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and baileys and rosies lime juice is a "cement mixer" |
A Sicilian Mafia Godfather finds out that his bookkeeper, Enzo, has cheated him out of 10 million bucks. His bookkeeper is deaf. That was the reason he got the job in the first place. It was assumed that Enzo would hear nothing that he might have to testify about in court.
When the Godfather goes to confront Enzo about his missing $10 million, he takes along his lawyer who knows sign language. The Godfather tells the lawyer, "Ask him where the 10 million bucks is that he embezzled from me." The lawyer, using sign language, asks Enzo where the money is. Enzo signs back, "I don't know what you are talking about." The lawyer tells the Godfather, "He says he doesn't know what you are talking about." The Godfather pulls out a pistol, puts it to Enzo's temple and says, "Ask him again!!!" The lawyer signs to Enzo, "He'll kill you if you don't tell him. "Enzo signs back, "OK. You win! The money is in a brown briefcase, buried behind the shed in my cousin Bruno's backyard in Woodbridge " The Godfather asks the lawyer, "What did he say?" The lawyer replies, "He says you don't have the balls to pull the trigger." |
Billy-Bob ,appeared on 'Who Wants To Be A Millionaire'
And towards the end of the program had already won 500,000 dollars. "You've done very well so far," said Chris Tarrant, The show's presenter, "but for a million dollars You've only got one life-line left – phone a friend. Everything is riding on this question.....will you go for it?" "Yes, Mam," said Billy-Bob. "I'll have a go!" "Which of the following birds does NOT build its own nest? a) Sparrow b) Thrush, c) Magpie, d) Cuckoo?" "I ain't gotta a clue." said Billy-Bob, “so I'll use one-a them live-lines and phone my buddy Charlie back home in Hickory Holler." Billy-Bob called up his buddy, and told him the circumstances and repeated the question to him. "Fookin hell, Billy-Bob!" cried Charlie. "Too simple...... It's a cuckoo." "Are you sure?" "Heck-fire, BB I'm fookin sure." Billy-Bob hung up the phone and told Chris, "I'll go wit Cuckoo as my answer cause Charlie gots a grade eight dee-ploma." "Is that your final answer?" asked Chris. "Yes it is, Mam" There was a long - long pause, and then the presenter screamed, "Cuckoo is the correct answer! Billy-Bob, you've won 1 million Dollars!" The next night, Billy-Bob invited Charlie to their local watering hole to buy him a drink. "Tell me, Charlie ole son? How did you know it was them Cuckoos that don't build their own nest?" "You never was the brightest, Billy-Bob. Because he lives in a Fookin clock!" Les |
A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed.
He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom. While he's in there, the husband tells his wife: "Listen, this guy's an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck." If he wants s*x, don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll k*ll us. Be strong, honey. I love you." To which his wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you too!!" |
Dan was a single guy living at home with his father and working in the family business.
When he found out he was going to inherit a fortune when his sickly father died, he decided he needed to find a wife with whom to share his fortune. One evening, at an investment meeting, he spotted the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. Her natural beauty took his breath away. "I may look like just an ordinary guy," he said to her, "but in just a few years, my father will die and I will inherit $200 million." Impressed, the woman asked for his business card and three days later, she became his stepmother. Women are so much better at financial planning than men. |
Calling the Police
George, an elderly man was going up to bed,
when his wife told him that he'd left the light on in the garden shed, which she could see from the bedroom window. George opened the back door to go turn off the light, but saw that there were people in the shed stealing things. He phoned the police, who asked "Is someone in your house?" He said "No," but some people are breaking into my garden shed and stealing from me. Then the police dispatcher said "All patrols are busy. You should lock your doors and an officer will be along when one is available." George said, "Okay." He hung up the phone and counted to 30. Then he phoned the police again. "Hello, I just called you a few seconds ago because there were people stealing things from my shed. Well, you don't have to worry about them now because I just shot them." and he hung up. Within five minutes, six Police Cars, a SWAT Team, a Helicopter, two Fire Trucks, a Paramedic, and an Ambulance showed up at the Phillips' residence, and caught the burglars red-handed. One of the Policemen said to George, "I thought you said that you'd shot them!" George said, "I thought you said there was nobody available!" |
Why You DOn't Question a Drunk
I was shopping at the local supermarket where I selected:
A half-gallon of 2% milk A carton of eggs A quart of orange juice A head of romaine lettuce A 2 lb. can of coffee A 1 lb. package of bacon As I was unloading my items on the conveyor belt to check out, a drunk standing behind me watched as I placed the items in front of the cashier. While the cashier was ringing up the purchases, the drunk calmly stated, "You must be single." I was a bit startled by this proclamation, but I was intrigued by the derelict's intuition, since I was indeed single. I looked at the six items on the belt and saw nothing particularly unusual about my selections that could have tipped off the drunk to my marital status. Curiosity getting the better of me, I said: "Well, you know what, you're absolutely right. But how on earth did you know that?" The drunk replied, "Cause you're ugly." |
I went to the doctor's the other day and found out my new doctor is a young female and drop-dead gorgeous!
