New Game: Stupid Co-Workers

[equality72521]

Another thread prompted me to wonder how many good stories are out there involving stupid co-workers.

I'll start.

One morning "Pat" came in and we noticed he had somehow burnt concentric rings on the end of his nose. We all joked about it for a while amongst ourselves. After a few minutes, I asked what happened. His reply? "I wanted to see if my car's cigarette lighter was working".

Post your true stories, we all need a good laugh.

[HardDrive]

I called one of my co-workers one day. He was totally out of breath. I asked what was wrong.

It seem that his father had lent him a chop saw (miter saw) to work on his house. He had a piece of CHAIN that needed to be shortend, and decided that the chop saw would be a good option. Of course the huge teeth of the rough cut wood blade in the saw snapped up the chain and wrapped it tightly in the housing. He was out of breath from tugging on it.

Yes, he really was that stupid in person as well......

[JonT]

This gal I work with could not get her computer to turn on. She crawled under her desk and noticed the power strip was not plugged in. She grabbed the power strip end and plugged it into itself. Still no computer....hmmmm.

[austin552]

MANUFACTURING:

Kid at work spent his whole paycheck on a new PSP and games. forgot about his rent and baby's needs at home. Had to take it back the next day.

Forklift driver got caught between a pole and a wall with the pole between the forks. We still haven't figured that one out...

About a week before he was fired one guy told everyone he needed a new computer at home. The day after his termination his computer was stolen.

Saw the same fork lift driver chasing the lift he left in gear one night...

New employee told me she couldn't leave. She kept pulling on the door. I said politely "push".

One lady kept walking around a small pile of debris on the floor that was left at her station. Instead of picking it up she ended up breaking her ankle in two places.

Third shift computer operator left her pillow case hanging out of the ceiling tile where she was hiding it along with her blanket.
Terminated.

One guy was terminated last week for refusing to wear steel toes.

After several warnings, let one go for wearing his safety glasses on the back of his head. His defense was "Well I was wearing them".

Employees using screws were throwing the extras left in there pockets in the parking lot before leaving. Five cars with flat tires.

Two old ladies that had been with the company for 7+ years had a fight and beat each other with cabinet doors. Both terminated.

A couple people were fired for stealing flood light bulbs at the loading dock. Caught on camera.

Tired of writing now...

[red-beard]

Back in the days when smoking was still allowed in the offices/cubicals, we had one engineer who smoked like a fiend. He even learned to type while keeping the lit cirgarette between 2 fingers.

Of course, if he went too long between puffs, the cigarette would go out. I guess he was short of cigs one day, because he re-lit the cigarette. Or he tried to re-light it. Burned his nose with the butane lighter. He had a black spot on the tip of his nose. It scarred too! So even years later, you could see where he burned his nose.

[johnco]

I've got many stories of stupidty on the job.. Unfortunatly, most are about me. And I have the scars to back the stories up. Damn if I didn't burn my nose with a butane lighter a while back lighting a cigar.The flame was about 2 inches higher than I thought. blister and a cherry red nose for a week or so. name a body part and I'll tell you how many scars and how I got them. since I usually work alone, I have no one else's stupidity but my own to laugh at. I usually see my own blood at least once a day. I saw bone a few days ago after dropping a 4 inch running grinder on my ankle doing something foolish.

[pavulon]

co-worker in this rural geographic area for 4 years making approx $175K/year has 5 vehicles rolled into his 30-year mortgage...yet has possession of only 2 vehicles and is, by his own admission, living pay-check to pay-check.

[scottbombedout]

We were working on house refurbishments and all the rubbish was usually thrown into the gardens to be cleaned up later on. It was a warm day and one of the guys working for my Dads company decided to get a drink of water from the kithen sink.............that had been thrown into the garden. Couldn't understand why the taps wouldn't work

[austin552]

One of my first jobs was in Construction.
The first day on the job, I set a shovel down and went to lunch. When I returned it was gone. I told the boss and he said "Thats alright, we stole it from another company".

We were building a five story building. The roofers were running behind schedule. Painters came in and finished up early. Rained the whole weekend...

[dafischer]

Our new 25 yr. old "Supply Chain Analyst" was all frustrated at work the other day. It seems she was having problems initiating an international shipment to New Mexico.

We're in Pennsylvania.

[Ronbo]

This is from my high school days working in auto repair:

One of the mechanics was able to finally get a credit card. He immediately bought a dirt bike, a large freezer stocked with meat, gifts for friends, and many other nonessential items I forget. He was very pleased with the whole thing, including the itemized list of purchases thoughtfully provided by AMEX. The problem was he didn't know that he had to actually pay for these things. He truly thought that once you're able to get a credit card, you just show the card at the time of purchase and that's it. Naturally the card was discontinued, and he did make good on everything he bought. This was about 30 years ago, and I occasionally wonder how he's doing now.

