10 Years Gone

[aigel]

You seem to have a strange obsession with the guy. Why bother, unless you want to entertain yourself and us with some train-wreck stories? Is it worth it?

It is always great to look at people that failed to feel better about ourselves, but generally, we should strive to learn from people that are doing things well / better - what can you learn from them? That's the type of person you want to have a beer with after many years not seeing them.

G

[DanielDudley]

Originally Posted by Laneco

A text to go have a few beers from someone you haven't seen in a decade, don't particularly like AND text sent at 11:15pm on a weekday night?

Not the way you rekindle any type of functional relationship. Pass on this one, or at least put it off for "a more convenient time".

angela

There you have it, direct from Miss Manners...

I have a similar friend, and an ex who like to call late. I get up at 4. I wish them all the best, from a distance.

[Seahawk]

Originally Posted by Evans, Marv

One question. WHY??? In thirteen years of not seeing him & eight of not talking to him and nothing but negative experiences before that. WHY??? It's not that it's going to add anything to your life. You're not that desperate for friends.

Originally Posted by Laneco

A text to go have a few beers from someone you haven't seen in a decade, don't particularly like AND text sent at 11:15pm on a weekday night?

Not the way you rekindle any type of functional relationship. Pass on this one, or at least put it off for "a more convenient time".

Originally Posted by RonDent

Don't do it. Let him go. No good can come of it.

Take the the above to heart. If that fails,reread this from your OP: "I haven't seen him since my wedding 13 years ago (when he wrote me a bad check as a gift--that cost me a $25 service fee)."

That is the definition of WTF.

[McLovin]

Originally Posted by aigel

You seem to have a strange obsession with the guy.

I agree. FOUR separate threads on this guy???

Just let it go.

[masraum]

I wouldn't bother.

[sammyg2]

If any of you sometimes has trouble differentiating between fantasy and reality, can I borrow 100 bucks?

[legion]

Originally Posted by McLovin

I agree. FOUR separate threads on this guy???

Just let it go.

No, two. Once when I decided to cut off contact 8 years ago, and once when he contacted me. The other two links are mentions in other people's threads that were relevant to the topic at hand.

[red-beard]

Originally Posted by Seahawk

Take the the above to heart. If that fails,reread this from your OP: "I haven't seen him since my wedding 13 years ago (when he wrote me a bad check as a gift--that cost me a $25 service fee)."

That is the definition of WTF.

Maybe it was a social experiment...

[legion]

What do I want? An apology.

[scottmandue]

Originally Posted by legion

What do I want? An apology.

I can see that...

I had a friend a few decades ago, he had a land cruiser and we would go out to the desert and put around off road, he often brought his little brother.

My friends dad passed away and they all inherited a little money (I don't know how much), my friend and his mom moved back to the southeast where they had family, little brother got an apartment in Hollywood and lived the high life until the money ran out then he move to the southeast (I presume on his mom's dime).

Every few years he would call me and say he was coming out to visit... I would ask him where is was staying... he didn't have an answer... he still hasn't visited.

[red-beard]

Originally Posted by legion

What do I want? An apology.

I've been waiting for one of those from my sister for roughly 50 years.

[Craig T]

I to have chronic insomnia (ruminating thought induced). I'm sorry you suffer through that as well. Try the book "All I want is a Good Night's Sleep", by Sonia Ancoli-Israel. It's pretty basic practice, but it helps when I go back to the "good sleep habits".

There are "givers" and "takers" in this world. Bob is obviously a taker. His requesting to get together now can only be an opportunity for him and a scarifies for you. Some times you just have to let people go.

I wrote this short essay as a sociology assignment in college. See if it applies to you and Bob...

Friendship, by Craig T....

The Givers and the Takers

The Giver

A giver is generous with his assets and is likely to be borderline irresponsible with his finances. A giver is an individual who is innately sensitive to the pleasure or discomfort of others. A giver enjoys pleasing others and seldom keeps score. Givers can’t say no to charity and often seek out or volunteer their time to the crusades of others. A giver will seek out those whom he might improve.

