Have you ever willingly lived with your in-laws?

[911boost]

Damn, this situation sounds rough. Having been to China, I can see how he would not be happy here, and can see how Mrs. Lee is never wrong.

This is a no win for you in just about every aspect.

I don't really have much to offer, but it sucks you are faced with this.

Bill

[nostatic]

I have no in-laws (all parents are dead) so that isn't an issue in our house. Her brother/sisters are happy in HK and her youngest sister has connections in Vancouver. When she was going to have her first child she floated the idea of having it in the US and living with my wife (this was before we lived together or were married). I told her, "your decision but I vote hell no and won't support the idea"). She ended up going to Vancouver as the baby's father has citizenship there.

Unless you want to get divorced, just rent temp office space and work long hours. This situation is a possible reality for any nationality family. How you react to it is your choice. Even if discussions were had opinions and situations can change. There is no legally binding contract for this stuff. You each make your decisions and live with them.

[Rick Lee]

One of my crazier choices in all this is for me to go work in our Beijing office for a while. I could easily arrange it, but don't know if I want to be gone from the US for that long, especially with the thought of how different things could be when I come back. It might not even be possible for me to keep or return to my current position in the company if I did that, but they always want someone to go work in the Beiijing office, which I've visited a few times and know the folks there well.

[genrex]

Originally Posted by aigel

Wanting to start a family and wanting to continue to work is the only reason she would want to live with her mom IMHO.

I agree with this. You've already been blind-sided once; you could be blind-sided again, and then you'd be screwed. You don't want children. Your wife says she doesn't want children, however her biological clock is running out and she is probably feeling pressure from her family to have children.

You have every reason to get a vasectomy. She should have no objection to that. If she does object, then that tells you all you need to know. I think you should make an appointment to get a vasectomy as soon as possible.

_

[on2wheels52]

I propose Pelicans Adopt Rick Lee A Week (PARLAW).
There's bound to be 50 of us willing to put you up, surely (not her again) the in-laws will be back home in a year.
Jim

[krystar]

Originally Posted by genrex

and she is probably feeling pressure from her family to have children.

talk about hitting nail on the head. my own mom's been talking the "when are you having kids" ever since we got engaged.

[McLovin]

Originally Posted by genrex

You have every reason to get a vasectomy. She should have no objection to that. If she does object, then that tells you all you need to know. I think you should make an appointment to get a vasectomy as soon as possible.

_

I couldn't agree more with this.

Except, I don't think you should ask, or even tell.

[genrex]

I should have said "I think you might consider..."

Sorry for the awkward way I said that, Rick.

_

[imcarthur]

Good luck, Rick.

As some of you may remember, I had the reverse situation . . . my Chinese daughter-in-law shacked up here (the Room Monkeys) for 17 long, long months before they moved out. It was hell. She didn’t work much & she was always here or coming/going while I worked. But I do have a separate office which made it bearable. I have vowed that it will NEVER EVER happen again.

Now, the Room Monkey (singular since RM#2 was a cheating slut & they divorced) has been seeing another Chinese national for over 2 years. This one has her citizenship, a good job, her own Benz, a 2BR condo in an excellent Asian area . . . but . . . she just bought a townhouse & her parents are coming. To live. And she is selling the condo (which RM has been living in ½ the time) since she can’t afford to keep both without asking them for the cash. They are well off with houses in Shenzhen & Jiangmen & maybe one in hometown Harbin. But the RM is not impressed & has told her that he won’t live there. My wife is hopeful that they will break up . . . of course.

But at least here (especially in the area where the townhouse resides) is heavily mainland Chinese. Stores, supermarkets, whole malls, restaurants, newspapers, TV – all geared to the Asian community. In your case, you won’t have that advantage.

Ian

[A930Rocket]

We've had my widowed MIL living with us for 12 years. It was nice a few times when the kids were younger, but at 84 or 85, not so much now.

My wife's brother and two sisters have nothing to help or support her, not that they could.

[vash]

Edited below.

[scottmandue]

Oh... yeah... sure... "you married the family"...

But I sure as he11 didn't sign on to live with them!

How many of you guys saying that would gladly open your house for family members to move in indefinitely?

Sorry to hear of your predicament Rick... I can only hope your wife, like mine, has grandiose ideas but eventually comes back to reason.

Best of luck.

[craigster59]

It's a lot easier to move them in, than it is to move them out....

[vash]

Originally Posted by Dottore

Actually you did. You marry Chinese, you marry the whole family. That was a basic rule when I lived in Asia.

I'm sorry to say this, but I know a whole lot of caucasians who married Chinese women, and in a great many cases this business of "the Chinese family" eventually became a problem in the marriage.

I really hope this doesn't turn out to be a long term issue for you. But it was part of the package deal. Someone just probably forgot to tell you.

Dottore must have snuck a peek into my people's play book. This it it to a tee. My friend is going thru this now. MIL has been here for 6 months this Jan.

Look into a Chinese tv data lite dish. Just open your arms and hug them every chance you get. We hate public affection and they will leave ASAP. Honestly. Book them on a Chinese tour bus.

[scottmandue]

Mind you if I was insanely rich and could afford a house (or two) so big I would never see the in-laws that might be another story.

I admit I only have one in-law and he is comfortable in his retirement home.

And I understand this is common in third world countries...

However last time I checked this (USA) is not a third world country.

[Rick Lee]

Well, I'll have to wait and see how the next phone call between Mrs. Lee and her mom goes. Should be any night this week. I always ask how her folks are after these calls and she knows I'm anxious to hear the next chapter in this. The more I reflect on my interactions with the MIL in China, the more I think she'll decline to stay very long if she gets any hint that it would cause problems. Obviously, I can't be the one to tell her this, but suspect Mrs. Lee will relay our recent discussions to her on the next call.

[bivenator]

Seems like wishful thinking on your part that Mrs Lee will faithfully recreate the conversation about your concerns to her mother. I feel badly for you as you are really in a tough spot here.

My wife and I had a similar conversation about moving her parents in or at least one of them shoud the other pass. Her siblings have larger homes, made accomodations and expressed a desire yet my bride says she wants them here.
Good luck.

[ODDJOB UNO]

man you really need to think about this............. have room in da mighty chebbie k-1500, leaving o-dark-turdy monyana. bring sleeper bag/ sleeper pad/jacket/camera/passport/money(10's-20's),drivers license.


coming back either saturday or sunday or when we clean the gulf out of shrimp and run the corona brewery dry.


oh yeah a toof-brush.

i'm ser-i-azz. call me / e me if interested.


free psych counseling. tacos and coronas............all the food groups. wayy more nutritional than fortune cookies.

total peace and quiet..........well until the 1st bike comes thru and then all hell breaks loose.


and as soon as ya hear yer 1st TROPHY TRUCK.............you wont be thinking bouts NOTHING ELSE!

[WIL84911]

Yes I have and I'm sorry I did. Deadbeat bro-in-law's been with me for over 14 yrs and twice a yr comes his mom and dad. I just don't have the balls yet to leave but am getting damn close. Do what's right for you. Yes We're all asian though not chinese.

[Rufblackbird]

curious as to how things went...Rick are you in a RV at OJU's or are you down in Baja?