Things are getting pretty bad..."Dad, I can't live like this anymore..." - Page 6

dhoward · dhoward's Garage

Spend some time here.
http://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php#9
See if some of this is close.

m21sniper · 09-02-2009, 10:36 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LubeMaster77

She just called and had a melt down because I took the GPS and her Mom is taking our Son to football practice tonight and doesn't know how to get there.

"relax, it's cool, he knows the way."

"thats a lot of pressure to put on a 10 yr old! Your always thinking of yourself! Didn't you once think that just maybe some else might need to use the GPS to drive the kids?"

"No problem, I will call her cell and walk her through the directiosn. Whats her cell?"

"You know it, you called her to come down, and sorry to pull you out of the bar!"

"Bar? what the heck are you talking about? Can you please try to be nice? Really. This sort of shyt is just plain unacceptable. The problem is easily solved."

"Can I go now, Emma needs to eat before her soccer practice."

"Who the heck is keeping you? Go, go feed her."

"blah blah blah blah"

"Goodbye Li, go feed Emmy, goodbye." and I hung up.

Really! JF'nC!!!

so I called her Mom and guided them in - no problem.

Time to self medicate with a scotch or two????

Time to buy another GPS receiver.

m21sniper · 09-02-2009, 10:39 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Gogar

You are getting abused in a big way, Mike. I'm sorry.

+10000000000000000000000

Her behavior is utterly unacceptable. Blindness, deafness, whatever, there is no excuse for this. What her condition is revealing is that deep down inside, the core of her character is that of a *****.

Adversity brings out the true nature of people.

M.D. Holloway · 09-02-2009, 11:26 AM

I have to sort some stuff out in my head. There was a time that the thought of the end of our marriage would bring me down now I consider it a viable option. I have always thought that I never needed her I only wanted her. Now thats not even the case.

I'm just tired of the shyt...

artplumber · 09-02-2009, 11:31 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LubeMaster77

I have to sort some stuff out in my head. There was a time that the thought of the end of our marriage would bring me down now I consider it a viable option. I have always thought that I never needed her I only wanted her. Now thats not even the case.

I'm just tired of the shyt...

Mike,
Sorry you're going through this. Don't do anything rash. Try to get that help soon, meantime it will give you time to cool off.

pwd72s · 09-02-2009, 11:33 AM

Mike...I sense that writing it all out here serves a theraputic purpose for you.
So, whatever helps...

m21sniper · 09-02-2009, 11:55 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by artplumber

Mike,
Sorry you're going through this. Don't do anything rash. Try to get that help soon, meantime it will give you time to cool off.

Whatever happens i think he's well beyond the doing anything rash phase.

Heel n Toe · 09-02-2009, 01:10 PM

Lubey, if you think you might enjoy about 3 1/2 minutes of comic relief, check this out:

How men and women communicate
http://videos.komando.com/2009/09/02/how-men-and-women-communicate/

motion · 09-02-2009, 06:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LubeMaster77

I have to sort some stuff out in my head. There was a time that the thought of the end of our marriage would bring me down now I consider it a viable option. I have always thought that I never needed her I only wanted her. Now thats not even the case.

I'm just tired of the shyt...

Mike, do you have any idea of the stigma you're going to have to live with for the rest of your life if you leave her? The timing is not ideal, si?

porsche4life · porsche4life's Garage

Ya people will look right over the bat**** crazy and go straight to the blind. Tread very carefully.

M.D. Holloway · 09-02-2009, 06:38 PM

Yup, I know that. I wouldn't stay because of my name being trashed, I will stay because she is my Wife and I made a commitment. As stupid as it may sound I want our kids to see us as a couple that will endure because that is what people should do.

At some point our children will think of us as excellent examples of how adults get past problems and take responcibility. So many people just throw in the towel and take the easy road out.

There is not a day that goes by that I don't think about how my Father took care of my Mother when she had dementia. He endure emotional torture but he kept his promise to her that they made at the alter - for better or for worse...

Sounds corny but at some point I want to beleive that doing the right thing - in this case understanding her pain and trying to make it work is far more important than skipping out when it gets impossible.

