Don't confuse him with facts. He knows what's best, and exactly what you're doing wrong. LOL.

His tiny window on real life is all the view he needs. If it works for him, then it's your fault if his way doesn't work for you, even if your circumstances are completely different and his way is not applicable. Of course, you have to sign up for the rigid dogma, or you're lost from the get-go.

There is usually the home and the rest of the world. But how can someone really go forth on a daily basis with complete confidence and ready to give their all, when the place they return to for rest and rejuvenation is compromised and in jeopardy? A relationship is something to build off of. A core identity of who we are as people, and a major investment in time money and energy. We have to be able to adapt in order for it to even happen.

Despite the 'textbook image' of who men are supposed to be and how we are supposed to act, we are still human and have emotions and feelings and a connection with those around us. If we don't, then it is usually some major barrier to utilizing or exploring the full potential of our brains and our abilities. We are good at using the big hammer, and some men use it exclusively, but there are times when the the small hammer works better. Chengis Khan not only pillaged and burned and conquered. He also held territories for extended periods by way of negotiated treaties, instituted arts and standardized systems of trade, adopted some of the conquered people's lifestyles, and morphed his own people to the surrounding circumstances. It was the home front and infighting that did the monghols in.

Obviously they needs to be someone in the lead role of the family unit. These days, women are significantly more empowered by the types of modern work available and with the laws governing marriage and equality. The true measure of a person's character is revealed by giving them ultimate power, and deficiencies in morality are not limited to sexual status. Society unfortunately has a great say in how moral standards are brought to normalcy as a whole, and this affects everyone within the family dynamic. Roles are hashed out and partners become entrenched, emboldened, and eventually complacent in their expected duties. That is typical of efficiency. But it also becomes self-limiting by its very nature. Men can become far too content with repetitious lifestyles while women can seek major changes where it is actually disadvantageous. In cases where offspring are involved and events occur, both parties need to be able to carry on the duties of the other. One of the greatest problems today facing the family unit is the ability to communicate at length, on equal terms often, and solve long term problems before they become fatal ones to a relationship.

I don't believe I told you that you would be anything...why don't you think about things a bit before you make this personal?

Obviously if one never compromises, the spouse must always compromise...something that a lot of men expect...then wonder why their wife decides they are uncompromising dicks and ignores them...or finds someone who will treat them better. If anyone believes that not compromising with their menopausal wife (who seems distant or uncaring) will fix the relationship, I believe they need to find better advice than the "self help" links you posted.

Obviously the spouse (wife) must always compromise?? Wrong answer!! You don't seem read all that well. Sometimes I get my way and sometimes my wife gets her way. That is a heck of lot better than neither one of us getting what we want. Basically we try to find common ground. If we can't, we try to figure out to whom it means more or who is more deserving at the time. This works out really well because both of us want the other to be happy. So, when I let my wife have it the way she wants, I am happy for her even if I did not get what I wanted.

I have no idea what he is doing or what he is doing right or wrong. I posted my opinion on what works for me and he stated the opposite was a good idea. I really don't see why you or he have made it personal. Of course your personal attack thrown in for good measure (as always) really does not help the discussion. If you treat your wife this way...I can see why the response would not be positive. Frankly, you make marriage seem less like love than a war...where compromise is " capitulation". Frankly, I can see how that attitude would not go over very well with most women who have a more romantic view of love and marriage. Yes...I would compromise, capitulate or step in front of a train to save my marriage or the one I love. My vow was for better or worse, richer or poorer, good times or bad, sickness or health...I spoke them and meant them.

I don't know if what I do is "best"...but it seems to be working quite well for almost 40 years...so it certainly would seem a viable strategy. Has your strategy been as effective?

It is funny how we idealize love when we are young. Most young men that I have known "would do anything" for that one special girl that they pine for. They swear undying love and promise to cherish her until the end of time. Then, once they win her and get married...and she gets a few miles on her, everything changes. Then their car is more important, their money, their job, or maybe just winning that argument.

