes.

Getting drunk and having sex with someone you are not really interested in is the world's quickest way to lose touch with someone. It's awkward as all get-up and usually not recoverable from. Especially if there was a one-way attraction going on, as in this case.

You need to temper the advice you get here with reality. This is an online locker room where adolescent men in their 40s and 50s, some of whom have apparently never had a decent piece of tail in their lives, go all ga-ga over you and treat you like a Bond girl or something. Unless you are a stunning woman, (are you?), 5 out of ten guys are not going to be attracted. Out of any group af ten random guys your age, how many do you want to invest the time and commitment to date? If it's more than 3 or 4, I'd be shocked.

I've been single my whole life and at any given time in the last 40 years I've been pursued by women I was not interested in and vice-versa. Unless you are one of those rare people that nearly everyone is attracted to, it's time for some reality and to stop embarrassing yourself. The guy's reasons for passing are totally irrelevant. Completely. Best of luck, you'll find someone out there who thinks you are the shiznit.

[vash]

^^ i agree with dennis.

[porsche4life]

Exactly Dennis, no need to be brash.... It either works or it doesn't, and maybe he changes his mind later on, but is it worth it?

[tweezers74]

Originally Posted by gprsh924

Are you interested in this guy from a potential relationship standpoint, or merely a from a physical aspect?

If he knows you are into him, it's possible that even if he's attracted to you, he won't act on it because he doesn't have the same feelings and doesn't want to screw up a friendship.

Just another possibility.

OK, I think I might have messed this one up from the beginning. I had NO interest in him at the beginning. I even called him by the wrong name for quite some time. Yikes! But then when I got to know him and we started talking daily, I really started to dig him. At the beginning though, I did say once to him,"I am not looking for a relationship." Uggggg!!!! Because honestly, I wasn't. But man, we clicked on so many levels, I couldn't just keep seeing him as a "friend". Definitely relationship now but I think I gave off the vibe as NO RELATIONSHIP at the beginning. And now that I think of it, when I called him out, I didn't say I liked his whole being, I said I was physically attracted to him and said nothing else. UGGGGG!!!! Sometimes I am such a guy! He is older so he says he is looking for a relationship. And at the time we had this conversation, he aske me straight up if I was looking for one and I said no. I am an idiot.

OK, OK, I get it. I messed this one up and I need to chalk it up as a learning experience...

[svandamme]

He may be one of those that only wants women that are messed up, out of league, can't have, whatever and simply doesn't get turned on by one that is ok, sane, available and game.

I've come to recognize this affliction in myself, and decided i can't be bothered anymore.. It's just not worth the headache

[TheMentat]

Originally Posted by speeder

For all of the guys advocating some kind of "come to Jesus" talk with the guy, or worse yet, getting drunk/naked with him, write that all off as bad advice.

When two people feel the same way about each other, no "special talk" is required. They come together like two inexorable forces of nature, which they are. You cannot alter someone's sexual attraction, (or lack of it), any more than you can alter the laws of physics. Move on and don't degrade yourself further by forcing the guy to reject you. That would piss me off if I was in his shoes.

Getting drunk and having sex with someone you are not really interested in is the world's quickest way to lose touch with someone. It's awkward as all get-up and usually not recoverable from. Especially if there was a one-way attraction going on, as in this case.

You need to temper the advice you get here with reality. This is an online locker room where adolescent men in their 40s and 50s, some of whom have apparently never had a decent piece of tail in their lives, go all ga-ga over you and treat you like a Bond girl or something. Unless you are a stunning woman, (are you?), 5 out of ten guys are not going to be attracted. Out of any group af ten random guys your age, how many do you want to invest the time and commitment to date? If it's more than 3 or 4, I'd be shocked.

I've been single my whole life and at any given time in the last 40 years I've been pursued by women I was not interested in and vice-versa. Unless you are one of those rare people that nearly everyone is attracted to, it's time for some reality and to stop embarrassing yourself. The guy's reasons for passing are totally irrelevant. Completely. Best of luck, you'll find someone out there who thinks you are the shiznit.

As well reasoned as this sounds, do you really want to take relationship advice from somebody who has been single all their life?

[porsche4life]

Stijn, no sane woman would have you...

[oldE]

Please consider this advice is coming from someone old enough to be your father. That'll make it easier to ignore.

Originally Posted by tweezers74

I have gone out with other guys. Problem is, yes, the desire for this one particular guy is that strong. The other guys, nothing, zilch.

There are issues on both sides, here:

Tweezers, it sounds like this guy has become a bit of a challenge for you. Normally you might not be spending this much time and emotion on him, but he has no desire to make any change in your relationship. How long has it been since that happened?

In a way I understand the 'all or nothing' attitude you seem to be expressing. It can indeed be difficult to move on with your unrequited desires in the back of your mind.

Since he has stated he does not want to move out of the Friend relationship, you have a choice to make: either find a way to accept his friendship for what it is and take what you need out of that relationship or explain your own problem to him and move on.
He won't understand, but this is for you.

Best
Les

[mikester]

He's not into you. Move on. If he decides that he is right after you move on or soon after - he's playing stupid games and you don't want to be there anyway.

Find someone else, you can do better. Easily I'm sure.

[BlueSkyJaunte]

He's gay, regardless of what you (or he) say.

[svandamme]

Originally Posted by porsche4life

Stijn, no sane woman would have you...

You'de be surprised how many nice sane girls i turned down cause while i was chasing the batchit crazies i used to chase.. And why not, it's not like a have a ginger beard or something...