"Here's a goat to sweeten the deal..." Bwahahahahahaha, etc. :D

You've obviously never been through a divorce. ;)

Wow. From menopause to divorce.... that's thread creep for ya.
I lost my first wife to cancer, so can't say where that would have gone. 2nd (and last) wife is my best friend. We both go in and out of moods - good, bad and ugly, but in the end we've got each others backs. Simple as that. But the hot flashes and insomnia are a drag, no argument there. Now that reefer is legal here in OR, we're going to try some Indica for the sleeplessness...

why do you need a piece of paper to make that true?

I think Craig was making a funny. That's all I took from it.


Sent via Jedi mind trick.

POP, what you wrote ought to be a "Sticky" somewhere.
Well put and I agree!
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My present g/f and I have talked about living together one day after she retires this coming December. She likes her privacy and often doesn't want someone around - she likes what I call her "quiet time" and, like me, has never been married.
I own a 4 bedroom house and only use my master bedroom.
I set up the other 3 large bedrooms as her "wing", as we call it.
I put in a set of French doors between 2 bedrooms and converted the closet between the 2nd and 3rd bedrooms as a passage way to the 3rd bedroom.
She loves it and we enjoyed painting all 3 bedrooms in her "girlie" colors.
She now sleeps w/me when she's here but when/if she moves in she'll most likely sleep in her "wing" at those times when she wants her "quiet time."
Neither one of us sleeps well with another person every night, so that's how we'll manage that.
Why not? It's all about agreement. And if two people can agree about what's so, then all is well. Agreed? :)
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First stage of French door project.
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http://forums.pelicanparts.com/uploa...1441303264.jpg

That is easy to answer.

Legal things. Joint ownership of a house. The RIGHT to talk to a doctor about the spouse if they are in the hospital. Estate planning.

I know of a couple that lived together for many years. They never got married. He died and the family threw the not a wife girl friend out of the house. It was a major legal battle and she lost most everything.

I'm 61 the wifey is 59. I guess that I'm lucky, the wifey had a right mastectomy about ten years ago. Took her a while (several years) to recover physically and emotionally. We do the head bangy think once or twice a week. I think I'd get more if she didn't come home from work and be stressed about work almost every day. When we go RVing, I get lucky most afternoons. Something about relaxing and no stress.

Yes that's one of them. She has been this way for about 8 years.

a power of attorney and a good will would easily solve this problem.


my point is POP and others are saying there is no need to actually get legally married, because its a foolish risk these days. but that doesn't 1. discredit anyone who is, and 2. doesn't mean they arn't still looking for a long term, real, relationship. my point is you being married isn't what caused your relationship to be a success, its the fact that you work together that makes it a success. and you don't need a piece of paper for that.

Exactly. Powers of Attorney are your friend. I have a couple of these stashed away in my fireproof lockbox just in case. I can modify or rescind them anytime - without losing my life savings, property, retirement account, house and rights to my kids. Works pretty well but to each their own - whatever works for ya'.

While some may take comfort and solace in doing things a traditional way ("sometimes the 'road less traveled' is less traveled for a reason..."), I don't see any benefit to automatically defaulting to being a slave to convention. A lot of conventions are rooted in outdated thinking or developed by idiot politician / bureaucrat / lawyer policymakers and frankly a lot of times a reasonably intelligent person can come up with a better way that works better for them.

Now that we have moved on from menopause to marriage...I guess I will weigh in on that as well. I think the point of marriage is as it has always been...a lifetime commitment. One where you both have to combine/share major life goals and subordinate (but not give up) those that do not benefit the both of you. This is the ideal situation to raise children, create wealth and ensure you have a partner throughout life (in both good and bad times).

If you marry relatively young (20 or less), by age 40, you have shared so many times and experiences together (including raising children)...that there really should be no one else in the world you have more in common with (over half your life would have been spent together by that point). Shared goals to achieve should not ever end. Surely there is something that both partners still want to do/achieve (and can do it together)...even at menopause.

One of the biggest problems for young married folks is usually money. By the time you have spent 20 years together, you should be well on your way financially...so you are really just enjoying the fruits of your labor. The relationship should not become boring as you should things you both enjoy to share and things you each do on your own...bringing interesting and stimulating new hobbies and interests into the relationship. You also have to give the other a bit of room (everyone is not the same). I love zombie apocalypse movies and my wife likes reruns of old sitcoms. I simply bought two televisions. Sometimes I watch her shows with her...often, I do not. I do not nag her about not liking the same movies. There are lots of more important things to worry about. Since you guys are posting on a Porsche web site, I assume that most of you have expensive hobbies. What about your wives? DO they have something they enjoy that is mentally stimulating to enjoy? Are you encouraging them to spend money/time on such interests similarly to that which you do wit your hobbies? Many men assume that the new washing machine or vacuum...maybe a remodeled kitchen meets those needs...but that is just a shared asset which you both use and enjoy.

