What would you do?

[onewhippedpuppy]

Congrats Fred!

[fastfredracing]

Thanks for the congrats, and sorry to hi jack your thread.
Trust me, I have all the worries, and fears that were posted about above. Child rearing takes a lot of work, and while I enjoyed it the first time around, I was done, and looking forward to ramping down a little bit over the next few years . I am not even sure if I have the mental capacity , or the physical ability to do it again. I will give it my best though .
Best of luck in whatever you choose, if I had the choice, I would probably opt to not go down this road at this age
My other good friend just had a kid at 50 years old, so at least I will have someone I know in the same situation .

[McLovin]

Good luck Fred!

Although you're "only" 47, and the baby is here.

The OP is already 52 and hasn't even started the process. So he'd be 53-55 by the time the baby is born.

Those 6-8 years make a big difference.

[Scott Douglas]

Hey Fred, how long is your son?

[rattlsnak]

Thanks all for the responses..

[Por_sha911]

Originally Posted by rattlsnak

either with, if I say yes, or without my jam if I say no... She just wants to carry it..

This is a major red flag.

As someone already said, counseling is a needed if you want to save your marriage. Otherwise, no matter what you decide, one of you will resent the other one for the rest of your days.

[Baz]

If she is a wonderful woman as you stated then you have an obligation and a responsibility now that you're her husband to make her happy.

Do whatever she wants.....you'll be the better man for it!

[Alan A]

OP - You are already screwed.
Get out before you pay 21 years of maintenance on top of that.
Run don’t walk. There are plenty more where she came from.

[drcoastline]

The answer would be no for me.

I didn't get married for the first time until I was fifty. My wife also never had children, she is two years younger than me. I do have a daughter from a pervious relationship and it involved a bitter contentious custody battle.

So while you two are on top of the world today, you don't know what five years willing bring in your relationship. So like it or not you do need to factor that into your equation as well. For me I could not imagine having another child at this age. I am ready to take care of me. In addition I could not imagine going through the heart break of another custody battle or the cost involved.

[Evans, Marv]

According to the other thread (oops, I guess it's this thread), this has been going on for maybe two & a half years now. It doesn't seem like either of you have changed your positions. So you have to ask what that indicates. I'd say the indication is the problem most likely won't be solved in this relationship - unfortunately. I'm sure if a child comes into the relationship, you will love it and want to give it the best you can. So what kind of life do you envision between now and your early seventies when the child is old enough to be independent? Are you going to have a life that a kid will impact negatively and greatly? Are you going to have a life with no great changes in terms of having room for a child? There are a few women this happens to and the urge is overwhelming. If your desire to not include kids may be just as overwhelming, then the solution is clear. You say she's a real keeper. Others have said one way or the other one of you will be unhappy in the relationship. Maybe you should consider the fact neither of you are getting younger and it may be time for each of you to have the opportunity to search for a more compatible partner before too much more time goes by.

[Sunroof]

Wow Marc, my heart goes out to you. My very first instinct when I read what you are up against is the time and energy at your age you will need in raising this child, which in the short term could have an impact on your flying and your life! And I know how much you love flying. When I remarried (just past the 20 year mark) we came into the marriage with five kids between us, but we thought about having a child together. We decided that the risks are too great as Meryl would be in her early 50's. We now have eight grandchildren (3 months to eleven) and they alone keep us busy and provide much love and joy. I kept thinking, that I would be in my late 60's going to high school events and into my 70's at college graduation time. Chasing a toddler around or keeping up with an athletic teen would be a challenge. Its a tough choice and a life altering choice; let alone the monetary requirements and constraints, attention, devotion and physical needs. No one can really give you advice on this. Its a matter of love and conscience, devotion and sacrifice. You alone have the answer, but I will tell you that Porsche has perfected car seats for infants!

On the flip side, I have millennial children who weighed the choice of having a child as they ponder what the hell we are doing to our planet our environment and the huge challenges future generations will face. This was critical decision time for them. One of my kids does not want to have a child for these very reasons!

Bob