I hate dinner time at home.

[mikester]

It has been an awesome evening.

James, she feels frustrated as I am but does a much better job of not engaging with him.

I on the other hand am not as good at not engaging.

[austin552]

Dad was an Architect always worked late and couldn't cook. Mom cooked spaghetti or fish sticks while she earned two degrees in Psychology and worked full time. Spaghetti and fish sticks are my favorites.

[cbush]

My parents forced me to eat all kinds of crap they made when I was growing up, and I vowed not to do that to my kids. We encouraged them to try stuff, but pretty much catered to what they wanted to eat--we made what we wanted, we would provide the kids an alternative they liked, and as long as they are eating a balanced diet, who cares if they eat chicken breast and carrots every single night!. They do grow out of it and my now adult daughters eat a wide variety of foods- and don't have bad memories of gagging on food at the dinner table.
Is this about their diet or about control? There are other ways to control your kids without making meal times miserable. We did ensure our kids ate healthy, we just gave them choices. They are not kids for very long- enjoy the time that you have.

[look 171]

Originally Posted by mikester

Seriously.

I know what you mean. He's a good kid but these dinner time antics and the whole contrary boy deal just really impact our relationship negatively. Sometimes, and this totally breaks my heart I have the feeling that I just don't like him very much. We do have a lot of fun together but this a$$hat behavior really colors our relationship negatively.

The problem is I feel like I am always coming down on him and this just makes him fight back harder. He has some rebellion in him so I try not to nurture that because I know where that leads overall - he'll end up like I did.

The other side of the coin - his 2 year old brother. Eats everything we put in front of him and rather than whine he says things you almost never hear from a 2 year old: 'Okay!' and 'Yes'.

Seriously. He eats broccoli and loves it.

We have a two year old and a 4 1/2 old as well. the older boy will not eat my wife's cooking, and this little brother is "The Trash Can". He will eat everything you give him. Loves broccoli and carrots too. The older boy is really picky with his food and will not try anything new. Pisses me off.

[Heel n Toe]

Heh heh. Mike, this is simple.

Just take this:

Originally Posted by dafischer

I can remember biitchin' about what was put on the table when I was a kid, and my mother calmly saying "You can eat it, or I'll smack you into the middle of next week". I shut up and ate it.

(calmly is important... it gets their attention)

...and combine it with this:

Originally Posted by mikester

The beatings will continue until morale improves.

...and you get this:

The beatings will continue until you learn to shut up and eat what's put before you.

One a more serious note, if you haven't already, make sure the kid's food is not unseasoned. I remember the look on one of my kids' faces when I put a little salt and pepper on some blackeyed peas he was frowning at one time. He gobbled 'em up and asked for more.

[HarryD]

I have been here with my kids.

When they were young, we told them: "Eat what you see or don't, it's ok but we are not making anything else". As others noted, no kid will intentionally starve themselves if they are hungry and food is presented. If they complain, simple, they are asked to stop or off to bed. The next day, business as usual. In truth, if the punishment does happen immediately after the crime, they will not associate the two.

After a few times, they will get it.

Now that they are teenagers, they have some new flexibilty. If they don't like what is served, it's still ok and if they want to make something themsevles, that is ok too as long as it is appropriate for the meal. But more often than not, they eat what is served with nary a complaint.

[HarryD]

Originally Posted by LeeH

Lots of good advice from the father Pelicans.

When our daughter was younger my wife and I repeatedly stated, "This is not a restaurant. This is what we're having for dinner." We had a two bite rule for everything. Beyond that we never made her eat anything... we just made it very clear that we weren't short order cooks. Passing on dinner then requesting a bedtime snack wasn't an option.

She recently turned 10 and loves Indian food, Ethiopian food, Chinese food, seafood (calamari is one of her favorites). Dinner is never a struggle. She'll sometimes state that she doesn't like something. Our reply is, "Well, you don't really HAVE to like it, but that's your dinner."

Sticking to your guns now will pay big dividends in the future for you AND the kids.

