Kid attacked my boy. What would you do?

[LWJ]

No idea. But, we have very close friends who lost their 16 year old son to suicide last year that was driven by bullying.

You are wise to take some action. Your son will at least learn that there are consequences for choices.

That 13 year old kid is most likely acting out his painful existence or similar?

As a parent, I think that I would want a restraining order or similar barrier to interaction. Not sure if that works in your close community.

[craigster59]

I'm just "spitballing" here so take it for what it's worth.

You seem to be a very level headed guy who wishes no harm to anyone. You also seem like a guy who has a very busy lifestyle between skiing, raising kids and working your ranch/farm.

A big kid like that seems like he needs some positive influence in his life and a way to expend some energy. Is there a way you can turn this into something positive, maybe make him work side by side with your son doing chores on the farm?

Show him that there is no reason to take frustrations out on those who should be your friends. Working side by side towards the same goals and feelings of accomplishment. It may be just what he needs right now.

I don't mean to get all "Unicorns, Teddy Bears and Rainbows" on you but sometimes that seems to be the best path. Good luck in whatever you do.

[Crowbob]

Do you make Hallmark movies, Craig?

[island911]

I'm with Crowbob, the school should not have let such a thing happen.

[craigster59]

Originally Posted by Crowbob

Do you make Hallmark movies, Craig?

Did I forget to mention when they win the State Championship and carry Unclebilly's son around the court on their shoulders as the fans go wild and confetti drops from the gym ceiling?

[Evans, Marv]

I agree with the option of charging the kid with the second option of getting help (required) for him, and actually steer toward the second option this time around. I taught high school for almost twenty years, and the main school I worked at tended to steer the more difficult students into my classes - something they acknowledged late in the game.
I can comment on how principals tend to handle situations like this (mine was a large district - 4th largest in CA), and I understant you say you have a good relationship with the principal. Principals seldom make an effort to positively influence or settle these situations. They prefer to do the minimum and let the situation pass, hoping it mostly settles itself. They think making a situation like this come to the attention of higher ups makes them look like they don't do a good job of controlling their campus. In almost all cases you have to make the moves yourself and make things happen. If you push for the easiest solution, that's the best that can happen, but mostly it will be a lesser effort on their part. I could tell a few stories about those kinds of things.

[craigster59]

Or is it years in the future when Unclbilly's son runs into the cute redhead gal he dated in high school.

They rekindle their relationship only for Unclebilly's son to find out she works for a huge architectural firm in NYC and only came back to buy their family farm to develop a big hotel and convention center, thus ruining their "small town feel".

[Evans, Marv]

Definitely Hallmarkesque.

[look 171]

Where's the coach or teacher during this event? He should have known about the big kid's anger issue, if he's classify as special ed or the long list of rap sheets. Have a talk with him too along with the principal and make sure this doesn't happen again. Maybe the school can provide the path to anger management help? Suing anyone wouldn't help anything but have a talk about a law suit with the principle may make a few heads move to get thing rolling. Marv is correct, principle just wait thing out and eventually sweeps them under the rug. My son's high school had a stabbing. That just doesn't happen at that location but the principal has been waiting it out for a couple months without much action but the local parents are making a huge sting and the victim's parents decided to sue the school district. Now the heads are rolling and the principle is shaking like a leaf on a tree. He was no where to be found when the stabbing happened.

Hope you kid makes a full recovery in the next day or two and get back to his normal activity.

[oldE]

I'm with Craig on this. I got the inference there is no father in the kid's life which is contributing to the acting out. Definitely talk to the school along with the boy's care givers.
Get him on the ranch, work his ass off, teach him there are others with problems, not just him.
It is not the easiest way forward, but maybe you can save a life.

Best
Les

[billybek]

Sorry to hear this, Scott. Hope your young fella is back to his normal self soon.

The size difference of kids at that age is amazing. Nothing like being power slammed by someone 100 lbs over your weight class...