If you are not having sex, realize that is not the natural state of things and you are likely doing something wrong. Maybe your skills (both romantically and sexually) are lacking and it did not matter much when her biological needs were driving the train...but now just are not enough to get her going. Lots of guys expect their wives to look like fashion models yet carry an extra 50 lbs around themselves, don't shower, dress nice, etc...and believe foreplay is telling her to fetch you a beer; and then wonder why their spouse shows no interest in romance. Work out together...that really helps with the sex life. Unlike men who would be thinking about sex with the doctor sewing their severed leg back on, once they are beyond their early child-bearing years, women who are tired or don't feel good/perky, simply are not very interested in sex.

Spend the money to let her have nice clothes, hair and nails done, etc. I meet/know lots of women between 40 and 70 and pretty much all are cougars at heart and seem very interested in men and sex and perk up a bit when a fit, clean cut, well dressed man walks in/by. They seem more sex-starved than most men. If your wife is not interested in you at all...there is some other problem you need to address (as she certainly realizes your needs by now and should be interested in your needs as well as her needs). Maybe you need a shower, shave and to brush your teeth. Maybe she just need a bit more reassurance that you find her still sexually and mentally beautiful/attractive and are not just looking for a willing receptacle to discharge your biological needs. A little foreplay goes a long way. Obviously, if you are in some sort of rut...you need to do something to break out of it. Maybe a regular date night is enough...or a vacation. Maybe a surprise gift now and then. It is different for everyone. Just don't give up. That is what a lifetime commitment is all about...for better or worse. Guys posting here spend their lifetime solving the most intricate of problems, both technical and political, yet seem to have not spent a lot of cerebral activity on repairing/maintaining their relationships with their spouses. You can do better.

My 39th anniversary is this month...and things as good or even better than they have ever been...but as always, it does take work and compromise.

My wife is 65 and I'm 64 - married 41 years. Menopause? I must have missed it, After reading this thread, Oh Mama, am I lucky!

Just returned from a weekend in KC with the wife, dropped the kids off with grandma and grandpa. Every 3-4 months we try to take a weekend away, just the two of us. We had a great day of shopping for stuff we both needed, then met some of my friends for dinner. I'm very fortunate to have a wife that not only enjoys my friends, but can hang in there and fire back whenever needed. I thought of this thread and some of the negativity posted about marriage at several points over the weekend, so I wanted to post something positive. Nobody I would rather hang out with. Now we need to start planning for Vegas in December.:D

This is almost an exact description of life with my angel. My soul mate for 25 years, married for 19. She is 12 years my junior, in her early 50s. She is the best, most dedicated wife, friend, partner, lover and all around entertaining and sweet person a man could ever hope for. Sure she has some "idiosyncrasies", but they PALE in comparison to mine! Menopause? she just toughed through it with no complaints.

I feel for you guys living with miserable *****es........... I had one like that and after 23 years, I invited her to leave, with a generous severance package. Best thing I ever bought in my whole life. Toxic people suck.......... I have banned every one of them from my life...... forever.

I won't waste precious electrons by quoting fint's post #72. I will paraphrase, however:

"Hello, my name is fint and I am a pet husband who enjoys wearing a shock collar."

Seems that a power of attorney and a good will are also pieces of paper. Pieces of paper that a good attorney will use to pursue settlement no different than a traditional marriage. Honestly, that method seems like a pretty transparent way to protect one spouse that a judge will easily decode.

Funny, I asked about this and so long as the powers extended are limited to specific things it shouldn't be an issue. In my case my GF / partner has a health care proxy (she's also an RN so it makes sense), is a beneficiary of a couple of significant items in my will and is the executor of my estate. Nothing all that unusual really. I have a HC proxy for her and similarly am beneficiary of some of her estate and would ultimately be responsible for some shared interests. We each keep our own houses, careers, retirement accounts, finances and lives but we see each other every day or two and have a great time. It's really pretty great. All the upside, none of the potential downside. It really works out nicely but YMMV.

It should be no surprise there is such a range of experience with menopause (and marriage) since people are individuals.
The wife has been hit with 'power surges' for almost 10 years, but she is very aware of her mood swings, so I am often not picking up on things until she remarks about how glad she will be when this ***** is over. She has ever been the practical one.
The "door number three" thing is very much my situation after a relationship of over 40 years. It is good to spend time with my best friend. And when my best friend is going through a mood swing, we can deal with that.

Best
Les

My wife and I are already pretty independent of each other. After 18 years of marriage, we don't need to spend every waking moment together. Wife has never been very interested in sex, but she's also not an ice queen. That's partially from work stress. I've told her it's important to me, and she makes an effort. I'd say we I get lucky about every 2 weeks when we're together. More when she's not working.

In term of mood swings and illogical behavior, I can't see how that would differ from everyday. I long ago concluded that my wife is crazy as a schit house rate. Bonkers. I simply listen without responding. God forbid you point out the flawed logic in what they saying.

I'm not unhappy with marriage. But wow, there are some times when you are there simply because of your commitment. Its not a institution for the weak.