I was embarrassed but she said, "Don't worry, I'm a professional - I've seen it all before. Just tell me what's wrong and I'll help you in any way I can." I said, "I think my penis tastes funny..." |
Can Cold Water Clean Dishes?
This is for all the germ conscious folks that worry about using cold water to clean. John went to visit his 90 year old grandfather in a very secluded, rural area of Saskatchewan After spending a great evening chatting the night away, the next morning John's grandfather prepared breakfast of bacon, eggs and toast. However, John noticed a film like substance on his plate, and questioned his grandfather asking, 'Are these plates clean?' His grandfather replied, 'They're as clean as cold water can get’em. Just you go ahead and finish your meal, Sonny!' For lunch the old man made hamburgers. Again, John was concerned about the plates, ahis appeared to have tiny specks around theedge that looked like dried egg and asked, 'Are you sure these plates are clean?' Without looking up the old man said, 'I told you before, Sonny, those dishes are as Clean as cold water can get them…Now don't you fret. I don't want to hear another word about it!' Later that afternoon, John was on his way to a nearby town and as he was leaving, his grandfather's dog started to growl, and wouldn't let him pass. John yelled and said, 'Grandfather, your dog won't let me get to my car'. Without diverting his attention from the football game he was watching on TV, the old man shouted! 'Coldwater, go lay down now, yah hear me!' |
very un-PC
what do you call a mentally challenged child who is late for class two days in a row? re-tardy |
What do we call them?
What do we call the very last person to barely squeak by the boards (sometimes after several failed attempts) and graduate from Medical school...?
Answer: "Doctor" Be sure to ask a few questions before turning your health over to anyone in the bottom 1/3 of their class. Competent Doctors are no more costly than the slow learners. And your Obama Care probably won't make things any better. The choice is (and should be) yours! Not really funny at all. I'm not a doctor but I play one in the back seat at drive-in movies... |
"Why do scuba divers always fall backwards off their boats?" "If they fell forwards they'd still be in the f ____in ’ boat." :D |
A 30 year old blonde woman decides to try horseback riding for the first time.
With no lessons, nor prior experience, she mounts the horse unassisted, and the horse immediately springs into motion. It gallops along at a steady and rhythmic pace, but the blonde begins to slide from the saddle.. In terror, she grabs for the horse's mane, but cannot seem to get a firm grip. She tries to throw her arms around the horse's neck, but she slides down the horse's side anyway. The horse gallops along, seeminglyimpervious to its slipping rider. Finally, giving up her frail grip, the blonde attempts to leap away from the horse and throw herself to safety. Unfortunately, her foot has become entangled in the stirrup; she is now at the mercy of the horse's pounding hooves as her head is struck against the ground over and over. As her head is battered against the ground, she is mere moments away from unconsciousness when to her great fortune..... Frank, the Wal-Mart greeter, sees her dilemma and unplugs the horse. And you thought all they did was say Hello. |
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A woman goes to the doctor, beaten black and blue.
Doctor: "What happened?" Woman: "Doctor, I don't know what to do. Every time my husband comes home drunk he beats me to a pulp." Doctor: "I have a real good medicine for that. When your husband comes home drunk, just take a glass of sweet tea and start gargling with it. Just gargle and gargle." Two weeks later the woman comes back to the doctor looking fresh and reborn. Woman: "Doctor, that was a brilliant idea! Every time my husband came home drunk, I gargled with sweet tea. I gargled and gargled, and nothing happened!" Doctor: "You see how keeping your mouth shut helps?" |
Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right, and the other is a husband.
