Tatoos and teens...forgiveness vs. permission...as stepdad should I even get a vote?

[Tim Hancock]

I have two stepdaughters...one 18, one 20..... I feel your pain Dueller! FWIW, I would go ballistic if one of my step daughters got a tattoo. I too suffer from not being "in the loop" on decisions that they know I would go against them on. I typically try and forget about it, but every now and then, I have to speak up even if it means a week or so of hell with the wife.

[gprsh924]

Originally Posted by Dueller

I think that was a compliment

Actually we do have a positive relationship in general. And I do realize in the big scheme of things this, too, will pass. I have dealt with a number of more serious issues very candidly with them: leasbian relationships, sex, underage drinking, lying and sneaking off to an out of town college for the weekend, etc. And my wife and I do discuss things privately and I recognize that she has the final say when we disagree. So for me the wife's deception by ommission bumfuzzles me. May be an indicator of deeper problems.

But then again I overthink schit.

Dueller if your daughters ever need a place to stay in Chicago, Wisconsin, or Ohio, let me know and I will take care of it.

[austin552]

[widgeon13]

butt!!

[Hawktel]

Do you really give a damned about the Tattoo, or are you really wondering what else the Wife didn't feel the need to tell you?

[Mr.Puff]

She should have waited until she was 18. What is 1 year?

[jhynesrockmtn]

Tat = automatic 20 I.Q. point deduction. Pretty much universally...

I resemble that remark Got this after last years post divorce long distance cycling event schedule. Took my 18 YO daughter to get hers. I figured she'd get one anyway so might as well make sure it's well done. And no, she got hers first. We had the whole, you'll live with it forever discussion. Hers turned out nice!



Now to the real question. My $.02 and it's worth less advice. I don't think you have any standing with the kids unless youv'e raised them their whole life and really established a parental role with them. My GF and I are now starting to talk marriage and what does being a stepdad to her 9 YO son mean. But, if you're wife drives you crazy because her daughters continually run roughshod over her and then you get to hear about it nonstop, that's a dealbreaker. Was for me and my previous GF. Her kids and their relationship was enough to scare me off.

Good luck!

[azasadny]

I still remember someone here (I think it was Moses) who referred to tattoos as "BLASE" as in "badge of low self esteem" and I believe that's what they are, especially on teens...

[Hawktel]

Are all your Daughter's legs that Hairy? Are you raising a Sasquatch?

[holtjv]

Is it true that teenage girls will constantly strive to drive a wedge between mom and dad? Just getting prepared...

[holtjv]

Originally Posted by jhynesrockmtn

I resemble that remark Got this after last years post divorce long distance cycling event schedule. Took my 18 YO daughter to get hers. I figured she'd get one anyway so might as well make sure it's well done. And no, she got hers first. We had the whole, you'll live with it forever discussion. Hers turned out nice!



Good luck!

Very cool tat, Jerry. Nice job, too.

[9dreizig]

Dueller, you have to choose your battles and you already lost this one..
On the other hand my brothers daughter got one in defiance of the "no tats until AFTER college graduation"- which he was paying for. Needless to say, she's paying to have it laser removed - a very expensive/painful proposition..
Huge question here is ,, how long have you been step dad and where is the biological dad ??

[Zeke]

A caste system exists in the Western world as it does/did in India ( I don't keep up with that stuff). Get a tat and ensure you'll never be upper crust no matter who you marry. It's like the saying you can take the girl out of the country, but you can't take the country out of the girl. I know this because I married into 'country.' It doesn't bother me because I repudiate the upper class as it stands today. I respect proper upper class which hardly exists these days. The tat will make sure that girl never exists there either, but then did she ever have a chance? Probably not.

[Zeke]

BTW, I have a niece that has a tattoo of some sort of eagle wings completely across her back. A rather pretty girl at that. However, she is such a complete piece of trailer trash and a tramp that I really don't like to be seen in the same crowd. I see the family totally at fault here. And they really are the biggest bunch of boors I've ever known personally. I don't go where they go, I stay home.

[ramonesfreak]

i love tattoos, if they are well done and well designed. im a working professional and i dont make judgements about anybody with tattoos and as a general rule, i cant stomach anybody that looks down on others just because they have a tattoo. you folks who do, get a life and take a look in the mirror

arent there more important things to be concerned about, like teen smoking? i started smoking when i was 13. still do and my health is in the toilet......one of the main things i heard as a kid was....."God help you if you come home with a tattoo.....blah blah blah".

if i had a kid and caught them smoking...im not sure what i would do but it would be harsh

but a tattoo? geewiz lighten up

the lazer removal procedures they have these days are fantastic if she wants it removed some day

[ramonesfreak]

and you guys that think a person with a "tat" cant "make it" in this life...or be "upper crust" or whatever that crap is, you are very seriously out of touch with reality in the year 2008

wow

[Neilk]

Don't worry about the lesbian stuff. Girls apparently do that these days and it's just a phase. No offense, but she probably having threesomes too. Something I learned a couple of years ago when I was dating a much younger girl (Where were these experimenting girls when I was young, damn!!!).

Sucks having any kind of daughter. Mine will be 2 in November and I am already dreading what life will be like when she becomes a teen.

[Gogar]

Dueller,

I think at this point you just need to sit the girls down and EXPLICITLY FORBID THEM from

A. Getting good grades in school
B. Picking a responsible boyfriend with good values
C. Picking a success-oriented life path.

They're dead-set against doing whatever you want, right?

[Dueller]

Thanks for the comments and the opportunity for me to vent. A couple of points:

1. Nowhere have I said that tats were low rent...well professional tats that is. I suppose its some consolation that it was professionally done and not a "prison" or homemade tat. In fact I have seen some that are works of art...I'll have to admit tho that prosyltizing religious sentiments on you azz is not what I'd consider art.

2. I have been their primary male parent role model for the past 5 or so years. Tho they have a relationship with their dad it is long distance with phone calls/emails 2-3 times per month and once or twice a year to visit him and their heiress stepmom in Santa Barbara area. Prior to that he was a recovering crack addict.

3. I'm expected to be there for them when things go awry and go to their beauty pagents and sporting events and cook breakfast on Saturday morning and keep their cars in good repair and help them with school and discuss issuess maturely and honestly. I was their when they felt abandoned when dad suddenly moved out of their life chasing the golden goose.

4. As I aluded to earlier I'm rather pizzed off because wife concealed it from me and then never bothered to keep me in the loop about it afterwards. Just as mom is protective of her brood, I have a tendency to be protective of my wife. And I see them walking all over her....she has clear issues with disciplining them that go back to a lot of guilt about their younger years. I'll leave it at that. But let me say I've never raised my voice or struck them nor have I been the final person to decide punishment...I defer to mom. But they are keenly aware when I am angry or disappointed in them. Of late they are pushing the boundaries and getting away with more and more...which disturbs me.

[pwd72s]

Originally Posted by holtjv

Is it true that teenage girls will constantly strive to drive a wedge between mom and dad? Just getting prepared...

Sure 'nuff! And they have the ability to look their mom squarely in the eye and lie their butts off!