Desperation - any doctors willing to comment

[reverie]

Dennis, like many of us, I always read your posts because they are very thoughtful with great info and perspective. Please do not leave us for a super long time. Thank you, and a grateful man-hug!

In my experience, support groups have been a good thing. I attend a support group twice a month at the local hospital, and we talk about all kinds of personal things. Really good sincere people. There are boxes of tissues available, and I've used them a few times myself. I suggest calling the moderator of the group, to see if that particular group is a good fit for you.

Roger

_

[wdfifteen]

Dennis,

6cm is over 2 inches! You MUST follow Turn 9's advice.
Getting older sucks. You have to readjust your expectations for yourself, find new forms of entertainment, change what you eat - sometimes it seems like we're finding our own way down a path that no one has ever walked before. But it's not true, as many here have said, a support group can help you on the path, and you never know what's around the next bend.
Best of luck man.

[RANDY P]

man, you better stick around- this has to be a phase.

PS- We need u in PARF Get better, soon.

rjp

[Noah930]

I would take to heart T9's advice. You should be seeing a pulmunologist and a thoracic surgeon. and given the potential gravity of a 6 cm mass plus the fact that you're just not feeling well, it's reasonable (and arguably wise) to seek a second opinion. Even if you like your current doctors. While two docs might not say the same thing, you want to be sure the preponderance of opinions point in the same direction.

Best of luck. Don't do yourself in--particularly in a Porsche.

[Tobra]

Tough to stay strong when you can't breathe. You have to just keep on with the stuff you are supposed to do, and mostly lay off the stuff you are supposed to. Sounds like the wife is not a very good partner, and you sort of need one when you are sick. Don't know what to suggest about that, but, talking to your friends or family would be the best bet.

[speeder]

I don't know what to tell you to change the way you feel but I'm sorry you're going through this and hope that it gets better. If I've learned anything in life, it's that nothing remains static and time goes by quickly. I hope you're feeling better and use us for conversation if the family isn't there for you right now.

All the best.

[Moses]

turn9 has it exactly right.

[porsche4life]

Dennis, definitely follow the advice of the doctors on here and get a second opinion. About this time last year a family member of ours had a cough that wouldn't go away. He'd had coughs before and just treated them with meds and gone on with life. This one was finally bad enough that he saw a lung specialist, and was diagnosed with lung cancer, it's spread and he has less than 5 years. I say that to tell you two things. The first is that now that they know what it is, and have him on a proper course of treatment he's feeling much better. Traveling and getting around and having fun. He still won't live forever, but he is going to be able to enjoy what time he has left.

The second thing is, if he hadn't ignored some of those earlier coughs that kept coming back, he might have been diagnosed before it spread. The difference there is that they could remove the tumor and he could have 20 years left. A 6cm mass is nothing to watch. Find out what it is and get it treated. Then go out and find something that makes you happy, and do for as many years as you can. Life's too short to live it being miserable, find what you enjoy and do it until you physically can't anymore.

[look 171]

Hey Dennis, stay strong and you will put through this.

My father has the same issue with the shortness of breath and we finally got him to the hospital. The mass in his lung was found through X-ray. We admitted him and for more extensive testing. It was lung cancer, so it was removed. The doctor thought that it was stage one, where the cancer has not spread. After surgery, we were told it was stage three because cancer was found in the nodes. Doc estimated that he may have a couple of years but he did suggest treatment and radiation. He beat it and he's cancer free coming up 16 years next February. I thank the doctors and staff at the City of Hope for this. He just turned 80 a couple of months ago. For you, it may turn out to be nothing. Please go and check thing out. Modern medicine has come a long way. Hang in there. go to the support groups, they help. My father was too bull head to go to those, so we took turns hanging out with him a couple of time a week during recovery.

[Laneco]

Originally Posted by reverie

Dennis, like many of us, I always read your posts because they are very thoughtful with great info and perspective. Please do not leave us for a super long time. Thank you, and a grateful man-hug!

....Roger

_

Could not have said this better myself. At the moments when you are feeling the most down, please remember that YOU MATTER to all of these people posting here right now and probably a whole townfull of people who haven't seen yet this thread.

Stick around Dennis. Take care of yourself both emotionally and physically. The world is a better place with you in it.

angela and steve

[vash]

not a doc..not even close..but i would start with one.

stick around..if for no other reason than to annoy the wife. do it!!

best of luck..

[BlueSkyJaunte]

Dennis, please listen to the medical professionals on here.

I've been through some medical issues of my own in the past, and nothing causes me more stress than that. But we have to get past it and move on. Focus on what's good!

[flatbutt]

Dennis, 15 years ago I was told some pretty grim news. Not a death sentence by any measure but life changing none the less. I'm not afraid of dying but damned if I'm not going to live life as best I can while I can. Don't cheat yourself. Get all the medical help you can. Then take the time to live with that information. Fight on bro, rage against the dying of the light!

