What would you do?

[SeanPizzle]

I would vote no and if she still wants to pursue this then let her go.

I think it's a terrible selfish act, myself. When that child has a child of their own, you two will likely be dead or heading towards that. Nature kind of sets the rules for these things and at 47/48 years old, there are very good reasons she won't be able to conceive naturally. Just this summer, some acquaintances who are in their mid to late 40s decided to go thru the procedure of having kids. She was not very fit to begin with and the pregnancy was stressful on her, enough that she went ecclamptic and delivered the twin babies (IVF) at just shy of 25 weeks. Sadly, one of the babies passed shortly after birth and the other passed about 5 weeks later. It's devastating for all involved.

The risks are very real for problems for both the mother and child.

My heart goes out to you. I hope she can spend some time praying on this and come to terms.

[Oracle]

I was on a very similar situation like you.. 2nd marriage, she had no kids but always wanted, yada,yada..

One day I decided to put myself ahead of e-v-e-r-y-o-n-e else and got the vasectomy that same day.
I knew she could've walked but it was me who said. No. I'm too old.. this is who I am..
I can't be someone else..

Fortunately she stayed with me and to this day I still get ***** for doing it but I know it was the right choice for me.

At your young age and her, you high much higher probabilities of a baby with issues.. What would you do if your baby has a serious handicap?

Sounds horrible but buy a dog, that usually helps with time-ticking issues.. It will buy you time until you can't or won't

[GWN7]

You discussed this before you got married and now she has changed the rules. I'm sorry but either she gets her way or you get divorced.

She's not being rational. It's like those bad relationships in their 20's that the woman decides to have a baby because it will bring you closer together and it puts so much of a strain on the relationship that it ends.

Lawyer and use condoms.

[porsche4life]

Start keeping the grandkid every weekend. Best of both worlds, she gets baby time, kids get a day off, and you don't have to deal with raising a kid!

[SCadaddle]

"Fast forward 5 months, and I am now a proud grandpa to my son's new baby and my wife has now flipped completely and wants us to have a baby ourselves. She says the feeling is now stronger than ever and she is really struggling with it, so much so, that I fear for our future together."

You, your son and your daughter in law need to watch a 24 hour Jerry Springer marathon then break the news to your wife that the new grand baby aint a grand baby but rather YOUR child because of that one night that....... I mean go for all out theatrics and see if she hits the door or not!

[livi]

Only you can answer this question of course. Go with your gut feeling. Don´t rationalize. There is no certain way to tell how the future will turn out anyway.
Me, I met my current wife 7 years ago and finally realized I had found my life partner - and those are few and far apart! She had no children and naturally was very keen on it.
Since I had four children already and closing in on 50 years, I was not planning on any more in the stable.
I realized I had to make a choice between the love of my life AND a number 5 kid. Or neither.
With no small anxiety I went for the first choice and have not regretted a minute.
Obviously having a new baby at my age is consuming time and energy - but it is also fantastic. In many ways even more than when I was younger.
I have not looked back once.

[Willem Fick]

We had our first child when I was 37, and our second at 40 (45 now). I honestly find it very, very difficult to deal with the intense demands of young kids at this stage in my life, and if I had a chance to do it all over I'd rather have kids when I'm young.

[T77911S]

problem is IF she leaves you, what are the chances of finding anyone at her age that wants to have kids, even if she still can. so In the end she could ruin the relationship and still not have any kids. well I suppose she could but she may raise it by herself.

you can always say if it happens then it happens hoping she wont be able to .

I went thru the same thing with my wife wanting to adopt except I was in my 40's. still scary to think of at that age,
oh, we adopted a 12yr old. he is now 18 and I am 51.

[oldE]

Originally Posted by JackDidley

My dad was 50 when I was born. I missed out on a lot growing up because he was not able to do the things a man should do with his kids. He was physically used up from hard work and a hard life. No way I'd try to raise a kid like that.

I had the same experience and will add I became a grandfather at age 60 and my wife and I became full time care givers for the baby girl 9 months after that. My wife is a youthful 60, manages her hobby farm, feeds her horses, etc. but there are times when she says she doesn't know if she can do this but has no choice.

Best of luck.
Les

[recycled sixtie]

I have thought about it some more. If it has not already been said get some counselling for the both of you. I cannot imagine your feelings right now except confusion.

