So what is a fitting punishment for stepdtr whose grades plummetted?

[Sapporo Guy]

+1 no punishment
+1 on chatting

Your daughter sounds almost like the perfect daughter! I wonder if this is big a problem as you're making it ?

Did you ask her why she bombed? Maybe, she had a fight/misunderstanding/etc ... with BF.

Let her tell you what is up. Jeez, don't we know by now that kids know better than the parents
Seriously though, let her do the talking. You might find out the real reason and from there you can guide her.


Now for grades:

I agree they are important but :::

They seem to be only good for to get into a good university and to get a good first job!
( A good job can mean many things ... this situation refers to what many may call a "steady, fast track position, that takes care of you for life ) My opinion ... may differ and should go in a new thread

What else are grades good for????
- A house loan?
- A good BF/GF >> partner?
- A job after quitting the first one?
- To become the POTUS ?

I bet there are many P owners that worked they way up in the world and grades had very little to do with it.

Dueller, you're another good PPOT dad, so don't worry, just sit down with her and show that you are on her side and that you are just worried about her in an experienced adult way and yes, of course that you are her dad, a dad that wants to be on her side

[Dueller]

Sapporro...one of the critical thing grades are good for is scholarship $$$$.

[livi]

Right!

I am topping Stijnīs offer! Iīll do it Ģ5! Trust me, I am doc!

[the]

Originally Posted by Dueller

Oh...and I forgot to mention she was selected most beautiful in her class.



Her twin, could care less!

She doesn't need to worry about grades.

[Drago]

Wow.

BTW, my wife did the same thing when she got a certain boyfriend her senior year of HS. It ended up where her Father had to pull some strings at UW for her to get in.

Originally Posted by Dueller

Oh...and I forgot to mention she was selected most beautiful in her class.



Her twin, could care less!

[Dueller]

Originally Posted by KC911

Keep that shotgun loaded is all I can add That's funny about her "identical" twin!

Her twin after a day of offroading

[tabs]

Its the attitude of the slug that is the problem. Just think of it having a guy like me for a SIL..."Ohhh whats the use of it all anyway, everything is fake and phoney, so why try. I can go buy anything I want."

Looks like the daughter can forget the Ivy League School and head off to state. What state do you live in anyway? I hear (whatever) state school it is has a great Argiculture dept. Yeah man Forestry is where it is at.....

[tabs]

"Don't worry baby I have money."

You have a lot to worry about with this slug...he is a very corrupting influence. One of easy money...it grows on trees don'tcha know....

[Seahawk]

Originally Posted by KC911

I've got an related question...why do some parent's seem to tie SO much emphasis into making good grades as if that is a sign of being "OK"? Bear with me on this one...

I was much like Wayne's situation...as long as I made "A"s...I was fulfilling my end of the "contract" with my parents, and no questions were asked. Here's the rub...with the school systems so "dumbed down", it isn't hard for someone gifted to make the honor roll (with almost no effort imo) leaving LOTS of time for other "extracurricular" activities. Some of the biggest party animals I knew in my youth (myself included) were also the best students... fortunately, most of us grew up after college .

I love this post...I was exactly in the mode I bolded above.

I knew that grades were a currency and as long as I maintained excellent grades I was pretty much left alone to pursue mayhem...so I did, both

As for a fitting punishment? My kids seem to respond better to the carrot approach on most things, but they know there is a limit on my tolerance of them not meeting expectations.

As many have stated, talk first, explain your position and work on a solution as a family. All the best.

[Gogar]

unfortunately, this is America and it's 2008. She doesn't have to worry about much of anything except staying HOT.

When this slug is gone, there will be a big line new slugs ready and willing to pick up the pieces.

Isn't she also the girl who got to do some modeling? A great opportunity, yes; but not the best lesson for "hard work = reward".

I think you HAVE TO remove some freedom or privileges, and help her realize that the good grades = freedom, (like so many guys already said.)


And remember, it's quite likely I have absolutely no idea what I"m talking about.

[911Rob]

Originally Posted by widgeon13

+1 for livi. she certainly doesn't deserve punishment.

Yeah Due,
Grades, Smrades!

I'd have a talk to her about your disappointment; but its her choice.