[Porsche-O-Phile]

Stay strong and don't give up! You have a good mind and heaven knows we need more of those in the world. You absolutely can contribute in a positive way but not if you give up on yourself. It sounds like you may benefit from talking to someone about depression as well. It's not a sign of weakness - depression is very real and I've been through it. A failed relationship, a layoff, near bankruptcy, losing a house and a forced cross-country move for a job I didn't really want so that I could do what I could to take care of a new baby a few years ago - all at pretty much the same time did me in. I got suicidal a few times. It can be a bad, dangerous, scary spiral to get into. One minute you're fine and the next you're plumbing the depths of negativity and despair. Please go talk to someone. Get well. Get motivated and excited about something - for me lately it's been surfing. It's changed my life - no BS. For you it could be anything. Get up and on with life! No matter how old you are or how much you've done there's always something new and exciting to discover. Another thing that helped me a lot (and still does) is 30 minutes of meditation a day - no excuses. It really does help.

Remember your best day below ground will be never be nearly as good as your worst one above it! Stay on the right side of the grass!

[bivenator]

Sorry to see you in such a bad way Dennis, I too have enjoyed your calm evenhanded posting in PARF. The bridge abutment idea is not one of your best.

The shortness of breath following the pneumonia could very well improve, I am not sure of the time frame of the malaise. The tumor on CT does not appear to be cancerous. A biopsy of the tumor would help ease your mind or give you something to fight against if it were cancerous.

My brother had a similar scare about 5 years ago. A smoker since his teens, his chest xray showed a nodule and the subsequent CT was inconclusive. He was going to have a biopsy performed and the pre surgical clearance turned up heart disease. They put a stent in for the blockage and followed with the needle biopsy of the lung nodule. The nodule was negative for cancer and the stent cleared up some of the fatigue and shortness of breath that he had been having.

His situation and yours may be totally dissimilar but my point is to continue to fight and seek help.

I suspect the line about your wife may be contributing greatly to your dark thoughts. It is much easier to heal a body when the mind is healthy. I don't have any good advice to give in that regard but I wish you the absolute best.

Hang in there, you have many friends that you have never met.

[tabs]

4 MD's on this Board have concurred. Go get a 2ND opinion. Then you will have a clear picture of the cards that you have in your hand.

As for your mental state, well that is a whole different animal now isn't it? This is the 2ND time that you have dropped this one into the mix. I don't find you to be so much cynical, but realistic and what u see in turn disgusts you. There is an impotence or a nothing you can do about it mentality, so it is all beyond your control. Apparently you don't like things being out of your control, perhaps you haven't realized that in life you can not even control when you have to take a dump. So like a child in a fit of pique/despair you want to cash in the chips. The truth of the matter is that there are things that are in your purview that you can ameliorate.

Now why exactly do you think that I spend so much time talking about chaos? It makes life into a joy ride down the highway at 95 mph.(ohhh that doesn't mean there aren't some scary turns out there though) What a fking kick it is to be able to maneuver about without constraints.* I am free. To get to that point you have to delve into that ball of string known as your precepts or narrative and unwind it. So some self examination is in order and for that some guidance to keep you on track is not only helpful but necessary.

And some people say I am so pessimistic, well ain't the joke on them.

* Every man has his constraints or limitations, if you have a tweaked out 100 HP motor under the hood, then that is what you have to work with. It is called maximization of the 100 HP though.

[E38Driver]

Dennis,
The group here is I feel one of the best out there on the web. People from all over have come together to help one another out time and time again.

Most all of us here have gone through some kind of trouble at one time or another and I understand how you feel, but things will get better.

See a Doctor and fight this. We all want you around.

Dave

[Iciclehead]

Dennis

[tabs]

Originally Posted by Iciclehead

Thank you all for the support and kindness, truly awesome and helpful more than any of you know....

Had a ton of bloodwork done today, will be seeing doctor early next week, will take the solid advice offered here and get that second opinion on everything.

Wife issue....well, I have some difficult decisions and discussions to have and hold to, again, the advice from you all really, really helps. I suspect that it will be tough sledding....

As for state of mind, Tabs, your words ring true, I am just tired....been corporately fixing and fighting so long, not so much for reasons of control but more just my internal disgust at seeing things done poorly and wastefully. Perhaps another line of work, or a break or just spending time fixing the barnacles that have collected in my own head is it. I really need to get back to that 6 speed in the Carrera therapy.

Love all you guys, seriously...thank you so very much.....

Dennis

Ahhh so you see sloth everywhere, want to jump in to fix it, perhaps on a case by case basis, but you are trying to fix something that is ultimately beyond your control. The tide, the current is driving the situation to evermore sloth. Your jousting with windmills.

[E38Driver]

Originally Posted by Iciclehead

Thank you all for the support and kindness, truly awesome and helpful more than any of you know....

Had a ton of bloodwork done today, will be seeing doctor early next week, will take the solid advice offered here and get that second opinion on everything.

Wife issue....well, I have some difficult decisions and discussions to have and hold to, again, the advice from you all really, really helps. I suspect that it will be tough sledding....

As for state of mind, Tabs, your words ring true, I am just tired....been corporately fixing and fighting so long, not so much for reasons of control but more just my internal disgust at seeing things done poorly and wastefully. Perhaps another line of work, or a break or just spending time fixing the barnacles that have collected in my own head is it. I really need to get back to that 6 speed in the Carrera therapy.

Love all you guys, seriously...thank you so very much.....

Dennis

You will have a tough road ahead of you but you have many friends here. I wish you the best and just remember that every day you wake up is a good day.

Dave