[recycled sixtie]

Hey Scott I am sorry to hear about your son. The bully has behavioral issues. Taking strong measures(not physical of course) is the only way ahead because the bully is likely to do it again. He likely should not be in that school anymore because he is dangerous. Talk to the Principal, talk to the School Board and get a lawyer if necessary.

[Steve Carlton]

I googled "boot camp for violent teenagers" and found this depressing result:

https://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2022/10/11/opinion/teen-mental-health-care.html


Oddly enough, Paris Hilton appears to have been a victim of one of these institutions and has become an activist in this arena. Wow- I'm surprised and impressed!

https://www.queensjournal.ca/story/2021-04-08/pop-culture/why-paris-hilton-is-breakingcodesilence/

[unclebilly]

Originally Posted by craigster59

Or is it years in the future when Unclbilly's son runs into the cute redhead gal he dated in high school.

They rekindle their relationship only for Unclebilly's son to find out she works for a huge architectural firm in NYC and only came back to buy their family farm to develop a big hotel and convention center, thus ruining their "small town feel".

When he was 10, he got into a bad wreck in corner 1 at a kart race, nobody was hurt but it bent his kart up pretty good. A girl took him out. We’ve been teasing him that he’s engaged to her ever since… because Hallmark.

[gsxrken]

Since you mention in passing that this isn’t the first time, I’d go hard. Principal will do virtually nothing unless the police and a lawyer are both in his office and pushing for a plan. If the plan is sufficient in your eyes, call off your dogs. They were always just there to elicit the appropriate response from the principal or district superintendent.
Don’t think about ruining the other kid, consider that you’re potentially saving him. And maybe the next kid, too. Early TBI / CTE is bad medicine.

[Cairo94507]

I would call the cops and report the incident. This may never happen again, or not. The sooner someone else gets involved, the better things will be in the long run. No excuse for that kind of treatment. I hope your son recovers fully and does well.

[Tervuren]

Not a fan of option 3.
Teaches police can come, and no real consequence potential.

Originally Posted by unclebilly

3. Try to coax the police into paying him and his family a visit and try to get him some help without formally charging him.

[GH85Carrera]

The only real hope is that the coach has a backbone, and that coach needs to bench the bully, and keep him benched or throw him off the team for excessive violence in a game. He needs to show that bullying and loosing your temper is not condoned at any level.

Good luck with that as most coaches just what a men kid to hurt other teams to win. If the coach will show the other teammates unnecessary roughness is not allowed, it will reduce. Too many coaches encourage it however.

[DavidI]

Originally Posted by craigster59

I'm just "spitballing" here so take it for what it's worth.

You seem to be a very level headed guy who wishes no harm to anyone. You also seem like a guy who has a very busy lifestyle between skiing, raising kids and working your ranch/farm.

A big kid like that seems like he needs some positive influence in his life and a way to expend some energy. Is there a way you can turn this into something positive, maybe make him work side by side with your son doing chores on the farm?

Show him that there is no reason to take frustrations out on those who should be your friends. Working side by side towards the same goals and feelings of accomplishment. It may be just what he needs right now.

I don't mean to get all "Unicorns, Teddy Bears and Rainbows" on you but sometimes that seems to be the best path. Good luck in whatever you do.

I agree with Craig if his mother and grandmother are on board. I would also speak to his coach to get him on board as well. Work him on your farm from morning to night and supervise him throughout the time. This kid needs some strong guidance and may be saved. If nobody intervenes in a positive manner, he will continue his behavior.

Great suggestion Craig!

Also, I would sign your son up for boxing, kickboxing, and/or Jiu Jitsu classes. This will increase his confidence and he will learn to protect himself better. In my experience, the better the fighter, the less chance he/she actually has to fight and the more self-control he/she has.

Good luck!

[KFC911]

I took this to be an "unsupervised playground" practice during your son's lunch hour? And I spent countless, thousands of hours playing b-ball in that fashion growing up. Was it somewhat formal, with a coach or any school adult present?