Things are getting pretty bad..."Dad, I can't live like this anymore..." - Page 8

porsche4life · porsche4life's Garage

Hey Mikey have you been getting my pms? I hate to be pesky...

M.D. Holloway · 09-09-2009, 08:09 PM

yup - sorry for not responding. I been a bit self centered lately and only want to vent when I feel like it. No disrespect but I would rather just have a one-way conversation about this for now.

artplumber · 09-09-2009, 09:02 PM

Mike,
I would think it's fairly common for one of the reactions for her (someone in her position) to lash out at all those around her, including telling you the marriage was over. You may want to ask your counselor about that. She doesn't really sound as if she has completely gotten "it" as yet. Likewise, it doesn't sound as if she is anywhere close to exiting the denial stage of grief over her own medical probs.

Keep plugging away and making sure you get to a good place. It will take a number of sessions to get to the bottom of things.

m21sniper · 09-10-2009, 07:20 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by artplumber

Since people that have actually had affairs can salvage their marriage, I believe that his marriage is salvageable.

I'm not sure i believe that. In fact i know i don't believe that. I think those "saved" marriages are unions of hell...the woman never forgets, and the trust is forever gone.

Quote:

Originally Posted by artplumber

Rather than having such a negative view, and perseverating your "get out of Dodge" opinion, maybe you should consider hanging back and offering solely supportive statements (for Mike), eh?

Blow smoke up his butt?

Honestly, my intent was to help him by giving him an honest opinion, not to placate him. I don't really think that would be helpful.

livi · 09-10-2009, 02:13 PM

Mike,

I know you prefer a one-way communication so please disregard my question if thats the case.

I have a difficult time following whats you and whats your wife in this thread. I was wondering, looking at yourself from her point of view, what issues of complaint against your person would you regard as objective and with some kind of substance?

Not sure my English comes out right, I hope you understand what I mean.

artplumber · 09-10-2009, 08:29 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by m21sniper

I'm not sure i believe that. In fact i know i don't believe that. I think those "saved" marriages are unions of hell...the woman never forgets, and the trust is forever gone.

Blow smoke up his butt?

Honestly, my intent was to help him by giving him an honest opinion, not to placate him. I don't really think that would be helpful.

So how's the borderline personality disorder coming? Supportive statements does not equal blowing smoke up someone's butt. Neither does being supportive mean that you should endeavor to placate some savage beast (no one has suggested Mike is some raving lunatic).

Your opinions give some clue as to why none of your relationships have lasted more than 5 years.

m21sniper · 09-10-2009, 08:44 PM

LOL, man some of you guys and your personal attacks. And you want to talk about personality disorders?

The proper venue for this friendly banter is in the form of PM's...not in LM's thread.

Jims5543 · 09-11-2009, 06:05 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by m21sniper

I once dated a girl that turned out to be a total drunken ho. However, i loved her, so tried to help. I INSISTED she go to a shrink for her drunken-sluttishness.

So she finally relents and goes after i find out about the whorishness part. After the 3rd session, she says her shrink wants to meet me. So i go, and the shrink proceeds to unload on me, accusing me of being the cause of her slutty-drunkeness to begin with.

Never mind that she was a drunk whore well before i ever started dating her. That was the last time i ever trusted a shrink to meddle in my affairs, and i will never again waste my time with one.

Shrinks are the most screwed up people around. I've never met a psych major that wasn't a nutter, and i would never, ever listen to the advice of one of those whack jobs.

How does your experience with a drunk whore have anything to do with the topic at hand?

Were you married? did you have kids with her?

Sometimes I think you try to start internet arguments just to argue. What you typed above is not a well thought out argument against therapy.

I personally think both of them need to keep on going, its going to be ugly at first, his wife has a lot of rage inside her that needs to be vented.

The fact that his MIL is unloading on him now is distressful to me. I think he was expecting her to take "his side" in all of this and she did not.

I feel bad for you Lube, I read, in the past, with great interest your depression thread. My wife went through a bout of this, she medicated too, but now is off of it entirely. It seemed to be a hormone imbalance with her.

All I can say is hand in there, see if the therapy helps in the next few months, then decide where you need to be.

