Stress management

[Rick Lee]

Have we discussed this one yet?

I struggle with this, but I really have no reason to be stressed. I'm 48 and only in the last five years realized that nothing I have ever worried about, not once, has ever turned out to be as bad as I worried about it being. So, in that regard, I am extraordinarily lucky ... and I know it. I just can't let go of stress about stuff, usually related to work or money.

The one time I lost a job that I really couldn't afford to lose, I had a better (more enjoyable and higher paying) job exactly 30 days later. I got very unexpectedly laid off this past January and it was from my favorite ever job - a total gut punch. Two months later I'm working for myself and making more than I ever have, no boss, no meetings, no quotas, ball-busting, nothing.

In my thing we're supposed to call on Sat. mornings to set Monday appts. The others who do this stuff (final expense insurance sales) have a group chat app, and many of them set 8-12 appts. for Monday. I've had two weeks in a row of not being able to reach a single person on the phone, but I've still made my personal revenue goal by calling when I'm on the way to door knocking or just not even calling at all. Hell, I've made a week's pay by knocking on a door of a guy who happened to be homeless and had given me a bogus address, but the lady who answered invited me in. It's insane. There is no pipeline in this job. You get in your car on Monday morning, having no idea what's going to happen. I even blew last Monday off and still got to my goal by Thursday afternoon.

I went to the range yesterday and was more pissed off when I left than when I had arrived. Malfunctioning range rental gun, range officer yelled at me for disassembling to inspect, uncomfortable triggers on a few beater Glocks I decided to un-mothball and just not great shooting like I'm used to.

I'm in three bands and only like one of them. But I keep playing with the other two because it gets me out playing my guitar super loud for hours at a time with a band.

Marriage is fantastic, health great, love where I live. But I worry all the time about problems most people would kill to have as problems. How to learn to cope? Meditation, motorcycling, more gym?

[Sooner or later]

I see your problem.

You are worrying about what to worry about.

Look at it this way. The gun range guy that yelled at you? If that's the worst thing that happened to you yesterday you had a damn good day.

[pavulon]

maybe read a bit about anxiety and see if it relates to you. Then read a bit about "staying present" and see if that might apply.

[Rick Lee]

Originally Posted by Sooner or later

Look at it this way. The gun range guy that yelled at you? If that's the worst thing that happened to you yesterday you had a damn good day.

I know that. I'm twice his age and was wrenching on guns before he was born. My problem is worrying when I have nothing to worry about. And so I worry about how I will handle it when, not if, I really have a problem worth worrying about.

Man, the people I deal with for my job have some serious problems. I've seen stuff I can't unsee. I've called people who had died between the time they mailed the lead card in and when I got to it a week or two later. I've been in a few nursing homes that someone will probably make a secret video about someday. I am surrounded daily by people with very real problems. So I know how good I have it.

[island911]

meh,. fear is often centered not around the future problem but rather is centered about how we will react to the problem.

I'd say that you've become quite skilled at handling life's problems. Perhaps because you worry - which is often bringing thought to all of the different ways a scenario might play out.

So, if you think methodically about potential issues and solutions you can loose the fretting part of it all - the worry.

[Rick Lee]

Originally Posted by island911

So, if you think methodically about potential issues and solutions you can loose the fretting part of it all - the worry.

The problem is that I stress over things that really aren't problems. I already know with 99% certainty that it will all work out fine in the end, and I know how to think critically and see the big picture. Maybe I have too much time on my hands. But I keep pretty busy. Even though this job pays pretty well and I always end the week with plenty of business I had no idea where I'd find it on Monday morning, I do have to pay $600 per week for leads. It's like being in the mob and having to come up with the vig each week. Never had a problem doing it, but I worry about it.

[island911]

Do you have a Plan-B, if the worry materializes?

Chart that out, and give weight to, and reassess 'the worry.'

[John Rogers]

In my younger years I would worry about things such as my engine room crew, the machinery we had, the Naval Reactors coming to inspect and it finally got the best of me with an ulcer and intestinal troubles so bad I got disability from the US Navy! This was when I running, bicycle racing and racing my motor cycle and I guess I was worrying about that too? It took me a long, time to spot worrying like I was doing and I finally had to decide there were things I just could not control! That didn't happen until I was nearly 60 and I sure with I had calmed down much earlier, but better late than never I guess. As for getting hollered at when working on your gun....what are the range rules? At our range no work is allowed unless one of the ROs checks the gun empty and then the shooter is watched carefully, very carefully. Most of the time I will not do that since it has been a dozen years since I touched an AR15 and never touched a AK clone like a lot of folks have now days.

