Kid attacked my boy. What would you do?

[Rikao4]

that fat boy knew exactly what he was doing..
and the adult just looked the other way ..
again..
so he doesn't beat your kid today..
tell that to the cat he will burn tomorrow..

he's the 'victim'..
the poor misunderstood blah blah...

Rika

[Cajundaddy]

Putting a kid in the hospital over a pickup game steal is not ok. I would involve both the school and the police to shut this down. The kid needs to know that there are consequences to his actions so maybe 6 month of cleaning out the horse stalls daily as an alternative to involving lawyers.

I would also take the time for some situational awareness training with your kid. Maybe based in martial arts or maybe just father son time. Everyone needs to be able to identify a person who is dangerous and unpredictable and avoid them. If they cannot be avoided, learn to diffuse the situation and as a last resort, defend themselves. This doesn't apply to B Ball but does apply to every day interactions with the public. Five years from now it might be a crazy guy with a knife or a gun. How would he respond? Make a plan and execute the plan because there are plenty of unhinged folks out there that can do a lot of damage and have nothing to lose.

[speeder]

I guess I’m not understanding how expulsion or other appropriate punishment will, “ruin the kid’s life?”

People bounce back from all kinds of setbacks and negative situations when they are young, those who don’t are usually sociopaths who were destined to be losers no matter what. At 63 years old, I’ve seen a hell of a lot of lives unfold.

I was just telling someone yesterday about getting my arm broken on the playground two years in a row(!), 5th and 6th grade. Both times playing “King of the Hill” on snow mountains and both cheap shots from behind.

The second one knocked me out of hockey forever, it was impossible to make up two lost years at that age when boys were growing fast and getting better exponentially. It broke my heart at the time. I was crushed as well as being in crazy pain and needed surgery on the arm.

The 6th grade incident was caused by a kid who was a psycho bully, he also stabbed my brother with a compass and harmed many other kids. It was at a school in a rough neighborhood that we attended briefly because my mom was an extreme liberal and wanted us to experience diversity. FWIW, the bullying was intense but I never had a problem with any kids from other ethnic backgrounds…in case anyone is wondering. The psycho bully was white trash. I wish that I would have had the balls to bring a baseball bat to school and bash his brains in at 11 years old because absolutely nothing would have happened to me and absolutely nothing ever happened to him. I’m sure that he went on to victimize people for as long as he was alive.

I’m not saying that your bully is as bad but he sounds pretty dangerous…he body slammed a kid half his size and the result could have been tragic.

To further my point about ruining his life, I have several friends who spent time in the juvenile justice system for fighting, (not bullies but they hurt some opponents to the point of hospitalization in street fights), their lives are fantastic and were never negatively impacted by those events. Drop the hammer on this little prick. And also make sure that your kid is not asking for it…he may not be but it’s worth addressing privately with him.

[speeder]

Originally Posted by Bill Douglas

Billy, you could watch a few self defence youtubes with him and explain the fine art of self defence. And get the point across that when you are attacked by someone else there are no rules, no fair play, and how to absolutely deal to them. Also how to throw a REALLY good punch. Most brawlers punches and arms are going around like an egg beater. Return it with a fast and hard punch straight through the middle with good follow through to the jaw. Then when they are staggering around in a state of shock a massive kick to the face or chest.

Excellent advice and it’s a fact that most bullies are not good fighters, they only know how to administer beatings, which is a totally different thing. All stuff that I learned too late for childhood fights.

[Rick Lee]

I went to a prep school where anything like this would have resulted in immediate expulsion, as in, "We have a taxi waiting outside for you, we will mail your belongings to you. You will never step foot on this campus again." Everyone knew this was how it worked and as a result, there were never any fights. Maybe a minor scuffle here and there, but never within view of an adult and everyone kept their mouth shut. Had a real injury occurred, it would have been hammer time instantly.

[fintstone]

There will always be bigger kids that are bullies. You probably cannot change them, but you can isolate them enough from other kids that you can minimize the damage...and maybe at least teach them that there are repercussions.

These are pretty young kids. There were no weapons involved and the larger kid likely had no idea of the damage he would cause.

Since this was at school, the school needs to handle this, not a parent or the police. They should expel the kid for at least a week to set an example. Yor kid probably does not want a spectacle where his father "protects" him and privately talking with the school should achieve the desired results.