If nothing else, my thoughts are with you. I hope this works out for the best for you.

Porsche-O-Phile · Porsche-O-Phile's Garage

Mike, I'm simply speechless at what's going on here. Peace and strength to you. I'm thinking of you and your family. That's about all I've got. I hope to read about things "going better" here in the near future.

m21sniper · 10:10 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jims5543

How does your experience with a drunk whore have anything to do with the topic at hand?

I was explaining why i feel that psychiatrists are not helpful. As i clearly stated. Some others agreed with me here, by the way.

Your comments about the MIL, etc, i agree with. I'm sure it was a real kick in the nuts when she unloaded on him too.

M.D. Holloway · 09-11-2009, 06:53 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by livi

Mike,

I know you prefer a one-way communication so please disregard my question if thats the case.

I have a difficult time following whats you and whats your wife in this thread. I was wondering, looking at yourself from her point of view, what issues of complaint against your person would you regard as objective and with some kind of substance?

Not sure my English comes out right, I hope you understand what I mean.

ya, not sure what you mean.

M.D. Holloway · 09-11-2009, 06:55 PM

Snipe, Jim...

This is the "Mike Show"! Its all about me, the attention whore, the guy who wants the spotlight always.

But enough about me...what about you... what do you think about me?

Racerbvd · Racerbvd's Garage

Lube,
My former business partner's wife had a major stroke that left her in a wheel chair, she treated, told him the same thing, just leave me alone. Well, he didn't, it hasn't been easy, but they are still together, 3 years later. you are a good man, and a strong one, help your son understand and don't give up.. You have not lost her, she just feels like she is a burden, help her regain her Independence and that should help.. It won't be easy, but nothing worth having ever is, but you can do it, for her & your son.....

Hope I'm not speaking out of place here..

vash · vash's Garage

well, it is official...misery loves company.

i dont know enough to make any comments, so i will just wish your family the best of luck.
good luck lubey! tough situation.

Jims5543 · 09-12-2009, 06:36 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LubeMaster77

Snipe, Jim...

This is the "Mike Show"! Its all about me, the attention whore, the guy who wants the spotlight always.

But enough about me...what about you... what do you think about me?

I apologize for the input. Carry on.

M.D. Holloway · 09-14-2009, 04:09 PM

Last night she confrounted me concerning a divorce. Our Son overheard and i have to say, he showed incredible tact and consideration. He articulated his ideas like a master with a final statement of "you made a promise in Gods house to stay together to forever and if you break that promise then you will go to hell Mom. Simple as that. I don't wan't you to go to hell so I think we should do what we have to to stay all stay together. Now Dad, say good night to Mom, Mom, say good night to Dad and that will be that for today."

He didn't get the God stuff from us...

livi · 09-14-2009, 04:15 PM

Mike, its often uncanny how insightful children are. More so than adults, many times.

Oh Haha · 09-14-2009, 04:21 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by livi

Mike, its often uncanny how insightful children are. More so than adults, many times.

+1000

Hang in there, Mike.

Porsche-O-Phile · Porsche-O-Phile's Garage

Quote:

Originally Posted by LubeMaster77

Last night she confrounted me concerning a divorce. Our Son overheard and i have to say, he showed incredible tact and consideration. He articulated his ideas like a master with a final statement of "you made a promise in Gods house to stay together to forever and if you break that promise then you will go to hell Mom. Simple as that. I don't wan't you to go to hell so I think we should do what we have to to stay all stay together. Now Dad, say good night to Mom, Mom, say good night to Dad and that will be that for today."

He didn't get the God stuff from us...

You have an awesome son.

artplumber · 09-14-2009, 04:58 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by m21sniper

LOL, man some of you guys and your personal attacks. And you want to talk about personality disorders?

The proper venue for this friendly banter is in the form of PM's...not in LM's thread.

If you call an observation a personal attack, it is what it is. We know you're always the one that is misunderstood and wronged.

Now on to more important things....

Mike, Byron's friend's experience is what I am referring to when I indicated that a lot of what she is exhibiting is grief reaction. Your son's intended words will hopefully be heard by both your wife and yourself, after all, he is just repeating what you have told him, and know to be true (God or not). It will take a while.