************************************* A Polish immigrant went to the DMV to apply for a driver's license. First, of course, he had to take an eye sight test. The optician showed him a card with the letters 'C Z W I X N O S T A C Z.' 'Can you read this?' the optician asked. 'Read it?' the Polish guy replied, 'I know the guy.' ******************************************** A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband. Suddenly, her husband burst into the kitchen. 'Careful,' he said, 'CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my gosh! You're cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter. Oh my gosh! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER? They're going to STICK! Careful. CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to me when you're cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY? Have you LOST your mind? Don't forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them. Use the! salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT!' The wife stared at him. 'What in the world is wrong with you? You think I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?' The husband calmly replied, 'I just wanted to show you what it feels like when I'm driving.' |
A man in a hot air balloon, realizing he was lost, reduced altitude and spotted a woman below.
He descended further and shouted to the lady: “Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don't know where I am.” The woman below replied, “You’re in a hot air balloon, hovering approximately 30 feet above the ground. You’re between 40 and 41 degrees north latitude and between 59 and 60 degrees west longitude.” “You must be in IT,” said the balloonist. “Actually I am,” replied the woman, “How did you know?” “Well,” answered the balloonist, “everything you told me is technically correct but I've no idea what to make of your information and the fact is I’m still lost. Frankly, you’ve not been much help at all. If anything, you’ve delayed my trip.” The woman below responded, “You must be in Management.” “As a matter of fact I am,” replied the balloonist, “but how did you know?” “Well,” said the woman, “you don’t know where you are, or where you’re going. You’ve risen to where you are now due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise, which you’ve no idea how to keep, and you expect people beneath you to solve your problems. The fact is, you are in exactly the same position you were before we met, but somehow, it’s MY fault!” |
Back in France in the late 1700s, three men were to be executed by the guillotine: a priest, a lawyer and an engineer.
First the priest was led to the device. His neck was laid on the cradle at the bottom of the guillotine. The blade was hoisted to the top of the device, paused, and then released. Just a few inches before the blade struck his neck, it suddenly stopped! The watching crowd gasped! The executioner, thunderstruck by the fact that his device had failed to finish its job, said to the priest, “The penalty was ordered by the court, the procedure was carried out, but the device failed to complete its job. You are hereby free to go. Never show your face in this town again.” The priest, thanking his good fortune, hurried away from the execution area, never to be seen again. The lawyer was next. He was led up, hands shackled, and his head was laid on the cradle at the bottom of the device. The blade was raised, sprung free at the top of the track, and sped down the rails to the counselor’s neck. Suddenly, he, too, was spared, as the blade stopped just inches from his neck. The executioner, again faced by the fact that his device had failed to finish its job, said to the lawyer, “The penalty was ordered by the court, the procedure was carried out, but the device failed to complete its job. You are hereby free to go. Never show your face in this town again.” The lawyer, thanking his good fortune, hurried away, determined to start a new career in a new town. Lastly, the engineer was led up the steps to the guillotine. As he was led to the place where he would lay his neck, he looked up at the guillotine, and said, “Oh, I see what the problem is!” |
Great Medical Advice!
Woman: "Doctor, I don't know what to do. Every time my husband comes home drunk he beats me to a pulp." Doctor: "I have a real good medicine for that. When your husband comes home drunk, just take a glass of sweet tea and start swishing it in your mouth but don't swallow. Just keep swishing and swishing until he passes out." Two weeks later the woman comes back to the doctor looking fresh and reborn. Woman: "Doctor, that was a brilliant idea. Every time my husband came home drunk, I swished with sweet tea. I swished and swished, and he didn't touch me!" Doctor: "You see how much keeping your mouth shut helps?" |
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Guy goes in an adult store and asks for an inflatable doll.
Guy behind the counter says , 'Male or female?' Customer says , 'Female.' Counter guy asks , 'Black or white? Customer says , 'White.' Counter guy asks , 'Christian or Muslim?' Customer says , 'What the hell does religion have to do with it?' Counter guy says , 'The Muslim one blows itself up. |
Best cowboy pick up line ever...
