Desperation - any doctors willing to comment

[Hugh R]

PMs sent back and forth to Dennis last night. I really would like to meet him in person for a beer or a neat Scotch.

[john70t]

Could the mods please ban this cvvgj spam-bot?

[reverie]

Reported. Thank you, John.

[McLovin]

Hi Dennis,

It pains me to read your post, because I've been through some of the things you're going through. I know some of the pain and difficulty you're feeling.

You've received a lot of suggestions, medication for the effects of menopause, getting a dog, etc.

All of which is fine.

Tab's quote below resonated with you.

Ahhh so you see sloth everywhere, want to jump in to fix it, perhaps on a case by case basis, but you are trying to fix something that is ultimately beyond your control. The tide, the current is driving the situation to evermore sloth. Your jousting with windmills.

I'm going to suggest something, I know it won't be popular here, and I know your first reaction will be to resist, which is fine. It's only a suggestion, from someone who has been where you are and who is (almost) as old, and as stubborn, as you (I think we have some of the same ethnic background, known for stubborness!)

Based on your posts about your feelings, your relationship with your wife, and her view and treatment of you, I'm pretty confident in guessing you, your wife and your marriage are without God in them.

Again, I hate even mentioning this, it's not really my style.

But I'd try opening my heart to God. You have nothing to lose. And potentially a lot to gain.

As humans, we want to think we know everything (about ourselves, the universe, the purpose of life, etc.).

And that we have everything under control, by ourselves.

That's a tall order, and most end up finding out that it's not true.

There's much we don't understand, and even more we can't control. Esp. in things like marriage and relationships. IMO, a marriage that invites God, and leans on God and his teachings, has a 100x more chance of being successful. I've seen it over and over. Without God, I agree with people like P-o-P's cynical view on marriage. But with God, it is very very different.

You (and your wife) do not need to go this alone.

I'd hope that you can open your hearts to God. Give him a chance to make a difference for you. It doesn't cost anything, it's nothing to be ashamed of, and you have nothing to lose.

It's an individual choice you make in your heart. I believe if you can open and soften your heart to God, he will speak to you in ways that will resonate with you, personally. Again, I've seen it over and over, and it happened to me after decades of strong non-belief. The objective truth of the matter is that it has happened for millions and millions of people.

I'd recommend to find a good, Bible based non-denominational church in your area and just go for a month or two. Go with an open heart and open mind, and listen to the message each week. See what happens. I strongly believe that if both you and your wife agreed to do that, and gave it an open minded and open hearted chance, you will be amazed at what will happen. But you'll never know if you don't try.

Again, I know the above will not be popular here. And I'm not really comfortable saying it, that's not really my thing. I just feel I need to, as a friend.

Good luck with whatever path you choose. Take care of yourself.

[Iciclehead]

McLovin, thanks for the words and I have no issue with them. Wife and I are long term church members, currently Presbyterian and God most certainly has been in our lives.....your advice to pursue further is indeed good advice.

Dennis

[gduke2010]

Originally Posted by Iciclehead

Well, here I am , feeling that my life is coming to a close.

Issues are pneumonia last year, including antibiotic resistant.

This year pneumonia again, killed with antibiotic of last resort, but cough, shortness of breath, general malaise continue.

C T scan shows 6 cm mass in right lung, amorphous, not appearing cancerous, but will be monitored for growth and eventual excision if it starts to grow.

Breathing is tough, a flight of stairs will flag me, cough is tight, but PFT shows better performance than 10 years ago, even adjusting for age...that exercising has paid off.

No allergic reactions to anything,


Personally, wife could not give a ****, affection died 4 years ago with menopause.

I am tired, at the end of my rope, ready to just seek a bridge abutment with the Porsche.

Is there hope? I fear my throat is screwed as there feels to be constriction.

I will never go to a hospital, I would rather die....what do I ask my doctor to do?

Dennis

Best just to enjoy life and try not to worry about what could happen. Go to baseball games and hockey, eat hot dogs and drink a few beers, Hang out with old friends, travel, fish and hunt. And take your Porsche out every nice day.

[speeder]

Originally Posted by gduke2010

Best just to enjoy life and try not to worry about what could happen. Go to baseball games and hockey, eat hot dogs and drink a few beers, Hang out with old friends, travel, fish and hunt. And take your Porsche out every nice day.

This is great advice for people who are not experiencing difficulties as well. I'm in Minnesota dealing with some family stuff including a cousin who is very sick. There is no wondering what's wrong in his case, he got diagnosed with stage 4 esophageal cancer and it has spread all over. He's only 61 and in the grand tradition of certain people in my family, (ahem), he lives like the world's oldest teenager. He never married, still chases skirt and lives with his small Sheltie, "Buddy".

He is my second oldest cousin, (I have 35 first cousins), and I looked up to him when I was a kid. He's in aggressive radiation and chemotherapy but I don't think the prognosis is good. Still, his attitude is as positive as you could possibly imagine, he thinks he will beat this. He's one of those guys who's just not afraid of anything. I've been taking him to Twins games and just hanging out, he's real thin but otherwise looks good. Same hilarious guy as always. We saw a hot young chick and he said, "that would take the wrinkles out!"

Try to stay positive and find something that makes you smile. Everyone is telling you to drive your car but that may or may not be it. If it is, great. Don't waste any of the time we're given, no one knows how much time we have.