The Taker

A taker is an individual who instinctively protects his assets, with an innate acuity for the principals of gain verses loss. A taker always looks for the “best deal”, plays his taxes in the grey, and counts his wins. A taker may give to charity, but always to an organization with networking opportunity or potential for the win-win. The taker subconsciously seeks out those that improve his position in life.

Friendship

Givers and Givers

Givers can develop deep devoted friendships with other givers for obvious reasons. They will go out of their way for each other, make the drive, know they can count on each other, and constantly invest back into the friendship.

Takers and Takers

Takers often develop lifelong friendships with other takers. Takers give little to each other, but expect little in return. They can share in the pleasure of a “good deal”, or mutually respect each other for opportunities seized. They can hunt the world together in camaraderie.

Givers and Takers

Givers and Takers may remain friends for a period of time, but can never sustain long-term friendships. Givers attract takers. Givers are initially fulfilled by the exaggerated reaction of takers when the giver gives. The taker shows enthusiasm and friendship in return due to his enjoyment of that received. It is symbiotic in the beginning, but the giver will eventually run empty. Something will always come up in life that prohibits the giver from sustaining the level of energy put into the friendship with a taker. When the production of the giver and consumption of the taker becomes imbalanced the friendship will end.

[pavulon]

Originally Posted by Craig T

I wrote this short essay as a sociology assignment in college. See if it applies to you and Bob...

Friendship, by Craig T....

The Givers and the Takers

This plays out nearly exactly the same way when you subsitute pleasers and controllers for givers and takers--all rooted from the same seeds if you care to search.

[pavulon]

Originally Posted by legion

What do I want? An apology.

If you recieved one, what next?

[cashman]

my bet is he's going to sell you Amway.

[SCadaddle]

There was a thread here quite a while back on "how to get rid of unwanted dinner guests" or the sorts, somebody stated that they served dinner at home as usual and then when they were finished they put the dinner plates on the floor and let the dogs lick them clean before putting them back in the cupboard like it was a usual routine. I thought that was hilarious!

So invite your friend over for dinner and pull that stunt on him.

[Evans, Marv]

So, are you thinking of meeting with him to obtain an apology? Are you going to demand an apology, manipulate him into giving you an apology, tell him how upset/bothered you are and deserve an apology? How are you going to accomplish it? Do you think it might even occur to him he did something to offer an apology? It seems you might feel you were unjustly used to the point you are maybe obsessing about it. What if it doesn't happen? Will you wait for the next time? This person doesn't add anything to your life. Let it go. He's really nothing to you.

[wildthing]

Google his name, see what comes up.

[onewhippedpuppy]

Nothing to gain, lots to lose. Hard to see why the question was even asked, and I think you already know the right answer.....

[Don Ro]

Originally Posted by onewhippedpuppy

Nothing to gain, lots to lose. Hard to see why the question was even asked, and I think you already know the right answer.....

Lots of good wisdom in this thread.
~~~~~~~~~

"...It would be very easy for me to walk away..."
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Apparently you have yet to 'walk away'.
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" I see signs he may have grown up. From what I can tell, he is married, with kids and gainful employment."
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The world is full of cons who are married w/children & a job.
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"My hope is enough time has passed that he has some perspective and maturity."
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Hope? What's your investment in hoping for this guy, anyway?
Are you hoping that he will participate (giving you an apology) in what you perhaps are not willing to do on your own?...to let go and accept?
Wanting some form of a lb. of flesh, perhaps? Some subtle form of vengeance? A need to be 'right'?
"Maturity"? Maybe look at this as an opportunity to model for him your won maturity by presenting to him a life lesson.
~~~~~~~~~~~
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When I'm right with myself, and presented with a similar scenario, I ask myself, "What value can/will this person bring into my life?"
Most often the answer is 'nothing'.
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"Why am I perseverating over this?"
Sometimes it's a function of not being willing/able to "let go", not willing/able to accept what's so in life...and that awareness tells me that I'm on the threshold of personal development and upon that is what I base my decision. Am I willing to grow up?...to mature?...to let go?...to embrace acceptance of a loss?
It's an 'inside job'...this acceptance business.
I have always had difficulty with it, myself...especially the acceptance of my own eventual death...the biggest loss of them all.
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https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/pieces-mind/201207/radical-acceptance
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