10 Years Gone

[legion]

Originally Posted by Evans, Marv

So, are you thinking of meeting with him to obtain an apology? Are you going to demand an apology, manipulate him into giving you an apology, tell him how upset/bothered you are and deserve an apology? How are you going to accomplish it? Do you think it might even occur to him he did something to offer an apology? It seems you might feel you were unjustly used to the point you are maybe obsessing about it. What if it doesn't happen? Will you wait for the next time? This person doesn't add anything to your life. Let it go. He's really nothing to you.

It's not my style to make demands. It's more to gauge if he's in a place that I would even consider a friendship. I do believe people can change, but I also believe that the only way people change is when they want to and no amount of external pressure (including demanding) can cause that to happen. I also believe change is rare, but not impossible. We all have had events in our own lives that have opened our eyes and permanently changed our behaviors.

This guy has been trying to get a hold of me pretty much the entire past 10 years, so I wouldn't call that an obsession on my part. (Though there has been a break for the past few years.) What struck me about this attempt was that he was upfront and honest about it--something I hadn't seen before. I'm curious if this is a legitimate change for the better or just another angle.

He started the text by clearly identifying himself. The message basically said that he's in town for work every few months and he'd love to get together to catch up some time. What I didn't see this time is some sort of urgency or an attempt to manipulate. Then again, he may have (finally) learned to play the long game.

I've had a lot of sociopaths in my past--including in my immediate family. They seem to be attracted to me mostly because I think my easy-going nature makes them think I'm an easy mark. They also tend to get very angry with me when they fail to manipulate me. My experience with so many means that I see through them pretty quickly. I also pretty quickly discern the "hooks" they like to use to manipulate and simply take them away--I very intentionally stop reacting in the way they want. I've had more than one person like this that I've left behind. (I even had one flee the state when she realized that I had her pegged all along.)

I'm probably going to meet him for a beer some time, but I go into this knowing fully that he may be looking for ways to manipulate. The first thing I'll do is let him talk and not say much about myself--or only give vague answers.

[Evans, Marv]

If you want to meet with him, there's nothing really wrong with that. Lots of people feel there are things in life they'd like to resolve. Seems like you may have thought it out pretty well. Good luck & keep us posted on the results.

[impactbumper]

That check deal he pulled on you is classic

[stevej37]

Doesn't it really all boil down to how much of a friend he was in the past with you?
Be careful what you throw away...

[scottmandue]

Originally Posted by cashman

my bet is he's going to sell you Amway.

[Seahawk]

Originally Posted by Craig T

When the production of the giver and consumption of the taker becomes imbalanced the friendship will end.

Si`and well written.

Legion, he buys the first round. He owes you $25 plus interest before your ass hits a bar stool.

[stevej37]

^^^ I disagree...if meeting with him...treat it as any other old friend. See what he has to say and go from there. Give him the benifit of the doubt.
What's $25?? Not enough to lose a friend.

[sugarwood]

[Craig T]

Originally Posted by stevej37

^^^ I disagree...if meeting with him...treat it as any other old friend. See what he has to say and go from there. Give him the benifit of the doubt.
What's $25?? Not enough to lose a friend.

It's not the sum of $25.00. It's the intent to stick him with the burden of a bad check...thats more than just irresponsibility. It's stealing. If he was ever the OP's friend, he wouldn't have stuck him with the back check.

[stevej37]

Originally Posted by Craig T

It's not the sum of $25.00. It's the intent to stick him with the burden of a bad check...thats more than just irresponsibility. It's stealing. If he was ever the OP's friend, he wouldn't have stuck him with the back check.

desperate times...just saying.
Not trying to defend him.

[legion]

I have resolved to text him back that he may contact me when he is in town. I will send this text at 5:30 Monday morning.

He "borrowed" a lot of money from me in middle school and high school by "forgetting his wallet". In college, he would call me up and ask to go play pool, go drinking, or see a movie. I'd always say: "Dude, I can't go. I'm broke." He'd volunteer to cover me. If I hadn't done that, I'm sure he would have "forgotten" his wallet.

[DanielDudley]

So you are both players.

[legion]

Originally Posted by DanielDudley

So you are both players.

No. I was broke in college and had no desire to be manipulated out of what little money I did have. It was needed for textbooks or rent. I was upfront about not having the money to go out.

[jyl]

I didn't read the linked threads, not enough time. I didn't read the prior responses, not enough time.

In fact, "not enough time" is my answer to your question.

In my life, there is not enough time to read books, ride my bike, go on trips, hang with my family. I'm busy, too busy. So there is definitely not enough time to waste five minutes on a loser who you used to think was a friend.

I'd delete him from your contacts, block his phone number, mark his e-mail as junk, unfriend him on social networks, and go do stuff that is worth doing.

[jorian]

I'm with jyl. I don't have enough time for the friends I already have.

[legion]

I sent him a text message this morning. A few hours later, he replied that he'd be in town two days next month and asked which would work better for me. This is very different than 10 years ago, but I'm still guarded.

[legion]

Today was the day we were supposed to meet up. Never heard from him. Oh well.

[Evans, Marv]

There you have it.

[kach22i]

They say don't look at a computer screen or cell phone for several hours before going to bed, I forget the actual number - will change with the next study anyway.

Don't use the cell phone as an alarm clock, even a few seconds of "blue light" checking the time or setting it can create a tide of hormonal imbalance into motion.

I take Melatonin for tough to stay asleep nights, but not after 2:30 AM or I will be groggy/foggy all day.

About your other problem, you are too old for roller coaster friends, reserve your tolerance of this for family members only.

[legion]

Yep. I'll consider meeting up with him in another ten years, but he's already caused me to waste more time on this than was merited.