Anyone that has never been beat up by a bully simply has not lived nor learned the lessons it brings. It is when these things happen over and over that it becomes really serious. That said, allowing this to continue on school grounds sends a message to everyone, including smaller kids that expect adults/society to protect them. When I was in school, relatively minor "Adjustments" were made for one-time events with a threat of much worse for continued infractions. That seemed to work in most cases.

Of course, the bigger kid (all kids are pretty stupid at 12 or 13) may actually not have really meant to hurt your kid and is quite sorry. He did not beat him down but simply picked him up and dropped him. He may not have expected anything but some hurt feelings...and it sounds like the damage was far worse than almost anyone would have imagined. He may have learned his lesson by the impact to the smaller child. Most kids see wrestling and other violent things on TV (even basketball) and no one ever seems to be really hurt wrestling around. This seems a bit of an anomaly. I would encourage the smaller child to talk to this one and tell him just how badly it went for him and his skiing. I suspect that would help both.

[matthewb0051]

File a police report. You don't actually 'press charges', the DA does that. You do your part and if the chips fall that way so be it.

You are right that it may adversely impact this kid. However, on the flip side if you don't file a report and he continues to do stupid stuff towards your kid or others there will be no record and ability for the DA to ratchet up the pain level to get him in compliance. His 10th offense could actually just be his 1st if you say nothing. Edit: I'm referring to juvenile charges.


Edit: it also sounds like this kid has a history that the school either knows about or should have known about. If they have been looking the other way this is their problem and you should make it so. Go talk with a civil attorney.

[Zeke]

What goes around comes around. I'd have Guido beat the crap out of this kid making sure at least one bone is broken and then forget it.

[Rikao4]

well that would have been my call from jail..


Rika

[Seahawk]

Originally Posted by speeder

I’m not saying that your bully is as bad but he sounds pretty dangerous…he body slammed a kid half his size and the result could have been tragic.

To further my point about ruining his life, I have several friends who spent time in the juvenile justice system for fighting, (not bullies but they hurt some opponents to the point of hospitalization in street fights), their lives are fantastic and were never negatively impacted by those events. Drop the hammer on this little prick. And also make sure that your kid is not asking for it…he may not be but it’s worth addressing privately with him.

Perfectly stated, especially the last sentence. Just ask.

My 50th high school reunion is coming up...I attended two HS's and have never attended a reunion but the California HS is near and dear to me so this one I'll go to.

Two guys and a gal that spent some time in juvvy in the day and I will have dinner when I am out...all three have done very well.

We all need course corrections...the kid who bounced your son needs attention, UB.

I'm not local to your area, a huge factor, but bullies, every bully I have ever engaged with, are looking for something beyond the bullying shtick.

Don't let this kid hurt the next kid.

[matthewb0051]

Originally Posted by speeder

I’m not saying that your bully is as bad but he sounds pretty dangerous…he body slammed a kid half his size and the result could have been tragic.

To further my point about ruining his life, I have several friends who spent time in the juvenile justice system for fighting, (not bullies but they hurt some opponents to the point of hospitalization in street fights), their lives are fantastic and were never negatively impacted by those events. Drop the hammer on this little prick. And also make sure that your kid is not asking for it…he may not be but it’s worth addressing privately with him.

Originally Posted by Seahawk

Two guys and a gal that spent some time in juvvy in the day and I will have dinner when I am out...all three have done very well.

We all need course corrections...the kid who bounced your son needs attention, UB.



Don't let this kid hurt the next kid.

I used to represent kids with juvenile charges. I swore to never do it again when I returned to private practice. My experience with those cases was 20 years ago and they were little do do heads that needed a good pounding.

At least where I live, it isn't a 'course correction' or something from the juvenile system that usually sets them back on the straight and narrow. Unfortunately, the kids in that system now are pretty hardened and are likely headed to adult justice system at some point in their life.

Speeder and Seahawk: Yes totally agree; drop the hammer and don't let this little knob hurt another kid.

[KFC911]

A lot have been attaching the "bully" label to this kid and unclebilly never has (unless I missed it). "Bullies" are one matter .... a 13 year old kid that UB has known for eight years, going through tough times, and with "anger management issues" is someone I would want to talk to face-to-face and see where his head is at. It's hard to interpret via the information we have imo .... but methinks unclebilly has "got this".

