I hate dinner time at home.

[Brew 66]

Tough it out. Using the above advice.
I have two teenagers and we try to eat as a family nearly every weeknight and I have to say we all look forward to the great conversation.
It really gives you a a good solid hour a day to talk with your family without distraction. It is such a great way to know your kids and spouse!

[vash]

Originally Posted by Shaun 84 Targa

At 5, if doesn't like it, he goes without. He whines, he goes to bed without.

late to the game. this is right.

i was a picky eater as a child. my mom figured, hunger was the best spice. you need to gain the upper hand before the kid goes to school. mom would pick up my plate and pack it up..i should be a really skinny person, as much as i starved.

[m21sniper]

Originally Posted by jyl

My kids won't eat certain things - raw tomatoes, mushrooms, fish, etc. I accomodate them, within reason - they'll have to pick the mushrooms out of their food, but I'll have an alternative to fish even if it is simply more veg). Their "no-eat" list is shrinking as they get older.

I don't care how much or little they eat at dinnertime. If they prefer to snack all day that's fine, as long as they make it themselves - I won't prepare an endless supply of snacks. We don't keep junk food around so if they want to make themselves a snack, they'll be preparing something pretty healthy.

I don't care if they eat enough of their vegetables or any other food group, the odds of them becoming malnourished are low. We don't normally have dessert (maybe once every couple weeks, unless it is a dinner party of course), so no issue about them skipping dinner in favor of sweets.

However, they don't whine about not liking some dish. I can't stand whining. When my kids whine I go ballistic. Hence there is essentially no whining at the dinner table. Not to say there are always cheerful little mouths clamoring for daddy's cooking, but if they don't like it they keep quiet and find something else to eat.

Exactly how this should be handled IMO.

When my godson whines i explain to him that he's not a little girl, and therefore he is prohibited from whining.

[emcon5]

I am lucky in that my 4 year old is a pretty good eater, but as an example of what happens when you don't get a handle on it:

I was at a friends house a few years ago working in the garage, and his wife came out and said she was running out to get some food for their 3 teenagers and wanted to know if I wanted anything. I said "Sure, where are you going"

She answered, McDonalds, Burger King and Taco Bell.........

When she left, my buddy looked at me and just shook his head.

[mikester]

Maybe I didn't make myself clear.

I do not care if he eats at dinner - I know he's eating well throughout the day and he's probably just not that hungry.

I know he'll eat when he's hungry - he is a picky eater and I'm not interested in fighting with him about stupid things like broccoli.

I am interested in curbing the whining and complaining. To be honest - it isn't just at dinner - he seems to be going through an intolerable phase. Lots of tantrums when he doesn't get his way. He actually hasn't started Kindergarten yet - he starts in September but he'll be almost 6 then. He's got a bad case of 'senoritis' at his preschool and we're planning on taking him out for the summer and sending him to a variety of camps. He's bored, I think he's just bored in general.

Joe - Gwen goes along with me - in fact she is much better than I am I think. She doesn't take it personally (but it's not her cooking that is constantly being torpedoed).

And then it comes down to me as well - I'm having a tough time in life right now with lots of negativity at work through this whole outsourcing endeavor. It sucks though I did chose to see it through basically. I made my bed and now I have to lay in it. But I come home, make dinner and get told it sucks by him and it pisses me off - even through Gwen and Liam gobble it up (mostly).

[peppy]

Mike I have pretty thin skin about my cooking also.

About 2 weeks ago my wife came home and smelled dinner, ran to the bathroom and threw up.


I was making salmon cakes and she had a headache.

[onlycafe]

have you invited him into the kitchen, or out to the grill to help you prepare the meal?
you might get him more interested in the food by having him as a sous chef.

[Les Paul]

My parents made us eat whatever was on the dinner table. They were children from th depression so it was their way or the highway.
I always vowed to not force liver, lima beans, cabbage, and other nasty things I haven't touched in over 40 years.

Our daughter would eat most things no whining. 6 years later our son mister picky eater. He ate a whole lot of cereal, cheese sandwitches, Italian stuff but that was it. He hated meat. Did not eat it till he was a waiter at 18. Now he eats anything and exoctic stuff I wouldn't even try. We just plain were not going to ruin meals over forcing anything. Worked out for everyone.