[recycled sixtie]

Originally Posted by livi

only you can answer this question of course. Go with your gut feeling. Don´t rationalize. There is no certain way to tell how the future will turn out anyway.
Me, i met my current wife 7 years ago and finally realized i had found my life partner - and those are few and far apart! She had no children and naturally was very keen on it.
Since i had four children already and closing in on 50 years, i was not planning on any more in the stable.
I realized i had to make a choice between the love of my life and a number 5 kid. Or neither.
With no small anxiety i went for the first choice and have not regretted a minute.
Obviously having a new baby at my age is consuming time and energy - but it is also fantastic. In many ways even more than when i was younger.
I have not looked back once.

like

[Borders Reivers]

Your life, your choice.

I was 42 when my first child arrived and 46 when last one was born.

Would not do the same again.

My 20's and 30's were staggeringly amazing and I wouldn't change that part for anything.

Love my kiddos but to do it again would start earlier in life.

[cmccuist]

Originally Posted by Reg

I never read all replies but if she really loves you as much as you love her she may settle down after you offer to babysit your grand kid for a week. Does she know much much work it is to raise a kid? I became a dad at 36 and I'm beat chasing after 11 and 9 year old. She'll be almost 60 at that stage. Good Luck!

Raising children is so much work (if done properly) that most parents are wore out at the end of the day. And that's if you're young! My wife and I had 3 right away and hit the jackpot with those kids - doctor, lawyer and engineer. But now we want to enjoy our life and just watch grandkids for a few days at a time.

I can't imagine raising a child starting at age 50 or so. What with the midnight feedings, diaper changes, first steps, first words, terrible twos, kindergarten, birthday parties, Santa Claus, Easter Bunny, bake sales, PTA, little league, girl scouts, boy scouts, science projects, homework, report cards, mini vans, soccer camp, swim team, gymnastics, cheerleading, football tryouts, bullies, first car, first date, first kiss, the talk, first breakup, parties, drinking, drugs, birth control, applying to colleges, high school graduation, college...

Parenting is the most rewarding thing I ever did. Even more than my career, which I love. I always say the when any of my children do something significant, it feels better than if I'd done it myself. Children are your best entertainment value. But I never want to go through that again! Too hard to do when you're older.

[flatbutt]

FWIW would you be able to send a kid to college at the age of 68? Yeah I know...but it is a practical concern,besides all of the aforementioned cover the bases pretty well.

Markus, you continue to amaze!

[fastfredracing]

You don't want to ask me.
Yesterday morning , 2 lbs 11 oz at only 29 weeks. Was not planned. They told my wife that she would most likely not be able to conceive after her last pregnancy . Whoops. Bably boy, and mom are doing good so far.
I'm 47 and ****ting bricks right now .

[recycled sixtie]

Originally Posted by fastfredracing

You don't want to ask me.
Yesterday morning , 2 lbs 11 oz at only 29 weeks. Was not planned. They told my wife that she would most likely not be able to conceive after her last pregnancy . Whoops. Bably boy, and mom are doing good so far.
I'm 47 and ****ting bricks right now .

Congratulations Fred and wife!

[Scott Douglas]

Wow, 2-11 is TINY!
I thought my granddaughter was small at 5-9 as she was 'early term' so they say. You could hold her in the palm of your hand.
Good luck to you, your wife and new born son.

To the original poster - I wouldn't do it if it were me, but your mileage may vary as they say.
Good luck.

[VincentVega]

good luck Fred!

OP - I can only imagine what you are going through. At this point in your life you know yourself, trust your judgement. Sure it can be done, but this isnt something you just half assed step into, IMHO. Also, you asked about meeting anyone else. Sure, I'm just the guy on the internet. But, there are millions of women looking to pair up. You can always, always!, find a good one if you want. Do this if you want, not if you are afraid of losing her. Good luck.

[SiberianDVM]

Chances of her getting pregnant are slim to none, no matter what you decide or how much $ you spend. I'd say, "Sure, hun, let's start right now", and let the chips fall where they may.

But I would insist on an amniocentesis, and abortion if any birth defects are found. Not to say that YOU have any control over that, as all the decisions are made by women now.

[Rikao4]

congrat's Fred, we wish you the best..

Knew long ago I did not want kids..
deal breaker if you will..
been married 30 +..
told her from the get go..
she was elated..
her side of the tree..
you look at the women @ preggers they be..
I got snipped a few weeks after we got hitched..
we're good with our choice...

changing the ground rules after the game has begun..
never ends well..


Rika