A cowboy walks into a bar and takes a seat next to a very attractive woman--- He gives her a quick glance then causally looks at his watch for a moment. The woman notices this and asks, 'Is your date running late?' 'No', he replies, 'I just got this state-of the-art watch, and I was just testing it...' The intrigued woman says, 'a state-of-the-art watch? 'What's so special about it?' The cowboy explains, 'It uses alpha waves to talk to me telepathically.' The lady says, 'What's it telling you now?' Well, it says you're not wearing any panties.' The woman giggles and replies 'Well it must be broken because I am wearing panties!' The cowboy smiles, taps his watch and says, 'Damn thing's an hour fast.' |
Q: Whats the difference between an oral thermometor and an anal thermometor?
A: Nothing but the taste |
What's the difference between a toiletbowl and a swimming pool???
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .You don't know?? Remind me to never come swimming at your place.... |
An irish man named francis is driving home after downing a few at the local pub.
He turns the corner and sees a tree in the middle of the road. He swerves to avoid it.he realizes there's another directly in his path. He discovers his drive home is causing him to veer from side to side to avoid all the trees. Moments later he hears a police siren and stops his car. The officer approaches his car and asks him what on earth is he doing. Francis starts to tell the story of the trees on the road. The officer stops him in mid- sentence and says... "fer chrise sakes,francis... That's yer air freshener !" |
Personals Ad
A lonely widow, age 70, decided that it was time to get married again. She put an ad in the local paper that read:
HUSBAND WANTED: MUST BE IN MY AGE GROUP (70's), MUST NOT BEAT ME, MUST NOT RUN AROUND ON ME MUST STILL BE GOOD IN BED!!!!! ALL APPLICANTS PLEASE APPLY IN PERSON. On the second day, she heard the doorbell. Much to her dismay, she opened the door to see a Grey-haired gentleman sitting in a wheelchair. He had no arms or legs. The old woman said, 'You're not really asking me to consider you, are you? Just look at you...you have no legs! The old man smiled, 'Therefore, I cannot run around on you!' She snorted. 'You don't have any arms either!' Again, the old man smiled, 'Therefore, I can never beat you!' She raised an eyebrow and asked intently, 'Are you still good in bed???' The old man leaned back, beamed a big smile and said, 'Rang the doorbell didn't I?' |
Wisdom comes with age... Never Discount Wisdom When the Outcome Is Important! A father, son and grandson went to the country club for their weekly round of golf. Just as they reached the first tee, a beautiful young blonde woman carrying her bag of clubs approached them. She explained that the member who brought her to the club for a round of golf had an emergency that called him away and asked the trio whether she could join them. Naturally, the guys all agreed. Smiling, the blonde thanked them and said, 'Look, fellows, I work in a topless club as a dancer, so nothing shocks me anymore. If any of you want to smoke cigars, have a beer, bet, swear, tell off-color stories or do anything that you normally do when playing a round together, go ahead. But I enjoy playing golf and I consider my self pretty good at it, so don't try to coach me on how to play my shots.' With that the guys agreed to relax and invited her to drive first. All eyes were fastened on her shapely behind as she bent to place her ball on the tee. She then took her driver and hit the ball 270 yards down the middle, right in front of the green. The father's mouth was agape. 'That was beautiful,' he said. The blonde put her driver away and said, 'I really didn't get into it, and I faded it a little.' After the three guys hit their drives and their second shots, the blonde took out an eight iron and lofted the ball within five feet of the hole (she was closest to the pin). The son said, 'Damn, lady, you played that perfectly.' The blonde frowned and said, 'It was a little weak, but even an easy seven would have been too much club. I've left a tricky little putt.' She then ta pped in the five-footer for a birdie. Having the honors, she drove first on the second hole, knocked the hell out of the ball, and it landed nearly 300 yards away smack in the middle of the fairway. For the rest of the round the statuesque blonde continued to amaze the guys, quietly and methodically shooting for par or less on every hole. When they arrived at the 18th green, the blonde was three under par, and had a very nasty 12-foot putt on an undulating green for a par. She turned to the three guys and said, 'I really want to thank you all for not acting like a bunch of chauvinists and telling me what club to use or how to play a shot, but I need this putt for a 69 and I'd really like to break 70 on this course. If any one of you can tell me how to make par on this hole, I'll take him back to my apartment, pour some 35-year-old Single Malt Strathmill Scotch in him, fix him a steak dinner and then show him a very good time the rest of the night. The yuppie son jumped at the thought! He strolled across the green, carefully eying The line of the putt and finally said, 'Honey, aim about 6 inches to the right of the hole and hit it firm. It will get over that little hump and break right into the cup. The father knelt down and sighted the putt using his putter as a plumb. 'Don't listen to the kid, darlin.' You want to hit it softly 10 inches to the right and let it run left down that little hogback, so it falls into the cup.' The old gray-haired grandfather walked over to the blonde's ball, picked it up and handed it to her and said, 'That's a gimme, sweetheart.' The blonde smiled and said, 'Your car or mine?' OLD AGE AND TREACHERY WILL OVERCOME SKILL AND YOUTHFUL VITALITY EVERY TIME. http://forums.pelicanparts.com/uploa...1280198738.jpg |