BUT.... I'd have a chat with buddy and let him know that you're disappointed with him too. Is he gonna be a good influence on angel or a bad one? Most kids will step up to the plate of expectation.

My oldest daughters boyfriends would be more concerned about having my daughter home on time, than her.

FWIW, chill; she's 17 and its her life daddy.

[mattdavis11]

I don't think punishment is the answer either.

She needs to be rewarded, better yet reminded.

What you ought to do is have a strippers pole and some lights installed in her room. Then tell her that it will be all she needs in the future if this type of behavior keeps up. Remove it when she straightens up.

[911Rob]

Here's a concept....... go to school and get good grades so you can get into a good college and then get a good JOB!

What a load of crap!!!!

Getting good grades is like making money in real life man.

I've taught all my kids "how" to get good grades.
As a self taught straight A student (lived on my own through high school)
Getting good grades is all about posture/positioning
In college I could put my name on any students paper and they would receive an A for the paper; we tested the concept many times. YOUR grade depends on what the instructor thinks of you, with the exception of mathematics type courses. It's a con job man, jeesh.
The fact that her grades have fallen tells me she has lost the respect of her teachers; call them and ask them.
She's smart, she'll figure it out.

Your daughter is beautiful, so you should be teaching her the difference between "Winners" and "Losers", as the guy she marries will most likely have the biggest effect on her future happiness. Of course, to teach your daughter about being a "Winner" you'd need to be one yourself? I'm sure you are, as you seem to cherish your relationship with your wife and family very much.

As a lifetime "A" student, I've always hated the saying "C students hire A students to work for them"; but there is alot of truth in that saying.

I'd be much more worried about my kids learning a true value system about right and wrong, ethics and morals than grades any day of the week. Grades Smrades.

[the]

That's what I'm sayin'

Grades are going to be of little value to her. The most impt factor for choosing a college should be which one offers the best social opportunities (i.e., the most eligible bachelors). But there's lots of schools that offer that, including lots that aren't academically difficult.

In addition, grades are for the most part really an indication of how well a person will function as an employee. (This is coming from someone who had great grades all throughout 18+ years of education). She is never going to need that. Whether or not she is a great employee isn't going to make any difference in her life (plus, of course, she would be a great employee no matter what her grades are, because she was raised right).

In addition, the SINGLE most important decisions she is going to make is who she dates and who she marries. That will affect the outcome of her life. That person is not going to care whether she got an A or a B. Unless she really screws it up, she is never going to work at a serious job, and probably won't work at all after the age of late 20s/early 30s.

[the]

Like Rob said, teach her how to discern the difference between "Winners" and "Losers!"

That will be 10000000X more valuable to her than her grades at this point.

[gassy]

I, um, have a feeling she'll be just fine. Talk to her in a non-confrontational way just to get it off your chest. Support her, don't punish her. The BF is a douche--she'll realize that on her own soon enough.

[svandamme]

look at me, in 1st grade, i had 99% overal score
2nd grade, 98% overal
by the time i was 17, and had been kicked out of 12 schools, i never even bothered with exams or homework... or showing up for my overal missing scores

Oh, and btw, i went to Hungary once, that's not far from the Balkans, and i was under fire from rebel Shilka's before we even landed
once landed, there was no sniper fire, no sir, it was a full on artillery barrage, their snipers wouldn't come in a 10 mile radius from that LZ!!
I should be president... that's how much experience i have !
the kind of Experience Livi just can't deliver, not even for cheaps...
you get what you pay for , my 10K price, is seriously worth it...
And lest i forgot... i'm gorgeous.

[livi]

Well, I ainīt black either, so I guess I am beat.

[John_AZ]

Originally Posted by svandamme

send her over,along with a cheque for 10K Euro's
that'll take care of the first 3 months

Dueller,
Actually this is not a bad idea. Let your daughter know she can have a GAP year after graduation if her grades and lifes choices improve. She will find the European culture interesting. Her travels will forever benefit her.

$15K for a "year" with Stijn is a bargain ;-)

John_AZ

[Dueller]

But, Livi...you are a pediafluffer......errrr....... pediatrician

Seriously, mom is furious. She wants to ground her big time. But heck...she is 17. Legally, she could quit school if she wanted and we couldn't do a dayum thing. I know she would never do that, but at 17 you're dealing with a strange critter...not a child and not an adult.