I'll be here all night until I fall asleep. Just remember, you're the man!

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I figured you were MOT by your user name but your surname doesn't strike me as particularly Jewish.

Hebrew would be interesting to learn but from what I understand the colloquial language changes fast and furiously. Go learn Farsi...but if you really want to tie up that loose end, Japanese is the way to go. ;)

No explanation of why/where she's gone/stuck? Nosorry and history of good? No "sad songs"?
Well, hope it stays that way. Lucky you didn't marry her.
Good luck. Now you have more time to enjoy your 911.

:) Lucky for you she didn't take poison, waited for someone to catch her, ambulance took her to emergency, someone called you and let you know all this... and she might even told people that she love you before she passed out again. :)

totally agree. From hate to love is a very close step or even the same. What you need is to not care.

I just caught up on the past four or five pages of this soap opera and one thing that jumps out at me is that HHB appears to have an addictive personality. IMO, nostatic's original comment (page 3) about getting therapy is spot on.

Well, I dunno. I've never had any drug problems, and a few years ago when I was going out with the guys and drinking bunches every weekend I realized I was drinking too much and cut it off. I don't think I have an addictive personality, I think my problem is much different.

My problem is I get blinded by love, and sometimes refuse to see the truth. Even now with me being done with her, I still have that nagging "what if?" thought in the back of my head. It will eventually go away. I seem to believe that women's problems will go away if I love them enough. I don't like putting blame and fault on people I love. Even though Melissa screwed me over, some of my first thoughts (after the initial what the eff?) were "what if I had gotten her to go back to NA, what if I had kept her busier so she wouldn't have as much down time to think about this, what if I had this or that..." I do realize now that I can't fix anyone's problems except my own. Being able to admit that is the first step. The second step is being able to apply it. I think I've been hurt badly enough now that I have learned my lesson.

Also, it appears that I don't like being alone. I want to be loved. I want to be needed. I want someone to love me and even depend on me a little, I guess subconsciously it makes me feel better about myself. I tend to ride myself hard sometimes because I can be lazy if I'm not too careful. I have a **** memory, and I talk too much, which sometimes annoys people. So sometimes my self esteem suffers because of all that. Feeling wanted and needed fixes all of that. That was my main complaint with my old ex wife, I didn't feel wanted or needed at all in that relationship. I felt like a roommate. Melissa fixed this, as she made me feel loved, wanted, she made me feel like I was special to someone. Every day, I knew that someone loved me. Unfortunately she also made me realize how hard it is to lose a person like that, especially when you lose them in such a hard manner as this.

Last night wasn't the best of nights. I've barely eaten, drank, or gotten any sleep in a week, and I was really having trouble staying away last night. I made some food and ate it, and my appetite is returning, although I've been nautious, mostly due to stress. It was a quiet night also, I had long periods of boring empty space inbetween the times when I could talk about my problems to friends, so of course I ended up with way too much time thinking about her. I've been really upset and hurting more than words can say. I know things will get better, I know I'll get over her and move on, but right now it really, really hurts.

I'm going to try to get some sleep. When I wake up I'll look into getting my phone changed. I am way too broken up right now, and I can't risk losing everything in a moment of weakness simply because I'm hurting so bad.

Thank you everyone for all of your support through this. It has helped me a lot.

Honestly I don't think I'll be able to not care about her for at least a year or three. What I need is total and complete separation from her so there is no possible way I can break down and go back to her.

My Jewish heritage comes from my mother's side. So my first and middle names are Hebrew, just not my last. And unfortunately in the Army I can't learn Japanese unless I were a commissioned officer.

for those late nights of boredom there is this game called gran turismo......
and also toca3 for great ai racing :)

i used to be like you i think.....the problem isn't that "you annoy" some, it's that you come off self centered and most females don't like that, and it attracts "certain" types of fems if you get my drift........
not saying this to be mean, just been there/done that.......except for the methwhore part :D

the biggest thing i had to learn was how to simply relax, and to realize that no matter how f'd up things were none of it could actually kill you, hence life is grand :)

Therapy and interesting hobbies are going to help you. Posting here about all this and/or playing music are just wallowing in self-indulgence. You need to be positively distracted where your enthusiasm is piqued.

That's odd. Why not? Couldn't you take classes on the side?

Oh, well I could learn it that way. I meant the army wouldn't teach me the language like they taught me korean.

I'm going to get back into building guitars. I think this forum has helped me, all the support along with the ocassional off-color joke has helped me to realize the truth about the situation.

But yeah, I definitely agree about the positive distractions. I can spend all day working on a guitar. I'll have to do that soon.

I play Forza 2. I like how you can customize the paint on the cars. I bought all the Porsches and put martini racing paint jobs on them.

Bingo. Now you need to sort out why that is and go from there.

Well, I know it's not easy. In fact, that is the hardest part of all this. But if you can get there, it's considered done. The more you "trying to forget", the more you remember.

There's a therapist at work, Monday morning when I get off work I'll stop by her office and talk to her. Just woke up after about 5 hours sleep. It's not enough, I'm going to try to go back to sleep, but I'm suddenly wide awake.

All normal things. By all means, talk to someone who will listen and give you advice objectively.

Just called ATT and changed my cell phone number. I guess it's truly over now, all ties are forever cut.