Sleepless nights with our kid any advice?

[strath44]

Hey folks,

We have a beautiful little girl who is just over a year.

She has some ongoing health issues nothing serious and some now resolved but namely she has a dairy intolerance.

She has never slept very well at night, at first because of stomach pain but now she is getting older and her diet and health is better this should be less of a problem.

We have been doing a mixture of bringing her into our bed and anything else from sleeping in her room etc to get her to sleep. But she often wakes crying and only resettles if we bring her in with us.

Because she sometimes can be in pain we are reluctant to try controlled crying in case she is in pain. My wife has researched a lot (as have i) but we are getting pretty broken just wondered what other people have tried.

Any help appreciated!

[JavaBrewer]

My first reaction is that if she settles in the parents bed then is she really in pain? Kids are far more aware than we think. We have a son and daughter. Son was tough at bedtime the first 18 months where as our daughter was totally happy being put in her crib. Not a peep all night.

If you both can rule out actual pain then I think a couple weeks of tougher love is in order. Not easy, I think it's harder on the parents actually.

These things too will pass. Key is to be on the same page with your wife and remain steadfast, loving, and calm.

[Ayles]

It gets better! My son was never much of a sleeper and still very much a night owl. Some nights an all out battle and almost 3yrs old. But once hes asleep its all good until 7 or 8am.

My wife has been keeping a journal since he was around 6m old. We have looked back at times where it was a three hour process to get him sleeping. Now its more like 45min.

Definitely hang in there!

[legion]

My first one slept through the night after a month.

My second one didn't sleep through the night until he was about 14 months. He's 17 months now. It took about 8 months of controlled crying to get him to sleep through the night.

Your choices are pretty much do controlled crying or be on the kid's beck and call. I had to set an egg timer to prevent my wife from running upstairs immediately. First 5 minutes, then 10 minutes, then 15 minutes...all the way up to 30 minutes. The first time he wore himself out from crying and fell asleep, we were worried that he wasn't okay. It's a mistake to run in and check on the kid, though. It will give them new energy and feed the belief that they just need to hold out until you come running. I found it was best to check on them 30 minutes or more after falling asleep.

You need to have a bedtime routine so that they know it's time for bed. For us, it's going upstairs, putting on pajamas, brushing teeth, then stories on mom and dad's bed. My wife will rock the little one for about 5 minutes then deposit him in his crib. He used to fight and cry at this point, but now he's right off to sleep. In the beginning, she would try to rock him to sleep, but he'd always spring awake when she stood up and insist on sleeping on her.

We got pretty good at distinguishing his "I want to see you" cry from his "I'm not feeling good" cry. Then he figured out that if he used his "I'm not feeling good" cry, we came running.

We got pretty good at distinguishing his "I want to see you" cry from his "I'm not feeling good" cry. Then he figured out that if he used his "I'm not feeling good" cry, we came running.

We were also told not to give either of our kids any dairy until they were at least a year old...and that included mom not having any dairy while breast feeding.

[pavulon]

I caved and 2 of 4 kids still sleep with me. It's just me though. The up-side is everyone stays warm and gets deep sleep which I believe helps them stay physically and emotionally healthy. It was this way for every kid and eventually, the the 2 oldest got tired of being crowded and began sleeping in their own rooms so I know it's temporary and not worth worrying about.

It might be awhile if your 1 year-old has health issues but honestly, you may have a better relationship with her and she less anxiety if you just let her sleep with you guys and/or rotate sleeping with her for a time. Not to insult anyone but being a parent is a lot of rolling with whatever works. You have a wife for support. You're lucky!! I'd imagine you'll look back someday and be good with it.

ymmv.

[DanielDudley]

Tag team, and go into the child room when you think she is ready. one of you gets to sleep, and the other deals whit the child, getting her used to her sleeping quarters.

There is nothing wrong with having her sleep in your room with you, as long as you aren't training a certain behavior with your response.

[Soren Lorenson]

Uggg I remember those days with our youngest. When she was really little we had to have her sleep sitting in her car seat carrier thing. For some reason it worked. We moved her into our walk-in closet so we wouldn't have to go so far to get her. Walking down the hall was too much every night.

Hang in there!

[fintstone]

If she can sleep with you, she can sleep without you. IMHO, it is best for you both if you simply let her know that she is big enough to sleep alone and after a few nights, she will. You are enabling her at this point. It is for her own good.

[strath44]

Thanks very much for all the comments folks, it's a real minefield!

The thing I didn't mention which is what is wearing us down is that she can be so bad at night that we haven't had a night out or time on our own away in over a year as we worry how our parents would get on at night. Anyway that will change this Saturday! I will report back!