[Oh Haha]

Peppy-you say your family doesn't like your cooking but don't you run a restaurant?

How do the customers feel about it?



My son is not into eating meat, either. Some of the most common foods for kids are not on his list.

He LOVES mashed potatoes, though. And ketchup. On everything.

[peppy]

Yes, Wayne I do and some days I am concerned about my career path.

[stomachmonkey]

Patience and consistency.
This is conditioned behaviour that needs redirecting. It's learned from day one. Babies cry when they are hungry, tired, wet etc...

It's no ones fault or doing, it's normal.

The reconditioning is an ongoing process thru to adulthood.

[HarryD]

Originally Posted by mikester

Maybe I didn't make myself clear.

I do not care if he eats at dinner - I know he's eating well throughout the day and he's probably just not that hungry.

I know he'll eat when he's hungry - he is a picky eater and I'm not interested in fighting with him about stupid things like broccoli.

I am interested in curbing the whining and complaining. To be honest - it isn't just at dinner - he seems to be going through an intolerable phase. Lots of tantrums when he doesn't get his way. He actually hasn't started Kindergarten yet - he starts in September but he'll be almost 6 then. He's got a bad case of 'senoritis' at his preschool and we're planning on taking him out for the summer and sending him to a variety of camps. He's bored, I think he's just bored in general.

Joe - Gwen goes along with me - in fact she is much better than I am I think. She doesn't take it personally (but it's not her cooking that is constantly being torpedoed).

And then it comes down to me as well - I'm having a tough time in life right now with lots of negativity at work through this whole outsourcing endeavor. It sucks though I did chose to see it through basically. I made my bed and now I have to lay in it. But I come home, make dinner and get told it sucks by him and it pisses me off - even through Gwen and Liam gobble it up (mostly).

If he complains, in any setting, the answer is simple (yet painful for you). You simply ask for him to stop or tell him "we are going to leave right now". If he persists in whining, you stop whatever you are doing and leave. The next time he asks to to something he wants, remind him of when you had to stop doing what you wanted to do and tell him no. He will spend some time in "time out" but after a few times, this too shall stop.

As someone else said, you are the parent, he is the child, you are in charge and you get to make the decisions. It is not a democracy. Think more benevolent dictatorship.

[Nathans_Dad]

Originally Posted by mikester

Maybe I didn't make myself clear.

I do not care if he eats at dinner - I know he's eating well throughout the day and he's probably just not that hungry.

I know he'll eat when he's hungry - he is a picky eater and I'm not interested in fighting with him about stupid things like broccoli.

I am interested in curbing the whining and complaining. To be honest - it isn't just at dinner - he seems to be going through an intolerable phase. Lots of tantrums when he doesn't get his way. He actually hasn't started Kindergarten yet - he starts in September but he'll be almost 6 then. He's got a bad case of 'senoritis' at his preschool and we're planning on taking him out for the summer and sending him to a variety of camps. He's bored, I think he's just bored in general.

Joe - Gwen goes along with me - in fact she is much better than I am I think. She doesn't take it personally (but it's not her cooking that is constantly being torpedoed).

And then it comes down to me as well - I'm having a tough time in life right now with lots of negativity at work through this whole outsourcing endeavor. It sucks though I did chose to see it through basically. I made my bed and now I have to lay in it. But I come home, make dinner and get told it sucks by him and it pisses me off - even through Gwen and Liam gobble it up (mostly).

The only thing I can offer is that if he is whining to get his way it is because on some level he has experience that the tactic works. I think you have to make it so whining is the thing that makes it absolutely CERTAIN that he won't get his way.

We do this with our kids, if they whine about something we say "Well, now that you whined about it I can't let you do it now." It's a rule in our house, if you whine about it, you can't do it. If you come and ask politely, we will consider your request. If we say no and you throw a tantrum, well then not only do you not get to do what you wanted but you also get sent to time out.

It's a tough thing but kids need structure and rules. Without it, they go nuts.

[Seahawk]

Originally Posted by mikester

And then it comes down to me as well - I'm having a tough time in life right now with lots of negativity at work through this whole outsourcing endeavor. It sucks though I did chose to see it through basically. I made my bed and now I have to lay in it. But I come home, make dinner and get told it sucks by him and it pisses me off - even through Gwen and Liam gobble it up (mostly).