Great plan and works well, even when they are teens.

[MFAFF]

Mike
Seems kids are the same the world over....my 8 year old is now really easy to feed...but getting the balance over the years between feeding him food we know he loves and the food we love has been interesting....and not being short order cooks.

For some reason... probably good luck more than anything, we never had to use the 'eat this there's all there is' type approach in order to hav epeaceful meal times.

Maybe the secret was that he knew that fresh fruit and veg (cucumber, cherry tomatoes, carrot sticks) were always on offer...regardless of what else we were eating as a main or desert. So nutrition was never a worry, ensuring meal times were for the family and enjoyment was a key.

We always made it clear that if the food we were eating was not to his liking then he could have veg and fruit. We also made it clear that even if he did not like the food it was not horrible, just not to his taste (yet!)....as a result he'll try anything now and if he doesn't like it he'll say so and move onto the next thing..

Good thing to as my cooking is pretty poor....

[HarryD]

I should add that you need to aviod getting into a debate with your child. Tell them the rules and stick to them. Give them options to allow them to bow out with little drama (i.e. "if you don't like the meat, that's ok, eat the other stuff, etc). In some cases you may choose to offer them a different menu than you and your wife (for the longest time, my kids were not keen on steak, so on steak night, we got rib eye and they got hamburgers, no much extra work for us and better quality meal time).

[Scuba Steve]

Originally Posted by peppy

I hear you, but my wife is the one that turns her nose up at my cooking.

Her and my son eat crap (frozen pizza, hot dogs, peanut butter, chicken nuggets) every night of the week that I am not home to cook for them, and will not eat about have of what I cook. (never mind maybe my cooking sucks)

My wife is the same way. Maybe it's her upbringing - she's an only child and her parents (mother in particular) hovered quite closely until I came along. I'm really hoping her tastes evolve beyond mac n cheese and chick-fil-a at some point. It drives me nuts trying to get her to go try a new restaurant. There really is more to life than Chili's you know.

[cstreit]

Mike,

Didn't read all the replies but I bet this has been said:

No five year old boy has ever starved himself to death. Ever.


We had a similar issue and with two kids my wife quickly got sick of making three meals. So... We cooked foods that were reasonable for the kids to eat. No curries or spicey stuff was given to them, etc... Then we allowed them to eat what they wanted. If they didn't finish it's okay. They sit there untill we're all done eating then we wrapped up their plate. If they got hungry later it came back out. We found out that the LESS we said, the less problem we had.

...right now it sounds like HE's winning the game. (and I have a 5 year old boy too, I know how you feel!)

[Taz's Master]

Mike, there are very few areas of that boy's life over which he has control. How you feel at dinner is one. It bothers you because you let it bother you. He's not in charge, you are and you both know it. You don't have to bend him to your will, explain that the complaining has reached the point where it is intollerable, and if it continues he will be forcing you to find increasingly less desirable ways to make him regret his complaining. He could quickly grow to hate washing dishes more than eating beans. Whatever you do, remember these two things: You are smarter than he is, and this too will pass.

He's only 5 for a year, and later in life, when he grows 6" during a school year, he'll eat grass clippings if you leave them on the counter.

[Nathans_Dad]

My kids are currently 7, 5, 3 and 4 months. Here is how we handle it:

If you don't eat all your dinner you don't get dessert. If you eat less than half your dinner then you get no snacks the next day. You eat at least one bite of everything on your plate, we don't accept "I don't like it" before you have tried it. Some things are must eats like vegetables and proteins. We let them skip carbs if they want to. We don't take individual orders for dinner, we make one meal and that's what you get.

The problem you are going to have it that it will be HELL to change the behavior now. He has gotten feedback that if he whines enough, he gets his way. You have to break that. A few weeks of hell will start to fix the problem.

Our kids aren't perfect by any stretch but they eat their dinners, they know how to behave in restaurants, they respect adults and they go to bed at 8 PM, no questions asked. We pick our battles.