This kid might not be a bully at all .... just needs help...

And I could be totally wrong ...

[Alan A]

Anger management issues is a punch in the face, not dropping someone on their head.
JMO…

[berettafan]

Originally Posted by Seahawk

Perfectly stated, especially the last sentence. Just ask.

My 50th high school reunion is coming up...I attended two HS's and have never attended a reunion but the California HS is near and dear to me so this one I'll go to.

Two guys and a gal that spent some time in juvvy in the day and I will have dinner when I am out...all three have done very well.

We all need course corrections...the kid who bounced your son needs attention, UB.

I'm not local to your area, a huge factor, but bullies, every bully I have ever engaged with, are looking for something beyond the bullying shtick.

Don't let this kid hurt the next kid.

Respectfully you can't know the opportunities those kids missed out on due to the juvi time. And i doubt they are interested in sharing.

[Seahawk]

Originally Posted by matthewb0051

Speeder and Seahawk: Yes totally agree; drop the hammer and don't let this little knob hurt another kid.

It is interesting, Matt, in that my son spends a lot of time as a lawyer in Norfolk in the Juvenile system with "kids". Your perspective is exactly right.

The stories are incredible: They are hardened.

Try and stop the progression, UB, if you are comfortable. If not, don't. It is not going to be easy and I don't know if I would be willing.

[Rikao4]

I have nothin but the utmost respect for UB..
having read his midnight farm tales..
ski adventures of little ones..
after same breaking this and that..
know he cares and then some..
thus I'm baffled by his take..
this was willful..
but he's there ..I'm not..

disclaimer..
I have no kids..
just some dogs and folks I care about..
as for fat boy..
he may have well have kicked my dog..
slapped my Mom..
or spit at my Lady..
10 or 80..
times up..
I'm going to find a way...

Rika

[KFC911]

Originally Posted by Alan A

Anger management issues is a punch in the face, not dropping someone on their head.
JMO…

You may be right, but UB knows this kid, we don't, and those were his words. I'd want to talk to him if it were me. If this is the worse thing he has ever done, and he knows he eff'd up, and showed real remorse .... he might just need an outlet or help channeling his anger.

I'd talk to him ... but that's just me.

Hammer time could then be invoked depending upon how the conversation went. He might just need "work on the farm" and an unclebilly in his life ... I dunno.

And I might be wrong ....

[berettafan]

I see compassion in OP's comments. Something society is severely lacking in of late.

[Seahawk]

Originally Posted by berettafan

Respectfully you can't know the opportunities those kids missed out on due to the juvi time. And i doubt they are interested in sharing.

I actually do and we share.

In the 70's, in California, it was not a death sentence...two weeks, a month, with HS instruction. The key was get them out of the mainstream so they could not adversely impact other students. I don't know why this is so hard: Consequences are just that.

Ratchet it up, the consequences...just like any parent with a soul does.

Susan came back and had to then spend some time in the "off campus" program but thrived and graduated with her class.

Rico, same, same.

Tony, first generation from Mexico (we were very close and I mention where he was from because I completely understood his anger) struggled a bit but got it as well...he was a very good athlete and the chance that he couldn't play was crucial.

Start with the basics, the reasons why you raised great kids, why there are threads here all the time on family and the work it takes.

[matthewb0051]

Originally Posted by Seahawk

It is interesting, Matt, in that my son spends a lot of time as a lawyer in Norfolk in the Juvenile system with "kids". Your perspective is exactly right.

The stories are incredible: They are hardened.

.

Ran into a friend yesterday that is an Assistant DA here. She told me she got a promotion .... to be a DA in the juvenile court. The big boss sold it as a promotion (which $$ wise it is) but she didn't see it that way and isn't too keen on going there. Just glad I have a choice.

From when I took cases there, I remember little 4 ft urchins walking in in miniature hospital scrubs and handcuffed to the person on either side of them. They all thought they were so tough and cool. Nope, they just needed a beating and some of them were absolutely heading down the road to adult prison it was just a matter of time.

It's pretty hard to watch. I'd say main factor was lack of parents or parenting. Lots were in custody of a grandparent(s) and didn't give 2 poops about what granny had to say. The rest usually had one parent at home and they were uncontrollable. As in out way past dark committing offenses. My parents would have crushed me.