[notfarnow]

Originally Posted by legion

Your choices are pretty much do controlled crying or be on the kid's beck and call. I had to set an egg timer to prevent my wife from running upstairs immediately. First 5 minutes, then 10 minutes, then 15 minutes...all the way up to 30 minutes. The first time he wore himself out from crying and fell asleep, we were worried that he wasn't okay. It's a mistake to run in and check on the kid, though. It will give them new energy and feed the belief that they just need to hold out until you come running. I found it was best to check on them 30 minutes or more after falling asleep.

You need to have a bedtime routine so that they know it's time for bed. For us, it's going upstairs, putting on pajamas, brushing teeth, then stories on mom and dad's bed. My wife will rock the little one for about 5 minutes then deposit him in his crib. He used to fight and cry at this point, but now he's right off to sleep. In the beginning, she would try to rock him to sleep, but he'd always spring awake when she stood up and insist on sleeping on her.

*drops mic*

This is awesome advice.

[MBAtarga]

BTDT: Put the kid in the crib, close the door, ignore the crying and go on with your evening. Our daughter turned 27 today, and the son will be 25 in 11 days. They grew out of it.

[matt930s]

Is your child teething? My 13 month old doesn't sleep through the night lately at all due to this..
Makes me grumpy at work..lol..

MattR

[cstreit]

If your goal is to stop her from coming to your bed... ...then you'll need to take her back to her room. Stay in there with her if that's what you have to do. You'll lose sleep, but this is an investment right?

...because you know if you keep allowing this, it won't stop.

I suggest not crawling into bed with her, as that will simply move the problem.

[wildthing]

All my kids slept in our bed until they were 3 or 4. They need to feel secure, even just by touching their mother. The father, not so much. Though by age 2 they wouldn't mind if it is the dad.

They will outgrow it. It's just nature. They are pretty helpless.

[onewhippedpuppy]

Legion nailed it. You have to buckle down and endure letting them cry before they will ever sleep alone. It's not easy to resist the temptation to just bring them into bed so they go right to sleep, but eventually you have to start that clock.

By the way, the best advice that I could give you is to make time for your spouse. Alone time with no kids! It will make both of you better parents and a better couple.

[GerardW]

I've seen many of these debates over the years and always ask the same question... does a dog chuck her puppies away when they become troublesome... NO, she cuddles them closely and gives them comfort.

Why must we be different ? Comfort your child. Its what you signed up for. Before you know it they are grown-up and you blew that chance. Then they have kids and you're a granddad and suddenly you realize what BS tough love is.

I know... I'm there and deeply regret the "let them cry themselves asleep - they'll soon get over it" advice.

[Chocaholic]

I'm with Gerard on this one. Treasure this opportunity to give her comfort and nurturing. A baby should not be subjected to tough love...she's not a puppy. These days will pass naturally and trust me, you'll miss them. You can sleep when you're dead. Now is the time to let your sweet little girl sleep with your heartbeat only inches away. You won't regret it and neither will she.

[GerardW]

My daughter now lives with us and most every night I lie with my granddaughter in our bed until she goes to sleep, holding her hand. She gets a lot of attention and is one of the happiest baby's I've ever seen. She had her difficult times, but we got through it with ease and only very little 'discomfort' to us and none to her.

I'm atoning for the times I told my wife to let my daughter cry herself to sleep.

[livi]

Originally Posted by Chocaholic

I'm with Gerard on this one. Treasure this opportunity to give her comfort and nurturing. A baby should not be subjected to tough love...she's not a puppy. These days will pass naturally and trust me, you'll miss them. You can sleep when you're dead. Now is the time to let your sweet little girl sleep with your heartbeat only inches away. You won't regret it and neither will she.

I am in this corner too from a fathers perspective. From a professional standpoint I would just make sure that the crying is not from stomach pain after all. I notice you have had problems with cow milk intolerance which is very common during the first few years. During the gradual development of tolerance, at which Point its common to start reintroducing milk Products, its not unusual for the Child to display only discrete symptoms, not least during night time.
There is also the very common but often overlooked problem with slightly too slow passage time through the large intestine. Often referred to as constipation but commonly missed as the texture and frequence might appear perfectly normal. To complicate matters further, even a slight intolerance to milk protein that in it self does not cause any pain, may very well contribute to a tendency to constipation.

In your case it sounds like it is probably just a case of sleeping pattern, not pain. I could not resist mentioning the other stuff though. Prof. habit I suppose.

[M.D. Holloway]

Dairy intolerance and you live in Scotland? Interesting. Are you both of Celtic decent? Normally not a trait found in Northern Europeans. As you most likely know, its about the lack or even absence of the enzyme lactase which is responsible for helping breakdown the lactose sugar found in milk.

But as stated, if she calms down when you bring her into bed with you it isn't so much a physiological situation as it is behavioral. That will put a huge burden on you and your wife yet so will the crying all hours of the night. Lots of sound advice on how to break that habit.

Wish I could offer you the magic words to make it all better sadly I have none...