Would You Tolerate SO Continued Dialogue With Past Lover?

[Porsche-O-Phile]

My current SO has an ongoing friendship with one of her exes. At first this bugged the crap out of me (FWB on the side?). I saw it as a big red flag and almost chucked the relationship before it turned into anything serious, fully expecting she was going to prove to be hung up on the guy. I called her out on it and she offered a good explanation and reassurance that I was willing to accept (yes, risk of BS but I chose to believe her). In time it became obvious she wasn't interested in anything with anyone but me, so all is well. We all hang out from time to time; he's a decent enough guy and she's not the kind to cheat (she has been cheated in in the past herself and it did a number on her emotionally - independently verified so I know it's not just an elaborate BS cover story intended to get me to not be suspicious). As time goes on he's more and more out of the picture which I'm very ok with just as a precautionary thing. It's a total non-issue.

[aigel]

I have been dating and been married for so long that my SO has no recent past lovers (that I am aware of! ) Also have been moving frequently and far, which always helps to shed friends. We don't engage in social media, so the chance of being found by an old lover is also slim. Same for me. Glad to be at this point in my life, that's for sure.

G

[techweenie]

Big red flag.

It may be okay. I had a GF in a town so small that she ran into her significant other of 15 years maybe 3-4 times a week without trying. When she quit mentioning she had said 'hi' and I spotted her having an intense convo with him, that put it over the edge for me. There was no chance she was physically involved with him, but the change in disclosure was a signal.

[M.D. Holloway]

So it is about trust and respect. The chances of him or her keeping the dialogue going with a past sex partner for a chance at a future tag is like money in the bank but it also has to do with respect? That you have issues with the other dufe/girl because they know of the fact that you exsist yet could care less - they are basically looking to get off and the SO continues on is a show of disrespect to your relationship

This is all the more reason to have legalized prostituation.

[widgeon13]

As long as it doesn't involve sexting!

[AFC-911]

I still email / text with my first serious ex from time to time...I'm pretty sure her boyfriend is ok with it (she did move across the country for him after all).

[genrex]

I exchange Christmas cards with my first serious ex (1975 - 77). She has travelled the world and now lives in Virginia with her Navy husband. We haven't seen each other since 1977, and a Christmas card isn't gonna hurt anyone. Both of her parents are gone now, and one of mine. Life goes on...

_

[livi]

With children involved - yes absolutely.

Without children - no. Pointless and disrespectful.

[pwd72s]

Originally Posted by widgeon13

As long as it doesn't involve sexting!

Naw...leave that to male High School teachers and their female students. (A case in Oregon news lately)...

[AFC-911]

Originally Posted by livi

With children involved - yes absolutely.

Without children - no. Pointless and disrespectful.

If there's no flirting or anything questionable going on, how is it disrespectful to keep in touch?

I honestly like hearing how people I know from the past are doing these days.

[Baz]

It's all about respecting your partner.

If you respect her or him - do what is right, whatever it is.

If you don't get the respect you deserve get out while you can. Plenty of fish in the sea and no need to be with anyone unless it's totally right. And that's not easy.....too many who don't understand the concept of RESPECT.

[cockerpunk]

Originally Posted by McLovin

A spouse can't "let" or "not let" you talk to someone else. When she's not around you could of course call whoever you want - your spouse can't stop that.

A spouse, however, could ask that you not continue to have contact with past girlfriends.

Whether you choose to respect that request or not is up to you.

(And, IMO, says a lot about you, your relationship with your spouse, and your value of that relationship).

(By using "you" I don't mean you specifically or personally, I mean it generally)

i think it says more about a relationship if you are afraid of someone having coffee with someone else.

[rusnak]

When I was younger, I was never the jealous type. Still not, unless the woman means something to me.

As I became older and wiser, and grew to appreciate the value of protecting those that you value, I saw that you can not have a laissez fair attitude toward your woman. A man should protect and take care of what he values. And he should be guarded, lest some fool take them away.

[HardDrive]

For the most part, no, but it depends.

Facebook buddies with a boyfriend from college, and they send each other pictures of their kids? Yeah, thats ok.

Current, face to face dialog, going out to lunch together and such? Hell no.

[not sharp]

He is already bangin her again!!!!!!!

[techweenie]

Originally Posted by not sharp

He is already bangin her again!!!!!!!

He never stopped.

[cockerpunk]

Originally Posted by rusnak

When I was younger, I was never the jealous type. Still not, unless the woman means something to me.

As I became older and wiser, and grew to appreciate the value of protecting those that you value, I saw that you can not have a laissez fair attitude toward your woman. A man should protect and take care of what he values. And he should be guarded, lest some fool take them away.

you'd be a fool to invest in a woman who would allow some other man to "steal" her from you.

[tweezers74]

Originally Posted by cockerpunk

you'd be a fool to invest in a woman who would allow some other man to "steal" her from you.

This. I don't mind it if the guy I am dating is talking to an old girlfriend. There is a reason why they aren't with them. I don't concern myself on ways to keep my man from straying. I concern myself on ways to make him happy so that he doesn't even think of straying because he knows what he has is the best out there.

[manbridge 74]

Er.. no.

My woman is more than enough for me and I'd expect the same in return. Cue the hapless BeeGees "More than a woman..."

[McLovin]

Originally Posted by tweezers74

This. I don't mind it if the guy I am dating is talking to an old girlfriend. There is a reason why they aren't with them. .

And there's a (related) reason why he's only dating not marrying you!