Personally, I treat my wife better now than when I was trying to win her...and have for almost 40 years. I try hard not to take her for granted. Although she is as hard-headed as I am, she treats me pretty well in return. When we are 80, none of the silly things couples fight about will matter.

Most guys I know who are on their second or third wife tell me that their new significant other is an angel compared to their previous *****. I watch the difference in how they treated the two and I can see why. They treated their previous spouse like a prison warden who kept them from enjoying life and the new squeeze like a hot date. Now, after the divorce, their ex has guys that appreciate her so she has lost 20 pounds,looks and feels great...and is spreading their money all over town (as they got the house, cars, kids,and most of the money). Guys just can't figure out why some doofus let such a wonderful gal get away...while the bitter guy eventually repeats the same mistakes. Of course he is still over 50, broke, and has that 40 inch waist line. All those hot young supermodels his prison warden wife was keeping him from are not only not interested, they are disgusted.

I read just fine. Do you have to include an insult in every post? What is your problem?

Guess what? What you describe is compromise.

idk, they are the ones personally insulting me because they lack a compelling counter point.

apply occam's razor.

i would post things like my house, my patent wall etc, but that would exposing too much personal information.

also, i think its funny that folks who have spent 30+ years of there lives in a single relationship are good at relationship advise. ah, you spent all your time with one single person. you figured out one possible way for YOU to work ok with ONE other person.

this is like when a manufacturing tech thinks they understand how some process works, because they have made the same product on the same machine for 30 years. no, you just figured out how to do one thing pretty well.

no, you actually only know how to make something work with one person. that actually makes you pretty bad at giving relationship advise.


rather take relationship advise from someone with a vast variety of experience. i've been in relationships of varying seriousness and length of time ranging from 7 years, to tomorrow morning, and planning to marry them, to kicking them out after breakfast. and in relationships varrying in agreement from totally open, to totally monogamous with religious, and not religious women, of varying political and economic means.

but no, i want to know the one trick you have used for 30 years to keep one woman, happy. yup. that will be valuable to me. yup.

to be clear, im not discrediting your 30 years. im simply stating, that just because i don't have a 30 year marriage under my belt, doesn't mean my relationship advise is useless, its actually far more useful, because i've experienced a wide variety of relationships with a wide vareity of women

Hey fint, honey. Be a dear and go make me a sandwich.

Come on you guys??? Start your own thread titled "Marriage Sucks and You're an Idiot", or go back to PARF where every post, comment, or opinion is met with conflict or insult.

The intent of this thread was for those of us dealing with hot flashes and moods swings to have a little chuckle together. 6 pages later and you guys are bashing each other over who's qualified to give marital advice?

Time for this thread to die.

If you were my wife...I would be happy to do just that.

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Don
Exactly!

I think you need to look up compromise in the dictionary.

A compromise is where I want a crew cab truck, my wife wants a sports car, and we end up with a 4 door sedan. Neither of us got what we wanted and neither of us is particularly happy.

In our process, we usually end up with the truck or the sports car. No compromise. One of us got exactly what they wanted and other did not.

Amen to that!

You are wrong. A compromise is also exactly as you described where you got what you wanted some of the time and she got what she wanted other times. In each case, you reached consent by one of you making a concession to the other...understanding that you/she would benefit in a future decision.

If you wanted a new truck and she wanted a new sports car and you bought the truck...then the next time you were able to buy a new vehicle, you insisted you get another new truck...then there would be no compromise. Similarly, if you both always got exact what you wanted, when you wanted...there would be no compromise.

+1

I laughed at the original post. It was funny and written with humor. Sorry it got so muddied.


Sent via Jedi mind trick.

Craig,
I'm wondering if you happen to have the same mouse that some other Pelicans have...you know, the ones that just, on their own, move over and click on an undesirable thread.
I'm using a Logitech wireless mouse...they don't do that.
You might take a look and upgrade.
Just a suggestion...save yourself some grief...I don't know.
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;)

I was wondering about that myself, Don.