Things are getting pretty bad..."Dad, I can't live like this anymore..."

[M.D. Holloway]

My wife crys pretty much everyday. When she is not crying she is very miserable to be around. The only time things are near normal is when friends are around but even then afterwards she gives me shyt about talking too much to them. She is pretty critcal with our Son and me pretty much all the time. Finally the other night at the dinner table (out of earshot of her) our Son says "Dad, I can't live like this anymore." "We will talk about it later." I told him.

So later that night I talked to him.

"What did you mean at the dinner table?"

"Dad, shes just so impossable to be around I can't stand living like this any more."

"Son, I understand how you feel but let me ask you this...how do you think she feels? Do you think it's easy for her? What do you think life is like for her now? She can't even see her face in the mirror anymore. She can't ride a bike or drive and if there is something on the floor she won't see it and trip. How do you think life is for her?"

"Dad...its just that..."

"Buddy, here is the thing, as bad as we think we have it it is nothing compared to how bad she has it. As men we have to buck up and take it on. We don't have a choice. That means we don't sass Mommy and we do what she asks from us and we just try to be strong. We can't change things but we can try to help out Mommy where we can."

"Dad...I'd trade me eyes with her if I could I swear I would!"

"I know buddy, I know"


I really don't know what to do. Her folks are coming in a week. We have talked but nothing has changed.

[Geronimo '74]

I feel for you man, wish I had a solution but I don't.
You are a good person for trying to hang in there where others would give up.
Hope your boy finds the courage too.

[livi]

I am really sorry to hear that and very impressed the way you handled your sons misery. I am afraid you are painfully correct, being strong and supportive is the only way. Your son obviously takes after his dad.

[924slover]

I'm guessing from your post that your wife lost her vision. It can be hard when something like this happens some people adjust right away and some people may never adjust. one thing is that she may be feeling that her life as she knew it is over. it may help to find something she has always loved to do and show her that it is still possible to enjoy these things. i know of some blind people that go mountain biking using some type of sonar( i may or may not be right i just recall a news clip from a few years ago). just try and connect with her on something she likes to do and can still do. engulf her other senses so she forgets about her missing one. My grandmother died from Alzheimer's and while she was still somewhat still there she would lash out at the people she knew best and loved cause she started to depend more on them and she felt most comfortable showing that she was vulnerable around them, remember ppot is always here when you need it. PM me if you need anything

[cl8ton]

Your conversation with your son speaks volumes about your character!
Tuff times for sure, wish I had more advice

[Jim Bremner]

Ouch,

My wife Joanna Has MS. There was a few days when my 4 boys where young that she had melt downs.

[pwd72s]

Originally Posted by Jim Bremner

Ouch,

My wife Joanna Has MS. There was a few days when my 4 boys where young that she had melt downs.

We have something in common Jim. The man said "In sickness and in health"...

[svandamme]

wish i had something useful to say, but can't come up with it...
Going blind is just something i can't fully imagine going through.

[HardDrive]

Mike,

I just can't imagine the presure on you right now. I have met you before, and you seem like a goal oriented guy. Good on you for showing strength. Is your wife at all open to talking to someone about whats going on?

Every prayer I can send is on the way......

[strupgolf]

Have you tried getting her a seeing eye dog? Maybe another "buddy" might help her by having another friend to care for. Maybe she can get along better with somthing that does not talk to her at all, just needs her attention more. The entire family can bond with it. Just my 2c.

[Dave L]

when my grandmother lost most of her sight she got a lot of help from CNIB, she got help with coping and learning to work with her loss of sight. I know that CNIB is Canadian but perhaps there is some support centre that does something similar that could help your wife out.

[Tishabet]

How old is your son?
Nothing to add here but good mojo for you and your family.

[berettafan]

Originally Posted by cl8ton

Your conversation with your son speaks volumes about your character!
Tuff times for sure, wish I had more advice

ditto Lubey. heck I was inspired by what you told your son. it reminded me of the incredible comfort a child can give a parent and here you are teaching your son about this comfort....well i'm just impressed as heck man.

[onewhippedpuppy]

You said all the right things to your son. I can't imagine being in this situation. Since your last thread on here, have you tried to get your wife to seek outside help? Was she receptive?

It may take the help of someone from the outside to help her deal with this, you might simply be too close. There's also the aspect of "you don't know what I'm going through" that you have to deal with. Someone that's actually been down this road might help her to realize that she's not alone in her condition. Stay strong, we're all here for you.

[Seahawk]

Originally Posted by svandamme

Going blind is just something i can't fully imagine going through.

My thoughts exactly.

Mike, you'll do your best, which is all you know how to do...it will be sufficient. Trust me on this one.

[Super_Dave_D]

Originally Posted by onewhippedpuppy

have you tried to get your wife to seek outside help? Was she receptive?

It may take the help of someone from the outside to help her deal with this, you might simply be too close. There's also the aspect of "you don't know what I'm going through" that you have to deal with. Someone that's actually been down this road might help her to realize that she's not alone in her condition. Stay strong, we're all here for you.

+1000000000000 Outside help does wonders - so does Zoloft!!

[tabs]

As men we have to buck up and take it on.

This is a LOAD...

This is a recipe for a Heart Attack and the grave before you are 60. I had a Great Uncle in EXACTLY the same situation. Great Aunt was going blind they were in SF for medical treatment, he dropped dead of a HA right in the hotel lobby. Guy was an Olympic Swimmer, Bowled at a proffessional level, played at least 18 holes of Golf everyday with a score in the very low 70's.

Just because your wife is imersed in self pity is no reason why you should have to take it on the chin. Yeah I can understand and sympathize, but I can't make it better. Sometimes life just deals ya a shyte hand. You are doing her no favors by sucking it up.

You should have told you son to tell his Mom's how he feels.

Honesty is the best policy. for one it clears the air. (It doesn't mean you can be tactfull)

Sooner or later your situation is going to explode.

[stomachmonkey]

Mike,

I'm always around the corner if you need anything.

[M.D. Holloway]

TABS - it has exploded...all 0ver the wall, down the hall and out the door. She feels like the world is passing her by and that her kids are embarressed by her and that she has zero worth. No matter what is said or done she is set in her spiral.

True, it is a bunch to hold on our shoulders. I want to make sure he understands, although he is only 10, that a man that makes a commitment (like being married - for better or worse and in sickness and in health) sticks to it. Period.

Stress is the number reason our health sucks and our minds go - no question. But stress is part of life and a life with purpose is a meaningful life. My life has purpose, yes it is stressful but I have a purpose and that is to care for my Wife and Family. That sort of purpose provides me motivation to bust through any sort of self pity or worry or sorrow. Compared to the refugee camps in Africa or the West bank we have it tit easy.

I simply will not allow my self to fail at this. I'm better than that and so is our Son.

(plus I have a pretty stout policy - she will be taken care of pretty nicely if I die!)

[M.D. Holloway]

I called her Mom today and told her that she is in a real bad way. She was actually really surprised to hear this. She had no idea that my Wife crys everyday and is in a pretty bad state. My Wife hides it very well. I think they are coming down this weekend. Thank God!