Separation as a tool to save a marriage...your experiences?

[island_dude]

In my case it didn't fix the damage, but it is largely because we let it get so far that the resentments built up too much. If we had done it earlier we might have kept it together. Mine is a really long story that I don't have the energy or time to pass on. For me the bottom line is pretty simple though: Even if you are going to break up, you will have to go through the separation process. During that time, you both will realize if you are happier about it or miserable. My advice would be to avoid separating. During the separation, my wife came running back a couple of times to try and put it together again. The thing is that after all of the damage she did in the process, I realized that I was better off being away from her.

[cashflyer]

Out of sight, out of mind.

[McLovin]

Separation is to divorce

as

engagement is to marriage.

[Zeke]

Originally Posted by McLovin

Separation is to divorce

as

engagement is to marriage.

That is pretty well stated. Separation also leads to reconciliation which leads to separation... again.

[Heel n Toe]

Jim, based on what you said in your post #283 here...

When did you know it was over in a relationship?

...especially “She professed her desire to save our marriage in any way possible short of abandoning her children. She wants to go to counselling together and individually. She stated she has absolutely no desire to see other people. She wanted to find the joy we had when we dated. She wants to find happiness, wants me to find happiness and wants us to be happy together,” I see no reason for you to be soliciting for input/stories on the matter.

Because unless for some reason you now think she was lying, or you’ve approached her about counseling and she said she has changed her mind, it sure sounded like things were on for moving forward with a goal of full restoration when you met her that day.

I realize that many, many times there can be a huge difference between what a woman says and what she does, but...

Did something change?

Did you find out she went ahead and signed that lease?

[Zeke]

I think she's bound and determined to punish Jim for his outrage. Which won't work. It takes two and I don't think both are on the same field yet.

[JeremyD]

Separation helped me get a jump start on dating again. I played the pity card well

[KaptKaos]

I wish you the best. Not sure I have much to add except that I've always felt that actions mean much more than words. Pay attention to what she does, not what she says. In my experience, women tend to use a lot of words to convey things and those words will have subtly different meanings. We men generally don't know all of those rules, and accept synonyms in the simplest of terms, when that's not what they mean at all.

Good luck!

[mikester]

Originally Posted by KaptKaos

I wish you the best. Not sure I have much to add except that I've always felt that actions mean much more than words. Pay attention to what she does, not what she says. In my experience, women tend to use a lot of words to convey things and those words will have subtly different meanings. We men generally don't know all of those rules, and accept synonyms in the simplest of terms, when that's not what they mean at all.

Good luck!

I don't know what you mean.

[KaptKaos]

Originally Posted by mikester

I don't know what you mean.

Why I oughta!!!

[mikester]

Originally Posted by kaptkaos

why i oughta!!! Smilewavy

to the moon!!!

[ruf-porsche]

Originally Posted by m21sniper

A girl i was messing with recently told me she was separated. Here it turns out that she separated from him just so she could ride my pony. As soon as we were done knocking boots (about 6 weeks of fun and games), she went back to her husband.

I wonder what she told him....

Rode another "Pony", but I like I like the old "Stallone" better.

LOL

[ruf-porsche]

Originally Posted by Dueller

Diet coke thru the nose...funny ruf.

Hey ruf....I think I may have bought another BMUU wagon...2003, white/grey lthr 525.

Should have brought a Jag XK8 convertible and cruise around town with the top down.

LOL

[Joeaksa]

If you want to, hope you can save it. Cover your a$$ets while doing so just in case...

[m21sniper]

Originally Posted by ruf-porsche

Should have brought a Jag XK8 convertible and cruise around town with the top down.

LOL

Or sat around town waiting for a tow truck for it...

[LWJ]

To answer the original question: yes. I went to Grad school and left my girlfriend. She found a "replacement." I was miserable. The relationship before I left was sort of lopsided and was bond for destruction. When I came back, the balance was put into the relationship. That was 1989. I believe a good break can point out how truly valuable a person is to you. Good luck.
Larry

[Joeaksa]

Originally Posted by m21sniper

Or sat around town waiting for a tow truck for it...

My Jag with 700,000 miles might disagree with the above statement.

[nostatic]

I missed the earlier threads but can guess at the content based on this and the much earlier issues.

This line bothers me: " She wanted to find the joy we had when we dated."

Looking backwards dooms one to failure. Life is too short to deal with lies, manipulation and BS. Everyone makes mistakes, but if people don't know their own issues and aren't willing to find them, then you're toast unless you just want to be a doormat.

Don't be a doormat. Be the door, Danny.

[onewhippedpuppy]

Originally Posted by m21sniper

Or sat around town waiting for a tow truck for it...

Hey now, my Jag was one of the most reliable cars I've owned. One of the few that didn't have anything broken on it. #1 rating from JD Power this year too, that should be worth something.

[McLovin]

A car running for a full three months without breaking down is nothing to be proud of, Rusty.