[Zeke]

Some kids need therapy. They are beyond typical parenting. Ho does he do in school? I assume he's had some school. If it boils down to just you, then I say you tell him to shut up regardless of what he does or does not eat. Just do it w/o comment.

Appropriate punishment follows if he won't behave. I did some wild and crazy things when parenting. I get positive commnents still today from the 2 step kids. I made my impressions.

[Danimal16]

I remember soggy Cheerios. Dad won, I grew to like Cheerios.

[jyl]

My kids won't eat certain things - raw tomatoes, mushrooms, fish, etc. I accomodate them, within reason - they'll have to pick the mushrooms out of their food, but I'll have an alternative to fish even if it is simply more veg). Their "no-eat" list is shrinking as they get older.

I don't care how much or little they eat at dinnertime. If they prefer to snack all day that's fine, as long as they make it themselves - I won't prepare an endless supply of snacks. We don't keep junk food around so if they want to make themselves a snack, they'll be preparing something pretty healthy.

I don't care if they eat enough of their vegetables or any other food group, the odds of them becoming malnourished are low. We don't normally have dessert (maybe once every couple weeks, unless it is a dinner party of course), so no issue about them skipping dinner in favor of sweets.

However, they don't whine about not liking some dish. I can't stand whining. When my kids whine I go ballistic. Hence there is essentially no whining at the dinner table. Not to say there are always cheerful little mouths clamoring for daddy's cooking, but if they don't like it they keep quiet and find something else to eat.

[futuresoptions]

My parents made me eat what I didn't like first off the plate, and I was told that once I did so I could move onto the stuff left on the plate that I liked... With my children however, I just let them know that the meals I make are nutritionally balanced and that if they fail to eat any portion, that their bodies will suffer from the loss and that they will eventually die... so far I have had no problems with their eating habits... brussel sprouts tonight dad?? mmm mmm good!

[KaptKaos]

Mountains out of molehills.

He doesn't want to eat. Fine. Dismiss him from the table and enjoy your meal. When he is hungry later, dinner is all you have to eat. Sorry. No PB&J, dino chicken or or or. The hard part will be getting Gwen to go along. My wife tends to cave to pressure.

It may be that he's just not hungry enough. Maybe he needs more physical activity in the afternoons. IDK, but you need to jedi mind trick him.

/waves hand
"This is the dinner you're looking for."

[Seahawk]

We are completely, utterly simpatico.

My wife and I drive the team bus...there is no, zero, zippy, nada whining in our house.

You get to the fun part(s) and laughter sooner that way.

Originally Posted by jyl

My kids won't eat certain things - raw tomatoes, mushrooms, fish, etc. I accomodate them, within reason - they'll have to pick the mushrooms out of their food, but I'll have an alternative to fish even if it is simply more veg). Their "no-eat" list is shrinking as they get older.

I don't care how much or little they eat at dinnertime. If they prefer to snack all day that's fine, as long as they make it themselves - I won't prepare an endless supply of snacks. We don't keep junk food around so if they want to make themselves a snack, they'll be preparing something pretty healthy.

I don't care if they eat enough of their vegetables or any other food group, the odds of them becoming malnourished are low. We don't normally have dessert (maybe once every couple weeks, unless it is a dinner party of course), so no issue about them skipping dinner in favor of sweets.

However, they don't whine about not liking some dish. I can't stand whining. When my kids whine I go ballistic. Hence there is essentially no whining at the dinner table. Not to say there are always cheerful little mouths clamoring for daddy's cooking, but if they don't like it they keep quiet and find something else to eat.

[Rikao4]

some friends of ours at their dinner time..
Jimmy time to eat..Jimmy come and eat..Jimmy please come sit..Jimmy are you hungry..
Jimmy would like something else, Jimmy please come and eat...

Jimmy got to spend a week with us...
took a few..missed dinners,
but by weeks end..
Jim, dinner is ready..=
Jim sitting with fork in hand..
his mom was 'what you do to him'

he not a free range chicken, unless you allow him to be..

Rika