We do have some over stressed ROs and I got hollered at for sitting my water bottle on the shooting bench when out rules say "no eating or drinking on the firing line" so I just moved it, called the president and asked him to clarify the rule(s) to the working ROs which he did. No stress for me.

[KFC911]

Haven't read any replies...most folks on this board seem to land upright and do just fine....as different as we are . I've been "winging it" my whole life...still can't fly...oh well.

Life's like getting in a VH concert....ya don't hafta worry about RL....why do you ?

....'cause yer a "worry wart"...YMMV....

[Seahawk]

Originally Posted by Rick Lee

Marriage is fantastic, health great, love where I live.

The good/great news is the above; the bad news is that unless you want to seek professional help, the below will always linger, a mental itch you can't scratch alone.

But why would you?

Originally Posted by Rick Lee

But I worry all the time about problems most people would kill to have as problems.

My wife is a worrier, I am not. We are both living very pleasant lives, as are you and the lovely Mrs. Lee.

My answer is relax, my wife's answer would be a novel. That said, worry is a great motivator, perhaps the engine that drives you. Use it.

[Rick Lee]

Originally Posted by John Rogers

As for getting hollered at when working on your gun....what are the range rules?

No rules about field stripping my own guns at the range. I've done it every time to check fouling, slide rail wear, sights, etc. I only did this one because most of the light there is in front of and behind the bench. You can't handle or uncase a gun behind the firing line, but that's where the good light is. So I stripped it and just carried the slide 2' back to inspect. Those ROs are a little too enthusiastic about getting on people, more of a power trip than safety thing.

Meditation is surprisingly powerful, assuming you devote the necessary time to it. As is doing a periodic assessment of how you are structuring your life. Even though it sounds like you have a job that works out well for you, it is nonetheless a difficult thing to live sale-by-sale, week to week. There is intrinsic stress in that, week in and week out, even when it works out OK.

Anxiety is a killer. I'd seek out professional help if the recommendations in this thread don't work.

[Rick Lee]

This week was rough. Every deal was a fight. If the customer was easy, they had more health conditions than you can count. My very first customer from my first day on the job canceled on me a few days ago. Two larger ones had bank drafts decline, just everything that could go wrong did. One that had a bank draft decline, I had to go knock on his door because his phone # was disconnected. I started the day off just in a cold sweat, wondering WTF I was doing and if I was gonna make it. Two hours later, I wrote a deal for a deaf guy I had door-knocked two weeks ago. Then I went to chase down my bank draft deadbeat with the disconnected phone #. He wasn't home, so I door-knocked another lead I had in his neighborhood. Closed that one too. Then the deadbeat called me on his new cell, corrected the typo in his acct. # and, by 3pm, I was back to above my weekly goal. This is such a rollercoaster. Tomorrow is mental health day - cook a killer breakfast for Mrs. Lee and myself. And when she goes to the gym, I will wring out the new 50w Marshall I got yesterday, play for hours, sleep, hit the gym and jump in the pool. I still have zero idea where my next deal is coming from.

[JavaBrewer]

Glad to see you are still slugging it out Rick. I will be honest though there is no way I could survive in that sort of work environment. I thrive on growing and maintaining long term relationships - but then I am also in an entirely different industry. Folks I supported 20 years ago still call me, they have my mobile number.

Sounds like you have a pretty well rounded life, still going to the gym, good marriage, and love your community. Not much to complain about really. I am a decade older than you and the last few years starting to feel real stress for the first time. Not job or life, but dealing with demented Mom, MIL, and family stuff that is going sideways. I do my best to cope, spend more time talking with my trusted friend (yes 1 of those...well 2 counting my wife), my wife, and slowing down on the weekends with some wine and a nice meal. I am not sitting on a giant retirement, few are really, and don't know where life will lead in the future. I think the tipping point for me was dealing with my aged out parents...they thought they had it all covered and in reality had nothing covered. I am picking up the pieces...but the sacrifice is substantial. I never really anticipated this.

So I lumped onto your thread and vented my own issues. Perhaps thinking that you will benefit from reading some honest alternate viewpoints and experiences. Did not mean anything other than that. Good luck.