This is mythical and deep. Truly beautiful... A man asked an American Indian what was his wife's name. He replied, "She called Five Horses". The man said, "That's an unusual name for your wife. What does it mean?" The Old Indian answered, "It old Indian Name. It mean... NAG, NAG, NAG, NAG, NAG |
The Pharmacist's Monday Morning
Upon arriving home, a husband was met at the door by his sobbing wife. Tearfully she explained, "It's the druggist. He insulted me terribly this morning on the phone. I had to call multiple times before he would even answer the phone." Immediately, the husband drove downtown to confront the druggist and demand an apology. Before he could say more than a word or two, the druggist told him, "Now, just a minute, listen to my side of it. This morning the alarm Failed to go off, so I was late getting up. I went without breakfast and Hurried out to the car, just to realize that I'd locked the house with both House and car keys inside and had to break a window to get my keys. "Then, driving a little too fast, I got a speeding ticket. Later, when I was About three blocks from the store, I had a flat tire." "When I finally got to the store a bunch of people were waiting for me To open up. I got the store opened and started waiting on these people, all the time The darn phone was ringing off the hook." He continued, "Then I had to break a roll of nickels against the cash Register drawer to make change, and they spilled all over the floor. I had to get down on my hands and knees to pick up the nickels and The phone was still ringing. When I came up I cracked my head on the open cash drawer, which made Me stagger back against a showcase with a bunch of perfume bottles on it. Half of them hit the floor and broke." "Meanwhile, the phone is still ringing with no let up, and I finally got Back to answer it. It was your wife. She wanted to know how to use a Rectal thermometer. And believe me mister, as God is my witness, all I did was tell her." |
> cake or bed ???
> > a husband is at home watching a > football game when his wife interrupts, > > honey, > could you fix the light in the hallway? > it's been flickering for weeks now. > > he looks at her and says angrily, > fix the lights now? > does it look like i have > ge written on my forehead? > i don't think so. > > fine, > > then the wife asks, > well then, could you fix the fridge door? > it won't close right > > to which he replied, > fix the fridge door? > does it look like i have westinghouse > written on my forehead? > i don't think so > > fine, she says > then you could at least fix the steps > to the front door? > they are about to break > > i'm not a carpenter and i don't > want to fix steps > he says, does it look like i have > ace hardware written on my forehead? > i don't think so > i've had enough of you. > i'm going to the bar!!!! > > so he goes to the bar and drinks for a > couple of hours.............................. > > he starts to feel guilty about how > he treated his wife, and decides > to go home > > as he walks into the house he notices > that the steps are already fixed. > > as he enters the house , he sees the > hall light is working > > as he goes to get a beer, he notices > the fridge door is fixed. > > honey, he asks, how'd all this get fixed? > she said, well, when you left i sat > outside and cried. > > just then a nice young man asked me > what was wrong, and i told him. > > he offered to do all th e repairs, and > all i had to do was either > go to bed with him or bake a cake. > > he said, > so what kind of cake did you bake? > > she replied, > hellooooo.. > do you see betty crocker written > on my forehead? > i don't think so! |
ARN851: 'Halifax Terminal, Nova 851 with you out of 13,000
for 10,000, requesting runway 15.' Halifax Terminal (female): 'Nova 851 Halifax, the last time I gave a pilot what he wanted I was on penicillin for three weeks. Expect runway 06.' Although that first one was a joke, the following is real. Norman OK is home to The University of Oklahoma and the "Sooners". It is also home to several flight training schools, including the college's own. There are a lot of student pilots, and many of them are foreign nationals. Some have limited understanding of the English language. I personally heard this on the radio while flying in the OKC area: Student Pilot: Cessna 5512 Mike is inbound for landing. Tower: Cessna 5512 Mike, are you the Skymaster*? Student Pilot: My instructor says I am good, but I do not think I am sky master yet. Tower: Umm.... Cessna 5512 Mike, enter downwind for runway three. Cessna Skymaster: http://www.velozia.com/wp-content/up...r-1024x423.jpg |
Q) If you and your buddies are watching the game and your wife walks in from the kitchen and starts beotching at you, what did you do wrong?