Your right Paul, this is a means for me to vent and work out some ideas and emotions. I guess that is what this PPOT is for - for us to vent, discuss, brag, question and ulitimately made form friendships that are lasting and true.

jhynesrockmtn · 09-02-2009, 06:49 PM

Sorry but IMHO (and that of many experts) is the old axiom "staying together for the kids" is often misguided.

I agree with it if you can truly get through this and on the other end model a loving and respectful couple to them. That's devotion and working through problems. No problem with that.

However, if you stay in a relationship where you are getting trashed regularly, Mommy and Daddy don't love or respect each other, constantly fighting and bickering, etc. you are not modeling anything good to them. You're teaching them that people fight, bicker, stay in bad relationships, etc. How do you think women learn to stay with abusers?

Best of luck!

Oh Haha · 09-02-2009, 06:52 PM

My parents were married for 47 years before my Dad passed away. They endured a stillborn twin to my oldest sister, my brother being killed at 17YO in a car crash, raising 6 kids in total. They were not perfect but they stood by each other and with each other through everything. They even separated for a few weeks over a situation with one of my sisters.

My point is that yours is such a unique situation with the recent changes in your wife that, while it sounds like you have taken a ot of guff over the past 12 years, you still want to get through this rough period because you love your wife and want your kids to see their parents together.

My first marriage had similar issues with the crap being given but it was mostly given by me.

I'm certainly not proud of it but that's the way it was. Now, that isn't part of me anymore.

I can't stress enough how I really think you need to get into some kind of therapy with a professional. Maybe some type of weekend retreat or something. Yeah, I know the problems cannot be resolved in one weekend but you know what I mean.

Still sending good thoughts and prayers.

M.D. Holloway · 09-02-2009, 07:29 PM

I have an appt Wednesday with my Wife.

pwd72s · 09-02-2009, 08:49 PM

crossing my fingers...for both of you.

m21sniper · 09-02-2009, 10:28 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by motion

Mike, do you have any idea of the stigma you're going to have to live with for the rest of your life if you leave her? The timing is not ideal, si?

When is the timing ever ideal to leave your wife?

dhoward · dhoward's Garage

STIGMA? ARE YOU SERIOUS?

Hmmm....let's see, someone will think Ill of me, OR I will hate my life to the point no return.

Wow.

motion · 09-03-2009, 07:23 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by dhoward

STIGMA? ARE YOU SERIOUS?

Hmmm....let's see, someone will think Ill of me, OR I will hate my life to the point no return.

Wow.

When "someone" is your family and close circle of friends, then yes, it should be something to consider.

Rikao4 · 09-03-2009, 08:14 AM

for all that's going on in both your lives..
the ' I love you' has fallen to the wayside..
her..folks everyone one of us would freak..
how we handle it...roll your dice..
Lube and his lady may have reached the point of..
just going thru the motions & they got comfy..
then boom..
it may end badly,
but he will have tried and more..
that's all he can do..
good luck Mike..

Rika

dhoward · dhoward's Garage

Yeah, it's something to consider.
Also consider this, when it's gotten to this point, if you are unable to take care of yourself first, you will be unable to take care of anyone else.
I did the same thing. Worried about what people would think of me leaving my invalid wife. All the while taking the abuse, and trying to everything I could to make a household run as normally as possible. I was miserable, my career suffered, my children moved back in with their mother, step-son never wanted to be around his mother, and I took the brunt of it from her (my fault, 'cause I'm the "cool guy").
You cannot fix someone else.
In my case, it took some advice from several counsellors and group sessions to understand this. When I finally told my wife (after her attempted suicide) that we would be making plans to divide the possesions, and that she would have to figure out where she and her son were going to have to live, she decided that maybe intensive thereapy, isn't such a bad idea. In fact with in several months of steady improvement and agressive cognitave-therepy sessions, we're nearly back to where we were 12 years ago. It's been a long road, and I'm still not sure it was all worth it, but 'stigma' is that last thing you need to consider.
Hard to summarize on a message board.