So what is a fitting punishment for stepdtr whose grades plummetted? - Page 2

Tim Hancock · 03-26-2008, 04:02 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dueller

Where is Tim Hancock when I need him?

Dueller, I have no answer. I am VERY fortunate that both of my daughters have gotten nearly straight A's thru high school, but they both have had the same boyfriend for too long. Fortunately both boyfriends are freshmen attending college a couple hours drive away. Neither of my girls are into parties and keep their noses clean, but I feel they are wasting some of the best years of their lives by sticking with their same boyfriends from highschool. My oldest is a freshman in college and my youngest is a senoir in highschool. My role as stepdad has been slowly loosing power and influence.

I guess I should be thankful that they do not party and keep their grades up, but I also wish they liked to have maybe just a "bit" more fun. Too bad we can't get them together and have them end up somewhere in the middle.

stomachmonkey · 03-26-2008, 04:30 AM

She needs help from you not punishment.

Also be very careful re the BF. Do not alienate her over him.

Do not make him the "problem".

The problem is her time management.

Porsche-O-Phile · Porsche-O-Phile's Garage

Yep. She needs her grades in order to go anywhere in this world. Time for something else (or a couple of "somethings") to be cut, at least until the grades improve. Maybe something like "no honor roll, you only get one extracurricular activity and ONE night out a week". . .

Success is EARNED - at least for those of us not born with a trust fund. This needs to be reinforced with her. Her spoiled brat BF is clearly distorting her view of reality.

KFC911 · 03-26-2008, 04:48 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Porsche-O-Phile

....Her spoiled brat BF is clearly distorting her view of reality.

Not a parent...so take my .02 with a BIG ole grain of salt

. Your daughters (and son) sound as if they really have their acts together compared to many teens these days. I agree with POP (and I'm sure you know this already). As has been mentioned, make damn sure he's not also exposing her to drugs, etc. Even for those of us who've "been around the block", teens are great at hiding what they don't want parents to know about. BTW, is this the same daughter who was "friends" with the guy several years older some time back (not that it matters...just curious)? Good luck!

Rot 911 · 03-26-2008, 05:55 AM

I agree on the no punishment, but better time management. Something has go to go. Let her make the choice. Fortunately, if she really is a worker bee, she won't be able to stand lazy people for too long.

KFC911 · 03-26-2008, 06:23 AM

I've got an related question...why do some parent's seem to tie SO much emphasis into making good grades as if that is a sign of being "OK"? Bear with me on this one... I'm not talking about Dueller's situation where the grades drop suddenly...a big warning sign. I'm talking about assuming everything is going OK because a kid is making good grades. I was much like Wayne's situation...as long as I made "A"s...I was fulfilling my end of the "contract" with my parents, and no questions were asked. Here's the rub...with the school systems so "dumbed down", it isn't hard for someone gifted to make the honor roll (with almost no effort imo) leaving LOTS of time for other "extracurricular" activities. Some of the biggest party animals I knew in my youth (myself included) were also the best students... fortunately, most of us grew up after college

.

Porsche-O-Phile · Porsche-O-Phile's Garage

Nowadays it's ALL about the grades. That's about the only thing that matters when you get out of school. Well, that and a pedigree, which grades can help get you to. Those (for 99% of us) will be the only things to our names when we get out of school (well, that and $100k of student loan debt).

Yes, there's too much emphasis on grades today, but the "good" schools also turn away valedictorians every day. That's what you're competing against. Either play the game or don't.

Tobra · Tobra's Garage

water board her

Lot going on with kids, gotta look at why the grades have dropped.

When I was in HS, there was this loner kid who got decent grades, did not have a lot of friends, ended up eating a bullet, never did get why he did it. Be glad you got a heads up that something is going on with the grades.

cstreit · cstreit's Garage

If you think it's a time management thing, I'd simply lay it on the line. Some mild restrictions now, with the understanding that if the grades aren't back next report, the extracirriculars (ie boyfriend, volleyball) will start going away so she can focus on schoolwork.