A) you made her chain too long. Why do brides wear white at the wedding? The dishwasher is supposed to match the fridge. Did you hear they finally found the cure for nymphomania? It's called wedding cake. |
If girls with big boobs work at Hooters, where do one legged gals work?
IHOP.....:rolleyes: |
You been watching "Two and a Half Men".
Jake told that one to Charlie the other night. |
Yeah, but I didn't blow the punch line like Charlie did....
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Jim Smith died last night and went to heaven. St Peter was there waiting for him and said Hi Jim, glad you're up here, welcome. Jim said thanks and started looking around at all the beauty before him. He said "I can do anything I want, go anywhere I want, and all that", right? St Peter said it's all yours. Jim said he was curious and just wanted to take a look at hell, just to see what it was like. St Peter said sure; go to the elevator, push DOWN and when the door opens, look around but DONT GET OFF. So Jim goes down and the door opens and all of a sudden, it's snowing a blizzard, it windy, and its freezing. Jim said enough of this and went back up. St Peter asked him how everything went. Jim explained all he saw and just then, St Peter stood up and said, 'Oh no, did the Cubs just win the world series.
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The difference between gutsy and ballsy:
Gutsy is coming home late from a night of drinking, finding your wife waiting at the door with a broom in her hand and asking, "Are you gonna sweep with that or ride it?" Ballsy is coming home late from a night of drinking with lipstick smeared on your collar, finding the wife waiting at the door and saying, "You're next chubby!" |
After Quasimodo's death, the bishop of the Cathedral
of Notre Dame sent word through the streets of Paris that a new bell ringer was needed. The bishop decided that he would conduct the interviews personally and went up into the belfry to begin the screening process. After observing several applicants demonstrate their skills, he had decided to call it a day when an armless man approached him and announced that he was there to apply for the bell ringer's job. The bishop was incredulous: "You have no arms!" "No matter." said the man, "Observe!" And he began striking the bells with his face, producing a beautiful melody on the carillon. The bishop listened in astonishment , convinced he had finally found a suitable replacement for Quasimodo. But suddenly, rushing forward to strike a bell, the armless man tripped and plunged headlong out of the belfry window to his death in the street below. The stunned bishop rushed to his side. When he reached the street, a crowd had gathered around the fallen figure, drawn by the beautiful music they had heard only moments before. As they silently parted to let the bishop through, one of them asked, "Bishop, who was this man?" "I don't know his name," the bishop sadly replied, "but his face rings a bell." {WAIT! WAIT! Not through yet!!} The following day, despite the sadness that weighed heavily on his heart due to the unfortunate death of the armless campanologist, the bishop continued his interviews for the bell ringer of Notre Dame. The first man to approach him said, "Your Excellency, I am the brother of the poor armless wretch that fell to his death from this very belfry yesterday. I pray that you honor his life by allowing me to replace him in this duty." The bishop agreed to give the man an audition, but as the armless man's brother stooped to pick up a mallet to strike the first bell, he groaned, clutched at his chest and died on the spot. Two monks, hearing the bishop's cries of grief at this second tragedy, rushed up the stairs to his side. "What has happened? Who is this man?" the first monk asked breathlessly. "I don't know his name," sighed the distraught bishop,........ "but he's a dead ringer for his brother." |
I stopped by the Toyota Dealership yesterday for a
look at the new Tacoma. Just for fun, I took it out for a test drive. I wanted to sense that new "feel" before they become extinct. The salesman (wearing an Obama "change" lapel pin) sat in the passenger seat describing the truck and all its "wonderful" options. The seats were of particular interest. He explained that the seats directed warm air to your butt in the winter and directed cool air to your butt in the summer heat. Feeling like messing with his mind, I mentioned that this must be a Republican truck. Looking a bit angry, he asked why I thought it was a Republican truck. I explained that if it were a Democrat truck, the seats would blow smoke up your ass year-round. I had to walk back to the dealership. Damn, that guy had no sense of humor. |
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