Broke up with the GF yesterday

[Embraer]

sucks.....she's probably the best person ive ever met. certainly my best friend. she wanted me to commit to being vegan for the rest of my life...couldn't do it. so I broke it off yesterday. 13 months that were pretty darn awesome.

I know it sounds weird that veganism is something that would break two people apart...but she is truly passionate about animals. (not like PETA-crazy, though). I grew up on a Midwest farm, and although I can fully understand the health aspects of it (and ive gotten on board with it....) it's tough for me to understand and share the same passion.

in the past when relationships have gone sour, it's always because one of us has done something to hurt the other, or it's something that is bad about that person.

I feel bad for having an issue with somebody who is caring, compassionate, and a very positive influence in my life. ...makes me feel like the bad person.

not a good day.

[motion]

Sorry to hear.... but this is fixable. Maybe you're young and don't understand the value of her. Better think about this one and what you can do to fix it.

[GH85Carrera]

That sucks. She is not the one for you if she would ask you to do something that makes you uncomfortable. It is no different than saying she wants you to convert to some religion you are uncomfortable with.

[Embraer]

she is unwavering on the veganism aspect. it is a deal breaker for her. she says I MUST be vegan and that our kids will be vegan, as well. for me, it comes to a control aspect.

if she said "I understand that you're trying to be vegan, and I appreciate that you want to have that life style. I'm proud of you for trying to be a better person" it would be one thing. but for her...it's an ultimatum, not a desire.

not sure how I would handle that?

[RANDY P]

how did she live with your the preceeding months? If she's on your case about that NOW, imagine what she'd be like to live with. Before you know it you'll be wearing birkenstocks and showering once a week.

good riddance, another one will come along- one that won't try to "save" you and will accept you for who you are, not who she wants you to be.

rjp

[Rot 911]

Go BBQ a nice steak. It will make you feel better.

Seriously, she has control issues if she is not willing to be flexible on this.

[onlycafe]

too bad for her, maybe she'll come around.
i hope you are doing ok.
meanwhile, take solace in bacon.

[BRPORSCHE]

Ya did the right thing Mike. It's tough to lose the best friend, but no one should be controlling like that.

[Embraer]

well....there lies the issue. ...and this is largely my fault. when we first started dating...I knew that she wanted a vegan partner. the last year...I have been vegan. ive lived the lifestyle and have given it a try. I do understand the health aspects. she knew that I wasn't vegan when we met, but that I was making a concerted effort to adapt the lifestyle.

now as ive reached the point where I need to decide if she's "the one" it makes me nervous that I do have to commit to a lifetime of something that I wasn't for the previous 30 years of my life.

[widebody911]

It could have only gone downhill from there.

How can you tell if someone is a vegan?

They'll tell you.

[Gogar]

If veganism is higher on her list than -you- are, then you probably made the right move, even if you'll be bummed out for a while.

[motion]

Can't you sneak bacon when she's not looking? I'll bet she hates the leather seats in your Ferrari... maybe keep it in there?

[HardDrive]

I think you handled it the way most would. Ultimatums are not what relationships are about.

My wife is a Hindu and a vegetarian. But she doesn't try and force that on me. Rather, she cooks vegetarian food that is so insanely good that I end up eating veg and liking it. As long as I buy it and cut it up, she will cook chicken for us as well. She's flexible, and so am I.

[RANDY P]

The only person who can "TELL" me something is my Mom. I've seen guys give up their dogs because the NEW GF doesn't like 'em (that's how I got my current weim!) , go into debt for cars, houses, etc. etc- stupid, stupid things.

I used to think that conforming to HER ideal about life was possible, it's not. Nowadays woman won't tell me when to get up in the morning, let alone how to spend my money or what my habits are. She don't like it? GTFO. My stuff, my money, my place, my pet all stay as-is...

I don't miss 'em anymore, ride it till it breaks, then get another.

rjp

[URY914]

Originally Posted by Rot 911

Go BBQ a nice steak. It will make you feel better.

Seriously, she has control issues if she is not willing to be flexible on this.

I agree. Maybe some baby back ribs with a side of bacon.

[Embraer]

thanks for the words of encouragement guys. it just sucks...and I know it's going to suck for a while.

[cockerpunk]

it happens man. sometimes you just wish it could work out, but it doesn't. doesn't mean anyone is a bad person, or doing something wrong, just that we can ignore deal breakers or be unaware of them before they present themselves.

weird deal breaker i must admit though. but im not one to judge.

[David]

Sorry to hear. I can relate to the issue though. There's a vegan mom near my girlfriend's apartment and I feel bad for her little girl. I'm sure with the right effort it can be made to work but this little girl always looks malnurished.

[Evans, Marv]

What most of these guys said about control, being uncomfortable with it, etc. The old saying, "Everything in moderation" is very true. I've learned that and seen it throughout my lifetime. I could never truly trust a person whose philosophies, behavior, or lifestyle represents far ends of the spectrum. It happened for the best, and you should be glad you had the nice experience and it ended on an amicable note. For you both, there are truly lots of fish in the sea. Go cast your line out there when you feel comfortable doing that.

[nostatic]

You tried to make a change and couldn't. Chalk it up to experience. At some point we all stop pretending and be who we are. Often relationships that formed when we were "acting" then fall apart.

But as Jeremy said, she gave her priorities:

1. veganism
2 (or lower). you

Better to find out now rather than later...