Mike,

You don't know me, I don't know you so all my opinions have exactly no gravity.

But.

At that age, my son would tell me exactly once I sucked at anything....and none of my children has ever been hit, except on their hands. The key to the whole parent trap is that children really want a leader, crave direction and a sense of purpose.

Get ahead of the curve, anticipate, drive the agenda. His actions should have consequences...have him learn that now.

[LeeH]

Originally Posted by Nathans_Dad

The only thing I can offer is that if he is whining to get his way it is because on some level he has experience that the tactic works. I think you have to make it so whining is the thing that makes it absolutely CERTAIN that he won't get his way.

We do this with our kids, if they whine about something we say "Well, now that you whined about it I can't let you do it now." It's a rule in our house, if you whine about it, you can't do it. If you come and ask politely, we will consider your request. If we say no and you throw a tantrum, well then not only do you not get to do what you wanted but you also get sent to time out.

It's a tough thing but kids need structure and rules. Without it, they go nuts.

Sounds like you run your house like we run ours. Our line: "I'm sorry... I can't understand you when you whine. Can you tell me what you want to say in your regular voice please?"

A more light hearted tactic is to whine back. We've had a few dinners where my wife and I spent most of the time talking to our daughter in our whiney voices. She got the message very quickly.

[GeorgeK]

In my house (3.5y.o.):
You whine? That means you're tired. Gimme your hand, I'll walk you to your room. I'll kiss you good night, tell you I love you and you stay in your room.

Had to do that maybe three times in 2 years. Now he knows by the gentle tone in my voice "come give me your hand" that he is in trouble and does what he is supposed to on the double. Never had to yell at him. Yelling is not a commuication mode, neither a punition. The second you yell, you've lost.

Same for food. Not found anything he won't eat yet.

[mikester]

Originally Posted by Nathans_Dad

We do this with our kids, if they whine about something we say "Well, now that you whined about it I can't let you do it now." It's a rule in our house, if you whine about it, you can't do it. If you come and ask politely, we will consider your request. If we say no and you throw a tantrum, well then not only do you not get to do what you wanted but you also get sent to time out.

It's a tough thing but kids need structure and rules. Without it, they go nuts.

This is generally what we do but it is possible that we have not made the rules clear.

I will do that this weekend. The rules will be made clear and we will provide consistency.

Right now one thing we have always said - I think someone else mentioned it too if you whine - 'we can't hear you because you're whining.' We've used that for years but I've never really felt like it worked.

[Oh Haha]

I'd like to meet the parent that has NEVER raised their voice to their children.

The "trick", so I have heard, is to use the tone of you voice as a tool in trying to teach kids.

I have very little tolerance for bad behavior but Itry very hard to not raise my voice until the time I must.

I'm still working on that.

[Shaun @ Tru6]

Originally Posted by GeorgeK

In my house (3.5y.o.):
You whine? That means you're tired. Gimme your hand, I'll walk you to your room. I'll kiss you good night, tell you I love you and you stay in your room.

Had to do that maybe three times in 2 years. Now he knows by the gentle tone in my voice "come give me your hand" that he is in trouble and does what he is supposed to on the double. Never had to yell at him. Yelling is not a commuication mode, neither a punition. The second you yell, you've lost.

Same for food. Not found anything he won't eat yet.

Perfect.

[jyl]

The issue with whining is that it is extremely irritating and the kid knows it is irritating and that it is bothering you more than your response is bothering him. Especially if you do the "if you don't stop whining we are going to leave right now" business. So the kid now gets to decide where you go and how long you can stay? Ridiculous.

In my opinion, a kid needs to fear his parents' response when he is being really bad. Old school, unenlightened, I don't care.

When my kids are really being bad, they fear me. The result is that they never experience that fear more than, on average, once every other year. It was a little more often when they were little - like, 5 - and still figuring out what was acceptable, but even then it was at most twice a year.

Works for me, anyway. I am not into negotiation with my kids. But, on the flip side, we don't give them much to whine about. We pay a lot of attention to them, do fun things, indulge their interests and limitations, are sensitive to their moods, etc. But they have to do their homework, do well in school, keep their rooms clean (a struggle with my daughter), not lie or be mean, and no eff'ing whining.