[asphaltgambler]

I've spent the majority of my working life in the retail automotive service industry. It is commission only and the 'rush' or 'juice' was beating the book time by a bunch, cashing large pay checks while doing quality work. Those things together check all the boxes. Then if you're really good and reliable other firms will try to lure you away. This was in my early 20' s to late 30's

As you age your priorities change, hopefully for the better and you begin to realize the juice isn't as good and you only have value when you produce. It's like standing on top of the world but you're on the end of a 2x4 board - on 1 leg.

With God's hand and some good counseling I was able to get past that both professionally and personally. Now I'm paid to show up and well. Also pays me the same when I don't. In short the juice has been replaced by a guarantee. That's what I require now to manage my stress.

I'm not critical of your chosen line of work - but it seems to me if I had to start every work week with that large of an unknown - especially with the variables you're encountering - I would go nuts.

So I believe from your post your job is the source of your stress. But the bigger question is what's driving you to stay in something like that with no 'floor'?

[Rick Lee]

Originally Posted by asphaltgambler

So I believe from your post your job is the source of your stress. But the bigger question is what's driving you to stay in something like that with no 'floor'?

Well, as discussed in previous posts, I haven't done too well at holding down a W2 job, even when I was bringing in plenty of business and exceeding goals. This is a way to make very good money, while answering to no one. I love having no boss, no boss or co-worker emails to wake up to and deal with every morning, no reviews, no office politics, no internal meetings, no non-revenue-producing required activities. Sure, I deal with a lot of bozos who leave no doubt as to why they're poor and/or in very poor health. But most are super nice. I've been a B2B guy my whole career, preferring not to deal with the unwashed masses. But this job has kind of renewed my faith in people, not in their competence or intelligence, but in their goodness and fun to be around. And I really get a rush out of closing deals.

Got my biggest one three weeks ago on a door knock. It was 115 deg. out, the man immediately invited me in out of the sun. He had bought another final expense policy between the time he mailed the lead card in and when I got to him. I knew I could beat whatever he had gotten and he was happy to show me the policy. I saved him $40 per month. That's $40 per month for the rest of his life and it was a $2000 commission for me. Having no idea what I was gonna find when I got into my car that morning and then snagging that one after about an hour in the field was a huge rush.

[Rick Lee]

BTW, today marks exactly one year since the big ultimatum/showdown with my American boss at my German software sales job. He was fired a year ago today and I was handed all of his duties, but none of his title or salary. I so don't miss the BS of busting my hump for a company that exists solely as a tax shelter for the CEO and had to borrow money to make payroll.

[LakeCleElum]

Rick - I've been to several classes on how to deal with stress. All recommend exercise/physical activity. Motorcycle riding certainly clears the head, good idea. Professionals also recommend a strong social group with those in similar circumstance.

Personally, I put a high value on financial security. I couldn't have a career like yours, no matter how well it paid. Have you considered getting out of sales, and doing something you enjoy for a steady paycheck?

[Rick Lee]

Originally Posted by LakeCleElum

Rick - I've been to several classes on how to deal with stress. All recommend exercise/physical activity. Motorcycle riding certainly clears the head, good idea. Professionals also recommend a strong social group with those in similar circumstance.

Personally, I put a high value on financial security. I couldn't have a career like yours, no matter how well it paid. Have you considered getting out of sales, and doing something you enjoy for a steady paycheck?

Making less money for putting up with a lot more BS is not what I'd call financial security. And it certainly wouldn't help my stress to have to worry about keeping my job. I'll never get out of sales. I'm doing well enough now that I can afford to have a bad week here and there. Never going back to work for the man again.

[cabmandone]

I think it's just part of being self employed and worrying about "what if". I saw in post 14 where you mention not knowing where the next deal is coming from. That's a tough thing to overcome being self employed. You and I are the same age. I've been self employed for about 20 years and still haven't figured out how to stop worrying even though I don't really have anything to worry about. I have no debt but I still get worked up when I'm not getting inventory bought or getting a call on a piece of equipment.

I find that sometimes just taking a day or even two to step away and do things I truly enjoy helps. I'll go to my hunting property and just walk around. I walk slowly, taking deep breaths and just taking in everything around me, looking for any movements off in the distance in case a deer might pop up. Sometimes it's more a "hey, it's a nice evening. I think I'll hop in the car and go for a short drive with the top down. If you have something you really enjoy doing , make sure you make time to do it. It will help reduce the stress and clear your mind.

Something else I find relaxing, and it's kinda funny, is talking to my brother I consider one of my closest friends. We talk several times a week. Most of our conversations are nonsense and if you asked either of us what we discussed after the phone call, neither of us would likely be able to give a good answer. Sometimes just having a friend you can talk to about nothing is relaxing.