Let's hear some crazy excuses you've heard people use when calling in sick

[mikester]

called in with eye problems.




Can't see coming into work today.

Common around here these days...

[bivenator]

I was dating a girl in Austin. Her girlfriend/roomate was in her bedroom loudly coughing. I mean going to the extreme. I asked gf if she was ok, maybe we should check on her since it sounded like a death rattle.
Gf says, " she is coughing on purpose so that she will get a sore throat in order to call in sick tomorrow" Oh god what a couple of nitwits they were, both worked for the state. Shocking I know.

[craigster59]

"We had a party last night and my friend got drunk and had to be driven home. He left his car here and it's blocking me in"

"It was real windy last night and this branch kept scraping against my window. It kept me up all night and now I'm too tired to come in"

"My brake light came on and the mechanic said my brake fluid is low so I have to take it to the dealer to get topped off"
Dude, bring it to work and I'll top it off AND check your tire pressure, jeez.

[Super_Dave_D]

True Story

I had a guy call in shot on night – yes shot!!!! Turns out that he has an altercation with the police and was shot in both arms. He wanted me to keep his job open until he got out. I fired him on the spot.

[Loomis]

I give 15 days PTO - use it as you like, no excuses needed. Just don't come in to work sick. For someone who doesn't get sick, that's 3 weeks of vacation right off the bat.

[Tobra]

She can't come in to work. She is incarcerated for failure to pay child support.

[tabs]

"I had to take my wife to the hospital."

They asked him for a hospital receipt..he couldn't provide it so they fired him for lying to the company.

[A930Rocket]

"I can't come in because of the snow on the ground", as I sit on the site in my truck, having made it just fine.

[rfuerst911sc]

My dog ate my testicles and I'm waiting for him to poop.

[unclebilly]

Originally Posted by Loomis

I give 15 days PTO - use it as you like, no excuses needed. Just don't come in to work sick. For someone who doesn't get sick, that's 3 weeks of vacation right off the bat.

We had this system at my previous workplace. The problems are:

1. people show up half dead because they don't want to waste a wellness day.

2. peoplr use these all up inthe fuirst part of the year skiing etc and then HAVE to come in sick.

I remember making people go home and take their germs with them...

[McLovin]

"I was up all night crying because I got banned by an internet car parts chat board, so I'm too tired to come in."

[juanbenae]

sanded the dead skin off my heals with a makita, 80 grit & could not walk or work on them fir 2 days.....

[Porsche-O-Phile]

It's depressing to me that given how many good people are OUT of work that people like this can actually still have jobs. I guess that's the consequence of letting budgets drive the hiring/layoff decisions - ya keep the cheap people and as they say "you get what you pay for".

I think I've used two sick days in the last ten years. No joke. One was for a surgery, the other for a dental appointment that I had to leave early for because I couldn't find a place that was open on weekends (two root canals).

I can't understand how people can lie about being sick just to get out of working. I literally just can't understand it. I figure you bring some sort of bad Karma on yourself by doing it.

I always loved getting the calls on Monday mornings or after holidays - you knew exactly who had drunk too much and was hung over. A couple of times I screwed with them saying "I can't hear you, can you speak louder?" and then talking loudly to play along with my scenario that the connection was bad. Heh, heh, heh. Nothing like loud noises/voices for a person with a hangover.

These kinds of stories only reinforce my idea that I don't want to hire employees - I only want private consultants/independent contractors.

[1990C4S]

Originally Posted by McLovin

"I was up all night crying because I got banned by an internet car parts chat board, so I'm too tired to come in."

You made that up. He doesn't even work right now. He's home collecting compensation.

[mattdavis11]

Employee; "Just wanted to let you know, I'm calling because I'm scared."
Boss: "What?"
Employee: "I'm afraid I can't make it in today."

[herr_oberst]

Originally Posted by avi8torny

One of my wife's students came in a few days after he missed school with a note saying "Dan missed school on xxxxxxxx due to GENERAL MALAISE"

I thought that was brilliant.

Thank god it wasn't Creeping Malaise.

Once had a coworker call in because his balls were swollen and he could barely walk.

[Tobra]

Originally Posted by car 311

sanded the dead skin off my heals with a makita, 80 grit & could not walk or work on them fir 2 days.....

I think I might know this person