Move forward. Do not dwell on woulda coulda scenarios
Appreciate the freedom. Do something for yourself. Stay away from booze, which can lead to bad decisions and self pity.

Hookers and blow are completely acceptable though! ;)

Dueller, I have not read any of the prior threads about your situation, so I don't know exactly what issues exist.

In general, though, I think you should focus on getting healthy, happy, in shape, energized, vital, confident, pursuing your interests. All that makes you attractive, and if she is or becomes healthy herself, will make you more attractive to her as well. And it makes you more able to participate in fixing whatever was the problem, if indeed it is possible to fix. It does not mean shutting her out or pulling away, but it does mean not sitting by the phone or in your case the keyboard and then poring over each text log like a needy sad sack, no offense intended.

Many of us have had the experience - a woman leaves you, you bounce back and get in the best mental and physical shape of your life, she realizes how great you really are and the relationship is re-kindled or at least has a fair shot at being so.

Perhaps you're doing all that already, if so just take this as exhortation and affirmation.

The things that will make you least attractive to her are your attempts to get her back, texts, e-mails, phone calls, donuts, "I love you," etc.

The thing that would make you most attractive to her would be a nice looking 39 or 40 year old replacement gal in your bed.

Man this thread just wears me out. All I am seeing here is her wanting total and complete control. Dueller, I hope for nothing but the best for you, but damn her actions are more than any mere mortal could put up with. You must be a saint.

I like the twenty something myself. LOL

Jim,
I agree with Kurt. I've read the whole thing from page one from the beginning as it developed and wasn't going to post any comments until now. All I'm going to say is you should seriously consider getting out and finding a different life. You're letting your investment take you down. Purely my opinion.

I agree with the last 2 guys to a high degree.

+1

lol

I would disagree on this advice.

1. He's married so he would be cheating.

2. I think any chance of reconciliation would be gone.


If he was simply dating the female I would say round up some premium, as they say, but in this case I think it's wrong.


I do agree with getting out and keeping busy with activities.

Ya, no schite. With Dueller's scratch he could score 20yo ho's with almost no effort whatsoever.

If he couldn't, he could invite me over, and i'd score them and bring em home for him. Nothing better than young hottie delivery, right?

Hehehehe.

Assuming that is the point of life. It is not. I expect Jim would prefer quiet companionship to "the hunt" and a new girl everynight.

Although, I could be wrong...

How do you know that's not the object to life? Did god send you a memo?

Seems to me that spreading your seed in young, fertile women very much IS the entire point of Nature's game.

There are few forms of 'companionship' that can match that of rolling around naked with a hot, tight bodied 20 something year old ho.

PS: Don't hate man.

What?! You call them bad decisions, I call them fun.;)

1. They are separated, living apart, so it isn't cheating. You can't have it both ways - can't want to be separated, living apart, acting like you aren't married, but still have the leash on the other person.

2. Chances of reconciliation would be improved. The grovelly, "I'm going to counseling, I can change, I can change!" things he has been doing are lessening the chances of reconciliation. (Although in this case, there is no chance - long term - anyways).

+100000000000000000000

WTF, she left, she cannot then say he cheated after SHE left.

In Ga. you would need a legal separation agreement or it can be used against you. He IMO ought to get one and let it be the start of either moving on or getting her attention or both. I most likely would have changed her name to defendant by now.

Real question: Used against you for WHAT?

BS-They are still legally married so it WOULD be cheating, IMO.

I'm sure Jim could tell you that any good lawyer would use this against a person in a divorce settlement.

I don't believe they are legally separated, just mutually agreed upon separation.

I must have missed the part where the separation was "mutually agreed upon."

Someone suddenly moving out of the house one day, with no notice, no discussion, seems more like a "unilaterally agreed upon" separation to me.

As if there weren't enough reasons already, this is yet one more reason to never, ever get married.

Yep.

Both parties agreed to continue the separation AFTER she left the home. The agreement was that they were to seek counseling.

It really is a moot point on who left as they are still married and if Jim were to have an "affair" it would be cheating,plain and simple. he would automatically be judged as the bad guy.

When my wife and separated I didn't date anyone until after the divorce was final. Sure, I didn't have chicks lining up so that made it easier but I still waited.....




and waited.......:(

Ah, I see how that works.

Then they can mutually agree that Jim can knock boots with a couple of 20 year olds AFTER he does it.

And I'm still wondering how, exactly, it could be used "against him" in the upcoming divorce. How, exactly (what issues), is it relevant?

Should Jim get caught hooking up with someone the wife can use it for grounds for divorce.

Doesn't she not need "fault" for a divorce?

Can't either get a "no fault" divorce - "irreconcilable differences?"

She doesn't need grounds but if she caught him banging a 20something she could use it for grounds and fry his arse.

OK. I fortunately don't have experience with getting divorced, but was just wondering.

If cheating is relevant in a divorce, then, if I were Jim I'd hire an investigator to follow her around for a weekend.

lolol

It's not cheating if you don't get caught.

no cop no crime -or- no wife no worries.

Sure, neither is murder. Just ask OJ.:rolleyes:


You single guys probably don't understand some married guys contention with one woman forever.

I made a vow to both of my wives to be true and I did/have.

BTW-If you are single, have as many chicks as you can handle. If you are married, keep it in your pants or get divorced and then have as many as you can handle.

Most likely if Jim decides get divorce it will be irreconcilable differences, even if he or his wife decided to have an extramarital affair.

I kinda doubt that having an extramarital affairs is ground for divorce under current laws in most states. It is only a law in the eyes of the church. There maybe law for fornication but that has nothing to do with marriage.

-1

The wife and I are having our first real "date" today...There is a big birthday party at her pub. Three bands, lotsa people expected. I'm picking her up at 3 p.m. or so and charged with being official photographer and DD. We've met a few times for luncjh to discuss various mutual issues, but nothing really substantive.

Wish me luck;)

Good luck, Jim.

Set Phasers to stun.

I think you guys are gonna make it.

I know you love the step daughters and ultimately when they mature things can be right but right now you are best off without them around.

I say that as the product of a blended family with an older brother and two younger step sisters so I've seen it from all ends. It's tough at times but when everyone finally grows up it turns out OK.

Hope things work out. Are the daughters off at school now? Hope so...

Yes they're all moved in. Don't know whether they're coming to party as classes start tomorrow. But they're only 2-2 1/2 hours away.

Buy them a small compact car for school. One that really is not comfortable on a drive other than to the grocery store. That way they will not want to come home often... :)