The Dreaded Friend Zone

[jcommin]

Let me give you a flip side of this. I met a woman a few years ago and we hit it off very well. I like her allot. She broke it off because she didn't feel the same way about me. We are still friends but I will tell you this friendship diminished over a year period. I really got tired of hearing from her every day, what she was doing, asking me how is/was my day. This isn't going anywhere and I kept asking myself why do you keep calling me? I'm getting nothing out of this other than heartache. She liked to talk to me. She shared allot of personal stuff.

There needs to be some magic between two people. I like being with this woman, we have similar interests, we can laugh, talked for hours on the phone, etc. I achieved a closeness with her that I haven't felt in a long time.

I think the definition of magic changes over time. I'm an old guy. I'm not looking for a family or a house whith a white picket fence. It comes down to "what do you want in a relationship?"

Tweezers - he might be afraid. That was the first thought than ran thru my mind with my friend. In my situation, she has been divorced for a long time, she manages quite well on her own. She says she is picky (she is) And in a relationship, you need to share. That's scary.

Only advice I have is to just put the question out there. But before you do, you need to prepare for a positive and negative answer. If it is not what you want to hear, then what? Can you cleanly break this off? Allow yourself time to feel whatever answer you get. If it is a no, it is a loss and you need to process that. If it is a yes, congrats!

[flatbutt]

Tweezers ...I dated a girl in college and was CUH-RAZY about her! But it didn't last. Soon after though we both realized that we had a stronger attraction for one another outside of the dating/mating rituals. We've now been friends for 36 years.

You need to do what is best for you. Let him know whats happening in your mind. If he's in and you dig it..cool. If not then move on.

BTW I'm single.

[speeder]

Originally Posted by TheMentat

As well reasoned as this sounds, do you really want to take relationship advice from somebody who has been single all their life?

I'm uniquely unqualified to give relationship advice. But this thread has little or nothing to do with relationships at this point, just attraction. (or lack thereof). I'm one of the world's foremost experts on missed connections.

[speeder]

Originally Posted by tweezers74

OK, I think I might have messed this one up from the beginning. I had NO interest in him at the beginning. I even called him by the wrong name for quite some time. Yikes! But then when I got to know him and we started talking daily, I really started to dig him. At the beginning though, I did say once to him,"I am not looking for a relationship." Uggggg!!!! Because honestly, I wasn't. But man, we clicked on so many levels, I couldn't just keep seeing him as a "friend". Definitely relationship now but I think I gave off the vibe as NO RELATIONSHIP at the beginning. And now that I think of it, when I called him out, I didn't say I liked his whole being, I said I was physically attracted to him and said nothing else. UGGGGG!!!! Sometimes I am such a guy! He is older so he says he is looking for a relationship. And at the time we had this conversation, he aske me straight up if I was looking for one and I said no. I am an idiot.

OK, OK, I get it. I messed this one up and I need to chalk it up as a learning experience...

Don't beat yourself up over any of this. It's all irrelevant. If he wanted you, it could be the wrongest thing on earth and he'd still do it. If he doesn't, (and he doesn't), it would not matter if it's the "rightest' thing on earth to a bunch of neutral observers. These are things that cannot be manipulated, IMO. And trying is just going to humiliate yourself and hurt your self confidence. You don't need that, nobody does...

[VINMAN]

Chemistry is chemistry. If it aint there it aint happening.


For some strange reason, i've had much experience with this.....

[porsche4life]

And this is one kind of chemistry they don't teach you in school....

Sadly, its the only one I'd actually care to learn...

[Baz]

Tweez.....just memorize Harry's speech and give it a shot!

[tweezers74]

Baz, if only it was that simple! Thanks for the advice guys. I am being a girl and making this more complicated than it is. If he likes me, he would like me. He doesn't so move on. Simple. I need to think like a guy on this one or I am just gonna get hurt. Thanks again my PP friends! Muwah!

[RANDY P]

Originally Posted by tweezers74

I guess one of the advantages of being one of the few female posters is having a glimpse into the minds of men. So help me out.

I know how it is for guys to be in the friend zone but I have never been in the friend zone when I have not wanted to be. Soooooo... is it possible to get out of the friend zone as a woman? Advice? Pointers? And why would a guy keep a woman in the friend zone? He flirts. We go out together... alone. No other friends. I know some of his friends and we used to go out with them but now, when he invites me out, it is just me and him. We talk, text, e-mail on an almost weeekly basis if not daily. He's told me he thinks I am awesome. He thinks I am smart. Says I am very attractive. He even got me a thoughtful Christmas present. So what's the deal? I have backed off majorly since he said he just wanted to be "friends". I don't smother him. In fact, gone out with other guys since he has said the f word. Haven't mentioned that fact to him though. Should I?

I am kind of scared of the responses I will get but hey, why not get advice from the source? Thanks, guys!

Showing up with a bottle of Crown Royal and in a camisole will do wonders for this situation

rjp

[Dueller]

What was the "thoughtful" gift...that'll speak volumes....

[fritzgator]

For your own piece of mind, you should really talk to the guy about it. Get his side of it all. The variables are many, noted are age diff(how big?), and possible relation-phobia. At least you'll have the experience to draw from in the future.

Good question, barrister.

[wreckersteve]

52 posts and no one asked for the basic info. We need to see a picture of you to be of any help.

[wreckersteve]

Ok I did a little looking around and found your picture in another thread. He has poor taste in women. Move to Pittsburgh and I will be more than glad to be more than friends.

[Zeke]

She has posted pics on a few occasions. If you want to see, follow her posts back a week or 2.

That's kind of joke around here, pics or ban; this thread is worthless w/o pics. To be serious about that is crass.

I agree with speeder, you probably didn't make or break the deal with your statements. A lot of god thoughts have come up here and the theme is if it's gonna happen, it will happen.

You would know for absolute sure if you asked this gentleman what he thought of the new guy you're about to date.

[RANDY P]

Originally Posted by wreckersteve

Ok I did a little looking around and found your picture in another thread. He has poor taste in women. Move to Pittsburgh and I will be more than glad to be more than friends.

"BOW CHICKA BOW WOW!!" YEEAH!!

rjp

[RANDY P]

Originally Posted by porsche4life

And this is one kind of chemistry they don't teach you in school....

Sadly, its the only one I'd actually care to learn...

They should teach technique in 9th grade.

rjp

[KFC911]

Originally Posted by tweezers74

. ... I need to think like a guy on this one ...

It just ain't possible...you ain't got the right parts . Good luck though!

[cashflyer]

I can't believe you even had to ask us.
I bet you knew the answer and just wanted reassurance.

[wdfifteen]

If you have that much fun and get along that well but he doesn't want to take the next step he either has a problem with the step (can't commit or just doesn't want to commit) or the chemistry isn't there for him.

[Racerbvd]

Originally Posted by wreckersteve

52 posts and no one asked for the basic info. We need to see a picture of you to be of any help.

She has, and the Gay would have to be very strong not to be interested in her..