Ever think...maybe it is just you?

hahaha

we agree on something crowbob, we agree on something. :D

Since your only real experience with menopause is due to living with your mother...your opinion on it really does not count for much (similar to your experience in marriage, women...or most things for that matter...beyond paintball and video games). Of course your "contributions" regarding topics you know nothing about are far from unusual. In fact, they are the norm. Grow up and then come back to talk to the adults when you have something to offer.

Fint, you should have left it at the above. Now that would have been funny.

No need to feed the cat fight.

i think its funny that PARF seems to think that i live with my parents and play video games. nothing of course could be farther from the truth, but thats PARFers for you.

it only ever comes out as a counter attack when the person is left with no alternative argument.

Marriage, like all things of value, is hard. Strange thread. I feel for the OP, my wife is hitting the M too and there are really difficult days/weeks with plenty to follow. What part of marriage vows did we not really take serious? I am in my 50's now and not nearly as vibrant or good looking as I was 20 years ago. My wife is still here by my side, as I will be by hers through whatever comes our way.

Post #72 was well written, fint. thx.
Something we all should think about.
More importantly, when all those have been tried ad nauseum, a man can saunter forth with a clean conscience.

Menopause destroys a woman physically which brings out the demons at times. Expect it. After that all she has to look forward to is old age. No return. It's crushing on her psyche as well her body. Suck it up and be there with the little daily things. That's what keeps them going.

I lived with the M for the last seven of ten years, but we no long share the same lifestyle or vision or even entertainment. Separate issue and that spark unfortunately died long ago. But life goes on.

I don't disagree with Fint, he has strong points and certainly I take my commitment seriously.

I do worry greatly though about the other side of the menopausal fence.....it is all great for us guys to sit hear and complain about the change in their lives, but clearly, there is the woman's viewpoint.

I worry that, in the cases mentioned here including my own where there has been a real and material negative change in the relationship, that the woman wakes up in the morning and says the same thing as john70t....they, like us, no longer share common interests with this old fart that they wake up to, who plays with mechanical toys, who does not seem to have the good sense that God gives a goose....heavens, we play with OLD GERMAN CARS for heavens sake.

What to do then?

Look, I love my wife, I love her enough to stay with her but I also love her enough to set her free from the yoke and burden that I may be for her. I just would hate to get to the pearly gates and speak to her and find out that she was as unhappy as I was and she was waiting for me to quit when, in some respects, I am waiting for her to quit.

I don't know the answer to this unfortunately, but I will continue to ponder, pray and probably prevaricate.

Dennis

It seems like no matter where I post and what the topic, there are always a couple of losers from PARF that follow me around and toss a personal attack my way (because they are butt hurt over some long forgotten political argument from the past...or just because they are losers...and that is what losers do). Frankly...I just don't know what is wrong with them...unless their Mommy's menopause is interfering with their life in the basement.

I just can't believe that...absent cheating or similar, that through compromise and hard work...things cannot be worked out. From your posts in PARF, you are clearly a brilliant and thoughtful person. I cannot imagine that you cannot find a way to break through whatever it is that divides you. I do not believe that it is only menopause as many women endure menopause and emerge seemingly better for it. I suspect that even the most prolific of us have a bit less sex after decades of marriage...but intimacy should not end at menopause. It seems to me that there might possibly be a medical condition if there is a marked change. My wife (and most women I know) seem little different after menopause than before...except a bit more even tempered throughout the month. I assume you have talked to her about this...

Yeah, and reason people don't go into PARF is because they can't "hang" with the feces-flinging simians who spend their time there. LMAO, sure, that's exactly it. Or, just as an alternative hypothesis, how about the fact that after we became adults, we knew not to act like we were in grade school? Apply Occam's Razor.

It is truly amazing how quickly a lighthearted thread can go south once the PARF crowd find it and leave the cage.

Then you need to grow up. Sometimes stuff just doesn't work. Sometimes you can compromise only so far.And that's where two people are both invested in working things out. Sometimes the other party just isn't interested in making the effort.

Well, it wasn't really lighthearted. The subject matter is no joke. I'm into year two, and it's not easy sledding. But I don't have it as bad as some as far as how it affects me.

No kidding...although I believe this is far from light-hearted for some. It is too bad that one cannot make a post on a serous topic here without the cheap shots from left field.

Compromise sucks in a marriage. That means neither party got what they wanted and now both are likely to be unhappy......

I think "stuff works" when you try long and hard enough to fix it. I see folks here every day who keep trying to fix their fuel injection when they clearly have an ignition problem...200 posts later, they take it to a mechanic that tells them the same thing you told them on post #2, #25 and #150. I guess replacing the coil is just too simple...when you can rebuild the fuel distributor, replace the injectors and look for vacuum leaks...or worse, just give up.

Almost every man that posts here claims the problem is their wife. I imagine most women believe the problem is with their husband. As Java said, it is hard. Damned hard. All good things generally are hard...and generally worth the effort. If the other party is not interested in making the effort, perhaps you should be convincing them that is it is worth their effort.

Compromise sucks in anything...because it means you did not get thing exactly your way. On the other hand, we do it with almost everything else in life...yet we cannot do it for the one we love? Seems a conundrum.

Anyone who cannot compromise is doomed to be very alone. That seems even more unhappy to me.

Another human being is not a group of mechanical parts that can be subject to methodical troubleshooting. Sometimes there is no good answer, and you making some pollyanna claim otherwise flies in the face of actual facts. Maybe someone could change your mind on some issue of politics if they were just persuasive enough? LMAO, right. Tell me another cool story, bro. In some cases, folks minds are just plain made up, and no amount of persuasion can convince them otherwise. And how much are you willing to compromise? I'm guessing there is a line to which you will go, and no further. Because if there isn't, then it's not compromise.

It's capitulation.

Why don't you think about things a bit before you tell me how I am doomed to be very alone. I have been very happily married for over 30 years and my wife and I don't compromise on important things.

Why Compromise is NOT the Answer to a Happy Marriage

Want a great marriage? Don’t compromise. | The Art of Simple

A Great Marriage is About NOT Compromising

Why You Shouldn't Compromise In Your Marriage -- And What to Do Instead : Brides