Have you ever willingly lived with your in-laws?

[Rick Lee]

No, I cannot sponsor in-laws. Legally, totally impossible.

[vash]

Did not know that. Cool.

[AFC-911]

Originally Posted by Rick Lee

My in-laws would never even think of it because they can't speak English and don't plan to learn it. They could get a green card after Mrs. Lee jumps becomes a citizen, but that's a 3-5 yrs. process if she starts tomorrow.

Your wife doesn't become a citizen by virtue of marriage? I always thought that was the case.

And why didn't she start the process sooner if she wanted her parents here?

[rrental]

Very sorry to hear your dilemmas Rick. We just had my in-laws living in our house for 5 weeks. The come over every year, and sometimes twice a year. I tell you, even my wife thinks its just too much.

They are very nice people and explore the country while here on day trips. They hardly speak English but they seem to manage themselves pretty good. But after about 3 weeks its getting to hurt our relationship. People get irritated.

What's mrs Lee is asking of you is unreasonable and not how a healthy relationship should work. You have some very hard decisions to make the coming few months, and I wish you all the luck with it.

[Rick Lee]

Originally Posted by AFC-911

Your wife doesn't become a citizen by virtue of marriage? I always thought that was the case.

And why didn't she start the process sooner if she wanted her parents here?

Not even close. Marriage just makes her eligible for a green card and even then it's six mos. and thousands of $$.

As I said a few times here, you can't tell her anything. She has to find out the hard way, which is probably why she hasn't started the citizenship process. She still doubts me that she has to become a citizen first and no (Mainland) Chinese person will ever admit they're wrong. So eventually it will sink in. But I'm fine with her being too lazy to deal with it).

[Rick Lee]

Originally Posted by rrental

You have some very hard decisions to make the coming few months,

You would think so, but I don't usually wrestle with decisions and this one was made a while ago. No way in hell am I living with my in-laws. It simply will never happen. The decision is hers.

[BReif61]

Slightly off-topic, but I've seen it a few times and it's been bothering me:

What is "mainland" China? Are my geographical skills lacking?

[recycled sixtie]

I find it hard to believe that she thinks she is never wrong. I do not think that I could live like that. It must be very stressful for you. I find it hard to believe that she would not think of your feelings. To me a marriage is a partnership and consideration should be given to each other. If it was me I would read her the riot act. However you are not me and you must do what is right for yourself.Sometimes you have to do what is necessary for your own well being. Was she like this when you first married her?

1. Counselling is necessary with a prof. counsellor.
2. If she refuses then what?

[Rick Lee]

Originally Posted by BReif61

Slightly off-topic, but I've seen it a few times and it's been bothering me:

What is "mainland" China? Are my geographical skills lacking?

It's everything that's not Hong Kong, Macau or Taiwan. Those places have different cultures, which stem in part from having very different legal and political systems. Mainland China has the one-child policy, which means no one in Mrs. Lee's generation has siblings or ever learned to share while growing up. Sounds silly, but it morphs into a different kind of mindset as an adult.

[Rick Lee]

Originally Posted by recycled sixtie

I find it hard to believe that she thinks she is never wrong. I do not think that I could live like that. It must be very stressful for you.

It's not that bad if you go in with the right attitude. I have the right attitude - a sick sense of humor and schadenfreude and an always-on willingness to say "I told you so."

Just an hour ago we were driving to Denny's and she couldn't find her sunglasses in the car, claimed I always move stuff she has on her passenger seat. I asked why I would do that, since I always drive and never sit in the passenger seat. She said she gave me a ride to my car in a parking lot a week ago and I sat in the passenger seat. I asked if she had gone the whole week in between without using her sunglasses. Silence. You just have to laugh and enjoy it and I really do.

[aigel]

Originally Posted by Rick Lee

Not even close. Marriage just makes her eligible for a green card and even then it's six mos. and thousands of $$.

Rick,

When married to a US citizen, after receiving the greencard, it is only 3 years until a foreign spouse can apply for US citizenship. If someone gets a greencard without marriage, usually through a work immigration visa or the greencard lottery, it is a 5 year wait period before being eligible for US citizenship.

Not sure about the timeline her, but your wife likely is eligible for US citizenship and as soon as she has that, she can start working on greencards for her folks. Citizenship application is only a few months start to oath once you are eligible.

G

[Rick Lee]

Yes, I know. As I've written before, Mrs. Lee has been eligible to apply for US citizenship for several years now. She doesn't want to do it and doesn't fully believe me (which is fine by me) that it's necessary for sponsoring her folks' immigrant visas. If she were to do that, it would be several years before her folks could come here because, as you might imagine, the quotas for Chinese immigrant visas are filled within in the first few hours of the first business day of each year. If they were from, say, Bhutan or Eritrea, that would be a different story. But China's population size makes that country's US immigrant visas quota fill up immediately upon the new calendar year.