Rather than ground her since you say she's a pretty good kid, for NOW, I would just insist that she devote x amount of time per day for homework...

WHat's the BF like?

KFC911 · 03-26-2008, 06:39 AM

POP, I'm not questioning the value of making good grades, that's a given. I'm referring to parents who assume everything is going fine with their kid because they ARE making "good grades". IMO, that's a potentially huge mistake for a parent to make...if a kid is in say the top 5 percentile in terms of scholastic ability (which is NOT an indication of being "smart" imo), then making "A"s is almost pathetically easy in our "dumbed down" educational system.

einreb · 03-26-2008, 06:41 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Wayne at Pelican Parts

My parents basically told me that I could do most things I wanted as long as my grades were up.

that 80's ascii pr0n was a heck of a motivator, eh?

Quote:

Originally Posted by cstreit

What's the BF like?

You in the market?

With two young daughters I have all sorts of 'what to do when' scenarios running a background process in my head for future reference. I'd go with the time management angle. Unless he's abusive and this is some sort of call for help (I dont get that impression), its not his fault.

svandamme · svandamme's Garage

send her over,along with a cheque for 10K Euro's
that'll take care of the first 3 months

KaptKaos · 03-26-2008, 07:16 AM

Tough question.

Say hello to a 2%'er.

Anyway, I think you need to discuss what the priorities are. Those priorities should be mutually agreed upon. Once she agrees and acknowledges what those priorities are, then you have a basis from which you can make future decisions.

When I was a kid, grades were first, anything else was secondary. Good grades, no problems with doing anything else. Not so good grade, then things got taken away. With your daughter being 17, things are trickier. It's hard to take things away. She may be expecting you to pay for certain things, like college or a car. You could put guidelines around that based upon her grades.

She's basically an adult and hopefully will listen to reason. She also seems like a pretty good kid. I hope it works out for the best.

Drago · Drago's Garage

Quote:

Originally Posted by svandamme

send her over,along with a cheque for 10K Euro's
that'll take care of the first 3 months

Also, we're going to need to see some pic's.

Hey, someone had to say it.

Dueller · 03-26-2008, 07:45 AM

WOW...thanks for all your responses. A few coomon issues brought up:

Drugs: nope. She's very much anti-drug. Besides as an athlete her school does random testing on a monthly basis. She's been clean every test for the past 2 years. Not a big drinker, either. The occasional beer when out with bf (she's usually the DD). A glass of wine with dinner every once in a while.

The reason this is problematical ius that we saw it coming last year and discussed it vis a vis so much time with bf with reassurances she was working the keep the grades up.

And yeah...at 17 she's very mature in many ways. Tough to know whether to punish her or sit down and have a discussion on consequences..

Joeaksa · 03-26-2008, 07:46 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Wayne at Pelican Parts

Time for a boyfriend diet. Tell her that you're limiting her outside activities until her grades pick back up. My parents basically told me that I could do most things I wanted as long as my grades were up. That was my "contract" with them.

-Wayne

That would be my reaction as well. Punishment is not going to work but she needs to realize that continuing like this will hurt her for the rest of her life.

Dueller · 03-26-2008, 07:50 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Drago

Also, we're going to need to see some pic's.

Hey, someone had to say it.

OK...Beauty and the slug:

KFC911 · 03-26-2008, 08:23 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dueller

Drugs: nope....

The reason this is problematical ius that we saw it coming last year and discussed it vis a vis so much time with bf with reassurances she was working the keep the grades up.

And yeah...at 17 she's very mature in many ways. Tough to know whether to punish her or sit down and have a discussion on consequences..

Excellent news on the first part! You know, your son had a "wake up" call awhile back and got his act together at college...I'm betting your daughter will do the same thing with a little more encouragement. I agree that grades are important (but NOT everything), and she seems too "on the ball" for punishment at this stage and her age.

Dueller · 08:42 AM

Oh...and I forgot to mention she was selected most beautiful in her class.

Her twin, could care less!

KFC911 · 03-26-2008, 08:39 AM

Keep that shotgun loaded is all I can add

That's funny about her "identical" twin!