[Don Ro]

A resptful post, McLovin.
.
"Without God, I agree with people like P-o-P's cynical view on marriage. But with God, it is very very different.
.
~~~~~~~~
.
I've witnessed a few things in my 69 years, my own and others'.
It all depends on what your definition of "God" is, don't you imagine?
To some of us, having a direct experience of reality is God.
.
Regards,
.
I'll edit this somewhat:

To some of us, having a direct experience of reality presents us with an opportunity and a possibility to know God.

[dentist90]

Dennis,

Heavy post there. Glad you opened up and shared with everyone here. You know you are not as alone as you may have felt.

The tumour sounds like the easiest problem to deal with. You must know that lesions of this size can lead to fluid accumulation, pneumonia and infection. Any of these can leave you chronically short of breath and therefore chronically fatigued. Perhaps if it is removed your breathing will improve, glad you are persuing a diagnosis on that.
Then there is the comment about your wife. That got to me the most. I think I know exactly how you feel, and it is an awful, empty feeling. Lonely. Saddened. Maybe torn between going along with the status quo or asking her if it's time for you to go. I don't know about you, but some people consume a LOT of mental energy dwelling on failing relationships and it is absolutely draining. Don't ask me how I know.
Then there's work. When the thought of going to work makes you ill it is not a good place to be. A challenge is one thing, but when all your challenges become obstacles to your happiness something has to change. Wish I could tell you what. I have started reducing my hours at work so it is not as draining. Don't know if you have that option.

Depression. I don't know if anyone else has mentioned it yet, but with all you have described I don't see how you cannot have a bit of it at least. I'm not sure if our life events lead to depression or it is a chemical change in our brains, but I can tell you that health issues, relationship issues and work/life issues don't improve it any! It can be overwhelming. Tell your doctor exactly what you typed here next time you see him/her. Perhaps it will lead to some help dealing with the issues other than the lung thing.
Best wishes to you man, and hope the sun comes out for you again real soon (metaphorically speaking).

[billybek]

Hey Dennis, I was thinking about this thread and was wondering how you are doing?

[Noah930]

Sorry to hear of that, Dennis. Time and health permitting, don't be a stranger. There's always an audience here to listen.

[foxpaws]

Dennis - you are definitely one of the good ones - stay around.

Dealing with someone who was quite ill years ago one thing I found out is selfishness is OK. It is OK to make this all about you for a while - do what YOU need to do. It doesn't matter if it is asking your doctor too many questions or telling the wife the truth about how you feel about your relationship or realizing that work is really a rather small problem in the overall picture or you just take that 6speed cure for a long weekend. Distractions, wondering 'what if' and 'making do' won't make you stronger, and get in the way of what is really important - getting you over this particular 'hump'.

All the best -

[flatbutt]

Originally Posted by Iciclehead

Thanks for the good thoughts (all), lets just say that there is not a lot of happy news on any front these days....just taking things one day at a time.

Dennis

I beg to differ...you are still breathing, you still have options, and clearly you still have friends. Sounds a little like happy news to me.

[Seahawk]

Originally Posted by Iciclehead

Thanks for the good thoughts (all), lets just say that there is not a lot of happy news on any front these days....just taking things one day at a time.

Dennis

I tried in vain to find the National Lampoon picture of the topless female boxer singing

I am the Queen of England
I love to sing and dance
And if you don't believe me
I'll punch you in the pants

I though it might cheer you up.

This will have to do, I suppose:

[recycled sixtie]

Dennis do you still have a Porsche?

[Iciclehead]

Yes two....one under construction, thread here....

http://forums.pelicanparts.com/porsche-911-technical-forum/185692-fitting-6-speed-g50-89-carrera-new-post.html

One in storage elsewhere....

Dennis

[Ferraripete]

please hang in there. the very, very best to you.

peter

[Bob Kontak]

Originally Posted by Iciclehead

Not seeking responses.......May God have mercy on my soul....

Two years alone. Not really a response. I just said that for fun. Two years Minimum.

Stay in the present.

For example:

Here is a bead my 20 year old pro welder mentor laid down. Probably with a $5,000 welder.

I have been telling people I did this with my $750 Lincoln (I then fess up). One old school dude stares at it then says, your welder can't do that. BUSTED.

The bead is 5/8" in width.

[flatbutt]

Originally Posted by Iciclehead

Update: Wife and I separated 3 weeks ago, living in a condo but health is improved....several of the odd effects seem to have been reduced.

Cannot imagine going back, but I am certain I will lose 100% of my family, most of my friends. and a whack of cash/assets.

Lining up a new executive job as a precaution.

...and oh yeah, definitely drinking too much, but I do have peace of my own company with no stress. Hadn't realized how sensitive I am to low grade stress...

Not seeking responses, just wanted to let you guys now. May God have mercy on my soul....

Dennis

Dennis, as for stress...I went out on medical retirement 6 months ago...my health has gotten much better without all of the work related stress. It is indeed a silent killer. You will be fine brother.

[KFC911]

Originally Posted by flatbutt

Dennis, as for stress...I went out on medical retirement 6 months ago...my health has gotten much better without all of the work related stress. It is indeed a silent killer. You will be fine brother.

^^^^ THIS....best of luck Dennis.