[Rufblackbird]

just got word that my dad is (possibly mom too) coming after sis just bought a house in NW Peoria. Too bad we're on the opposite side of the valley; my parents and your in laws can hang out and play mah jong for 6 mon....no I mean 3 weeks

[vash]

good luck bud..sounds like you are well informed.

[Rick Lee]

Minor update, but could pay big dividends later.

Took Mrs. Lee to Moab, Canyonlands and Arches for her b-day this weekend. I said I really wanted to go to China or Europe next spring. She said she wanted to bring her folks here. I said to get moving on it then.

Today one of her cousins emailed her and wants us to come babysit him in LA in November while his wife is here to have a baby in one of those Chinese birth houses in Orange County. Before you all freak out, rest assured, this cousin is very well off and they're only doing this for the US citizenship, not free healthcare or any gov't. cheese. They'll be on the next flight back to Shanghai as soon as mother and son can travel. I don't know the details, but I've read about this stuff before and I think it's pretty common in CA Chinese communities.

Anyway, Mrs. Lee is freaking out over the logistics of this, especially since it's likely I won't be able to go with her, as I start my new job next week and can't walk in there and start asking for days off. Mrs. Lee's cousin is late 30's and has money to burn. He's your typical Chinese chain smoker, doesn't speak a word of English and expects her/us to take care of everything he needs, pick him up, drive him around, run errands, etc. He even mentioned buying house in LA for this adventure, so as to not have to bother with hotels.

My thinking is the following - if Mrs. Lee is stressed about spending a few days taking a wealthy cousin around LA in a rental car, how is she going to handle two much older and less wealthy folks staying with us for weeks or months? I'll no longer be working from home, so I won't be around during the day. I now spend at least two hours a night playing my guitar for my two band practices (two different bands) a week and gigs are starting to pile up. I want to be the good son-in-law, but life is about to get very busy for me. She still doesn't think she needs to take any time off to host her folks and is having a fit about the possibility of having to go to LA on her own for a few days of babysitting an adult.

[sc_rufctr]

Rick

After reading your post I really like my simple life. Good luck.

[krystar]

Originally Posted by vash

Chinese people want US citizenship. My friend is sponsoring his wife's entire family to get here. I think they can have dual citizenship. Wish you luck. I bet getting the family papers was always part of the plan. She thinks nothing sinister about it.

not all. my wife isn't interested in a citizenship at all. going back to china for her doesn't mean getting a visa like I have to. and she returns here w/o visa hassle too. she has no interest in voting. the only thing that could possibly sway her is sponsoring her parents, but neither of them are interested in coming here permanently.

[krystar]

Originally Posted by Rick Lee

Today one of her cousins emailed her and wants us to come babysit him in LA in November while his wife is here to have a baby in one of those Chinese birth houses in Orange County. Before you all freak out, rest assured, this cousin is very well off and they're only doing this for the US citizenship, not free healthcare or any gov't. cheese. They'll be on the next flight back to Shanghai as soon as mother and son can travel. I don't know the details, but I've read about this stuff before and I think it's pretty common in CA Chinese communities.

sounds like typical chinese snob. expecting others to do all legwork. but he'll survive perfectly fine in chinatown for a lifetime without ever speaking a word of english.

tell him to hire a personal translator on his own dime, not your wife as a personal servant. bugger off!

[Rick Lee]

Well, this is a family obligation and we're gonna have to do it whether we want to or not. Fortunately, none of the folks in China will think any less of me, regardless of what happens. This is Mrs. Lee's thing and they all know I'm coming off a six week bout of unemployment and am starting a new job. Mrs. Lee already feels pretty bad about missing her gm's funeral last year, which another cousin of hers in Canada was able to make it to on about no notice. AFAIK, the birth house is in Orange Co., so it's not exactly a few city blocks of Chinatown, where you can walk around like in NYC. And you know a guy right off the boat from Mainland China cannot drive a car here, even if it is legal. I think this will be a great eye opener for Mrs. Lee to see what having her folks here is gonna mean for her/our lifestyles if it goes beyond a few weeks. My folks are coming here for a week around Xmas and they require no hand holding at all beyond some local directions when they want to go somewhere without us. And even then Mrs. Lee breathes a sigh of relief when they're gone and we're back on our own.

[BlueSkyJaunte]

I'm glad I have kids. Nobody in the family expects anything of you other than to take care of your kids.