[Moses]

When I was in high school, one of my prettiest classmates asked me to have a look at her car. It was running badly on the way to school and now it wouldn't start.

I got in the car and before I turned the key I noticed a little paper rectangle taped to the dash. Over the oil light! I asked her why it was there and she told me the light had been flashing on and off for quite a while but got so annoying she just covered it up.

[bell]

coworker #1 thought it would be fun to drift a customers blazer in the snow when he came around the corner before pulling into the shop.....after seeing me outside smoking when he came around the corner sideways he layed back into the throttle for more drift action....then aimed for his closed garage door.....it was one hell of a drift....especially when he went through his closed bay door.....

coworker #2 was putting a remote start on his girlfriends brand new 5-SPEED saturn vue....when done he tested it and noticed it was in gear while the e-brake was on, the car hopped and failed to start......he tried it again thinking it was cool and funny, but this time it started dragging the e-braked rear wheels and went through the garage door damageing every body panel on the car including the roof......he wouldn't let us listen to the phone call to his gf to tel her what happened, i'm sure he was on the couch for a few weeks

[legion]

Originally posted by austin552
MANUFACTURING:

Kid at work spent his whole paycheck on a new PSP and games. forgot about his rent and baby's needs at home. Had to take it back the next day.

I know of lots of people who do stuff like this. They just get government assistance for their rent and let various government programs pay for their kids' food and healthcare. (Who should be bothered to pay for a portion of premiums through work--let alone to remember to sign up?) It's really easy when everyone you know (and the goverment workers themselves) will help you to answer the questions in the right way...

[scottbombedout]

Another good one, was working in a power station turbine hall and one of the lads decided to take a 30 foot tower scaffold down on his own. We heard him crying for help. He had started taking the scaffold down starting at the bottom. He got the first piece out, it started to topple and he had managed to support it from going over. He didn't last long on the job

[Icemaster]

Workign construction in college. If we wanted to get the attention of the guy running the jackhammer, we'd usually just kink the air hose and the air would run out, hammer stops, guy looks up.

One co-worker making a long cut with an electric worm-drive saw and I'm yelling at him - he's not hearing me. Einstein assigned as my helper that day taps my shoulder and says "I'll get him...". Walks over to the electric cord and kinks it. Surprised by the fact that the saw continues to run...

Same character, gets all the way to the shop looking for the left handed hammer and the shingle eater we sent him back to look for when doing a roofing job. Boss started to yell at me about it, so I explained that it was actually safer to have this guy getting us tools and coffee than have him up on the roof with us. Nodded his head and walked off.

Later, in my white collar career, we go out to lunch and this bright point of light from Marketing joins us. I'm driving, dude in the front passenger seat asks if we can stop at the ATM. I drive backwards through the line so the ATM is on his side instead of him handing me the card and telling me his PIN. Bright point of light exclaims from the back seat as I pull up "Cool! I didn't know they made these for passengers!"

Yes, she was blonde.

[Aerkuld]

This guy wasn't stupid, but it is a very funny story...
He'd been sitting at his desk all day wondering what the funny smell might be. It wasn't just him that had noticed it either, several of his co-workers were wondering where the smell of festering dairy products could be coming from. I think it must have occured to him sometime during the afternoon. He did remember that his stick deodrant had felt funny that morning.
When he got home he found out why. It turned out that his 12yo son had carefully removed the deodrant from the middle and replaced it with Philidelphia Cream Cheese.
I guess the stupidest thing was that he came in the next day and told us all.

[equality72521]

Here's another about "Pat". He and his wife (proof there is someone for everybody) were having a kid. We asked what they were going to name it and he said if it's a boy we're going to name it after my father. We asked, what was your father's name. He replied, Kenneth W. S*******, we asked what the W stood for. He said "I don't know, we haven't figured that out yet".

[Rick V]

Kid that used to work next to me was replacing a set of outer tie rod ends on a GM momyvan. The spindles are made from some type of alloy, not steel. He tightnes the first one with a 1/2 inch impact gun and shatteres the spindle. He gets a replacement spindle and installes it on the car. Grabs the 1/2 inch impact gun and shatters the replacement. While waiting for the next replacement he procedes to do the same thing to the other side of the car.
I finished the van while he packed his tools.

[gchappel]

Many years ago I got a job doing electro/mechanical repair of vending machines. On my first day I hear one of the other repair techs swearing "The gd thing is still doing it." Turns out one of the motors would not turn off. Her idea of repair was to replace the motor. That is when I realized I was in the right place- 3months later I was head repair tech as a senior in high school. Many other similar stories.
Gary